Title: Deep water

Rating: T

Genre: Het

Category: Angst

Characters: Paula Cassidy, Tim McGee

Pairing: Paula/Tim

Prompt: Water

Disclaimer: I don't own it

Spoiler: Yes, for Grace Period

Warning: Very angsty

Author's notes: My first story for the Weekly Writing Game set by Cassy

Deep Water

The wind hit against her face, it was a mild breeze, carrying with it the promise of a warm spring. Though she found no joy in the thought, she couldn't care less, because she could no longer feel the wind caress her skin the way it used to. She no longer appreciated the mildness in the surrounding air. Not when her heart and body were so frozen. She'd lost her team. And it had been her fault. Paula Cassidy tightened her grip around the rail of the bridge she was standing on; her eyes were glazed over as she looked out over the still river below her. The water glistened in the sunlight, though she could no longer see the beauty in it, like she once had. She didn't notice the glittering and the shadows cast by the foliage above her, reflecting over the water.

The water was dark, and as she stared into it, Jim Nelson's face appeared under the surface. She took in a sharp breath, it cut through her lungs. She'd never though it'd be so painful to be alive. She stared at his calm smile, but it didn't bring her peace, it didn't make anything easier. Rick Hall's face appeared next to Jim's. Staring up at her. She had to look away, couldn't stand their smiles, trying to assure her it hadn't been her fault. She knew it had been. She knew she should have gone in with them. "Then you'd be dead too," Gibbs voice echoed through her mind. Paula figured it would have been easier if she had died with them, this guilt, this pain, was too great for her.

When she turned her gaze back down to the water, where Jim's and Rick's faces had been just moments ago, she found herself staring into the deep, dark water. Staring at her own reflection. Suddenly, another reflection showed up next to her. Her head shot up the second she realized she was not alone.

"What are you doing here?" she asked Tim McGee sharply. Even as she knew he and Jim Nelson had been close friends, she was certain he would not make her grief any easier. He should blame her. He shouldn't even want to stand here, on the very same bridge as her.

"Gibbs sent me out to get you. It's time to go to the memorial, Paula," he spoke in a soft voice, his hand resting so lightly on the rail.

"Yeah, thanks. Tell him I'll be right there," she mumbled, almost regretting the tone in which she had spoken to him before. She expected him to go. To leave her alone to gather up her strength. But he didn't. Instead he moved up besides her, leaning his forearms against the rail and stared out over the deep water. There was something in his eyes that told her he was grieving just as much as she did, but he didn't seem to blame her for the loss.

"I'm sorry, Tim. I know you and Jim were friends and…" she felt she should be apologizing. She needed to say something, even if it just was to get a response from him reassuring her he didn't blame her, that it was not her fault. She wanted to blame herself, and at the same time, she wanted to be reassured she wasn't.

"I'm sorry too," he just said, not looking at her, but had lowered his gaze down at the water. "They were your team members. Can't imagine what it feels like to lose your team. They're like a family,"

"You wouldn't want to know what it feels like either," she buried her face in her hands, breathing slowly, trying to pace herself.

"You're right, I wouldn't," he replied, she withdrew her hands as she felt his breath on them. She found herself looking up into the face of Timothy McGee. He stared into her sad eyes; he realized just how much she'd changed. She looked older; she looked like she was being suffocated by the heavy burden of her losses. Tim pulled her into a tight hug, resting his hand gently at the back of her head, holding her close to himself. He felt her chest rise and fall with every heavy breath she took, her face buried into his neck. He just held her, and felt her tears wet his neck.

"It was supposed to be our team," he suddenly said, remembering what Gibbs had told him. Paula stayed quite for a while, then she whispered, "You can't say that,"

He could easily tell she didn't understand just what he meant, "No, Paula. We were supposed to have the weekend duty your team took," it hurt him to say this, but she should hear the truth. She should know she was not the one to blame for this.

The meaning of what he'd told her slowly began to sink in; she pulled away from him, turned around to stare out the water. "It doesn't change anything," she said, "It still would have resulted it death,"

Tim didn't say anything; there was nothing to say to this. She was right about that. It was still all about losses, grief. This had been a few very dark days at NCIS. He glanced down, finding her hand in his.

"I miss them, Tim," she whispered. Tim stroked the back of her hand with his thumb, feeling his throat contract and the tears burn in his eyes.

"Me too, Paula, me too," he met her gaze, her eyes where the tears glistened like diamonds in the sunlight. She leaned closer to him; he could feel her chest press against his, her hand slip around his waist, her lips gently grazing up against his. He captured her lips, kissing her softly. He slipped his hand up behind her neck, holding her gently as she kissed him back. It was small comfort, but at least she knew she wasn't alone.

When he pulled away, she almost wished he hadn't. She needed the reassurance, she needed him.

"I have to take you back to NCIS, you have to go to the memorial," he told her, much as he'd rather stay here with her on the bridge above the deep water. He had to take her back, had to take responsibility.

"Okay then," she sighed, but managed to send him a small smile. He was glad to see her lips curl up in a smile, a sad one, but nevertheless she was smiling, if only for a brief second. He caressed her cheek gently before slipping his hand into hers.

"Let's go," he whispered. Taking one last glance into the water, she reluctantly followed him. After having walked a few yards away from the bridge, she turned her head to glance back toward the bridge. She came to a halt. She could see Rick Hall and Jim Nelson stand there, on the exact spot where she and Tim had kissed. They smiled at her, and Jim nodded encouragingly. She glanced up at Tim, who was staring in the same direction. He could see Jim, and it warmed him to seethe smile upon his friend's face. He bent down to leave a soft kiss on Paula's lips. He wrapped an arm around her shoulders as they walked away with not as much weight on their hearts anymore. They walked toward their destiny, which sadly enough, would come sooner than any of them expected…

The End