See Part One for disclaimer and details. Thanks again to everyone who's reviewed. Please keep 'em coming, I can't stress this enough; reviews are like the bread and wine of just about every writer. Anyway, on with the story...

Part Three: Pleasure Principle

UC Sunnydale, Sunnydale, California

November 3rd, 1999

10:05 am

Cordelia was listening to Professor Maggie Walsh today as part of auditing UC Sunnydale's classes for the next semester. The dark-haired beauty queen had plans for her future, and even though being an international superstar was no longer on the agenda that didn't mean she wasn't going to make something out of her life either.

Miss Chase shifted uncomfortably in her chair. She still hadn't fully returned to her old self after her recent Halloween experience. Becoming Solitaire had affected Cordy a great deal, even if the psychic power Simone Latrelle had possessed was completely gone. Apart from Oz, who was still pretty much the same person he'd always been, the mischief demon's magicks had also mentally and physically affected the rest of the gang.

Buffy was more than a little jumpy around her werewolf friend, and was wearing a distinct lack of red clothing these days. Willow had retained the ability to speak French, at least the particular dialect Joan of Arc had used anyway. She'd also been able to swing a mean sword all around the room in Giles' apartment after he'd come to the rescue that night, and Gachnar had been squished by Buffy.

Xander was a special case, as he no longer had most of the memories. The reason for this was that James Bond was an archetypal being, a conglomerate of all the books, movies and even the 1950s radio show written about him. The spell had transferred the archetype into Xander's mind, which was something that no human brain could safely handle long-term. Mostly because trying to reconcile all those conflicting elements would have been enough to give Xander a brain tumor or something. So Giles had performed some magic to bury the personal memories, while leaving the majority of James Bond's background knowledge accessible.

Given their living arrangements Cordelia was just grateful that her ex-boyfriend hadn't retained some of Bond's nastier traits, like the womanising, drinking and cigarette smoking. ( That's all I need, a roommate with a couple of filthy habits and a different bimbo in his bed every night. )

Cordy dragged herself out of her thoughts as the professor began lecturing her freshman psych class. Maggie said, "There are certain things we all want. Things like comfort, sex, shelter, food. We always want them and we want them all the time, thanks to that part of the mind called the id. Now the id doesn't learn, people; it doesn't grow up. It has the ego telling it what it can't have, and it has the superego telling it what it should want. But the id works solely out of the pleasure principle. It simply WANTS."

The woman then stated authoritatively, "Whatever social skills we've learned and however much we've evolved, the pleasure principle is still at work in all of us. So, how does this conflict of the id with both the ego and superego manifest itself in the psyche? What do we do when we can't have what we want?"

( If you're the Slayer, you beat up vampires or the biggest male slut on campus, ) Cordelia thought to herself cynically as she watched Buffy stare at Parker Abrams, who was kissing some floozy or another. ( I knew nothing good would ever come out of Buffy and him getting together, but since when does any of the loser squad ever listen to MY advice? Talk about inevitable social disaster. Just like Halloween. Honestly, I'd have been better off just staying at home with Xander that night. )

This thought subsequently took Cordelia down a different mental roadway about how domestic things had gotten at the home she and Xander shared. After he'd apologized outside the Bronze for the fluke, she'd somehow finally managed get past the feelings of agonized betrayal and they had both moved on. So much so in fact Cordelia had started wondering if Xander might bring up the forbidden subject of whether their sleeping arrangements would ever change.

( After all, he's a guy and I can tell that he still fantasizes about me, God knows I don't need Solitaire's abilities to have figured THAT out. And that Tarot reading said the Queen and the Knight would eventually get together...as in, me and him? It's just...ugh, if only I could get Mom's voice out of my head saying "once a cheater, always a cheater". I mean, Xander wouldn't ever do that to me again. Would he? )

The former cheerleader didn't have an answer for that question. Not yet, anyway.

UC Sunnydale pub, Sunnydale, California

Later that night

Cordelia, Willow and Buffy entered the bar, which was pretty busy tonight judging by the lack of room to move around in. "My God, but this place is a complete dive. Willow, how did I ever let you talk me into coming here again?" Miss Chase asked.

Joan of Arc hadn't been the leader of the French army for nothing and ever since Halloween, Miss Rosenberg had gotten the sense that Xander wasn't telling her everything about living with his ex-girlfriend. So the redhead was hoping for the chance to talk to said roommate about a few things in private this evening. "Well, it's like a girls night out, y'know, the three of us can do that whole bonding thing-"

"Oh, please. You just wanted someone to help you keep an eye on Buffy so she doesn't do something stupid again," Miss Chase said scornfully, referring to how the Slayer had recently slept with Parker Abrams and then been treated like crap afterwards.

Buffy looked at her companions as they got a table near the bar. She was clearly very upset and depressed tonight, which explained why she hadn't cared whether Cordelia was present or not. "You know maybe, maybe he's just having trouble dealing. I mean, don't guys sometimes put the girl they really, really like inside these deep little brain fantasy bubbles where everything's perfect? They do that, right?"

Cordy looked at Willow. "The hair dye must have finally leached into her brain, what do you think?"

Willow sighed, "Parker."

Buffy nodded, "Maybe I'm in his bubble and then pretty soon he's going to realize that he wants more than just Bubble Buffy and he'll pop me out and we'll go to dinner and it could happen, right?"

"What fantasy land did your mind just come out of?" Cordelia asked impatiently. "God, will you just forget about that jerk? The only thing Parker Abrams wants is for his penis to be satisfied every night before he goes to sleep. I'm telling you, his type of slime lives under every rock imaginable."

"She's right," Willow agreed. "Buff, you need to forget all about the stinky Parker man and move on."

"Okay," the Chosen One said doubtfully. "How?"

Just then four college boys named Colm, Roy, Hunt and Kip decided to join the female trio. "Hello, ladies," Roy said charmingly. "How are you this fine evening?"

"Forget it," Cordelia said brusquely, shooting him down at once. "I'm not interested. And that's before I even knew you existed."

"Would you three like anything from the bar? It's on us," Kip said, not letting Cordelia's attitude dissuade him.

"You know what, I'd like a beer. If I can't run away from my problems, at least I can try drowning them," Buffy suddenly announced.

That was all the encouragement the four Romeos needed, as Colm went to the bar and the other three grabbed some chairs to join the Scooby women. "So what were you three discussing before we rudely interrupted you? The geopolitical ramifications of bioengineering, maybe?" Hunt asked.

"Oh, I have some ideas about-" Willow started to say eagerly, her inner geek in full-on mode.

"That has got to be the worst pickup line I've ever heard," Cordelia shook her head. "And with my doofus of an ex-boyfriend, that's really saying something."

Hunt's smile faltered for a moment before he firmed it up. The small talk continued for a while before the man said, "Ah, here comes the beer!"

"Hey, everyone. I'd like for all of you to meet-" Colm arrived with two pitchers of Black Frost and a female companion.

"ANYA?" Buffy, Cordelia, and Willow all said at the same time. The woman had shown up to assist Giles with the big rescue mission at the frat house that night. Which was the only reason why the former Watcher hadn't offered her as a free meal to Harmony or something immediately afterwards, once he'd determined the trapped teens were safe.

"Oh, you guys know each other? Hey, this is perfect," Roy spoke up, a calculating look in his eyes. ( Perfect, right. Four guys and four girls, no need to worry about anyone feeling like a fifth wheel during the pussy hunt. )

"What are you doing here?" Anya scowled at Cordelia, even as Colm dragged another seat to the table for her. "I thought that yacht club place which you used to frequent was your preferred venue of choice rather than a college bar."

"True, but it's a free country isn't it? And if we're gonna be in share mode, what are YOU doing here?" Cordy asked.

"I'm thinking of enrolling into UC Sunnydale, so I thought it would be a good idea to mingle and meet the people beforehand," Anya replied haughtily, ignorant of how Cordelia had had the exact same idea. "So why aren't you getting ready to, and how did you put this, screw your roommate's brains out when he comes back after work?"

Buffy and Willow looked astonished and then rather ill even as Cordelia scowled. The former demon had unknowingly scored a direct hit, as Miss Chase had only said that back then to permanently kick Anya out of her home. So Cordy just grabbed a glass of beer on the table and took a big gulp out of it.

"Hey, that was supposed to be mine!" Buffy objected.

"No problem," Kip said, as he began to pour a beer for everyone from his pitcher. "Drinks are on us for tonight."

"Uh, no thanks. I'll pass," Willow quickly said.

"So will I. If you want me to give you orgasms later this evening, you'll have to convince me to do it without getting me drunk," Anya said bluntly to Colm.

There was an embarrassed pause as Cordelia quickly drained her first beer of the night.

Room 214, Stevenson Hall, UC Sunnydale

The next day

"Ohhhh...my head," Cordelia groaned as she slowly rose off of Willow's bed. "Where am I?"

"My dorm," Buffy croaked, getting up as well. "Ugh. I see I'm not the only one suffering the afterness of a bad night of badness."

"Right. Where's Willow?" Cordelia tried to focus using one of Solitaire's meditation techniques.

"Probably spent the night with Oz. I think she left not long after the drinking competition began." The Slayer clutched her head. "Ow. Bright colours. Loud noise. Uh, what happened to Anya?"

"Who cares?" Cordelia snorted. Then she looked horrified. "Oh my God! If she went to find Xander...and I left him all alone last night..."

"Your insecurities are showing," Buffy remarked as she went to wipe her face with a towel and drink a glass of water. "By the way, 'getting reading to screw Xander's brains out'?"

"It's not what you think, I just had to say something to get rid of her. And even if it was what you think, that would be so totally none of your business," Cordelia grated out.

( Why am I even talking to you? ) Buffy thought sourly. But before she could say anything, a loud banging on the door was heard. Both female teens flinched in immediate pain.

"Will? Buff? Are you guys in there?" Xander's voice could be heard from the outside, and he sounded worried. "It's me, Xander. Open up, lemme in!"

Miss Summers did so. "What's wrong?" she asked gingerly.

"It's Cordy, she never came home last night-" Harris started to say as he crossed the threshold, before he saw his roommate clutching her head, "-because she spent the night here," Xander finished up, his worry starting to turn into annoyance.

"Hey, Xander. Uh, can you take me home? I can't exactly focus in my current condition," Cordelia said, willing the hangover to go away.

"You went out drinking last night?" he asked slowly, easily recognizing all the signs. "Well, a phone call would have been nice. Since I was wondering if you'd ended up vampire kibble."

"Yeah, sorry." Cordelia suddenly looked up. "Hey, did that skank Anya come around to the apartment last night after she left the bar?"

"Anya?" Xander looked briefly confused, before the simmering resentment came back. "No. Haven't seen her. Ready to go?"

Cordelia nodded, and delicately headed for the door.

UC Sunnydale pub, Sunnydale, California

Later that night

Odd as it may have seemed, Buffy and Cordelia were back at the bar this evening. Both girls wanted to forget about their troubles for a while, especially those concerning the male gender, and had had a few more glasses of Black Frost on behalf of the four college boys from last night.

Anya had briefly been there and loudly told Colm in front of everyone present that the sex had been completely unsatisfying, and he was not to call her ever again. To Cordy and Buffy, human tact was obviously still a major work in progress for that girl.

"Xander stupid," Cordelia slurred, pushing away her mug. They had had a fight today about nothing of cosmic importance. "Stupid boy."

"Parker too," Buffy replied. She got up and started banging the jukebox. "Thing. Like it."

"Hey, hey, hey!" the new assistant bartender called out. "That's enough of that, miss, or you'll be paying for repairs."

"Want more beer," Cordelia called out.

"Want more singing," Buffy added.

The assistant bartender suddenly looked shocked as he spied Roy, Colm, Hunt and Kip come slouching out of the men's bathroom. They had all regressed into Neanderthals, thanks to the beer being spiked with a mystical additive to teach these particular customers a lesson.

The employee quickly threw away his apron, declared "I quit!" to the bar owner named Jack and sprinted out the door, narrowly missing barging into Xander he came in looking for his female friends.

"Cordy? Buffy?" Harris said as he spied the female pair. He also spied the alcohol on the table. "Aw, come on, don't tell me that you two decided to go out drinking again..."

The Chase girl, who was looking rather dishevelled, came over and started sniffing him. "Boy smell nice," Cordelia purred, forgetting about the whole 'stupid' thing. "Boy mine."

"What?" Xander asked in confusion, as his roommate started staring at him like he was a hunk of prime beef and she was a hungry cat. Without any further warning Miss Chase tackled Harris down to the ground and began kissing him passionately.

It wasn't pretty, though. It was extremely rough and brutal as Xander started rolling around on the floor, struggling to get Cordelia off of him without hurting her. Finally, he managed to push Miss Chase away despite her newly manifested strength, and breathing heavily Xander jumped up, automatically crouching into a combat stance and reaching for a Walther PPK that wasn't there. "Cordy, what the hell is up with you?"

"Want people. Where people go?" Cave-Buffy suddenly got Xander's attention, his eyes widening at the sight of his friend having de-evolved in the space of a few seconds.

"Buffy?" Xander asked. Then he spotted the male Neanderthals, who had just been standing around and enjoying the show. "What the heck-?"

"Want beer!" Cave-Cordy suddenly yelled, startling Xander all over again. She, too, now looked like a character from One Million Years BC, but sadly without the fuzzy bikini. The brunette certainly sounded thirsty; Xander's rejection had made her lose interest in him and increased the desire for more alcohol.

Harris slowly backed away as the four cavemen left the establishment. He soon encountered Jack. "What the heck's going on here? What happened to Buffy and Cordy?"

"They got what was coming to them, just like those other guys," the bar owner said scornfully, as he began to pick up some of the pitchers on the tables.

Xander grabbed the man by the throat and squeezed hard, just like Bond would have done. "What did you do?" he hissed, relaxing his grip slightly, just enough to allow the bar owner to answer. "Talk, or I'll have your guts for garters!"

Jack wasn't put off by either the younger man's threats or his unconscious British slang. "You kids have been coming into my bar and giving me abuse for the past twenty years, ya know that? Coming in here with your snotty attitude, drinking your fruity little micro-brews and spouting out some stupid philosophy like it means a damn thing. Well, not anymore!"

"It was the beer, wasn't it? You put something in the beer, that's how you made my girls start questing for fire?"

"Yeah. Relax, hero. It'll wear off in a day or so," Jack grumbled. "Besides, it's not like they had all that much of the stuff. Those other four assholes though, they had so much to drink they'll hopefully get themselves killed while under the influence."

Xander never hesitated. He knocked the bar owner out cold with a single punch. When he turned to find Buffy and Cordelia he saw that they were now both absent.

"Great," the young man muttered. "Just perfect. Cave-Slayer and Cave-Cheerleader on the loose out there somewhere. Better rustle up a search party..."

Rocket Café, UC Sunnydale, California

November 5th, 1999

12:03 am

"Buffy! Cordelia!" Willow screamed, even as the two mystically inebriated women started beating on Parker. "Stop! You gotta-" Suddenly, she noticed the building was on fire, thanks to the four Neanderthal guys saying "Fire good. Fire pretty," and deciding that charcoal really was the in-look this season.

"Oh no," Willow whispered, looking around. Her spell-induced memories of what had happened to Joan of Arc instantly terrified the Jewish girl, almost incapacitating her ability to function. ( No, no, I gotta get outta here! ) she gibbered in mind-numbing fear, those death screams from being burned alive were still way too fresh inside Willow's head.

At just about the same time, the Neanderthals seemed to realize all the smoke and flames really weren't a good thing and they started to look for a way out as well. But that quartet, along with Buffy and Cordelia, no longer had the mental capacity to figure out how to get away safely. They all just grunted and howled in fear a lot.

At that moment Giles, Oz and Xander burst in, Rupert grabbing a fire extinguisher and trying to fight the flames. "Willow!" Giles called over to the terrified teen.

"Giles, thank God you're here!" the redhead exclaimed. "Xander-!" she then shrieked, as a section of the ceiling began to collapse down on top of Cave-Cordelia. Luckily, the man managed to drag his ex-girlfriend out of the way just in time.

"Come on!" Harris yelled, as Giles fought in vain to contain the blaze. "Will, grab that guy on the floor!"

Overcoming her fear, the computer nerd reluctantly yanked Parker up. The cavemen seemed to get the idea of a tactical withdrawal and started smashing furniture aside in their rush to get to the exit, as Giles finally called it quits with the fire extinguisher and helped Willow with Parker. Oz and Xander grabbed Cave-Buffy and Cave-Cordelia respectively and vacated the premises as well, just in time.

The first fire engines started to arrive as the four Neanderthals got knocked out and locked up in a van, Willow finally regained her equilibrium, Xander carefully checked to make sure Cave-Cordelia was okay and Cave-Buffy hit Parker over the head one more time, just for good measure.

The Harris-Chase residence, Sunnydale, California

November 6th, 1999

8:20 am

"So, was there a lesson in all this? What did we learn about beer?" Xander asked in a sing-song tone of voice.

"You're enjoying this way too much," Cordelia growled, glancing at him. The tainted alcohol's effects had worn off by now, and she was back to her usual stunning and perfectly coiffed self. ( I just wish I could repress the worst parts of it. Oh, and I'm never touching beer again in my entire life! )

"Senior salesgirl not able to handle the beer," Xander refused to stop needling her, and referring to the job Cordelia had gotten at the April Fools Dress Shoppe. Because she had worked there before and the storeowner had been glad to find someone with prior experience, Cordy was quickly hired. It also didn't hurt that Harmony had slaughtered Mrs. Finkel and the rest of the sales staff recently during that blonde's shopping binge.

"And I suppose you can?" Cordelia retorted.

Xander suddenly lost the smile. "I don't know, but I come from a long line of drunks, sweetheart. That's why I don't touch the stuff and I plan to keep it that way. I do not intend to end up like my dad or my Uncle Rory one day, that's for damn sure."

Cordelia turned to look at him. "We need to talk."

"Okay. Uh, is this about what happened in the bar when you went all Raquel Welch on me?" Harris asked. "Because if it is, you don't have to say anything about that. I mean, we both know you were totally under the influence then. Seriously, Cor, as far as I'm concerned, we can live out the rest of our lives without ever mentioning any of that again."

Cordy looked uncomfortable. "That's not what I wanted to talk about...well, not exactly, anyway."

"Oh? Then what is it?"

"You saved my life yesterday in that fire-"

"Just like you saved me when Harmony was about to snack on my neck, so I think we can call it even," Xander interrupted.

"Yeah, but you did the exact same thing when I was about to become the Bride of Frankenstein. So come here." Xander did so. "This is for cheating on me with Willow last year." She slapped him in the face hard enough to make his teeth rattle.

While Harris was still disoriented from the shock and pain, Miss Chase said, "And this is for being there for me when I needed you," as she grabbed him by the lapels and passionately kissed Xander like he'd never been kissed before.

At a conscious level, the young man had no idea what to do. But at an instinctive one, his body certainly knew how to respond. Suddenly the kiss ended as Cordelia pushed him away. "Wha-?" Xander managed to splutter out.

"Let's get something straight right now. We're not going to pretend the past never happened, or get back together just like that," Cordelia told him firmly. "There is no 'us', at least not yet. But I'll tell you what though, if you keep up the good behaviour maybe one day I might change my mind. Showering me with lots of gifts wouldn't hurt either."

"Are you still-"

"No. No blaming anything on the beer, because it's not that. It's got nothing to do with Solitaire's memories either, because at long last, I'm completely me again. And I meant every word I just said," Cordy finished up, having decided to repress those spell-induced memories from now on.

Xander could not help but smile at hearing her words. ( Well, I guess that's something I can live with. And maybe I was right, maybe forgiveness is possible... )

TBC...