Moving On

I may have lost him, and us, but I refuse to lose me.

Work would have to wait. It was just another day that she didn't want to go. She wanted to have the desire she used to have; wanted things to be back to normal…but they weren't yet. The owl sitting on her windowsill told her that they had now realized she wasn't there. It had taken long enough; it was nearly noon. She had been sitting wrapped up in a blanket listening to the sounds of dust floating in the sunlight for hours. She wished it would rain. She felt like it shouldn't be sunny when she was feeling so inconsequential, as if it would be better to have the whole world be miserable with her.

Fall was moving on and September had slowly shifted into October. Her birthday had passed, another year gone. Four months now. Months that seemed to go by so slowly and yet every time she opened her eyes another one had gone. Had it really been four months? Had they really been a happy couple for four months? Had she really not talked to him in four months? Her calendar said yes.

She opened the fridge to find it mostly empty. She hadn't been eating much, but was slowly regaining her appetite. In fact she'd eaten a huge plate of pasta the night before; it still filled her belly. She put water on to make another pot of coffee, she had started drinking it black last week when she had run out of milk and hadn't felt like going to buy more.

She spoke to Harry on the phone every day. At first all the conversations had been about how she was coping…or not coping as it were, about how Ron could've done such a thing, but lately they were shifting away from that. They would talk about her job, and his Quidditch and things with Harry seemed to be the first things getting back to normal. At least on the phone. He still visited, although they were becoming fewer and further between. Every time she saw him, all she saw was the sympathy in his eyes. He was sad for her, for what she had become. His pity made her want to be sick.

"It's really sad when you make yourself sick." She said quietly to the empty room. She liked it this way. With nobody around she was free to just be. The second that doorbell rang, the fireplace glowed green or she heard that familiar 'pop' of aparating, she knew she would have to pretend to be okay. She was tired of pretending to be okay; she wanted to actually be okay.

Her therapist told her she was grieving; grieving the loss of the relationship and of the image she held of him. She told her therapist to fuck off. It wasn't about him anymore. Ron was not the reason she was stuck in the rut she was, spinning her tires. It was the fact that someone who was supposed to care about her, someone she trusted completely could have the gall to treat her so badly. It was the fact that she had realized that people are not generally good. Her entire belief system had been shattered.

But she continued. She had quickly acquired a job, nothing exciting. Hermione 'Exciting' Granger just didn't have the same ring that it once did. The most exciting thing she did these days was switch from Audrey Hepburn to Danny Kaye. She tried venturing into Wizarding London one or two evenings a week. Unfortunately she rarely got past the last flight of stairs in her building before she decided to turn back.

There were fewer days like this lately, fewer days when she could no longer handle it. It was getting better. At first, when everyone said that it would improve, she promised it wouldn't. She'd yet to tell them they were right.

The ring of her mobile phone brought her out of a blue-sky induced daze and she quickly grabbed the vibrating machine and looked at the display; it read Harry James. She opened the phone and brought it up to her ear, waiting to hear his newest idea to get her out of the house and 'back in the game' as he had started saying.

"What are you doing right now?"

"Sitting on my couch wrapped in a blanket, wallowing in self loathing."

"Good you're not busy." She rolled her eyes and glared at the phone in her hand. "I'm flooing over; I'll be there in a minute." Harry said quickly as he hung up. A moment later, Hermione's fireplace glowed green and out stepped a smiling, albeit sooty, Harry Potter.

"Hermione, what are you doing tonight?" She rolled her eyes and looked down at her dirty fingernails.

"What do I do every night Harry?"

"I'm taking you out." She half snorted and quickly turned it into a cough. He glared at her and sat down next to her on the couch.

"I don't think that's the best idea. You know as well as anyone that leaving my house hasn't been my forte recently. I only floo to the Ministry and back. Hell; if you and Ginny didn't bring me groceries I'd only eat once a day at the cafeteria." He laughed softly and grabbed her shoulder.

"But that's not an excuse anymore. Come on, you need to get out." She thought for a minute. This morning had been so bad she hadn't been able to get out of bed, but now she was starting to feel a little bit better. Maybe it wasn't such a bad idea. It had been awhile since she had gone out and had fun.

"What are the fanciful plans you have for me this evening Mr. Potter?" She said, giving in. It was the least she could do, she justified to herself. Harry had been so helpful throughout the whole ordeal. Besides, he was her best friend.

"I want you to be my date to the Quidditch for Underprivileged Witches and Wizards Gala." She nearly choked on her breathe at this statement. With how she'd been feeling, and not to mention looking recently, there was no way she could go to a Gala.

"I really don't think that's your smartest plan Potter." She said icily. "Why don't you take Gin? Or Luna? I'm sure they'd both be happier to accompany you."

"Ginny and I don't go to events together anymore. You know the press would be all over it. We're still great friends but one of the reasons she broke up with me was the tabloids. And Luna…well…Luna's Luna and unless it was a Gala to save the Dar Backwards Snorkblats…I don't think she'll be too interested."

"Wow. You're really convincing me that you want me to come."

"Come on Hermione! You're my top choice here. Really, you're the first name on my little black parchment." She chuckled.

"Oh Harry, I bet you say that to all the girls." She fake swooned as she laughed to herself. Harry was not particularly amused.

"Oh ha, ha. The wallower has now become the comic." He said bitingly.

"Harry I appreciate the offer, I really do. But I have nothing to wear, and just look at me! I'm a complete disaster."

"All taken care of. Ginny agreed to help you get ready and she even picked out a dress for you." He handed her a brown paper package as he stood up from the couch. I have to get to practice, but tell me you'll come." She held the package in her hands and felt her defenses breaking down. It was one night.

"Okay." She said softly.

"Thank you Hermione. I really appreciate it." He kissed her forehead and started moving towards the fireplace again before her heart stopped.

"Wait a second." She croaked. Her tongue was swollen and her throat was dry. "Is Ron going to be there?" Harry stopped and looked back at her.

"As far as I know he's still at Hogwarts. He was sent an invitation but did not RSVP, so he shouldn't be on the list. And if he is…I say bullocks to the gala and we go to Muggle London." He sent her a winning smile and she couldn't help but smile herself. "I'll see you at 8'oclock." He threw the floo power into the fireplace and stepped carefully inside. "Thank you my dear from the bottom of my heart. Cannon Stadium!" And with that he disappeared. Hermione put her head in her hands and groaned.

After a long shower and an even longer time trying to get her eyebrows under control, Ginny arrived. Ginny and Hermione had become better friends once Harry and Ginny were no longer a couple. Hermione could never really explain it. She liked Ginny and loved Harry; but she had detested them together. Too much nuzzling that made her want to throw up. It's not that she found all displays of affection vomit inducing, but for some reason with Harry and Ginny she couldn't handle it. But once that whole shenanigan was called off, she was better friends than ever with the red-head.

"I can't believe you agreed to go to this farce." Ginny said disapprovingly and she curled Hermione's hair. "You barely get out of the house and he's got you going to an event with all of the big name wizards in the country. Are you imperioused?" Hermione laughed softly and looked up at her friend.

"He's done me so many favours lately. I just felt like I couldn't say no."

"That reminds me. Mum sent me with groceries. She wants to know how you're doing and when you're going to stop by. Her exact words were 'Just because Hermione and Ron are no longer together does not mean that I do not love her like another daughter'. Better you than me, I say. Watch out though. She likes to smother if you let her."

"I'll file that piece of advice for next week when I go visit."

"But really Hermione…" Ginny paused and her voice got a little bit softer. "How are you doing?"

"I'm…fine? Better? Getting there. It's getting easier. I realized I don't miss him. I miss who I thought he was. And there's a big difference."

"Look Hermione. He's my brother and for that reason I have to still love him. But he did a shitty thing to you and he knows it. I think the only reason he's still in that fake relationship with her is to make himself feel better. That's why he hasn't come home. Coming home makes everything all the more real. When he's gone; he doesn't have to feel guilty."

"Gin. You don't have to…"

"But I want to say this." Ginny interrupted quickly. "I honestly believe that you and Ron were never right for each other. Sometimes you hold onto relationships not because they're right but because they're comfortable. And I'm saying this now as Ginny your friend, not as Ginny Ron's sister: I think you can do a lot better." Hermione smiled and grabbed Ginny's hand.

"Thank you." Hermione said quietly. Ginny smiled back and pointed at the mirror.

"There. You're all done. Now go and try to enjoy the terribleness of the evening. You look great. All eyes will be on you." Hermione stood up carefully and looked at the clock mounted on her wall. It was ten to eight and she was ready. All she needed now was some alcohol to settle her butterflies.

"Wine?" She asked Ginny as she walked out of her bedroom, the redhead following close behind.

"No thanks Hermione; I've got a date and I need to get myself ready." The two friends said their goodbyes and Hermione walked Ginny to the door. After Ginny had left Hermione leaned against the closed door and tried to calm her breathing. Just a night out. Nothing more. It's not hard.

The dress Ginny had chosen was beautiful. Hermione would admit it was more her friend's style than her own, but it did look lovely. It was an emerald satin mermaid dress with a sweetheart neckline. It went all the way down to the floor. She had slipped on her most comfortable heels underneath it in order to be able to stand all night. She was just pouring herself a glass of wine when the she heard a knock at the door. She answered it quickly to find Harry in his dress robes. She smiled and let him in.

"On time I see." She said pleasantly.

"Nice dress." He laughed. "I gather Ginny didn't take your style into consideration when she chose it?" Hermione chuckled and handed Harry his own glass of wine.

"Doesn't really matter. I'm not going to look good in all the papers. I'm going because you asked me to."

"And I appreciate that but you need to know that you're going to be on the cover of the Prophet tomorrow…unless something actually interesting happens before now and tomorrow morning." He grabbed her empty glass and set it on the counter. "Come on, I've got a car waiting for us downstairs." Hermione grabbed her clutch and the pair made their way downstairs into the waiting car. As the driver pressed the invisibility button and they started to fly through the night, Hermione couldn't help but wonder what she had gotten herself into.

A/N Obviously mostly not mine. The dress (if you happen to be interested) I imagine like Isla Fischer's at the Oscars. Check it out if you want to see. I continued the story because I really just want her to feel better. Because if Hermione can get through this, we all can. So I hope you enjoyed it, please review, I'd really appreciate it.