A/N: First of all, happy new year everyone! I hope 2008 will bring a lot of good things for you all! Second, thanks to those of you who read and reviewed the last chapter. I always appreciate your feedback! And last, as always, lots of thanks to Jessi who always manages to point out the exact things my chapters need to put all the dots together. Your awesome!
Chapter 7 - April
"As I told you last week, I want to use this session to talk about April." Spencer said, when they were seated in his office once again.
Lorelai nodded and then glanced at Luke. He was looking down and fidgeting with his hands, obviously nervous for what was coming.
Spencer noticed this but decided the best approach was to just start talking and hopefully Luke would be getting more comfortable within time. "Luke, why don't you start at the beginning. Tell me about the day you first met her."
He took a second to control himself before he started talking. "I was working in the diner, trying to get Caesar to do his job properly and then this girl walked in with a weird bicycle helmet and she asked if I'm Luke Danes. I told her I am and to sit down and that I would be with her in a second. When I get to her she's sitting down and I asked her what she wanted to order and she replied by saying she didn't want to order anything. I told her to take off the helmet and after she does she says she wants one of my hairs with the root. When I asked her what for she started to explain that she goes to middle school in Woodbury and that she needs it for her science project in which she's going to take hair from 3 men and do DNA tests to find out who her father is. Then she started babbling some more and when I told her 'no' she just grabbed one of my hairs, tooks a picture of me and left."
"What did you do?"
"At first nothing. I mean, what could I do? I waited until the 16th and went to the science fair. I looked around and found the girl that was in my diner a few days earlier."
"Hold on a second." Spencer interfered. "After you first met her, didn't you think of telling Lorelai? Asking for her perspective the next time you saw her, or even calling her after the girl left your diner?"
Luke shook his head. "I was so shocked I didn't know what to do. At the time Lorelai had enough problems of herself, I didn't want to bother her with mine."
"But don't you think she could have helped?" Spencer asked. He looked at Lorelai for a minute and saw she was trying hard not to interfere. Wanting to hear what Luke had to say.
"At the moment I was so shocked that I didn't know what to think of the whole situation. I had no idea who the girl was or who her mother could be. I just wanted to make sure if it even was a possibility I was her father before talking to Lorelai."
Spencer nodded, understanding. "So you went to the school that day and looked for April. Then what?"
"She was standing behind her booth and behind her were three pictures. Two of men I don't know and one of me. The other photos were crossed out so I realized that meant I was her father. She asked me if I wanted to read her report. I looked through it but it didn't make much sense to me but on the cover was her name. April Nardini. That's when I realized her mother was Anna Nardini. A women I dated 12 years before and hadn't seen since."
"Then what?"
"I asked her if she wanted to go eat some ice cream but she had to stay at the fair so I just left and went back to the diner."
"Were you planning on telling Lorelai after that?"
"At first yes. But that evening she came running into my diner yelling that Rory was back. So I didn't want to ruin her moment."
"So you waited?"
"Yes. But the longer I waited, the harder it became to tell her. There always was something. Thanksgiving for example. And another time I went to her house determined to tell her the truth, but then she walked down the stairs in her wedding dress."
At this point Lorelai could no longer remain silent. "So in all those months there was no right moment to tell me?" She asked, upset. "And I had to find out myself? From April?"
"It wasn't supposed to go like this." Luke said, exasperated. "I wanted to tell you. I really did."
"Then why didn't you?" She asked, really wanting to understand.
"Because I was having a hard time dealing with the fact that suddenly I had a 12 year old daughter I never knew about. At one point in my life I never wanted to have kids, until I met you. I thought that if I ever became a father it would be to our kid. But then suddenly I had a daughter and I had to learn how to be a father and how to become a part of her life."
"I could have helped you with that. I wish you would have let me help you," she said.
"I know that. But I just had to deal with it myself first." He looked at Spencer for help.
Deciding this was a good moment to cut in he asked. "Can you explain why?"
"I'm not good with changes. Everyone knows that. You heard the stories. When I turned the hardware store into a diner I only changed the necessary. I didn't even paint. The sign is still outside, the office is still the same. On the wall underneath the counter there is still that order my father once wrote there when he couldn't find a paper. And I waited over 8 years until I was finally willing to admit how I felt about Lorelai. I like things slow. And suddenly I had this huge thing to deal with and I just couldn't wrap my head around it. I wanted to share it with Lorelai but I just couldn't. I know I should have though. And if I could do it again, I would tell her immediately but I didn't and I can't take that back." Then he turned to her. "I'm sorry."
"I know that." She replied. Feeling a bit calmer now, and grabbed his hand in hers. Squeezing it lightly. "But it just really hurt when I saw this girl into your diner, telling me that you were her father. It really made me feel as if what we had meant nothing to you. As if I meant nothing to you. Before we got together you told me everything."
He looked directly into her eyes. "I loved you so much that I didn't want to hurt you. You were so happy at the time and I didn't want to cause you any pain by telling you I had a daughter. I know that I ended up hurting you even more in the end by not telling you, and there's nothing I regret more."
She nodded. Understanding. "I could feel something was wrong but I just couldn't figure out what it was."
"Why didn't you ask me about it? Before, you bugged me just as long until I told you what was wrong."
She let his hand go and looked down, a bit ashamed. "I wanted everything to be perfect. Rory and I finally reconciled and I was able finally able to plan our wedding so I just ignored the feeling that something was wrong."
Luke put a finger under her chin and made her look at him. "So we both made mistakes."
She nodded and sighed deeply.
"I'm sorry I waited 2 months to tell you about April."
"It isn't even so much that he waited two months to tell me. I could understand that." She replied. "What hurt the most is that you kept her from me. Everyone was able to meet her but me." The hurt was unmistakably in her voice.
"I'm sorry," he said again.
"Why didn't you want Lorelai to be around April?" Spencer asked.
"Because I had to figure things out by myself first. It was going too fast."
"Can you elaborate that?"
"Rory was 21 years old at the time. Lorelai knew how to be a mother for 21 years. I was new at the whole father thing. I wanted to figure it out on my own. I wanted to be a good father, and show Lorelai that I could do it."
"I never expected you to be good at it right away. Do you think I was super mom right after Rory was born? It took me 21 years to get where I was at the moment. And had you forgotten the months before, when my daughter refused to talk to me? She went off to steal a yacht, got herself arrested and had to do 300 hours of community service. She dropped out of Yale. What a good mother I was." She replied by looking directly into his eyes. Trying to make him understand that the parenting thing was just as difficult for her.
Luke sighed. "You are a great mother."
"And I knew you were going to be a great father." She squeezed his knee. "You are a great father."
He nodded. "I just needed time to prove that. I knew you were going to be great with April. And all the girls are still talking about the birthday party you threw her."
"You let Lorelai throw April a birthday party?" Spencer asked, curious.
He shook his head. "No. I wanted to do it all by myself but it was a disaster. I thought the girls would enjoy themselves but they were bored. So in the end I called Lorelai for help, and she saved the party. She took the girls to the beauty shop and let them have makeovers. Then she turned the party into a sleepover. It was a huge success."
"What happened after the party? Were things better once you let Lorelai into April's life?"
He shook his head again. "They went back to how things were before. And that's when Lorelai started avoiding me and finally showed up at my diner days later with her ultimatum."
"Why?" Spencer asked Lorelai.
"Because I thought that after Luke saw how well I got along with April, he would let me into her life more. But that didn't happen. I needed time to think after that and finally realized that it would never happen for us. So I went to him and asked him to elope. I couldn't wait any longer. I had to know if our relationship was going anywhere, because at the moment it wasn't. I wanted things to move forward and I wanted to marry him right that moment. So I went to him and asked him to take me to Maryland so we could get married right away."
"And if he didn't?"
"It would be over between us."
"You were willing to give everything up, just like that?" Spencer asked.
Lorelai shook her head. "No. Yes. I don't know. I wasn't thinking. I just thought that if I went to him, he would at least talk to me. But he just stood there, and let me walk away."
"I went to you the next day. After I thought about it," Luke said.
Tears filled her eyes. "I know." She sighed. "God I made a mess."
Spencer looked at the couple and realized this is where he hit their sore spot. "Lorelai, why was it okay for you to not set a date for the wedding when you were waiting for Rory to come back, but did you end your relationship with Luke when he postponed your wedding."
Her head shot up and hurt filled her eyes. "It wasn't like that. I waited patiently for months. But nothing was happening. We were only drifting further apart. And I thought our problems would be solved once we were married. That I wouldn't lose him completely."
"How do you feel about that now?"
She wiped at her eyes furiously. "I now know that it was a mistake. I knew not to push Luke, but I saw my life falling apart in front of me. All I really wanted my whole life was the whole package. And it wasn't until Luke and I started dating that I thought I would get it. He's the only guy I really saw myself getting married to. Even when I was engaged to Max, I never really saw what our future together would be like. I didn't saw myself getting old with him. But with Luke I did. I imagined what our kids would be like. How it would be when we got older. I even saw our grandkids."
"And so in the end you married Christopher." Luke retorted.
Lorelai closed her eyes and her voice broke. "Look how that turned out. It was the biggest mistake in my life. I…"
Spencer raised his hand, indicating for her to stop talking. "That's a whole different subject. I want to talk about that, but not now. Today is about April."
They both nodded and looked at each other. Luke's heart broke when he saw the tears in her eyes and he raised his thumb to wipe them away carefully. She let her hand linger against his palm for a while, allowing the heat from his body to calm her. In her lap his other hand found her and he squeezed it. Slowly a smile appeared on her face and she let out a sigh. "Thank you." She whispered, so softly Spencer couldn't hear it. He just nodded in return and finally let her head go, but kept her hand in his.
Spencer looked through his notes while Luke was comforting Lorelai. Finally he looked up and studied the couple in front of him. "There's something I don't understand. You were friends for 8 years before you started dating, but in the end it's a 12, 13 year old girl who drives you apart. What do you think really was the problem here? What should you have done differently?"
"I guess I should have let Lorelai in." Luke said.
"And I should have given him more space when he needed it." Lorelai replied.
Spencer shook his head. "As that it is true, I don't think that's the bigger issue here. Lorelai, before you and Luke started dating, who do you went to when you had a problem, or needed someone to vent to?"
"To Luke." She said, starting to realize where Spencer was going.
"And Luke, who do you went to with such problems?"
"Lorelai." He replied, starting to get it as well.
"And after you started dating. Do you still went to Lorelai when you had problems like this?"
He shook his head. "I guess not."
"And you?" He asked Lorelai. "Did you still went to Luke?"
"Only sometimes. Most of the time I went to Rory, or Sookie for that matter."
"Why?" Spencer asked.
They both looked down and remained silent for some minutes. Lorelai was the first to look up. "One day we had a fight. We had Jackson and Sookie over for dinner and for the first time in months Christopher called. I heard his message on the answering machine and stopped it the second I realized Luke was there. He was so mad but he wouldn't talk to me because we had visitors. So we had dinner but ended up having that fight anyway and Luke stormed out.
Later I found him in his apartment and I told him that once we were married, he couldn't run to his clubhouse every time we had a fight. I explained to him what happened and he pulled me in his lap and made me promise that we would tell each other everything."
"But you didn't."
She shook her head. Sad. "No we didn't. He didn't tell me about April."
"And you didn't tell him how that made you feel?"
"No I didn't." She sighed. "I now know I should have."
Spencer nodded. "Yes you should have." He looked down at his notes once again before looking up. After a few seconds he said. "I don't think April really was the problem in your relationship. It was because of her your real problem came into perspective. How were you supposed to share your life together when you weren't willing to let each other in on every little aspect of your lives? Or I probably should say the big things. It looks like you were better at communicating before you got together than afterwards. Which is weird, because you would think you would have grown accustomed to talking to each other that it shouldn't have been a problem. Most new couples have to learn to tell each other everything, but you were already used to it. So why did it stop once you became a couple?"
Luke and Lorelai looked at each other, knowing that Spencer was right. "I don't know." She finally said.
Spencer expectantly looked at Luke, who raised his shoulders in response. "Maybe because once we were a couple most of those things involved us."
Lorelai nodded. "The second night after Luke and I broke up the first time I called him. I was wallowing and I was feeling depressed and I really needed a friend. Rory had been there before but I sent her back to school. I didn't want her to miss more classes because of me. So I called the only person I could think of. I started rambling over the phone, referring to one of my favorite movies, the way we were, where Katie and Hubble broke up and she asked him to come over because she needed her best friend. And he did. I asked Luke to do the same and I knew he would come as well. Once I put the phone down I snapped out of my daze and realized what I had done and ran to his apartment, taking the tape from his answering machine, hoping he didn't hear the message. But apparently we missed each other on the way there and I finally ran into him on my front lawn, and it felt so awkward. That's when I realized I had not only lost my boyfriend, but also my best friend."
Spencer nodded, understanding. "And afterwards, when you got back together?"
"We were more a couple than best friends. Of course he was a great support during the whole time Rory and I were apart and he really was my friend during that, but other things that bothered me, especially those that involved him, I talked about with Sookie and with Rory. And in the end I even told my mother."
"But never Luke."
She shook her head. "No. I let him know I wasn't happy with the situation some times, but I never really explained it to him. Not in so much words."
"So how was he supposed to know?"
She glanced at Luke and then back at Spencer. "He used to know when something was bothering me. I don't know. Maybe I expected him to just know that it was bothering me. That it was killing me that he left me out of April's life, and with that a huge part of his life."
"And it never occurred to you that maybe he didn't?"
"No. Not until it was too late."
"And you, Luke? Did you realize you were hurting Lorelai?"
"Part of me was. But another part of me was so involved with the whole situation that I didn't really thought of it. I figured she understood how I felt and was willing to give me the time I needed. I didn't realize that was a mistake until she finally pointed it out during her ultimatum. But then it was already too late."
"How do you see the future?" Spencer asked. "What do you want for you and Lorelai?"
He turned to look at Lorelai when he spoke. "I want us to spend the rest of our lives together. I want to live with her. And if still possible, I want a family with her. I want a house that's big enough to have spare bedrooms for Rory and April so they always have their own space when they come over."
"And Lorelai, what do you want for you and Luke?"
Lorelai kept the eye contact with Luke when she replied. "The same. I want to be a part of April's live. I want to really get to know her. I want to spend time with her when Luke's working and I want the three of us to do things together. Preferably the four of us, if Rory is there as well. I'm willing to move to a bigger house. Two years ago I wasn't ready for that but I am now. I'm willing to sell my house and have a young family make a new start in mine. I want a new start for me and Luke. I want us to get married and I want us to have our middle. Our whole package." She felt him squeeze her hand again and she smiled.
"For all that to work, you have to be willing to communicate together. Are you willing to do that?"
"Yes." They both replied at the same time, and then turned to look at Spencer again.
"The first step was coming here. I know that the initial reason you came here is because you need a letter from me to get your marriage license. But I really hope that you see that talking about things that are bothering you, is really good for your relationship."
The both nodded again.
"Good." Spencer glanced at his watch and saw the hour had already passed. "We're running late so we have to end this conversation. Next week we are talking about Christopher. But for now I want to give you an assignment. Every day I want you to take half an hour to just talk to each other. This can be during a meal you share together, or together on the couch at night. Or even in bed before you go to sleep. But you have to use a full 30 minutes a day to talk to each other. Tell each other about the things you did that day. Tell each other what is bothering you, what's going on in your life. No distractions from a TV or a radio. Just the two of you, talking, communicating.
If you find it hard to determine how long 30 minutes is, you can use a timer so you will get a signal once the 30 minutes are over. Then next week, when we meet again I want you to tell me how this was for you. Those 30 minutes each day. And there can't be any excuses for it not to happen, because this is really important. And if there are subjects you feel you can't talk about together, please write them down and bring them here next week, so maybe I can help."
"Okay." Luke said.
"Thank you." Lorelai said. And then they stood up, both ready to start their assignment.
T.B.C.