Disclaimer: I do not own Trinity Blood or its characters.

Thanks for all the reviews and calls. Rating may up due to shameless innuendos, bad language and blasphemy(?) Any blasphemous views on the Church reflected in this parody are not mine, honest.

The yaoi fanboys have already been making their attack on the guys, though not as overt as the fangirls. Oh, beware of Isaak's advice. The Orden will not be responsible for any crimes commited or punishment incurred from following their advice.

RCO Radio Hour

Session 16

Isaak: Good evening all. Welcome to RCO Radio Hour. I, Isaak, will be your host this evening, so Dietrich is, erm, rather pre-occupied with some pressing matters. (stops as Cain comes in)

Cain: Isaak, has that sorry little brat reported back yet? Or is he too busy screwing about with my sister's court? Oh, has the show started already? Good evening all… Welcome to our special show. Since I'm still mad at s certain puppeteer for wantonly chopping up various members of the Orden for spare bits before I ran out of use for them, we will be having a special on his sorry life, starting from when he seduced his local priest at the age of six…

Dietrich: (calling in) That's a lie! A bare-faced lie! I never had any carnal relations with the stinky pervert. (Pauses) well, not voluntarily anyhow…

Cain: And wasn't the reason why your father tried to kill you because he walked in on you two doing it? The report here seems to suggest active participation on your part, Di. My, my, what a naughty boy you were.

Isaak: (murmuring) Counselling, Mein-Herr style or mind-rape. (out loud) Why don't you two take this little counselling session off-air? Oh are we finally going to entertain those request letters from the elusive yaoi fanboys in the Vatican's penal system? Would it be necessary to volunteer that bit about his stint in that Venetian gay brothel?

Dietrich: Magier, please stay out of my personal affairs.

Isaak: Affairs? Interesting choice of words… (snicker)

Cain: Suzanne has reported that you have been receiving little gifts from your gentlemen clients from Venice… Obviously, you were a good romp in the sheets. Here's an excerpt from a love letter… Dear Di, I miss holding you in my arms… those nights of kisses and tears…

Dietrich: (flushing furiously) It was your fault for not bailing me out of that casino debt! Excuse me, I need to mess with someone's mind, namely Radu's little pal. (Hangs up)

Cain: That was mildly entertaining. Isaak, you have permission to proceed with the news while I go celebrate my sister's pending demise… (leaves)Suzanne! Get out my vintage wine and prepare my bath!

Isaak: Yes, my lord. Our top news item for this evening. The Imperial court declares a 3 day period of mourning for the late Duchess of Moldova, Mirka Fortuna. The duchess was a close confidant of the Empress. The Imperial Waterway Police will be out in force in anticipation of the droves of nobles who are expected cross the Lake of Silence to pay their respects on the Island of Her Sleeping Children. (pause) what kind of names are those anyhow? The Empress will be presiding over the funeral on the third day, a rare honour that has only been conferred twice in the Empire's history. Obviously, she has better things to do than give soppy eulogies. Weather report now. The weather is expected to be sunny, sunny and more sunny… (shudder)

Suzanne: (coming in) Herr Isaak, Here's the latest news from Albion. That old bitch-queen's been diagnosed as on her last legs. (hands newssheet to Isaak)

Isaak: (flips through) Well, well, this opens up some opportunities for us in Albion. How does a RCO branch there sound?

Suzanne: Sir, allow me to remind you that you are still an exile from Albion after that disaster in Albion University.

Isaak: Thank you, Suzanne. We'll see about that, wouldn't we? Go try to get that battleship fixed. (Suzanne leaves) Back to the news, Queen Brigit II of Albion has been diagnosed as terminally ill. She is not expected to live another year. The old chaps at Westminster will have a hell of a time trying to find a decent line of success given the Queen's an only child and her only offspring was killed fifteen years ago in a terrorist attack. Listeners, you are welcome to call in.

LadyAssassin27: Good evening, Man I've been busy this week, finally found a few jobs, sorry about not being able to make it to Munich, I don't think blood stained clothes are appropriate attire for an Opera. Actually about that ... um ... another time maybe, coffee or something? (blush) Actually the thing is, My Sister called (la shock) and she wants to visit, she says she wants to speak with me ... I bet about some stupid family business (tch) anyway the problem is the family don't know what I do for a living ... how am I supposed to hide my profession form her, and secondly, any recommendation on what to take so I can deal with a week of having my sister around.

Isaak: Oh, nice to hear from you. Actually, bloodstained clothes would have blended right in this week at the Munich Opera since Master Cain took offence at the Messiah opera. Anyway, since the Munich Opera Company is no longer in existence, I will not be inviting you to any operas. However, we can always have a drink at my place. About your sister, would killing her be an option? That way, you don't have to worry about having her around the house and your folks finding out about your profession.

Dragonluv13: k I'm having some domestic issues with my cat. I've had the thing for a year and it still rips me apart! And the stupid thing's always getting outside, so it's no like I can declaw the monster. please, any advice to get my azshara cat to stop scratching! I'm surprised I haven't bled to death!

Isaak: Your relationship with the cat is strangely reminiscent of many in the Orden. Normally, to keep Flamberg from clawing out his innards, Dietrich ties him up with wires. Have the cat caged, splayed, neutered, declawed or if all else fails, get rid of the cat for a goldfish.

Devil-Angel: Aha! I found ANOTHER Autojagger! But this one's broken, it won't stop dancing to the Hallelujah song. Oh, well, I'll just dismantle it. You need spleen and guts, right, Di? I'll send them over to you. And Isaak, I bet I make a better hacker than Di anytime. Is that an offer of invitation?! Once I locate your location, I'll come over and be on your team! Mwahaha, wait for me, Dietrich! I won't fight with Isaak over the plotting thing. Isaak is The Master. (laughs)

Isaak: As much I would like to accept your offer, I am under strict orders not to reveal out current location by Master Cain. You may keep the guts. Di has more than enough parts from raiding the Imperial crypts and the recent retrenchment drive in the Orden.

Suzanne: Heads up, Sir! Dietrich's offloading another cart of body parts into the hold! (Sloppy sounds)

Isaak: Whose (bleep-BLEEP) bright idea was it to set up in a barge? (climbing out of a pile of guts and other assorted body parts)

MazdaKitsune: Dietrich, thanks for those "nice" AutoJaggers you sent via RCO airmail... One or two would've been nice, but to have five or a dozen of them come crashing into your bedroom with a murderous intent at midnight is a bit much, don't you think? Rest assured, you'll be getting most of them back, not necessarily intact, while I keep two for... reasons. (Annoyed look)

Isaak: Keep them, keep them all! We are awash with dismembered body parts here so Di better make full use of them. That's all for tonight.

Author's Notes:

Just go with the de-clawing the cat.