Disclaimer: I do not own Trinity Blood or its characters.

Gee, I wonder if they managed to fish up all Isaak's body parts from the Thames. This is officially the last RCO Hour.

RCO Radio Hour

Session 23

Ivan: Good evening… RCO Radio Hour operating from the Hellfire Club. We have locks of Dietrich's hair for sale. Interested fangirls may call in to place an order. Fifty dinas per lock due to limited supply.

Isaak: Explain why you and your brother are sporting the skinhead look.

Dimitri: Long story. (pulls cap over bald head) How are you feeling, Herr Isaak?

Isaak: How should I feel after having my innards torn out and my limbs ripped off by boat hooks? Where's Suzanne?

Ivan: The Red Baroness? She's lodging a complaint with Rolls Royce for refusing to supply the parts for her engine. It appears that Rolls Royce automobile parts are not compatible with Folker planes. Oops, I think I stepped on your guts… (picks up coil of intenstines from floor and drops it into Isaak's lap)

Isaak: Reiz, a hand please! I need some peace to regenerate… (Reiz wheels Isaak to the back room)

Dimitri: Let's see… Tonight's news, Queen Esther is slated to be crowned officially in Westminster Abbey on the coming Sunday. Vatican officials have agreed to the nation's request that the Pope preside over the ceremony in place of the Archbishop of Canterbury. His Grace the Archbishop is currently under observation in a padded cell after he burst into the local police station screaming about winged angels of doom. Reconstruction contract on Buckingham palace has been won by Ghet-Builders. The investigations into the attack on Londinium by an unknown aircraft are still ongoing. So far, no leads have been turned up.

Ivan: Gossip has it that Her Majesty is currently being pursued by two former contenders to the Albionian throne. Bouquets of roses have been sent by Duke Erin and Duke Ludwig in a non-too-subtle attempt to cement their ties with Albion via marriage. The current guardians of the Queen are non-too-pleased by this turn of events as the Queen has yet to reach her eighteenth birthday and the legal age for marriage without parental consent in Albion. Captain Mary Spencer insists that all talk of marriage, political or otherwise, is too soon.

Dimitri: We will be closing our show due to complaints from various civil organizations and lack of funds. So this is your last chance to be insulted, humiliated or urged to do things you normally wouldn't even think of. Do call in.

Firey-Moonlight: This is back to the beginning! I used a gun and shot my brother so FINALLY my problem with him was dealt with. So I couldn't prove being able to outsmart him, oh well. However like I said, he was getting friendly with my traitorous partner and an Inquisition Knight I'm obsessed with. Said traitorous partner luckily wasn't on scene, but the Knight was and now he's chasing after me again screaming HERECTIC and HALT IN THE NAME OF GOD!! Any brilliant ideas on escape without hurting him TOO much?

Ivan: Kill him instantaneously and painlessly…

Count Virgil: Hello? I have a bit of a problem. I have a ward in my care, a young lady of high standing. She is currently being pursued by two gentlemen of high rank whose intentions I believe to be less than gentlemanly…

Vanessa: (in background) Less than gentlemanly? How about Spencer nabbing (bleeping) rat-face Ludwig sneaking about Her Majesty's private rooms? Requesting permission to use my shotgun the next time he trespasses!

Mary Spencer: (in background) Virgil, you have to do something! Erin's trying to bribe my men for access to the Queen. (To her men) Let Ludwig or Erin within breathing distance of the palace and you will be court-marshalled!

Virgil: I'm working on it!

Dimitri: My, my… what a fix you are in. My advice. The enemy of your enemy may be your friend. Set these two less-than-desirable suitors against each other. A duel to the death?

Virgil: What if one of them lives?

Dimitri: I have a plan… Lonely venue, impartial witnesses... Do you know anyone with a good aim? We can talk over this further on the other line. Excuse me, cover for me will you, bro?

Ivan: With pleasure.

Tensa-chan: Thanks! (starts rearranging the parts) I hope you don't mind my testing out my... modifications... on your lovely building?

Ivan: Be my guest. This place is a rental anyway.

Icequeen: Hey Suzanne, if you're looking for someone to help rebuild your battle-ship, Fernand is a willing and able technomancer. He and I had a talk last night. He wishes to join you in the Orden. I'm loathed to let him go, but he'll come visit occasionally, and I feel he'll be of more use to you than me. Imagine: Isaak with short hair and a subservient attitude at your beck and call. Let me know if you're interested and where we should ship his luggage. To the twins, hope you guys got the 10 kilos of sherbet I sent. There should be about 4 different flavours in buckets.

Isaak: What's this? I have my reputation to think of! My lookalike joining the Orden? Over my dead body!

Ivan: That can be arranged…

Dimitri: (returning) Sherbet? We didn't taste the stuff. At least I didn't. Ivan pumped the sherbet into the soup of the local diabetic association's lunch. Instant diabetic coma. Ivan, I have landed a job with the Walsh household.

Ivan: As bootboy? (snicker) Or houseboy.

Dimitri: This is an opportunity for me, nein? I will need to work on my accent a wee bit to pull it off…

LadyAssassin27: I'm glad this show is still running, and thanks for the Autojagger, makes the perfect partner really, would have liked a werewolf, but they are so hard to find, so I think a mindless corpse will do. You know since business has been good lately, and since your show has being entertaining me for awhile, I think I could send you guys a little cash, would just like to know who to address the cheque to?

Dimitri: Address it to Rosenkruez Orden…

Ivan: Ivan Flamevogel.

InuJoey: Wow, car parts work on aircraft? Cool. Also I found my sheep. If you want some nice warm wool sweaters let me know. I accidentally bought the jumbo sized sheep. So I got more wool than I need. Uh-oh a werewolf just ate them all. Well the sweaters are still available. The sweaters are free if I can keep the werewolf.

Isaak: No. Reiz is in my employ. We do not need those measly sweaters, since we do not have any Terrans left in our organization. Unturned Methuselahs can shiver in winter.

Slothspieller: Isaak will probably be all right despite the loss of some internal organs. After all, he must have to regenerate his lungs and liver on a weekly basis thanks to his alcohol and tobacco consumption! By the way, I miss Dietrich too! In fact, I'm considering a new career as a Dietrich-impersonator to fill the emotional void.

Isaak: We have objections to Dietrich impersonators… However, if you do anything that may damage our Orden's reputation… you know what will happen… There, I have finally done regenerating my body. Reiz! Let's get back to sweet Germanius. Well, I think we can do a side-trip to Paris to pick up Cain… (gets out shovel and bucket)

Author's Notes:

The twins have brown hair, blue eyes and a mean streak. That's the end of the series, readers.