Last time, in TPCOS:
"…BLOW UP THE SEWERS AND HAVE PARASITES RAIN FROM THE SKY!!"
And now:
Chapter 28: "Tragic."
Well, Jim Bob, you know it's just a regular day when an explosive blows up the sewers and makes parasites rain from the sky. It must've been an explosive, the Pharaoh can't do tricks like that. Or maybe this is Explosions-and-Parasites Town. Like Chinatown, except definitely not like Chinatown. …Hey, there are weirder sections in Domino City. Like Mothballtown. …Ok, Jim Bob, you may be right: maybe this is a little weirder. I don't know why the cinema is in this part of Domino, but I DO know that if Malik and I don't hurry, we won't have time to stand in line for popcorn. Unfortunately, he passed out in fright when a parasite clipped his ear. How tragic. It's going to be hard to haul his unconscious body down the street, limp, AND write this, so I'm gonna go for now.
LATER!
It is now later. D-uh. I had to drag Malik's sorry butt through the ticklet line AND through the—wait, ticklet line? Bad misspelling, gah… Although that does sound kind of funny… maybe a ticklet line would be a line where you wait to be tickled. Or… something. I dunno. Anyway, I had to drag Malik's sorry butt through the TICKET line AND through the line to get popcorn and refreshments. What a pain in the butt. But guess who paid for it all, since Malik's sleeping?
NOT ME! H-ha ha HA HA COFF COFF… ahem… I used Malik's money.
:) So after "borrowing" some money from my "friend" Malik (you can maybe sense the sarcasm, Jim Bob?) I dragged his unconscious self to the water fountain, where he woke up SECONDS before I was about to rain on his parade, as in spray him with water fountain water from the water fountain. (Where else would water fountain water come from?)
He was not pleased.
"WHAT DID YOU TO ME??" he shrieked right in my ear (which was almost as annoying as the Pharaoh's leg hairs rustling in the wind). (…Ew, ew, I can imagine that.) APPARENTLY when I dragged Malik around with me, he got multiple cuts and bruises on his legs and kneecaps, and a dog bit him when I wasn't looking. Tragic.
But he got over it, (I bought him a slushie,) and now we're making our way towards theatre ex-aye-aye, or '12,' to go see Fake Movie Title 3. The first two were pretty good.
"Are you going to take that stupid notebook in the theatre with you?" Malik snaps. I sniff indignantly.
Of course, I'm taking you with me, Jim Bob—you have to observe my sKiLLz. Because I've GOT sKiLLz.
"What skills?" Malik asks naively. So unaware of my sKiLLz. I'm about to snap you shut on Malik's nose, Jim Bob, as punishment for his naïvete. …What? A red squiggle should be underneath the word "naivete"? But I was so sure that was a word… No matter.
"OW!"
Hehehe, that was a bundle of funness. No? That's not a word either? Oh well.
"Geez!" Malik is pinching his nose shut. "You wacko."
"No, your mom goes to college!" I shout back. SKiLLz, Jim Bob, sKiLLz.
"That HURT!" Malik yells. He lunges for me but trips over an untied shoelace—not HIS, but one lying abandoned on the sticky floor.
"Oomph!" He hits his chin on the aforementioned sticky floor. Tragic.
Later!
I'm bringing sexy back (YEAH!)/Them other… Oh, the movie's starting. This is not the time to be singing to myself. (I am pretty sure that that song is about me, Jim Bob.)
"This summer…" Oh, it's just the previews. "Two girls… insanity… multiple plot lines and angry rodents… and… shrimp raining from the sky…"
o.O One of the guys in the previews looks like Yugi.
"For people who like random things… Sour Schuyler presents… from Fanfiction Theaters… 'Playing House'. Online now."
Sounds dumb.
"Review and you may get a cookie."
O.o Well I DO like cookies…
MORE PREVIEWS! They suck and/or are boring. I will save your pages for more interesting things, Jim Bob.
Later!
The movie is starting. The protagonist is standing on a hill, surrounded by ninja(s). His name, he explains in a voiceover, is Bill.
"My name is Bill," he says. "I am a secret agent for federalist John Adams during World War III. I am delivering a top secret disk to a horse in Russia containing important information about the eating habits of the extinct Thracian culture. And right now, I'm surrounded by whatever the plural of ninja is."
…Awesome.
LATER:
"I think Jennifer Love Hewitt did a good job playing Rapunzel's reincarnation," Malik says, sitting across from me at the table in a fast food place we're eating at. We're the only ones here, besides the pimply-faced boy behind the counter, so we have decided that we're going to tell everyone we broke in, since we DID break in when the boy was closing up shop, and then we forced him to serve us.
"It was kind of weird when t.A.T.u. took over all of Asia, though," I say. "And Bill didn't blow up any shopping malls like in the first two movies. This one was kind of disappointing."
"What are you talking about?" Malik argues. "Slipknot was in this movie. SLIPKNOT!"
"…Not actually in it… One of their songs played during the ending credits," I point out, but Malik isn't listening. He's got this 'Zomg Slipknot!!!!!!1! (foaming at mouth)' look on his face that's rather tragic.
"Sigh," I sigh. "I'm boooored."
"Surrender all your chicken nuggets unto me!" says an unknown voice. Malik and I look up.
"Who the hell are you?" Malik asks, ticked off because his 'Zomg Slipknot!!!!!!1! (foaming at mouth)' was ruined.
"It doesn't matter," says the boy smoothly. He looks about like he's in middle school, and he has gray, but regal and somehow normal looking hair. "You have to give all your chicken nuggets to me, for I have never had any before. Naa, Kabaji?"
The middle schooler snaps his fingers, and this big guy appears and agrees with him monosyllabically.
"Be awed by the sight of my prowess!" the first middle schooler says. "Now hand over your nuggets."
I blink. Malik blinks. I blink again in order to outblink him. Then:
"What's a chicken nugget?" we both cry at the same time. We stare at each other.
"You copied me," I accuse.
"YOU copied ME!" the tomb keeper yells in recrimination.
"You don't know what a chicken nugget is?" the boy asks, confused. "Hey, do you know who I am?"
"No, but we don't care," Malik and I answer at the same time. Eerie.
The boy celars—I mean clears his throat anyway. Let me clear my throat! Da nun na nun nun! Ryou thinks. Ryou is strange. It's an old school song, Bakura, it's old school. Whatever Freakazoid.
"I'm the captain of Hyotei Gakuen's tennis team, Ato—"
"You're a middle schooler," I bark.
"Yeah! Middle schooler, middle schooler," Malik chides.
"Get lost!" I add gruffly.
"Get lost, get lost!" Malik chants. I grab some of the weird meat things that came with my fries of France and fling them at this snobby, oddly gray-haired junior high kid.
The rich bitch screams like a girly-girl. "Carry me, Kabaji!" He snaps his fingers and the big guy grunts, then carries him out of the restaurant.
…That was kind of weird. Why do I always meet the weirdest characters? They're almost as bad as anime characters. Man, those shows are messed up.
"…We just wasted our meat pellets on him," Malik points out. Dang.
"Well then, let's go to Real Scary Things 'R' Us," I suggest wisely. "They probably have some stuff we can steal."
"…How would that help our hunger?" Malik inquired. Ooh, 'inquired', that word must make me sound FANCY:)
"…Well, we can use the scary things to scare those guys," I explicate. Another fancy word!
"…I don't feel like it."
Pouting, I slump in my seat. And so a cool subplot in the story of my life ends before it even got a chance to begin. Tragic.
"Oh, fine," I say to the wet blanket. "…Malik, you're sitting on a soggy blanket."
"No, that's a greasy napkin."
"Oh. …You're sitting on a greasy napkin?"
"It's stuck to the seat of my overly-tight pants."
"Wow," I say. "Tragic."
Review and you get a cookie. If you caught the Prince of Tennis reference, you get two!