Disclaimer: All those fics are belong to Solitary Shadow. Klonoa and Guntz are belong to Namco.
Author's Note: As you could probably tell from the extremely retarded disclaimer, this is one of the most pointless stories I've written. I've lost the creativity wave yet again, and I feel drained. Meh. This story's about drinking. And Twister. And suggestive confusing stuff. Three men are walking with their shoelaces loose. So I'm just kind of... you know... dead.
One story set in my depraved universe nobody cares about.
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"I tell you, this is the only way we'll decide." Klonoa was saying as he unrolled a large mat and set it down. "You won't agree to toss coins or throw a die. We have very little time to decide who gets the last piece of chocolate cake."
"And who's the one who ate it all?" The sarcastic reply came. "Shouldn't it only be fair that I get the last piece?" The cabbit pouted.
"And who's the one too scared to toss a coin?"
"Fate is never on my side anyway. Bastard." The other person stood up from the chair, a hand on his hips, staring down at the mat. "So this is the only way we'll decide, hmm? Rather unorthodox, if you ask me. And childish."
"Tough." Klonoa was taking off his boots and set them down on the floor. "I'm a lot more flexible than you, Guntz. I'll win for sure." Guntz simply smirked and took off his jacket and boots, casting them aside on the floor, and settled himseld into a corner of the mat.
"We'll see about that." He smiled again. "Besides, we might not even have to play this. There is only us two in this house, the inhabitants of Breezegale are busy, and there's nobody here who'll help us just because of a piece of chocolate cake. Face it, Klonoa, there's nobody to work the spinner."
The cabbit was silent for a while, sitting quietly at the side. It seemed like such a good idea at the time, but Guntz had an excellent point there. There was nobody to work the spinner, and without that person nothing could be decided.
"Stay there." Klonoa finally said, and went out to get the communicator.
------
"So you need me to work the spinner?" The voice at the other end of the communicator said. Klonoa said yes.
"You're crazy, do you all know that? I have masses of work to do here. Somebody spilt a bottle of brandy on the important documents, the servants are on strike, and I'm out of chocolate. You have no idea how busy I'm right now, and you ask me to work a Twister spinner so you can get a piece of chocolate cake. Great one."
"So are you going to help or not?" Klonoa asked, sounding bored.
"You're on." the voice replied with a ghastly cheerfulness. "I have a spinner here, and I can spin it quite well. I've had experience. Not all of them are pleasant ones, but still..."
"You have a spinner there?" Guntz asked, shocked. "But I thought the palace had no such things! Games are not allowed there, are they?"
"No complete games are allowed." Came the reply. "There is no mat. I just have the spinner."
"What use is that?"
"Don't ask me that. I don't know." The irritated reply came. "Anyway, leave this on. I'll just get the spinner, alright?"
"Good. We'll talk to you in a sec, Jillius." Klonoa said, grinning. Guntz, although looking unhappy, took the communicator as Klonoa passed it to him, pressed a button and spoke into the communicator again.
"Standby mode on, please confirm."
"Affirmative. Confirmed." Came the reply, and then the line went silent. Klonoa placed the communicator on the floor near the Twister mat, put the volume on maximum, and turned to grin cheekily up at the hunter.
"You've got to play it now. There aren't any alternatives now, are there?" Guntz glared at the cabbit, but did not reply. He walked over to the table, poured himself some vodka into a shotglass, and drank it down in one gulp. He slammed the small glass down onto the table, and turned to Klonoa with a slightly flushed face. He walked over and stood calmly at the mat, having worked up the courage to play the dreaded game.
------
"Left hand. Green." The young man said into the communicator, sounding bored. It was a change from the meeting he was due in today, but as he wasn't there to see Guntz and Klonoa struggling on the mat, he had to rely on his imagination.
"There is no green!" Yelled an annoyed voice from the other side. Jillius rolled his eyes and spun again.
"Fine. Right foot. Red."
"That's your turn there, Guntz." Came a murmur, accompanied by a series of hostile muttering. There was a brief crackle of static, and sounds of rustling around, and then Klonoa was calling him again. "Okay. Next?"
"Right hand. Blue."
"Okay..." Klonoa shifted over gingerly so that he was as comfortable as possible. Being a Twister champion, he was doing well so far, but he was now thinking that maybe his chances were not as good as he had first thought. Despite the effects of the doubly-strong alcohol, Guntz could twist around very well indeed and his coordination was superb. The hunter was swaying a little, dazed from the vodka, but showed no signs of giving up.
"Right hand. Red." Guntz shifted over. He was leaning awkwardly over Klonoa now, and the cabbit could feel his warmth. Somehow that made him feel... pleasantly uncomfortable. It was the ultimate oxymoron, he knew, but that's the way he felt.
"Left hand. Yellow." Klonoa flipped himself over onto his back, supporting his weight with two hands, and face-to face with Guntz. They stared at each other, and hastily looked away, eyes darting around everywhere but the other.
"Left foot. Yellow." Guntz shifted his left foot over to the yellow, now being directly suspended over Klonoa. They were in a very... compromising... position, and the hunter was looking determinedly at the blue dots on the mat, eyes fixed only there, and a blush upon his face.
"What's next?" Klonoa called. There was no answer. "Jillius?"
"... Stay right there." Came the suddenly sharp-sounding reply. "I think someone's coming. I'm going to attempt to escape the castle and go over there. Stay where you are."
"What?" Guntz cried, head snapping up, staring at the communicator. "But that would take you hours!"
"I can teleport over there once I'm out. It should not take very long."
"But-"
"Over and out." The communicator went dead. The two teenagers stared disbelievingly at the device, unable to move. The silence continued for about five seconds.
"Fuck!" Guntz choked out, summing up their emotions in one. "The bastard! He hung up on us!" He slammed a fist into the mat, wobbling dangerously, and swearing again under his breath. Klonoa watched from below, stunned disbelief etched into his face, staring blankly at the hunter.
"So... what the hell do we do now?"
"Goddess knows." Guntz muttered. "Stay here, I suppose. We have a hell of a smart bastard coming over this place. He should remember the whole positions easy-peasy." The hunter chuckled, sounding depraved, and Klonoa flinched, looking very scared. "I wonder how many minutes his version of 'not very long' takes."
"Even if he just wants to come over by teleporting, he would need to get out there and I daresay he'll have to work his way through the entrances." Klonoa began to think. "His room's right at the centre of the palace, so that means the nearest entrance-"
"How do you know he was in his room?"
"I heard his prize clock ticking." The cabbit said simply. "So the nearest entrance will take him... ten minutes at the least."
"Ten fucking minutes? My God!" Guntz swore under his breath. "I'll kill him once all this is over."
------
"Guntz?"
"What?" The irritated reply came.
"Erm... it's been three minutes... do you really think he'll turn up?"
"He will. I just don't know when." Guntz's arms were shaking, and he looked demented, ready to kill. "If he doesn't turn up in two minutes..."
"You know... you can have the cake. I shouldn't have started this in the first place. I don't know what I was thinking, Twister won't get us anywhere-" Guntz looked sharply at Klonoa at that. The cabbit looked nervous, and almost uncomfortable below him - and was he blushing? It must have been the position, the hunter thought, and smiled to himself. An idea struck him, and he decided to play along with it, just to entertain himself.
"We could share if you wanted to." The hunter whispered, nuzzling Klonoa's neck. The cabbit's eyes widened, and he stared. He briefly wondered if he was hallucinating, or that Guntz was drunk off the vodka and just showing it now, but it felt nice, and he just lay still, staring up.
"Come on." Guntz whispered. "Don't you want to share with me, hmm?" He seemed to be hovering dangerously, and was shaking. His legs suddenly gave way.
"Um... Guntz-" The cabbit's words were cut off with a cry, as Guntz crashed down on top of him, squashing him onto the mat. Klonoa yelled in pain, as the hunter had grabbed onto one of his ears for support, and shook himself loose.
"Shit..." The hunter muttered. "I never should have agreed. I guess you win, then."
"You've got to stop doing that." Klonoa groaned. "You're way too agressive, even when you're falling..."
"Sure." Guntz purred, grinning. "Want to see how agressive?"
"Oh my Goddess!" Klonoa screamed, grasping his head. "Why are you doing that!?"
"I don't know, baby, but maybe it's loooove..."
There's nothing to this, Guntz! It's just that... the spinner... Damn it, Guntz, it was just a coincidence!" He didn't really believe it himself, and neither did Guntz. The hunter carried on smiling, now feeling happy with the whole situation. He'd meant the whole thing as a joke, but this seemed better.
"I like this position, you know." He hummed. "We should play Twister more often, if a few spins come out with something like this."
"Really?" Klonoa had stopped resisting, and looked up into Guntz's eyes, looking shy yet trusting. "Well..." He was cut off again by Guntz, who pressed his lips gently to his for about a second and pulled away slightly. chuckling.
"So you still want to see how agressive?"
"... Go for it."
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Meanwhile, the young emperor had not been escaping from the palace at all. He'd quickly imagined himself a Twister mat, fitting all the positions in. A small grin graced his lips as he figured it all out. He grabbed himself a video camera.
"... I've got to see this..."
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You know... this was based on a real incident. All of this was written in less than an hour. And the positions, if the mat is positioned with the green to the left and the red to the right, does fit in and look very, very wrong.
So everyone ends up perverted in the end. Fun.
-This story was completed 31st of August, in the year 2007.-