Title: Crossfire
Author: Jusrecht
See Warning and Disclaimer in the first chapter.
A/N: Really sorry for the extremely late update. My grandfather had a surgery and then my stupid self got sick afterward. That said, I hope you'll enjoy chapter six although it's pretty boring. Happy reading!
Chapter Six: Meyrin – The Prayer
Darkness was beautiful.
She had spent days in there, staring at the constellations of stars strewn into the black silk canvas, listening to hope slowly but steadily shrinking in her heart. Life was all she could fight for but it seemed so far, out of reach right now as she waited silently, cheeks damp with dried tears, throat sore and dry from too much shouting and crying. She had no idea how much time had passed and gradually, it didn't seem important anymore.
Meyrin smiled. If only she could see him for one last time. He had asked her to come with him, and at that one moment, she couldn't have been happier.
Her eyelids were growing heavy and when the darkness finally reached out its warm, almost soothing hands, she embraced them wholeheartedly. No more fear. No more waiting and hoping in vain. She would be free at last.
But something did not let go of her. Something, unconsciousness perhaps, kept her in this side of the world and when she gained a little control of her body again, the darkness began to disperse.
When she opened her eyes, dizzy and unexplainably tired, Meyrin wanted to cry.
"Hello, how are you feeling?"
The voice startled her and she tried to focus her bleary gaze to the source at her left, being – for one reason or other –powerless to do something as simple as turning her head to another direction. A young woman dressed in pale green gazed down at her, a kind smile painted on her concerned face. Meyrin opened her mouth, questions and trepidation already storming her cloudy mind, but was astonished when she found out that no sound left her throat despite her hard effort.
She couldn't talk.
"Don't exert yourself," the woman said again, more gently as if sensing her multiplying fear. "Just lie down and try to relax."
Unable to do the otherwise, Meyrin obeyed and concentrated on conquering her excessive inertia. It wasn't natural, but her lethargic mind couldn't seem to process anything beyond that at its current speed. Slowly, she set an observation to her environment, feeling vaguely familiar with the low ceiling, the compressed silence and the sharp smell of antiseptic. She knew this place.
The realization dawned on her a moment later and her body trembled slightly under the magnitude of the revelation.
She was still alive.
Meyrin took in her surrounding once more to make sure and was convinced. She was lying on a patient bed, an IV attached to her left wrist, hanging loose from a dripping container. The white sheet felt soft under her body but she couldn't move and her gaze fell to the other woman who was speaking in a low voice to the phone on a desk at the corner of the room. It took her another three seconds to finally recognize the green attire as ZAFT official medic's uniform. This must be an infirmary, Meyrin concluded though she had no idea how and why she was there right now.
Momentarily calmed, she closed her eyes once more, trying to subdue the headache which had decided to attack once she had finished the complex procedure of making a conclusion. Everything was fine for now and she had survived the explosion.
The explosion.
The word seized her temporary relief, macerating it into millions of tiny pieces, and one second later she had found herself sitting on the bed, clutching her abdomen with force she hadn't possessed until a moment ago. Her entire body protested simultaneously but the pain felt far, registered only to the back of her mind as the front lines were overcome with memories and fear. She looked around blindly, trying to pronounce his name, to ask what became of him, but her vocal chord was still unwilling to cooperate.
Abandoning her conversation in the phone, the medical officer rushed to her side and put an arm around her trembling shoulders to support her, murmuring soothingly, "Relax, don't worry. You're safe here."
"No…" her voice came out thin and raspy and she was coughing violently almost immediately after. The medic massaged her back slowly, trying to ease the pain.
"Don't worry," she repeated with a calm voice. "Everything is alright. You are on board of Vernes, Miss Hawke, Commander Wilhelm Rosand' ship. You will be fine."
"Ath…" Meyrin managed to start the word but couldn't finish it, overwhelmed by another coughing fit. She grabbed the other woman's arm and tried desperately to speak once more. "The…chairman…"
A dark look settled on the medical officer's face and she pushed her down gently but firmly before walking over to the desk, retrieving a glass of water. "Here, please have some water first," she helped her to sit up and held the glass in front of her dry lips. "Drink it slowly."
Heavy with panic and anxiety, Meyrin wanted to refuse at first, but knew that nurses had their way with a sick patient and they would not be disobeyed at all costs. The fastest way to gain the answers she wanted was to do what the other woman asked her. She parted her lips slightly, the cold edge of the glass touching them like a demanding company, and swallowed. She felt lukewarm water passing her parched throat and her cold, empty stomach instantly rebelled at the sudden invasion. Meyrin closed her eyes, desperately fighting the urge to vomit the liquid back. She should have expected that. Not having a drop of water for god-knows-how-long could do practically anything to anybody.
After the wave of nausea had passed, she looked up once more and caught the young medic's eyes, her voice sounding stronger this time. "The chairman?"
"I am really not at liberty to say," she answered with obvious reluctance. "But Commander Jule is coming down to see you. It will be better if you direct your questions to him."
Commander Jule? Meyrin felt the upcoming of another headache as she tried to make the head and tails of the information. Vernes was Commander Rosand's ship and she seemed to remember that Commander Yzak Jule had another ship under his command, which meant it was not Vernes. She shook her head to clear the jumbled thoughts. But the medic clearly mentioned Commander Jule. It didn't make too much sense.
So, what the hell was happening?
The door to the infirmary opened with a low hiss, followed by a trot of brisk footsteps and an even brisker voice asking, almost demanding, "She is awake?"
Meyrin leveled her eyes to the newcomers, focusing to the figure leading the small party, and immediately recognized the pale, white-haired officer. She hadn't misheard; it was undoubtedly Yzak Jule. After finishing the identification, she let her sight gravitated to her next visitor, a dark-skinned man behind the young commander. Dearka Elsman, she finally remembered after much difficulty and wondered again what he was doing here. Unable to find an answer, she ignored it and looked at the last figure behind them.
Kira Yamato.
The air left her in a strangled gasp and Meyrin slumped back to the bed, suddenly aware of the excruciating pain settling all over her body. Whimpering and moaning in pain, she was still aware of the sound of footsteps rushing to her bedside, as if she was trying to block the throbbing pain by desperately clinging to whatever external input her other senses could accept. Someone touched her and she let out another pained gasp, the contact registering to her overloaded brain more like fire licking her skin. It seemed like an eternity later when she indistinctly heard the medic's anxious voice. "Sir, maybe it is not the right time to question her–"
"We need to know what happen!" Another voice vehemently shouted.
"But, Sir–"
"I'm alright," she forced herself to speak weakly and reached out to have their attention, oblivious to the tremor running in the length of her arm. Her fingers clutched the very first thing they encountered as if it was the ultimate treasure in the world, desperately holding to it as pairs of eyes turned to her frail form. She had to tell them.
Meyrin felt another hand gently wrapped itself around hers and found a pair of calming violet eyes gazing down at her. "There is no need to hurry," Kira spoke softly and emphasized his words by squeezing her hand.
Meyrin fought to calm herself, trying all her might to pacify the tempest she discovered raging in her heart at his mellow voice. She looked deeply into his eyes and whispered, "Is he…not found yet?"
Her words seemed to pick up Commander Jule's interest real fast. "He's alive then?" the question was asked abruptly.
It was not a question she could answer right now. Meyrin pressed the side of Kira's arm and said weakly, "Please help me sit up."
The simple request immediately put the medical officer in motion. "Miss Hawke, I do not think your condition–"
"Please," she pleaded once more, trying to make the other woman see that there just were things far more important for her than her ordinary trifling life, let alone a little pain. The medic looked uncertain for a moment but then decided that the silent stares she had been receiving were more than she could handle and sullenly gave her approval with a nod.
Kira quickly stepped forward to help her but another arm had already wound around her shoulders gently. "Let me," Dearka Elsman nodded quietly to the ORB General. "You speak to her."
The dark-skinned man was careful in helping her but the dull throbbing sensation still stabbed her body at some places as she sat up, guided and supported by his strong arms. Meyrin fended off another wave of headache at the sudden change of position and closed her eyes for a few minutes, gathering her thought and sorting through her jumbled memory. The three men waited for her patiently and did not make the slightest sound until she looked up, already trembling slightly with the weight of what she was about to say.
"He left," she choked.
----
"…and contact each department to let them know about the changes. After that, make sure every council member is already aware of this incident and that they are required at Aprilius for a meeting tomorrow morning. Arrange a schedule, perhaps it will be better after nine o'clock. And remind me to contact Canavar about the extraterrestrial agreement."
Meyrin wrote the instructions down quickly, not missing a scrap of information as his solemn voice echoed in the vast shuttle cabin, trying to drown the roar of engine all around them. The pen quivered between her fingers and she steadied it, determined to overpower the intense pull of gravity as she felt the shuttle trying to fight the same force. It took her a while to notice that the steady voice from her right had ceased and she looked up in expectation, finding Athrun staring at her with a pair of apologetic eyes.
"I'm sorry, I didn't realize–"
"Sir, you are facing a situation which urgency far exceeds my trifling difficulty to write under the pressure of earth's gravity," she said sternly, knowing very well what the word 'concentration' meant for the Chairman of PLANT from continuously standing by his side and watching him working himself to the most extreme ends had it been necessary. This was a dire hour and she couldn't help but to feel like doing everything within her power to help. "Is there anything else, Sir?" she added still with the same firmness.
"No," an affectionate smile passed across his face. "Thank you, Meyrin."
That's it. That smile.
Meyrin tried to chase off the desperation and returned the smile in kind. Being his secretary, there were things and facts about him she couldn't help but to notice. Regrettably, not all of them were to her liking.
She still remembered the night. It was after a particularly busy day, concluded with a grand dinner party for the visiting-in-business delegation from ORB. Everyone had returned to their room full and contented and she had been only making her usual round in the chairman's office to ensure that everything was set for the next day when she noticed a file he had to read before tomorrow morning's meeting left unopened on his desk. There was no other choice. She had to bring the file to the residence. It was not far and she could not say that she minded in the slightest.
Meyrin knew that she was one of the closest persons to him, as she had always wanted. It was downright ironic to realize later what the closeness had privileged her to know.
The door was not shut tight and it was still dark inside, only moonlight streaming down from the open window to illuminate two bodies pressed close, moving sometimes erratically against each other. Her right hand – the empty one – flew to her mouth as the other crushed the file she supposed to deliver, her eyes not leaving the dark forms she no longer had any doubt who. Everything was silent except for the immense sorrow flooding her chest until she heard a sigh, a name, uttered by a rough, breathless voice she had dreamt of whispering her name lovingly.
His voice.
The name jolted her back to awareness and she walked away quickly, the voice ringing in her ears like a curse never to end. It was foolish to harbor a hope but, Meyrin ignored the butler as she rushed through the front door, her eyes hazy and hot with tears, but she had hoped anyway. He had never seemed genuinely interested in anyone and she had hoped, hoped in secret that his kind eyes and his smile for her meant something more.
Oh, how stupid she had been. She should have been able to see it.
Kira. His best friend.
Obviously much more than that.
After the shock had worn off, there was hate, cruel and intense, and she cried her heart out alone in her room, loathing the world and one man in particular and pitying herself to sleep. When the morning finally arrived, her mind had cleared and she once more recognized in herself a sensible girl who had always loved Athrun Zala, the pilot and the chairman, unconditionally. It should change, Meyrin knew, but at the end of the day, looking at his smile and listening to his hearty laugh in the company of his best friend, she was content to have her heart sealed and the memory treasured. Someone else knew much better how to take care of him and if it made him happy…
Everything was fine for her.
On the next day, she found herself already giving Kira one of her most sincere smiles. There was pain still, and more than a little jealousy – and probably he did know how she felt because sometimes there was something in his violet eyes that shied her and made her look away – but Meyrin knew that she wouldn't fall into the same chasm again. She even went as far as making sure that no one would enter the chairman's room or office without so much as a knock and a permission to enter whatever the circumstances.
Unconditionally. She took pride in that.
Her recollection was abruptly ended when all of a sudden the air around her felt heavier, as if the walls around her were closing in. She glanced to her side and discovered that Athrun had already sported a frown on his face, his eyes fixed to the red light flashing at the front. Her heart raced faster as accidents she had read in newspapers began to play over in her mind like a blurred slide of words and pictures, and she held the arm of her seat tighter.
An officer appeared at the door leading to the cockpit and approached them, each of his steps visibly an effort as he still tried to walk properly despite the intense pulling force. He saluted briefly to the chairman and said, "Sir, there is a malfunction in one of the engines. It may be nothing, but the captain asks you to enter the GINN."
Athrun's frown deepened at this information. "Is it that bad?" he inquired.
"Just for precaution, Sir. It is very unlikely that all four engines will go down, but of course this is a terrible mistake in our part. I apologize for the inconvenience."
"Very well." Athrun unfastened his seatbelt and rose, using one hand to steady his body with the back of his seat while offering the other to her. "Come with me, Meyrin."
At that moment, she felt like she was back to four years ago, aboard Minerva, and she saw the same hand, held out to her in the exact same manner. There had been only one second of hesitation and then she had decided to trust everything, including her life, in this young man she had barely known for two months but had adored from the day she first had heard stories of him. She knew little of love, hardly more than the grand passion and restlessness she had sometimes read in those novels her sister had stocked in their shared room, but the fierce beating in her chest must signify something much more than just a mere crush.
Even years after she had found out, there was still nothing which could stop her from loving him.
"Sir, the GINN's cockpit isn't designed for two people. It will be unwise to hazard your safety," the officer voiced his objection, returning her to the present conflict. "Your secretary will be evacuated in a life pod if anything dangerous happens. Please leave everything to us and board the GINN."
The chairman's green eyes darkened but he gravely nodded and reached out to give her arm a light stress. "Don't worry. It will be okay," he said encouragingly.
Unable to produce a sound from her dry throat, Meyrin only nodded in return and he flashed her another smile before disappearing behind the rear door. She remained standing as if rooted to the floor, staring at the door and the red glow next to it. Left alone, dark memories of she and Athrun plunging into the bottomless ocean when Shinn had hunted them down were resurrected in her mind. The angry sound of waves once more raged in front of her ears and the next thing she knew, she had already huddled on the cabin floor, squeezing herself in the gap left between seats, both hands covering her ears tightly.
"Miss Hawke! Are you alright?"
Someone shook her shoulders gently and she looked up with a start, finding the same officer looking down at her with concern. The gravity pull was still strong but there were no longer waves, only the constant hum of machines.
"Yes," Meyrin breathed out shakily and forced some more composure into her voice. "Sorry, I'm– it's okay…just bad memories."
"Are you sure?" he still looked uncertain and she had to show a small smile to convince him. The frown did not disappear from his face but he stood up eventually, helping her to return to her feet, and motioned toward the same door he had disappeared into only moments ago. "Well then, if you are sure, I will take you to the life pod as requested. Just for precaution, of course."
Her feet still felt wobbly under her but Meyrin managed to maneuver herself along the alley and follow the man to the door. Behind it was another cabin with fewer seats than the one she had just left and several devices that reminded her to Minerva. To her right was another door, smaller and obviously locked, and as the officer fumbled with the code on the lock, she glanced toward the only other door at the far side of the cabin and for a moment her mind flew to Athrun and the GINN that protected him.
It was nothing, she comforted herself. One engine malfunctioning was not exactly unheard of, although the fact that she was traveling with the Chairman of PLANT did make the error sound rather astonishing. Perhaps she was just used to extreme security, but then again, she had experienced more than a few attempts to take said chairman's life.
What if this was another of those, she suddenly realized and had to suppress the urge to find Athrun and check if no harm had come to him. It was only ONE engine malfunctioning. She was being unreasonably worried.
"Miss Hawke," the officer's voice was urgent. Meyrin returned her attention to him and looked at the opened pod before her. It was small, probably designed for one person only, and at this realization, another thought rapidly ambushed her.
"What about the others?"
"This is really just for precaution, Ma'am, we are not expecting anything serious," for the first time the officer smiled and she could see the hard lines around his eyes and mouth fading into an evidence what a childhood full of laughter might do to one's face. "And of course," he added, his tone lighter than ever, "also to ease the chairman's worry."
Meyrin repressed a blush and a wince as she recognized what manner of thought lurked behind that smile. A scandal between a powerful man and his secretary was nothing new and yes, perhaps Athrun's gentleness toward her did make eyebrows raised and wheels reeling, but sometimes there were things that went beyond that kind of love.
Trust was one of them.
She stepped in gingerly into the small compartment and was oddly reminded to the ZAKU cockpit which had almost become her eternal coffin. She eyed the lone seat at the center with some apprehension and had just decided to try sitting rather than constantly being smiled at when her body suddenly felt heavier. There were loud sounds following and at the next moment, the shuttle gave a lurch and threw her off balance. The officer quickly locked the life pod's entrance and Meyrin shouted, demanding him to open it and come into the shelter when a blinding flash of fire exploded in front of her eyes.
She could barely repress her scream and it came out like a strangled sob as she noticed that her companion was no longer there. Everything was on fire. There were shouting and instinctively she put herself as far as possible from the window. Thoughts were running about in her head, but Meyrin could only catch one name in the blizzard of words, over and over again.
Athrun. She had to find him, but while she was ransacking her brain to find a way how which wouldn't kill her instantly once she put a feet outside the pod, the compartment moved again and this time, as she saw through the window, it was leaving the shuttle.
The life pod had been ejected.
Meyrin stared in horror at the distancing shuttle, repeatedly shaking her head in futile denial. Smoke had risen from the spreading fire and a broken whisper rose from her throat when the shuttle came almost to a halt.
The next thing she knew was another blinding light and a force that sent her small pod flying. Then everything went black.
----
Meyrin was trembling all over when she finished her story. She almost didn't hear Elsman's soothing voice trying to calm her, too grieved to turn her eyes away from the frozen look on Kira's face.
"It was a nightmare," she whispered, her voice still ragged and faint.
Kira, who was kneeling next to her bed, took her hands in his and hold them tightly for a long time, all of his feelings eloquent in that one gesture. She looked down and fought another wave of tears, feeling oddly relieved to know that there was someone who shared the same anguish and distress. If only she had insisted to make sure how Athrun had been and gone to the mobile suit compartment.
"He got into the GINN," Commander Jule concluded, half-pondering.
Behind her, Elsman spoke up in a disapproving tone, "But that means–"
"There's a big possibility that he did," the superior cut him sharply, his intense blue eyes glaring at the other man into silence. "It makes sense. At least, the mobile suit has a booster. He can be anywhere right now."
Meyrin nodded. "I thought so too," she said, trying to ignore the dull throbbing in her stomach and the decreasing clarity of her sight. "Then, there is also a big possibility that he is alive, right?"
"Yes," Kira smiled softly at her and gave her hands another press. "Thank you, Meyrin, please rest for now. We will tell you if there is any development."
Meyrin closed her eyes as she felt her upper body lowered to the bed, unable to stare into those gentle eyes much longer. This man was strong, very strong, and she knew that he would find Athrun. She wished she could do something to help but knew that her time had come and gone, and so she only wished them good luck from the bottom of her heart, not wanting to hinder them. One by one they filed out, nodding to the medic officer who had been waiting behind them, impatient to have her patient back.
"Now you have to sleep," she said sternly after injecting a tube of yellow-coloured fluid on her left arm, and arranged the blanket covering her. Meyrin tried to smile but found herself distracted a moment later by raised voices coming from outside the room.
"…so many damn times I've told you! We cannot give up!"
It was Commander Jule's brusque voice. She felt her throat tightening suddenly, fearing what she would hear next when another voice, more composed but no less piercing, answered.
"Yzak, I'm only pointing out–"
"We don't need that shit right now!" the commander was practically shouting now. "He's alive!"
It was exactly what she had been dreading of. They were also afraid. Meyrin felt herself shaking as if the temperature in the room had suddenly dropped, because she knew very well, like it was her greatest sin, that in the darkest corner of her heart, she had already been thinking about it.
Athrun might not survive.
"Tell me how that is possible without an ample supply of–"
Elsman suddenly stopped and she heard a low but stern voice speaking. Kira. And then, every sound seemed to cease, only those of her heartbeat, fast and loud and almost painful against her chest, flooding her ears and skinning her nerve. Meyrin barely heard the steady sound of footsteps distancing, tears already springing in her eyes, and she pulled the blanket closer around her, wishing she could shut out the world and hide. Probably it was better for her not to be found and just die because if it meant she could meet Athrun…
She cried, wished and hoped. And prayed.
End Chapter Six
Notes: For those who expect a reunion, I'm sorry to disappoint you but honestly, do you really expect Kira to find Athrun that fast? XD Please review and I will appreciate it very much.