I was gonna wait 'til I had more reviews to update… but SPRING BREAK is underway! WOO-HOO! So if you didn't review the last chapter, please go back and do so. :P And remember, I love all reviews, even if they're negative. So THANKS for reviewing…
Akio the Dragon Master gave me the idea for how to get Ryou out of the Shadow Realm. …And I used it. Thanks Akiochan!
Iiiiiiiiiit is CHAPTER 23!! (crowd cheers like their favorite baseball team hit a home run) Wooooo!
Bakura's P.O.V.
Jim Bob, a sad day it is that has come, because… besides the fact that Strings ate all the friggin' pancakes, (which you're probably sick of hearing about, and so I'll let it go,) I… I have to ask Ishizu for help.
Not a lot of help, mind you; I am a tomb robber, after all. I'm very independent. I just need to ask her to use her Millennium Necklace/Tauk to see into the future, to tell me if I manage to get Ryou back or not. If I do, then I'll make her tell me how I did it, and then do it that way. …But if the future me didn't go to see Ishizu, how did he know what to do? It almost makes my brain hurt, but I'm a tomb robber, so I can handle it.
You might notice I'm not using a multitude of explanation points. This is because, when I ran out of food this morning, I ate Ritalin for breakfast. After all, what are pills if not just a different kind of candy.
…Hey, there's Yugi. I forgot his house was on the way to the museum. …Wait, no it isn't. o.O I'm going the wrong way!
"O.o;;;;;; BAKURA?"
"What?!" I snap.
Why is Yugi looking at me like I'm a giraffe and I'm wearing a clown suit?? …Oh hey, I'm a giraffe and I'm wearing a clown suit. Wait, no I'm not, I'm just HOLDING a picture of a giraffe wearing a clown suit. How'd that get there?! Hey, Malik's here.
"Yugi!!" Yami comes running outside, cradling my… my stuffed moose! "Tell me that this isn't true!"
Yugi sweat drops. "It isn't true, Yami," he says.
"Oh. Okay." Immediately the Pharaoh is all sunshine and smiles again. Idiot. How the heck did he ever beat me? I seriously don't know.
"It was Malik," Yugi continues.
"Aw, dang it, Yugi!" Malik jumps out from behind a bush. "I wanted to see him cry!"
"I am the Pharaoh," says… the Pharaoh, in a snooty tone. "I never cry."
"What does your shirt say, Bakura?" Yugi asks as the Pharaoh went back into the house.
"OI! PHARAOH! DON'T IGNORE ME!" Malik and I shout at the same time. Weird. But the Pharaoh ignores us anyway. Schmuck.
"…" 'says' Strings. Did I mention he was here? Well, he is.
"My shirt says I am a… well, you can read, can't you?" I smirk and flounce my hair. 'Cuz that's a snobby thing to do.
"Um, Bakura, that doesn't say I am a bad, uh, butt… it says I have a bad… butt," Yugi says uncomfortably.
……………………..Oh. Well that's lame.
"And your shirt is PINK!" Malik does a poor job of stifling his laughter.
"HEY! FEW PEOPLE CAN PULL THIS OFF MISTER!" I yell back.
"Pffft," says the Pharaoh. "I could pull it off. I could pull of anything."
"What if you dressed up as a giraffe wearing a clown suit?" I suggest. He gives me an odd look.
"What made you think of that?" the Pharaoh asks curiously.
"Hey! A mime!" Yugi says in awe. "Awesome!"
"Strings?" Malik gives Strings an odd look. "What are you wearing?"
"I didn't know there were mimes like that," Yugi mutters, all his previous awe already washed away by waves of confusion. (Ooh, that sounds good, huh Jim Bob.)
"Are you two hanging out together in your dumb clothes?" Malik's teasing ME now! Gotta escape…
"Hey look! …SLIFER THE SKY DRAGON!"
"Where?!" Malik and Yugi turn around. I take off running, Strings right behind me.
Idiots.
"…" Strings 'says.' I bet he's insulting them too right now.
:Later:
I'm at Ishizu's home now. Actually, I'm at the museum. She lives in there. Literally. I would think that I—um, that a girl would get scared staying in the same place as all those wax dummies in the 'historical resurrection' department… but apparently she doesn't. Then again, she can just sic her two brothers on the wax figures if they look at her funny. Or seem to be.
The place sure has changed a lot. It used to be a friendly-looking museum back when I was swindling Rex, but that was the front of the museum. From the back it looks like a haunted manse. Creepy organ music is being played and lightning is forking across the gray skyline. Meh. Why is there organ music? Is Davy Jones having a recital nearby? (PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN REFERENCE! Wooooooooo!)
I turn around, wondering if I should grow a beard out of tentacles. "Stay here," I tell Strings. He's gaping at the place. I guess he doesn't want to come anyway. Maybe mimes are allergic to museusm? (If those are the kind of thoughts I'm having, then maybe the Ritalin isn't working… Hey, I spelled museusm wrong… I just did it again… Why don't I just buy a pencil? Then again… this pen and I have been through so much together… Not really. I'll buy a new one soon. I can't get too attached. I can't name it. You know you're crazy when you name your inanimate objects and treat them as friends, Jim Bob.)
I walk up the ridiculously long gravel pathway to the eerie doors. The doorknockers are in the shape of lions' mouths. Sheez. Who decorated here, Dracula? Snort… he he… that was funny…
Okay, so I just narrated my snort. SHUT UP! Jim Bob, you're so insensitive. You're like a bad guy. Which is relevant, because I'm about to use some complicated plan to catch the bad guy, like on Scooby Doo. Oh wait… no I'm not. But I am about to use a complicated maneuver to break inside this museum. Hold on.
…
That plan worked perfectly. :)
In 3rd person…
"Odion, somebody rung the doorbell! Go see who it is!!" Odion, grumbling in response to his sister's demand and in response to the fact that she had conjugated the verb 'ring' wrong, went to the front of the museum. Only to realize that the museum didn't HAVE a doorbell.
Bakura had somehow pushed it anyway. He must be a genius.
Back to 1st person…
Odion answers the door. "Hello?" he says in a deep voice. I yawn. …What? I couldn't hold it in. I mean, Odion is just so… boring. He doesn't have a Millennium Item; he only dueled once in the whole show (show? What show? I don't know what I'm talking about); AND he doesn't have badbutt hair. (If he does, it's not on his head. Maybe it's on his back.) So he's a boring loser.
But he looks even more like a loser today… he's got a bit of lettuce stuck in his teeth, and his pants have practically been decimated by something—there are scratches all over his legs. And, on his head, he has a giant lump.
"You look gr8," I say sarcastically. "Ready for our d8?" Hah, that'll confuse him. And yes, Jim Bob, due to my l33t prowess, it is possible for me actually say things with the number 8! Fear my l33t prowess.
Odion looks at me, confused. "What?" He does not understand. He is not l33t.
"I need to speak with Ishizu," I tell him. "…Why do you have a third nose on your head?" Maybe he can hear people's thoughts with it, like that lady with the third ear in the Wayside books that Ryou used to like.
"What?" Odion touches his bump. "Does it look like a nose? …I only have one nose, Bakura. So if this were a nose, it'd only be my second."
I'll show him. "I heard that your hemorrhoid looks like a nose, too," I say. "Malik told me that he'd seen some pictures once, and…"
Odion's tan skin is now the nicest pale shade of snow. :) Although… I just made the thing about his hemorrhoid up… I didn't think he had one. O.O But he does! That's gross!
…
O.O EW! That really is very very gross!
Odion isn't white anymore; now he's red. This has nothing to do with his ethnicity, obviously; he's blushing very hard.
"M-M-M-Master Malik is in his room," Odion claims. He smells… of salad. He has salad breath.
"That's not who I want to see," I say patiently. "I want to see Ishizu."
"…Down the hall and to your right," he stammers, before he turns and rushes off, embarrassed. …Ew. Just ew. No, more than ew. Ew ew ew ew ewe, like the sheep, ew ew ew. Ew. That's enough ews. …Ew.
So I walk down the hall, Jim Bob, thinking about ewes and whether they have hemorrhoids. (This doesn't bode well for the Ritalin…) On the way, I pass by Malik's room, which has light green walls and, right now, evil shadows and the sounds of a chainsaw. I wonder if I should pop in for a visit on my way out? Malik's laughing really hysterically, though… he must be watching a funny soap opera.
So, I turn into what appears to be Ishizu's living ro—O.O Oh my Ra.
"Ryou?!!?!?!?!?!?!"
Ryou pulls away from a—a KISS!—with Ishizu and stares at me. "…Oh. Hi Bakura! I was wondering when you were going to sense my presence and come get me," he says, offering a shy smile.
"Your PRESENCE?! What do you think this is? Dragonball Z?" I answer in what even I will admit is an astoundingly squeaky voice. Ryou shrugs. "HOW DID YOU GET OUT OF THE SHADOW REALM!?"
Ryou gives me a big grin. "I believed in the heart of the cards," he says goofily.
"…WHAT?!?!!? That answer is inacceptable!"
"You mean unacceptable."
"HOW THE HECK ARE YOU HERE TALKING TO ME!?" I shriek.
Ishizu raises her hand as if we're in Kindergarten. "Yes, you over there!" I say, pointing at her. Soon I'm going to chibify Ryou, so I better start acting like somebody's in Kindergarten.
"Ryou used the power of the Millennium Ring to come back," she said.
"You're not allowed to do that!" I snapped. Here's his response:
"But I'm your vessel! I deserve it!"
I glare at him. "RYOU! The Millennium Ring is a privilege, not a right!" I say. His mouth opens into a round 'o'.
His face reddens, and he looks at his shoes. Dunno why; they're boring. Although they've got those cool silver check mark things…
"Bakura, I didn't know you felt that way… I'll try to be—" I cut him off with, "And it's not a privilege you're ever going to get!"
"Huh?" Ryou looks at me, and… crud. He starts blubbering. He puts his head on Ishizu's shoulders. "Oh, Bakura, I didn't know you felt that way, either. But I I I…"
"No."
"WAH!" Ryou is right-out sobbing now. "I th-thought that, e-ventuall-LY," he sniffles, "you would come to t-t-t-trust me… enough so that maybe you'd share the Millennium R-R-Ring, just a little—"
His lips tremble, and he's getting tears all over the couch he's reclining on with his apparent girlfriend. Ishizu gives him a comforting h-h-h-hug. She shouldn't be shouldering that pansy. Or making out with him. o.O (Is that how you use the word shouldering? Shoulders… shoulder pads… football players! Yugi. Eesh.)
"NO. Now get off your girlfriend's lap, we're GOING HOME."
Ishizu blushes, and Ryou obediently gets off of her lap and follows me.
"Be careful on the way out," she calls. "The ceiling's been collapsing lately. It already hit Odion. Oh, and Ryou," she says sweetly, "could you feed Maybelline on the way out?"
"Sure thing," Ryou says. As soon as we exit in the hall, he thanks me, even shaking my hand.
"SALAD!" he complains. "Salad with croutons, salad with mayonnaise, and even salads with catsup! It's all she, or anyone in this family, eats! I mean, geez, eat a chocolate bar or something! Eat anything other than salad! She had such salad breath!" Ryou wraps up his lament with a sigh.
"…Ooookay then," I say. "Don't make out with people who eat salad, then." Weird. Just then, a piece of the ceiling falls down. I jump back and accidentally knock my yadonushi out of the way.
And then, jumping OUT of the ceiling, is a white cat, yowling like her tail was aflame with the flames of Heck itself.
"Oh, there's Maybelline," Ryou says sweetly. "I'm supposed to feed her."
"WHO?"
"The cat from Chapter 2," Ryou says bluntly.
"What do you mean, 'chapter'?" I demand. Ryou shakes his head at me. He's PITYING me! DARN HIM! NO ONE PITIES THE MIGHTY BAKURA!! (This is where the hellflame spouts up in the background.) Meanwhile, Maybelline attacks Ryou's legs, leaving little lines all over his lithe legs. Yes, stupid cat! ATTACK THE MORTAL!
…Was I talking out loud again?
…NO! LEAVE ME ALONE, YOU DUMB ANIMAL! ARRGH!
Why did I narrate that last "arrgh"? What's Ryou going to cook for dinner? Why does Ricky Bobby wanna go fast!?! WHAT IS THE CIRCUMFERENCE OF A CELL PHONE!? And am I bleeding again?
I feel woozy…
Either you'll have to do the math yourself, or you'll have to review to find out what the circumference of a cell phone is! Remember! I even appreciate flames! Not everybody likes how I write, so tell me if you dooon't…