"I can't believe this," Hermione cried in frustration for what had to be the fiftieth time that evening.
"What's wrong now?" Harry didn't even bother looking up from his potions essay, she was working on history and he probably wasn't going to be interested anyway.
"I just can't believe the stupidity of most wizards! Sure, when I opted to do my essay on the fifty most preventable accidents in Wizarding History, I knew there was going to be a few big ones but this is just ludicrous." Hermione slammed her book onto the table. "Did you know there have been forty six severe maimings and three deaths from people who chose to test Hogwarts' motto? How stupid do you have to be when you decide to tickle a sleeping dragon after graduating from a school where it's written on the front doors?"
"Kind of obvious someone had to do it though," Ron commented smugly, as he usually did when telling his friends about yet another aspect of magical life they were ignorant of. "We're a pretty arrogant lot, wizards. Tell us not to do something and as soon as you turn your back we'll do it just to prove we're better than you. Right barmy actually but how would you like to go down in history as the first person to tickle a dragon and get away with it?"
"Really?" Harry asked speculatively. "Anything?"
"Apparently," Hermione said scathingly. "It's as if God gave them magic instead of common sense."
"Good to know, so what are some of your other big ones?"
00000
"Professor Dumbledore, I need your help," Harry wasted no time in running to the Headmaster as soon as classes had ended the next day.
"What can I do for you, Mr. Potter?" Dumbledore leaned back in his chair and his eyes flashed brilliantly.
"I've discovered a way to get rid of Voldemort without fighting, but to make it work I need to learn something that you might not want to teach me." Harry squirmed uncomfortably. This really was the best idea he'd ever had but Dumbledore was definitely the weak point. "Just this once I need you to trust me and have a little faith that I would never misuse it."
"I promise you that you have my complete support," Dumbledore said solemnly. "If you will swear an oath never to misuse my teachings, I will teach you absolutely anything you ask of me."
"I just need one spell," Harry told him as he pulled Hermione's book from his book bag. "Now what do you know about Everett the Energized?"
Dumbledore frowned thoughtfully. "He was involved in some major accident I recall. I believe he was trying to turn his body into pure energy when the mountain he was practicing on disappeared but I may have him confused with someone else."
00000
A few weeks later during the evening meal, Harry let out a happy sigh and suddenly wore the happiest smile anyone could ever remember seeing on him. Indeed he was whistling and skipping as he headed back to Gryffindor tower that evening. He refused to say what brought about his happy mood when asked and most people just chalked it up to being a strange fluke. The next morning however Hermione was not so sure. The Daily Prophet was reporting that a massive magical event had occurred the previous evening and that the Department of Mysteries was currently looking into it. While she was only part way into the article's speculation on what the great mystery might be, a letter from her parents arrived that sounded far more panicked than usual showed up with some VERY interesting news.
Hermione put two and two together, got five, and decided she really needed to strap her best friend to a chair and beat him until she got an answer that didn't put him on a very short list formerly populated solely by the world's most powerful nations. She finally cornered him as he was about to enter the common room.
"You!" She grabbed a hold of his robes so he couldn't run away. "What did you do to Voldemort?"
"Me?" Harry tried his best to look innocent, "What makes you think I did anything?"
"One, last night at dinner you suddenly became happy. Something happened that only you knew about and the only way I can think of would be if it involved your scar and Voldemort." Hermione started ticking her points of her fingers. "Two, the Unspeakables are going crazy about some massive magical release that happened last night. Care to guess when that might have been? Nevermind. Three, my parents just sent me a letter. They're terrified and worried because according to the Muggle Government someone set off a new type of nuclear bomb here in Scotland last night. Apparently it happened out in the country so the only casualties were a couple of sheep but the strange thing is there was absolutely no radiation, just over a mile and a half of fused glass in every direction."
"Very interesting," Harry said with a smile. "If you're right, who do you think I should apologize to? Do you reckon the Prime Minister knows about us or should I try to owl the Queen?"
Hermione gulped like a fish out of water for a few moments before she finally choked out, "How?"
"Watch," Harry said as he rummaged in his bag. He threw his invisibility cloak over their heads and pulled out an inch thick plate sized black disc. Around the edge it bore the legend "Harry Potter's Super Secret Weapon Mk II" on the face there was a glowing red button with white lettering that said "Don't Push" in big friendly letters. Harry set the disk in the middle of the hallway and pulled Hermione back against the wall where no one would bump into them.
Moments later, Katie Bell came out of the common room and saw the device laying on the floor. Curious, she picked it up and looked it over. They watched the Head Girl read the various words and saw her look around for any potential witnesses. Harry clamped a hand over Hermione's mouth when it became obvious that she was about to shout and stop their friend. Shaking his head playfully when she glared at him, he just pointed back to the girl who was obviously fighting her temptations.
Finally giving in Katie slapped the button with a cackle of impish glee that looked downright infectious. Immediately the device began wailing as a siren went off and it shook violently in her hands, the glow of the button reaching blinding levels. The noise and other effects stopped as it reverted to its former inviting glow. Harry pulled the cloak off and walked over to retrieve his new toy from his unwitting test dummy.
"Fred and George taught me to make the shells and I came up with a few ideas for the spells to put inside," He told the two shocked young women. "Oh by the way Hermione, I returned your book to the library for you. It looks like Ron was right."
As she watched her friend walk back up to his dorm, Hermione Granger considered for the first time if becoming an alcoholic was such a bad idea. Harry Potter was a nuclear power, Merlin help them all...
00000
A/N; this idea was inspired when I found a strange thing-a-ma-jig in my garage. It had a cord, some indicator lights, and three push buttons on the end of long cords. I plugged it in and flipped the switch only to see the indicator lights come on and nothing else. I wasn't sure what it was supposed to do but I knew I was going to find out! Pressing the buttons led to an amusing array of clicks and the occasional light going out but no significant change. I ended up taking it apart and carefully sketching the mess of wires and components inside into a logical circuit. Four and a half hours later I learned that when you press a button a light is supposed to go out (not that they always did but I'm still trying to figure out if my circuit is wrong or if the box is wrong).
Anyways, "Oooo, Shiny!" presses button a good button is hard to resist. Oh and for those who don't know, a nuclear bomb is so powerful because it converts a tiny amount of itself into pure energy following that whole emc2 thing Einstein was babbling about. Even a one pound device, totally converted to energy, would be horrendously powerful (over 10 megatons just for reference).