Disclaimer: I do not own Trinity Blood or its characters.

Thanks for all the reviews and calls. Rating may up due to shameless innuendos, bad language and blasphemy(?) Any blasphemous views on the Church reflected in this parody are not mine, honest.

Ibelis arc. Dietrich is back… Radu fans, this may be a good time to leave the room…

RCO Radio Hour

Session 13

Dietrich: Good evening, folks… I trust you are still having a very good evening in Cartago despite having the Inquisition airships prowling the skies above… Welcome to RCO hour. I will be your host for this evening. I must say that my little visit to Venice was not really up to my expectations…

Radu: Oh, I heard you were too busy working at a certain establishment of dubious repute because of your gambling debts to enjoy the carnival… Ack! (gets slammed into the catacomb wall by Dietrich's wires)

Dietrich: A minor inconvenience.

Radu: No surprise since everyone knows you and Isaak… Ack! (Starts choking as Dietrich tightens his wires)

Dietrich: I hear vampires are highly flexible… Let's try out some relaxing yoga positions… (Starts forcing Radu into really, really painful yoga positions)

Radu: Argh! Ow! You are still mad at me for the knout, right?

Dietrich: Gee, you are right, Flamberg… How surprising. Where was I? Right, the news. The Vatican has sent their dogs to impose Inquisition rule in the city of Cartago. Do you know how we came to be in this debacle? The Duchess of Milan was on a so-called diplomatic visit to Cartago. But of course we all know it is just her cover to indulge in some old-fashioned sin with blond baby-faced Methuselahs. I was surprised you didn't join them for a threesome…

Radu: You are a little prev…

Dietrich: Thanks for the compliment… (Climbs onto Radu's lap and takes out a nasty-looking silver dagger) Now, what parts should we remove? An eye, a nose…your appendix? Or maybe a kidney? Or some things further south… (starts slowly cutting open Radu's shirt)

Isaak: (calls in) Dietrich, work first, play later. Much, much later if you know what's good for you…

Dietrich: What? This coming from someone who messed up in Rome because he was busy cozying up to a blond? (gets off Radu all the same) Ah well… Back to the news. Our dear duchess obviously forgot to inform her manservant of her night-time visitor and a gunfight erupted in the embassy when their little fireworks display set off the fire alarms… Then her scandalized brother sets a fleet of armed chaperons to keep his sister from fooling about. 'Get thee to a nunnery' is probably the next course of action from Duke Medici with regards to his sister. But then again, we know nunneries aren't exactly the pristine havens they claim to be… Let me tell you about a certain hot foxy sister I dallied with in Istvan… (pours himself a drink)

Radu: I heard that one before, fibber. Didn't you get blown off? Ack! (gets choked again)

Dietrich: Vampires! When will they ever learn? (rolls his eyes in mock exasperation) I think it is time for the calls to come in…

Devil-Angel: Recently I've been hearing a lot about a certain baron. And whoa... I just gotta say if he's not going to marry that (bleep) daughter of that stupid duke, can I marry him instead? I swear I'm not a fangirl! And my father's a duke too so THERE. And Isaak, you rock. Keep torturing Dietrich, it's so delicious. Oh, wait, I just got an idea! Can I join the RCO too? You guys sound like you have SO much fun!! I bet I'd make a much better puppet master than Di and I can make cookies! Radu, call me!

Dietrich: (twitch) There can be only one Marionettespielger (Puppet Master) and you do realise you have seriously earned yourself a top spot on my list of folks to torture, right after Isaak and Flamberg. I can bake cookies too.

Radu: Your cookies are poison! Just like the beer you tried to slip us… Argh! (gets slammed into the wall repeatedly)

Dietrich: I am sorry, caller, Radu is a tad busy with a wall to screw about with anyone… Next!

Lady Assassen27: Wow. You guys sure have a lot of people you wanna kill ... Hehe. But I did offer to kill only one person for free ... so, Suzanne, i'm sorry I can't kill Dietrich, coz I kinda owe him for getting rid of that little pest. And Lord Cain, really sorry about you being dropped form a space station and all, that must have hurt, ouch, but I don't know who this 'Seth' is, otherwise I would gladly send you her ... um head. Now Isaak, I assume you're talking about Professor W.W.Wordsworth from the Vatican, if your not, please tell me who this 'Weenie Willie' is. I would hate to kill the wrong person, especially if said person is form the Vatican, their just bloody annoyingly hard to kill.

Dietrich: (dumps Radu in the dust) Well, well…. I guess Susie is gonna lose another of her precious babies. Let's go for her Stuka dive-bomber this time… (snicker). I know of a nice car-crusher nearby… I don't know about Master Cain, but I wouldn't be too surprised if Seth turns out to be a disgruntled ex-wife. You must admit, he has problems keeping his parts to himself. Isaak definitely meant that Professor, the same chap who bested him in the university and in love. He is such a sore loser.

(Reiz strolls in)

Dietrich: Hi, Reiz, I thought you were in Antwerp… What's this? (Reiz hands him a note) Something from your Master? (reads) Dear Dietrich, I am not amused by the wanton circulation of my geeky college yearbook photos. Therefore, I am sending Reiz to convey my displeasure… Agh! (Sounds of snarls and growls) Lemme go! Argh! Aieee!

Radu: (finally free from Di's wires) Well, I guess that is all for tonight. I am enjoying the show. (watching a werewolf savage Dietrich)

Isaak: (calling in) Flamberg, don't you have something to see to? Before I ask Reiz to inspire you to action? (menacing hint)

Radu: Yes sir. On my way, sir. (rushes out)

Author's Notes:

This is probably the last time we will hear from Radu, sadly.