"I don't brag I mostly boast/From the va to the L.A. coast/Iffy kiffy izzy oh!"

Iffy kiffy izzy wha?! O.O Good gullible Gollums, Jim! Ryou must be once again listening to da RAP! Although it sounds very different this time. Like, as different as a rabbit and a chimp. But they're basically the same!

I summon my Man-Eater Bug and have him raze the front door. n.n And by razing it he raises it above my head! …Before tossing it swiftly down the hall! n.n He's such a good boy! Who's a good wittle… uh, big bug? Um, you are. O.o

Ryou is gaping at me through the (now, hehe) doorless doorway.

"The door was open!" he protests. Lies! "Well, it was unlocked!"

I think my host knows that I caught him listening to da RAP! He's retrieved the CD from the small stereo he has and has speedily placed it on the counter. Missy… Elliott. Also an evil person whom I must compete with—wait, Elliott? "That was a guy?"

My host blinks his muddy brown eyes. "That was a girl."

"Hey! No way," I say. "Hey! I rhymed! I just did it again!"

Ryou gives me a puzzled expression. I put it in my pocket. Then he looks at me like I am a madman! Madman I say!

…Oh wait. Hehehehehe.

"So what did you do today?" my lighter half asks, trying for a conversation while pouring milk. …Milk… I seethe. TESMU OCAOT TAPID has been here.

"n.n I went to the museum!" I chirp, hoping Ryou will become distracted from the dairy product's evil influences.

"…Why's that got you so happy?" he wonders aloud.

"n.n Fex gave me money to turn you into a chibi."

A tiny bit of milk spills onto the counter. Score!

"Pardon?" Ryou looks at me with wide, startled eyes.

"I said I met a FedEx guy who bought me a martini," I lie smoothly. His eyes narrow at me. Oh yeah, baby; he doesn't suspect a thing.

…Jim Bob, I know you're not a baby. You and I are grown men. Yet we can still talk about our feelings. Gah. That's an awful word. It's longer than four letters, that's why. Plus it has the word feel in it. And I really don't care much for the ing part, either.

"You really shouldn't be drinking," Ryou advises me as he wipes the white blot from the counter. Take that, cows! "Where was this?" he ponders innocently. He turns to me. …Wait just a bloody cotton pickin' minute, his eyes say. His eyes like cotton.

"I thought I grounded you," he accuses.

"Sweatdrop."

"…You just narrated your sweat drop," Ryou says, amazed.

"In the Shadow Realm," I change the subject.

Ryou gasps falsely. "How'd you get there?"

"The Pharaoh crept into my room and sent me there while I was sleeping. I fell asleep during Oprah."

Ryou nods; this has already happened dozens of times, so there's really no reason not to believe me.

"How did the Fedex guy get there?" he inquires.

"Yami probably sent him there, too. Probably didn't get his Seventeen magazine or something."

"I thought that was UPS," he mumbles. "And he bought you a martini because…?"

"You ask too many questions," I say. He glares at me. "Well, you do! Just ask Jim Bob!"

"Qui est Jim Bob?"

"O.O Depuis quand est-ce que tu parles en français?"(1)

"There are many things you don't know about me," my host replies mysteriously.

I lean back, cross my arms, and make my eyes half-lidded. Classic thugster look. Or, I may look like a druggie. Or the author. "Fair enough," I say.

"I'll tell Yugi that Yami sent you to the Shadow Realm," Ryou assures me. "He'll get in trouble for that."

Oh, I know… He's already in trouble with the Yugi. "The Pharaoh's midget friend should be a football player," I say. Ryou gives me a really bizarre look. I exchange it with the puzzled look in my pocket and eat the puzzled look like a cookie.

"He tackled the Pharaoh… the other day," I explain/lie. "He totally knocked him over! And then he tried to pull the Pharaoh's hair out."

Hm… Jim Bob! I wonder what Ryou's future occupation will be? He could be an archaeologist like his pop… :) He should be a doula!

- 3rd person scene! –

"A doula!?" Ryou sputtered. "Why would you think that I would want to be one of those?"

Bakura took a guess. "You like kids?" Ryou sweat dropped outrageously.

"I would not make a good doula!" he screeches.

Then, Bakura said something utterly stupid: "I didn't say you would make a good one… I said that you should be one." Ryou's fierce gaze heated the room. Bakura loosened the collar his t-shirt didn't have. "Is it hot in here? Or is that just my godliness?!"

Ryou fell over.

- End 3rd person scene! -

My host always picks the most inappropriate times to laugh. -.- Hmph!

(1) "Who is Jim Bob?"/"O.O Since when do you speak French?"