Disclaimer: I do not own Trinity Blood or its characters.

Thanks for all the reviews and calls. Rating may up due to shameless innuendos, bad language and blasphemy(?) Any blasphemous views on the Church reflected in this parody are not mine, honest.

Night at the opera anyone? The RCO reviewers are in. A reviewer suggested Wagner's Lohengrin would be Isaak's preferred opera. Personally, I am not much of an opera or Wagner fan. So here goes...

RCO Radio Hour

Session 15

Suzanne: Telegram from Mein Herr. We have to do reviews on the operas for the Munich Opera House for them to continue sponsoring our programme.

Isaak: Danke Fräulein Suzanne. I can live with that. Last night's Lohengrin was magnificent, wasn't it, Di? Until you saw fit to start a riot, you vulgar peasant brat… (picks Dietrich up by his lapels) What possessed you to drive a flock of cankerous geese on stage during the Bridal March?

Dietrich: I was bored. I thought active participation will help, but swans were hard to get on short notice... At least we still have their sponsorship. Let's get on with it, Panzer Magier. (takes the telegram from Suzanne) What the (bleep)! We have to do a review on Lohengrin and play the Hallelujah bit from next week's Messiah.

Isaak: The irony of it.

(Suzanne leaves the studio)

Dietrich: Guten Abend, listeners. Welcome once more to RCO Radio Hour. First, the news. On the Vatican front, the Pope has requested his cardinals to refrain from using force of voice or arms during budget meetings. After last year's budget meeting resulted in two of the cardinals admitted to the local ER. To everyone's dismay, Cardinals Francesco and Caterina resorted to the name-calling via note-passing.

Isaak: Now we know why the Vatican budget's always in the red. From Byzantium, the Imperial court mourns the passing of a high-ranking noblewoman. The Duchess of Moldova was killed by an explosion in her home. The Duchess was Head of the Imperial Secret Service and was known to have numerous enemies. Investigators are at a loss as to where to start. Rumours allege that the duchess' estranged grandson may be implicated in her death.

Dietrich: In Berlin, Methuselah crypts continue to be vandalized and looted for spare parts…

Isaak: Di, you know I told you to lay off my family crypt…

Dietrich: Do YOU wish to volunteer those spare parts? I need a spleen, some guts…

Isaak: Let's just get on with the programme. The weather in Germanius is expected to be rainy over the next week with the cold front coming in. Byzantines can expect sunny weather and clear skies. And they better have their fancy anti-UV Wall up.

Dietrich: Before the sponsors' review, we will have our call in segment. Call in, folks!

Suleyman: Er, I have a teensy problem. My future son-in-law's acting weird. I mean, he isn't acting like himself at all since he came back from his trip. It's like I have two different Barvons here. It is a crucial point in our business now and I am not sure if he can be relied on.

Dietrich: (scribbling notes) Trust Barvon just a bit more. The new and improved Radu may be more suited to your scheme than the wimp he was before. I mean, has he let you down yet with killing that bitch and setting her nancy-boy grand-brat to take the fall?

Suleyman: How the hell did you know about our scheme?

Isaak: We sold it to you, remember? D.I.Y. Treason Plot Guide Version 3? Now hang up before the Yeniceri tune in. Next call!

MazdaKitsune: You know, I've been wondering about that little rush in at Cartago recently. The main guy looks like that blue haired Inquisitor my cousin tried getting her "Shadow Minions" to eat... and then I THINK I saw Flamberg and his fire... though I must admit, his control is spectacular. Okay, I'm ranting and I'm kinda bored. Dietrich, can we go out for tea one day? We can discuss those nice pictures I got off the site... (Grins and rifles through some nice Photoshopped pictures)

Dietrich: NO! I don't do tea with fangirls. Maybe my AutoJaggers can play with you instead.

Devil-Angel: You know, I was walking by the river the other day... when this huge, ugly, freakish mutation of a being suddenly poked its head out of the water. It looks very familiar, oh, yeah, that was one of your Autojaggers, Di. Right now, I'm installing a chip in its brain to stalk you (with a built in camera in its eye). Mwahahaha. And who says Radu is a wimp! Your gizmos must be dysfunctional and when have you ever given good advice! Radu, I'll rescue you, just wait for me! And oh, the site was amazing, I loved it. Thanks Mein Herr!

Isaak: I warned you that littering will come back to haunt you, didn't I, Di? Glad someone liked our website. By the way, our gizmos are the very best of the Lost Technology. If you can find any better, we would like to have you on our team. And I am a trained counsellor and consultant in the area of plotting. Can you top that?

(Dietrich makes note to never, ever dump used AutoJaggers in random rivers)

Isaak: On with the opera reviews… The Munich Opera Society has done justice to this season's opening night of Wagner's Lohengrin. Herr Boris Shultzmeier has exceeded himself as Lohengrin. Frau Lisette von Holtz has lived up to her reputation as the best soprano in Germanius with her re-emergence on stage as the tragic princess Elsa. Indeed, her long absence from the opera stage and disastrous divorce has done little to diminish her standing. This is in spite of the interruption in the last Act, courtesy of Dietrich here. Oh, by the way, Frau Holtz requests that I discipline my little protégée. So we will close tonight's RCO Hour with the Hallelujah chorus from Handel's Messiah.

Dietrich: Er, Isaak, can we talk this over… Argh! Not again! (gets attacked by shadow minions)

Isaak: Ah, music to my ears… (Strains of Hallelujah chorus with Di screaming in the background)

Author's Notes:

Some German phrases:

Guten Abend - German for 'Good evening'

Danke – Thank you