Ato-be! Ato-be! Ato— (Atobe snaps) That means it's time to be quiet… because we're about to peek into the mind of Bakura! Oooh…

Chapter 29: Lurid Blossom, Again

Here I am, Jim Bob, curled up in my bed and writing about what happened today. So much has happened since Malik whined that he didn't want to chase after those junior high kids. But maybe it's a good thing that we didn't go to Scary Things 'R' Us. Because when we were walking out of the MacDoughy Foods fast food restaurant after finishing our feast of fries of France, I saw… HER.

Yes, that's right. That GIRL. My lurid blossom. –Ryou, stop laughing at me, I can call her what I want.

Bakura has a cru-ush… Bakura has a cru-ush…

SHUT UP DAMN YOU! …A-hem. Anyway, I knew it was her because she had that kid next to her. And I knew it was that kid because he said "Hey, can we go buy Magic Cards?"

And then she said "No, we have to go buy a lawn mower."

Ah, so they're shopping, I thought, how sinister. ...I mean, if they were shopping for an evil lawn mower. I, uh, I… I'm not real sure where I was going with this. I'm still cool, though.

"Why are mom and dad making us go buy a lawn mower for them, anyway? Shouldn't they do something important like that?"

"Colton…" SHE said frustratedly. And then Colton said it—he said her name!

"But Megan, I can just run into that shop and grab some Magic Cards. The line isn't really that long…"

"The line is longer than those lines where you wait to sit on Santa's lap!" Megan snaps.

O.O So her name is Megan! So Strings was right! And now I know her name for sure, is what I thought. And then I smiled gleefully. Once again I felt the urge to abandon my plans of chibifyi—I mean of attacking those middle schoolers to go buy her a cookie!

What about chibis?

Nothing, Ryou.

No, really, what about—

Jiffy, I said. Next time I see those middle schoolers, I'll take care of them in a jiffy.

Oh.

"Bakura, why are you smiling like that? It's really creeping me out," Malik said to me, unappreciative of my Gleeful Smile and unaware of Megan. Instead of looking her address up in the book of Phone, which I'm not even sure has addresses, I decided to follow her to her house instead. That's perfectly normal.

"I have to go," I said suddenly. Then I bounded off, the pain in my legs forgotten, ditching Malik near the third-rate McDonalds. He'll forgive me. After all, he did steal my moose, so he owes me.

I rushed over to where Megan and Colton are standing, but remained careful not to be seen. Then I stealthily followed them as they make their way towards Lawn Mowers 'R' Us. Unlike the last few times I've written this, this time I am 200 percent sure that I wasn't seen tailing them, and even Ryou said I did a good job stalking them… which makes me feel kind of happy. n.n Although his opinion certainly doesn't matter.

You're a bugger.

Yeah, well you're too British… or sumthin'. Anyway, so I followed Megan and Colton through the great sliding door of Lawn Mowers 'R' Us. And inside, lo and behold! Dozens of brand new models of lawn mowers formed row after sparkling row.

"Which kind are we supposed to get?" Colton asked. Megan consulted a sheet of paper she'd retrieved from her pocket. They stopped in front of a box with a picture of a sinister looking machine on it. The letters GR are on the front of the box, and the rest of the name trails across the side of the box.

"…The 'Grassacre,'" she said, then wrinkled her nose. "Is that supposed to be a play on the word 'massacre?'"

"Yes! Also a reference to a twilight zone episode. You know, where the guy can hear plants screaming and hears all the bits of grass dying?" said a redheaded salesmen who stepped up to them. He had a green-and-pink checkered shirt and a conniving face. I could've sworn I'd seen him from a cartoon before… but the mighty Bakura doesn't watch cartoons, so it must've been a mistake.

I watch cartoons. n.n

Shut up Ryou. Nobody likes you.

Liar. n.n My mummy loves me.

…That was lame… So anyway, I watched as the salesmen tried to sell them the Grassacre. (Which does sound like an evil lawn mower, so I was right. So there. Myeh. That is the sound of me sticking my tongue out at my invisible adversaries, Jim Bob. …I'm not crazy.) Megan, obviously put off by the way the salesmen was using lots of double negatives ("And you won't not be not loving your lawn mower before you know it"), told him that they were going to look around. And so they did. And then this Colton kid found a gumball machine, and decided to go get some gumballs. 'Cause that's what those machines are for. I mean, c'mon. It's a gumball machine. It's for gumballs. Like a phone booth is for using the phone (or entering the Ministry of Magic), or a suicide booth is for… Oh! At that time Megan walked into the aisle I was hiding in.

So there was Megan. I needed to say something to her. So, I stepped out into plain view in the aisle and held you out in front of me, Jim Bob. I figured she would understand what I was about if she met me holding a light blue pocket spiral with googley eyes.

"U-Um, h-hi… My name is Bakura. What's yours?" I asked politely, just like I did that one time in the car when Ryou and I simulated a conversation (and then he laughed at me! Grrr). I opened my eyes.

She was already gone! Dang! And I'd been… polite! In broad artificial storelight! GAH! Ryou was laughing his british bum off at me. It wasn't great. And where did she go, you wonder, Jim Bob?

"I'm trying to get a green one," her brother told her. She was over by the gumball machine now.

"That's nice," she said, in a way that indicated she really didn't care. "But hurry. We still have to go and get my summer reading materials, and then we have to find a way to carry that insanely large lawn mower home."

The gumball went through a long series of winding turns and spins before it reached the final compartment. This Colton kid reached in and took it.

"…It broke in two," he exclaimed lamely. "Megan, do you want a piece?"

"…What did you do to it?" she asked suspiciously.

"When would I have had a chance to poison it?" he complained.

"Aha! So you poisoned it!" she accused.

"I didn't poison it!" he argued.

"Sure," she said. "Let's just go buy the lawn mower."

"…Okay."

So they headed over to the register, where a very perky lady told them that the Grassacre cost a zillion Monopoly bucks… which, oddly enough, Megan started pulling out of her jean pockets.

Ask her if she needs help carrying it home, Ryou's voice whispered in my ear.

"Hey!!" I said loudly. Megan, Colton, and the cashier lady turned to me. "Um… do you need help carrying that?" I asked, pointing at the bulky lawn mower.

"No, they've got it," the lady said before Megan could even reply. She took out a wand and shrunk the large box.

o.o Oh my gosh! BAKURA, RUN! SHE'S A WITCH!

"O.O Colton, let's leave." Megan was apparently thinking the same thing.

"But you have to finish paying your first installment!" the witch said, smiling sickly.

Megan gave her more Monopoly money, and she and her brother edged out of the store as quickly as they could.

Quickly the girl snapped at her brother to carry the large box encasing the lawn mower by himself. You couldn't even see the boy's head then, it was hidden behind the box. Hehe.

Later…

Well, later I was in Megan's neighborhood. So now I know where she lives, right down to the house number. Creepy? Yes. It's what I do.

Anyway, I turn around to leave…

"SPROK!!!"

There is an ENORMOUS woman running at me. She makes Madame Maxine look… well, ok, she's about the same size. I bet she eats a lot of donuts. Donuts the size of tires, that is.

"SPROK!!!!" she screams again, waving her arms spastically. She dives into the bushes next to me. She squats there, quivering in fear, her hands (large as dish plates) clamped over her head. Her back is like, protruding five feet from the top of the bush. This lady's big.

…Oh, man, I forgot all about what she was running from. I love sproks. I gotta go see! I turn around again andsmack into Yugi.

"Hi!" Yugi chirps. "Do you like my teal turtleneck sweater?"

"…Sure," I say. It just doesn't look good with his hair. And it's too hot for turtlenecks.

Yugi grins. "Did I ever tell you that Yami came up with the perfect football play ever?"

Yami? Football? This kid's off his rocker.

"Oh yeah?" I try to say casually. "What is it? Does he play with his leg hairs?"

"…Everybody on the team has to get naked."

x.X "Why." That's not even really a question. And haven't we MADE this reference before? Like, just earlier today? But, coming from Yugi…

The mental images are burning me, my host complains in his ghostly voice. I agree.

"How are they going to tackle you with no pants on?" Yugi adds happily, apparently thinking that my cringe means that I don't understand.

Yami didn't come up with that… that's in a rap song, Ryou tells me disapprovingly.

I glare at Yugi. "I hate to break it to you, hobbit, but that's from a song. Your other half stole it, 'cause he's got no originality. He didn't even get it from the song; he got it third hand when the policemen told him it today. He was being chased by the cops, by the way," I add, and Yugi starts to snivel. "No originality at all… Not like me. I think up great names for everything, and great strategies. And obviously the best strategy in football is to stab all of the opposing players so that it's easier to win."

Both strategies are, um, illegal…But I still like yours better, Bakura.

Whatever, Ryou. (I am original, though, Jim Bob. Remember the name I came up with for my plot against the Pharaoh? The 'Pharaoh's Power Chasers'? It doesn't get more original than that.)

"So… wait." The future football player has tears in his eyes. "Yami didn't come up with that?"

"No…" I murmur. Come to think of it, if Yugi had become a football player, would he have tried that strategy? Amon-Ra…

"It's okay," Yugi chirps in reply to my apparently out-loud thinking. "There would always be some kind of leaf, or something, to block things like that out. There always is."

"Life isn't a cartoon!" I snap.

Oh crap!! The sprok!!!

"COME BACK, SPROK!!" I scream, shoving Yugi out of the way.

"Wait, Yami was being chased by the police?" Yugi squeaks from behind me, as I rush off.

I ran through the moonlit streets after the sprok. Oh man, sproks are awesome, Jim Bob, you have just no idea. Unfortunately, however many sproks there were, they had all disappeared by the time I got there. So I went home, snuck into Mr. Dee's (our neighbor's) house, stole his aerobics tapes, and did some F.E.A.R. (Ferociously Evil Aerobics Rituals, if you remember from chapters long ago, possibly immemorial). Then I went to sleep, curled up with my secret beanie baby collection that I stole from various small children. I dreamed of hot dogs with pickle relish. Delish.

References made… Well, I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh, McDonalds, the fast-talking salesmen, Madame Maxine, or the song "Ballz" by Eminem and D12. I do own some stuff… like "F.E.A.R." "Sprok" and the (lack of) plot.

Oh! And REVIEW! … (Goes back to chanting) Ato-be! Ato-be! Ato-be! …Don't ask…