Disclaimer: I do not own Trinity Blood or its characters.

Isaak has gone MIA. The survivors of the Orden are pondering a career switch. Calls will be monitored and adapted to fit in if need be. Apologies if the Orden refuses to reply. They are undergoing a crisis of sorts.

RCO Radio Hour

Session 22

Ivan: Good evening all. We regret to inform you that this may be our last show as the Orden is on the verge of a break up. My twin is scouring the Classifieds in the Hellfire Club where Reiz has landed a part-time gig as bartender. How the (bleep) hell did this happen? Well, Herr Isaak crossed the wrong priests and ended up having his battleship blown to smithereens…

Suzanne: That was OUR battleship. Reiz, please pass me more of that house brew. What do they call it? The Hellfire Brew? Danke. You boys want anything?

Ivan: Whatever…

Dimitri: One cuppa Earl Grey. Easy on the milk. There're openings for a chimney sweep… boot-boy…. Oh, here's one for a lamplighter. Night-shift only. We may want to consider this…

Suzanne: Any openings for a night-flight pilot?

Ivan: Dimitri! You are an imperial noble, or at least the son of one, find a job with more dignity.

Dimitri: What do you propose? Without Herr Isaak and Mein Herr, we're out in the streets.

Ivan: Let's get a shovel and bucket and go over to wherever Mein Herr landed…

Suzanne: That'll be somewhere in Paris according to my radar.

Dimitri: Herr Isaak isn't on hand to piece him together, you know. I suppose there might be a chance of a miracle that he survived. Of course, we have to wait for nightfall before doing any fishing.

Ivan: It's a deal then. (grabs nasty-looking boat hook) It might be dark enough soon. If he starts smoking, I'll just dunk him back in the Thames. (opens door to leave, letting in the last rays of the setting sun. Howls of agony from Suzanne and Reiz)

Suzanne: Argh! It burns! SHUT THE (BLEEPING) DOOR! (drops to the floor and starts rolling in agony. Reiz is cowering behind the bar. Ivan and Dimitri have not turned yet, so a bit of sunlight does them no harm)

Dimitri: I'll join you after the show, Ivan. Happy fishing! (closes the door) You chaps alright?

Suzanne: If you consider suffering a near-murder normal, we are doing fine.

Dimitri: Back to the news. The new Queen of Albion has been revealed as the late Prince Gilbert's only child, Esther Blanchett. Esther was raised by the Church and is currently a nun. However, she is expected to return to secular life and step into her role as the monarch of Albion. A former nun as queen? Now that's way freaky. Well, she is kinda cute, but a bit too old for me. Maybe if she has a cute redhead kid sister or daughter…. (cough) A special request by an Imperial noblewoman… This dedication goes to Ion Fortuna. (sips at his tea) Ahem, "Ion Fortuna, if you still consider yourself my grandson, get back to your mission. I am not pleased by you going AWOL (absent without leave) en route to Rome. Your loving Grandmama." How sweet. Do call in.

Duke Ludwig: I need some advice. My distant grandaunt passed away and I was looking forward to beefing up my assets with a sizeable inheritance. Suddenly, she leaves everything to a naïve girl from a nunnery. Since this fraulein happens to be my grandaunt's grandchild, I have no legal grounds to contest. Help.

Dimitri: Be a gentleman. Charm the young lady off her feet. With luck, you could get a wedding ring on her finger.

Duke Ludwig: Well, I may be single but skinny redhead girls are not my type…

Dimitri: Honeymoon accidents are commonplace, ja?

Tensa-chan: I would like to call in to borrow some of Dieter's AutoJaggers, with or without permission. Since you folks are disbanding, could you…

Suzanne: We dumped the lot at a dumpster outside Westminster Abbey. Go knock yourself out.

LadyAssassin27: So Dietrich's dead huh, sad, his advice wasn't so bad for a Terran, well at lest now I don't owe him that free kill anymore, still rather sad. And too bad about my sis though, awe well I'll find another way to torture my folks, if you decide to sell any of for remaining Auto Jaggers I would like to buy one.

Dimitri: All those remaining AutoJaggers are hanging out at a dumpster in Westminster. Free of charge, since they were starting to stink in this weather. We have liquidated most of the Orden's assets, except for those Lost Technology things. Anyone interested?

Artemis400: May I cry because Dietrich is dead? I'm sorry, but... Why did he have to die? Was there something he did wrong, or? Is he at least going to get a funeral?

Dimitri: Yes, we all miss the little backstabber. That mockery he did on Youtube impersonating Mein Herr was amusing, but bad for his health once Cain claps his peepers on it. Cry by all means, but you'll be better using your tears to water daisies. We all did a vote and the decision is to forgo a funeral and use our remaining funds whilst we seek alternative employment.

Firey-Moonlight: As I happen to quite like Dietrich, his death was not so pleasant for me, but thanks for the info. Anyways, I'm currently spluttering in disbelief right now because SOMEHOW my brother managed to survive! I sent him to the Ghetto and he survived! Okay, so now he's missing an arm and confined in a wheelchair, but he survived! To make things more infuriating, my former partner who betrayed me plus the Inquisition Knight I used to torture (Former RCO hosts will remember previous rants) are now all in Albion and getting cozy! How do I kill the first two without killing the Knight, since I'm harbouring a rather - to quote Cain - 'normal' obsession with him?

Dimitri: Use a gun or knife or just shove your brother's wheelchair in front of the midnight express train at King's Cross. If only killing off unwanted siblings was so simple. Next, I suggest divide and conquer. Lure your partner away from that knight and kill him. Since this is not my partner, I can't suggest what lure you should use.

Icequeen: Isaak can rest easy. He will NOT be having anything to do with Fernand. I only mention him for the sake of proof that the cloning system works. By the by, the Empire won the bidding war, they now have all documentation regarding cloning. Ivan, Dimitri, your parents got lucky. It's very rare to get exact replicas. Even more so when one of them is a few hundred years older than the other. Okay, I've had my fun. Confession time. I never actually slept with Isaak. The panties that caused all this were intended to be a gag gift for him. I embroidered and washed them (tag said wash before wear), and I honestly didn't think my sister would over-react so much. Then Isaak's response to her accusations left the door WIDE open for mind games. I don't know who he slept with that he's getting me confused with. And the DNA sample that I created Fernand from I received from some traitor in the Orden. I think he's already dead. Anyhow, like I said, I've had my fun. Twins, let me know Isaak's reaction to this. And I'm sending you guys a bucket of sherbet. You need more sugar.

Dimitri: Isaak is probably resting in peace, hopefully. As for my parents, they were lucky, I guess… but I don't feel particularly lucky stuck with a psychotic bully. (sips tea) By the way, that lady Isaak crawled into bed with after that wild swing party was probably my late mother, who was trying to get Duke Suleyman jealous. I don't mean to sound disrespectful, but Herr Isaak does have some unusual tastes… I found a long blond wig and an evening gown in his bedside drawer…. I suppose I should send them to you as a thank-you for candy. I prefer mint.

InuJoey: Hello, I'm what you call a terran. My car just got stolen by a Methuselah. If he is listening I just wanted him to know the gas gage is goofed up if it reads full, the tank is actually only half full. Also please don't kill the shepherd, least until I get the 10 sheep I bought. And one more item good show.

Suzanne: Gee, sorry if your car's that Rolls Royce parked in Whitechapel Alley. The gas gage wouldn't be causing me too much trouble, since I'm using your engine parts to fix my plane after it got blasted by a stray lightning bolt from a Vatican priest. No one builds engines like Rolls Royce. If your shepherd was that chap standing on the corner with 10 sheep, Reiz got a teeny bit thirsty en route… you know… I suppose the sheep are still running about the neighbourhood.

Fernand: (sounds exactly like Isaak) Brother Isaak, I call you against The Lady's wishes, yet I feel my existence is meaningless whenever I stay in her house. I wish to join you in the Orden. You need not fear a rival Magician, my talents lie in technomancy; the ability to override control of machines and bend them to my purpose. I have trained myself. I have taken temporary control of the Vatican's Killing Doll. I will await your instructions my Brother. Use me as you see fit.

Dimitri: Herr Isaak? Is that you? (drops teacup) Holy (bleeping-bleep) hell! (scrambles to put away Isaak's personal articles put up for sale to his fangirls at the bar counter)

Fernand: No, I am Isaak's clone. Where's my brother?

Dimitri: (Cough) I'm sorry to inform you that Herr Isaak may be deceased. Say, since you have control over that Killing Doll, why don't you prove yourself by getting that dolly to kill your Lady. At least we'll get the house and more funds to re-build the Orden, (under his breath) with me in charge.

Suzanne: Ambitious little mite, aren't you? Maybe a bit too ambitious… I think it is time for some pre-emptive action, don't you, Reiz? (starts cornering Dimitri with Reiz)

Falcon-Jade-Darkness: Well that's nice (stares at rising smoke in distance) So, after the troublesome election I had to try fixing, I decided to take a long vacation in the country. But I think there was a huge storm last night because there was a lot of lightning and this morning I woke to see a crater not far from my home while smoke's off somewhere in the distance. Someone's probably going to think I'm responsible for the mess, any ideas on how to 1) cover up this incidence or 2) flee the country when my finances are rather limited at the moment?

Dimitri: Think you are in dire straits? Just try being stuck in a foreign country with limited cash and unfriendly company. (Suzanne has Dimitri pushed into a corner with Reiz holding a corkscrew to his throat)

Ivan: (calling in) Dimitri! I think I found him! Under the London Bridge… he's wedged there somehow. Can't get a decent grip with my hook. Oops, there goes his spleen and liver, I think… Will Isaak regenerate a new spleen when I fish him out? I'll try sinking the hook into his chest…

Dimitri: Hang in there, Herr Isaak. Reiz, you heard him. Let's go! (shoves both Suzanne and Reiz aside and grabs a mean-looking boat hook) Good night all!

Author's Notes:

What do you know, Dimitri likes redheads. Dimitri is one heck of an ambitious blighter and devious too. The Orden better watch their backs.