Dude, totaly cried at this chapter. Man I loves these turtles! I'm a die-hard cry baby who loves a tearful story. I do a crapy job at writing one as we all know. LOL! Anways, I'm almost done with it! It's so sad it's coming to an end, but I think that's a good part about being a writer. When you're done, you've just accomplished something meaningful. See! I'm such a sap!

Disclaimer: Hello? Read bellow? Would you really want this sappy stuff to happen? LOLZ!

Chaper XI: Brothers

The drive home was…silent to say the best. The van was filled with fresh awkward moments were words should be exchanged. Half a dozen times, Don wondered if he should say something, anything. Then he would look to the passenger seat, see Raph's face, and the bond of silence would continue.

It was still raining. The water ran into the gutters and collected in the city's system of storm drains. Streets were vacant and desolate with the occasional late-night driver running home or to work. The night was a chill with premonitions of an early frost.

Don's mind was a hazy buzz of thoughts, and how he longed for some sleep aids to put him out for a day or so. In fact the one place he didn't want to go was home. Home was a post-war Europe with crumbling cities and fresh emotions. Still, Don had to face it.

People change, even those you wish wouldn't.

Leo never slept when one of his brothers was missing. After what he read in Mikey's journal and how Don left so quickly, how could he sleep? After what he said to Splinter and all the drama, how could he sleep?

For Leo, South America was a simple life. People lived with simple needs and simple wishes for their family. New York was everything but simple for Leo. Home was not a simple place, and the word complicated was the only one to come to mind.

Complicated.

Mikey cuddled closer while he slept. The remnants of his baby brother's tears still lingered around baggy eyes. His hands clutched Leo's plastron, and at least one of them was sleeping tonight.

Leo turned to stare at a map posted on his bedroom wall. Nailed to brick, the map illustrated South and Central America. Circled in red where the points of poignant moments, villages, and memories.

It was odd he felt such homesick for that place. Wasn't he home? Wasn't it there in New York where he belonged? Those places circled in red were not his home no matter how hard he wished. He even remembered nights of silent crying for home, New York, while he was in the jungle.

Would he ever be satisfied with where he was? Would he always long for where he wasn't?

The South door opened. Mumbled voices echoed from the living room area, and then silence again. Footsteps followed by more murmured voices- Don and Raph. Leo released an aching breath go between slightly parted lips.

His door began to open, and Leo wondered if it was wise to pretend to be sleeping. It was too late. The door opened, and light flowed from the door to his eyes. Don peaked inside and saw Leo looking up at him from the mattress. Mikey mumbled something in his sleep and turned his back to Leo.

Finally free of the cuddly one, Leo stood and walked to the door where Don was waiting.

"What time is it?" Leo yawned.

Don answered, "Four thirty last time I checked. How's Mikey?"

"Fine. And Raph?"

That's when Don's face fell into a dead frown. Closing the door behind him, Leo motioned for the seclusion of Don's lab. Once inside, Don sat tiredly on his bed. He leaned forward with his elbows resting on his knees and hands clasped under his chin. Leo had seen this posture before when Don was faced with a seemingly overwhelming problem with no visible solution.

"So…you did talk with Mikey, right?"

Leo was jarred from his own thoughts. He answered with a wordless um-hum. Don leaned back a bit to look directly at Leo. Then he turned to his monitor. Closing each one, Don left one camera on. Raph's room where Raph rested on the hammock.

Don just sat there, staring at the monitor where Raph was sleeping or at least pretending to do so. There was an infinite sadness in the scientist's eyes as he just sat there and watched.

Sitting next to Don, Leo asked softly, "What happened?"

Don didn't answer immediately, but he let his eyes drop to the floor littered with blueprints. There was fear those eyes that sifted within the sadness. Leo had acquired a great gift of reading people well- especially his brothers.

"Donnie?"

"He tried to kill himself."

There…he said it. Don took a shaking breath in. The image of Raph leaning slightly in favor of the 200 foot drop flashed instantly. His face instantly fell to his hands as the leftover panic sparked again. It caused his heart to pound, his breath to hitch, and the tears to come.

He could feel Leo stiffen next to him. He could feel his older brother's gaze on his shell, and he could almost feel fear in Leo's voice as he cursed.

Leo had never divulge into cursing. He had critisized Raph for the habbit, and he had called it dirty and stupid. Curing showed a lack of intellect to express oneself in a undignified matter. There was no honor in shouting off four letter words to show anger. There was no honor in anger.

Going against all that, Leo swore. He stood up, paced like a tiger, and cursed like a sailor in Spanish, English, and Japanese. After three minutes of this, Leo stopped just to take a breath. Breathing was healthy.

Speaking in Spanish, Leo asked, "Es él aprueba?"

"Pienso tan." Biting back a string of sarcastic comments, Don simply nodded. "We just have to watch him from now on."

"He'll love that." Leo sighed in total sarcasm.

"I can't believe Mikey showed him that damn journal." Don sighed and fell on his back on the bed.

Leo turned, "Hey, Mikey was just being honest with Raph."

"A little too honest, don't you think?" Don glared at Leo, "I mean, have you read the journal?"

Folding his arms, Leo said defensively, "In fact, I have. I know what Mikey wrote was some harsh stuff, but you can't tell me you didn't think that while it was happening?"

That was it. Don stood to face Leo. His emotions were already close to the edge (no pun intended) , and he sure didn't need this.

"You have no idea how I felt," Don spat.

Leo exasperatingly sighed, "Don't do this, Don."

"Do what?!" Don exploded, "Do what, Leo?! Play the blame game like Mikey only to watch the ramifications of it."

"Mikey is not the villain here!" Leo snarled back.

"You didn't see Raph on that tower!" Don stormed out of his lab with Leo running after him.

Leo reached and grapped Don's shoulder. He forced Don to look at him. No way was Donnie going to run away from this!

"He's still not the blame."

"Then WHO, LEO?" Don turned and snapped. He was breaking down, but he was still refusing to do so. Don wanted an answer- to find the flaw so he could fix this. Never had he felt so hopeless than that moment when Raph took off his bandana. The image freeze-framed in his mind. He hung that picture in a frame in his blackest nightmares.

Don turned his back as the tears threatened to spill again. "I could have stopped this," Don whispered as his voice broke. "I could have…"

Leo was about to say something, but his weary heart forced his mouth closed. His hands tightened into fist. All this time, Leo had controlled his emotions that threatened to breach the surface. His control was unmatched, but now all he wanted to do was scream, cry, or just leave.

Conflicted, Leo walked over and put a hand on Don's shoulder. Nothing else was said as Don reached up and put his hand on top of Leo's hand.

Splinter watched all of this from the crack in the door.

Raph didn't sleep. He couldn't. Not with all the emotions and thoughts stabbing his chest. His eyes were so tired and everything ached.

Things were simple when he was the Nightwatcher. Once he dawned his helmet and mounted his cycle, Raphael's world faded, and he became someone to be feared, to be respected, to be admired.

To say Raph never knew of Mikey's true feelings would be a lie. Everyone knew Mikey looked up to Raph for strength and protection that not even Leo could give. It's was just…Raph never realized…

Oh shell, he was crying again! All the guilt fell upon his conscience again. He could see how he messed up like tracing his steeps backward. He was the reason Leo left. He was the reason Don failed as a leader. He was the reason Mikey hurt so much.

Raph sat up in his hammock. It tilted slightly as he put his bear feet upon familiar earth. He could hear Leo and Don talking near his doorway. They were a few feet off but close enough to be heard.

"Way to go, hero," Raph scoffed to himself. "Good job at destroying the most important thing in your life."

Sighing, Raph stood. He just wasn't sure if he was leaving or staying. Half of him wanted to leave, run out of his room, out of the lair, and out of their lives forever. The other half wanted nothing at all: no love, no pity, nothing. Just let him rot in his room forever.

"Let's get some rest," Leo offered. "You haven't been sleeping, Donnie."

Don heaved, and finally turned to his brother with a weak smile, "I'm sorry."

"What for?"

Laughing bitterly, Don motioned all around him, "For all of this."

Leo frowned, "I told you already, Don. It is not your fault!"

"You can't say I'm innocent either, Leo."

"God, Donnie!" Leo yelled, "For my smartest brother, you're being dumb right now! Can't you see we're all at fault? Not just one of us, but ALL OF US!"

"I started it," Don logically stated. "I was suppose to be the leader."

"Can't you see? We don't want Leading Donnie. I want my Donnie. The Donnie that stays unfazed and calm in all situations. That Donnie that stays sane and logical and always listens. The Donnie that keeps me sane!"

Don smiled warmly at this and nodded, but why did it seem he didn't believe it. There was that glint of a ragged soul on the brink. Leo now understood. Each of his brothers was blaming themselves and each other. The pain went around and around like playing catch.

Biting his lip hard between his teeth, Leo reached and pulled Don into a hard and gripping embrace. Opening his eyes, Leo saw his youngest brother standing halfway into the hallway. His eyes wide, scared, and filled with unshed tears.

Leo smiled at Mikey. Releasing Don, Leo motioned him over. Wordlessly and with his head bowed, Mikey walked over as Don turned to him. Something odd and dark crossed Don's face for half a second, and Leo prayed silently.

"D-Donnie…I-I…" Mikey stammered. His voice was heavy like a dam about to break. His blue eyes glistened, and his lip trembled. Looking away from Don's face, Mikey shed two tears- one from each eye.

Don smiled and pulled Mikey into a tight hug. The shorter turtle started to cry bitterly into Don's neck, and Leo stepped back. Turning around to leave his youngest brothers, Leo saw Raph's door lightly opened. Someone stood on the other side.

"He tried to kill himself."

"Kill me already."

"Wha…Raph?" Leo was speechless.

Raph stood without help, and started walking out of the dojo.

"Raph! Wait!" Leo reached out. Raph turned quickly.

"You heard me, Leo!" Raph yelled in a voice that was broken but mad. Mad at who? "Just…kill me already!"

"He tried to kill himself."

Leo's eyes widened. His vision blurred as he nearly ran to Raph's door. All emotions broke as Raph opened the door. Leo breathed. Raph wasn't dead. He was here, with them, and alive.

Raph was about to say something, but Leo didn't allow that. Holding on to Raph like his brother had just awoken from the dead, Leo began to cry. His fingers held tightly to the shell of his brother.

That past few weeks were so real and hard that no one had to say a thing for a stretch of time. Emotions were still raw, and they were far from okay. At least they were coming together.

Leo turned to Mikey and Don. Don was whispering something to Mikey that was upsetting the youngest of them all. Never had Leo seen such terrified fear in his youngest brother. Don was there, whipping Mikey's face with his thumb. Mikey stared unbelieving at Raph as tears feel like rain.

Leo turned back to Raph who's tearful eyes were down turned. A painful scowl stretched on his face. Suddenly Raph took a steep back, but Leo reached and gripped his wrist. Raph looked at Leo pleadingly, and Leo shock his head. They had to face this, but they would face it together.

Assured that Raph wouldn't turn and flee, Leo lowered his hand to hold Raph's hand. Leo smiled at him before looking back at Mikey. Suddenly and before Don could react, Mikey fell hard to his knees. His face was lowered to the floor, but his eyes were wide and terrified. Leo had a pretty good guess what Don had told Mikey.

"Mikey!" Don knelt in fear that he hurt himself, but before he could reach out Mikey was on his feet. He was running and crying Raph's name. Leo steeped back just in time as Mikey nearly tackled Raph.

Taking in shock, Raph fell with Mikey's momentum. Still Mikey refused to let go. He cried and mumbled half coherent sentences into Raph's plastron. Never had Leo seen Raph cry so deeply.

"I-I'm s-so sorry…Rap-phie!" Mikey hiccupped. Leo steeped further away from them, and helped Don to his feet. Don refused to let Leo's hand go as they watched Raph and Mikey.

"No, it ain't your fault…Mikey," Raph tearfully whispered. "If I wasn't such a…bastard I could have stopped myself from…from hurting you." The strong turtle's shoulders began to shake as he held onto Mikey tightly. "I-I'm so sorry...Mikey. I'm so sorry!"

Leading Donnie, Leo walked over and knelt down. Soon they were in a well needed group hug. No words were exchanged. No words needed to be said.

SQUEEE! wOOt! and...yippe? Sure let's go with that! Anyway, this whole sappy moment has been long due, huh? Well, it ain't ovea! Remember Masta Splinta! More tears to come! BTW: this was not incest in anyway, shape, or form. It is not attended to be this way, and I'm sorry if it seemed to be so. Thanks for reading peoples! I loves youz as much as I lovez APPLES! (That's a lot if you weren't too sure. LOLZ!)

-Weezelee