Title: Crossfire

Author: Jusrecht

See Disclaimer and Warnings in chapter one.

A/N: I'm on a writing spree, but don't worry, it usually doesn't last long. Finally in this chapter we'll find out more about Kira and Athrun. As for the relationships, there is a tiny, almost nonexistent development of ShinnCaga, but better than nothing, right? Thank you for everyone who has reviewed the last chapter. Please read and enjoy.

-----

Chapter Thirteen: Cagalli – Hoping Against Hopes

-----

"This concludes my report, Representative Athha."

Cagalli returned her gaze to the officer standing just before her desk from the faraway land she had been staring at while listening to his report. Shinn looked at her expectantly, waiting for her response, which Cagalli realized after a few seconds was something she needed to give.

"So let me get this straight," she began, trying to remember what he had been saying and separating them from all other reports and documents she had had to deal with throughout the day, "you tracked down the cell phone which belonged to Gerald Patti, our current suspect, and found it four days ago in a dumpster at Diman Street. It was together with other kind of garbage which allegedly came from the surrounding apartment buildings. You have checked every room in every building, including those currently unoccupied, and found nothing suspicious. And then yesterday, there was a body washed ashore on Onogoro Island and later identified as our suspect. Did I get everything right?"

He looked straight at her but she could tell that he was getting uncomfortable. "Yes, Ma'am."

She sighed and leant back to her chair. "I hate to put it this way but it looks like we are back at square one,"

Shinn didn't reply and neither was she waiting for one. It was like being reminded that all of their hard works were for nothing and she knew that Shinn took the hardest blow in this. She might be a busy, but Cagalli remained the girl who cared for her friends and she'd be damned if she didn't notice that one of her lieutenants – and friends too – was working himself to death.

But she didn't say anything save for a few orders for him to go home sometimes. Cagalli knew how it felt to make a mistake and Shinn was so like her that she understood too well what atonement meant for people like them. Not sympathy, not empty smiles, not nonsense. It was the thought that you had done something to not worsen the situation if not make it better which saved him, and so she let him.

Do unto others what you want others to do unto you, she thought wryly.

"So what are your takes about this recent development?" she asked.

"There are three possibilities," he explained. "The first is that he was the culprit and due to a series of unfortunate events, lost himself during the escape. The second is that he was acting under someone's order and subsequently removed from the equation in fear of leaking the truth. The third is that he was simply a scapegoat for a crime committed by another party."

"And which one are you more inclined to believe?"

"The second," his answer was quick and certain. "The first depends on a lot of chances and ill lucks, which while are not impossible, have a much smaller probability than the others. As for the third, I think there are other methods they can employ which can safely remove the body with a smaller risk of it being found."

She arched twin skeptical eyebrows. "In this condition, isn't to dump it at the sea is one of the most hassle-free methods to remove a body?"

"Well, yes," Shinn admitted heavily, "if they lacked any other means."

Cagalli closed her eyes, thinking about the suspect – or used-to-be-suspect. She had to agree with Shinn, the second scenario was the most probable from every angle now that he had been found dead. But whoever had done that must be working from the inside and she hated to even think that somebody in her country could do anything like that.

Don't be naive, she chided herself. ORB might be more stable in the last few years compared to the condition it had been left in after the first and second Natural-Coordinator war, but it didn't mean everyone was satisfied with everything. She knew very well that several attempts to take her life in said last few years more than testified for it. Sometimes it was painful to think about it. She had done so much, sacrificed so much, and God knows that she loved her people.

With a long sigh, she opened her eyes again, finding Shinn still waiting for her response, and was oddly comforted by his presence. It was lingering just beneath her skin, the desperation of not being able to help her brother because she didn't know what to do. This wasn't something she could make disappear just by patting his back and whispering comforts. This was in a completely different scale and she couldn't reach far enough to save him, her fingers only grasping air and emptiness while she witnessed Kira falling deeper and deeper.

That hopelessness, she thought she had gotten rid of it. But the truth shook her up and here she was, sixteen again and watching a part of her country blown up with her father in it.

"What about his family?" she finally asked, maintaining a degree of stability in her voice the Lion of ORB would be proud of.

"He didn't have one, Representative," his voice was deep, flat. "He was an orphan and brought up in an orphanage. He went to college on an Army scholarship, enlisted to military at the age of eighteen and for his whole life never officially left ORB."

"A perfect scapegoat."

Shinn maintained an expressionless face. "It is certainly one way to look at it."

"Does Kira know about this?"

"Yes, General Yamato also agreed that the second is the most probable scenario. But he is currently occupied by the Cygnusia case."

Right, the Cygnusia case. She hated to remember that her brother was the one who had found that room full of corpses. Other than that, apparently ORB once more had to put itself under limelight with every development in the case being announced. Various equipments found in the Second District bore the name of one of ORB's largest company and the world didn't need a genius to tell them who the seller was. Not all of them, but still. There would be investigations and she would be surprised if a trial did not follow.

For probably the hundredth time today, Cagalli suppressed the urge to scream. This really was the last thing she needed right now. Accusations – as if she hadn't gotten them enough – bombarded her country like a destroyer's barrage of fires. Lacus had tried to pull a lot of hidden strings to keep certain information to themselves and she knew for sure that Commander Jule hadn't been sitting idly either, but priority was priority. PLANT was in crisis, the Cygnusia case was big and the world wanted to know. ORB suddenly held no importance in front of so immense of a chaos and only served as a deer with a headlight, a convenient shooting target.

If only they were more powerful, she silently cursed. It was like a seesaw. She could maintain stability with Athrun at the other end, but now that he was not there, ORB lost all sense of balance. She had never known that their position was so precarious, not until now.

Which might be too late.

Cagalli returned her gaze to the lieutenant general and laced her fingers together on the desk, signing the end of discussion. "All right. Continue the investigation. For the time being, I don't think it's necessary to involve the other representatives. Just report to both Kira and me. Find another lead. I don't care how, just find it. We need to know who is behind this, for ORB and for him."

He saluted. "Yes, Ma'am."

It was already past seven o'clock, she realized with a hint of relief when Shinn had already disappeared behind her office door. She had been there since five in the morning and only gone out for meetings and more meetings. Lunch had been a hurried affair of four bites of hamburger and she had not seen Kira at all today.

She was twenty-two. Cagalli wondered if she could do this for another twenty or thirty years.

"Are we done for the day?" she asked tiredly when Donna entered the room.

Her secretary shot her a sympathetic look. "Just a couple of files for you to read, Representative, for tomorrow's meeting with the President of Morgenroete. You can take them home if you want."

"And now it's homework," she murmured with a pout, accepting the large brown envelope.

"The meeting is important."

"Everything is important if it's all up to you," she accused but admitted silently that Donna was right. The meeting would also be attended by the other four representatives whom she was rather reluctant to meet these days. Her permission to let one of their most important generals stay longer than necessary in space – as they kindly put it – was a topic they were never tired to bring up wherever and whenever. They subtly accused her of using her authority for personal gains, which Cagalli again had to admit, had a ring of truth in them. If it wasn't Athrun, she would never allow Kira prolonged his stay. Hell, she might have not sent Kira at all.

Power was a dangerous thing, she reflected on her way home. Lacus once had said that to her – to all of them – and yet they still carried out the plan and seized the world. And now she could feel it slipping through her fingers and she didn't like it. At all.

I'm beginning to get addicted to it.

Cagalli smiled wryly to her own reflection on the car's window. In retrospect, she had found power convenient and necessary, especially with the weight of a country on her shoulders. Power might be dangerous, but power was a necessity. Without power, she could not do anything.

The realization hit her like a winter avalanche. She still remembered who had once said to her and her reaction to it not long ago – only four years. And nothing would be able to make her forget what the man had become, the devastation he had brought. And the war that followed. And the lives that were lost. And MESSIAH. And chaos. Madness. Pain.

Putting a shaky hand on her temple, Cagalli tried to calm herself. She was not Gilbert Dullindal. Her friends were not that mad ex-chairman of PLANT. They would not become him, she was sure of it.

He wasn't mad, a small voice in the back of her mind told her. And you know it.

He simply wished for a better future.

When she climbed down from the car, Cagalli tried not to contemplate whether she had the same wish or not. You are home, she sternly told herself. Think about it tomorrow.

Greeting her at the door was the smiling face of her once babysitter and now trusted servant. "Good evening, Hime-sama."

Cagalli returned the smile, aware that hers looked much more tired and less spirited. "It's always a relief to see you, Mana, maybe because that usually means I'm home."

"It must be a tough day," she said sympathetically but did not waste time in her sympathy. "Dinner is ready. Do you want me to serve it now?"

"I've promised to eat with Kira. Is he home already?"

"Yes, Kira-sama came home about half-an-hour ago."

Cagalli nodded and proceeded to the stairs. "I'll see him first."

Her feet became heavier with every step she took and she wondered what the hell she was doing. She was not good at cheering up people and everybody knew that in the miserable state she was currently in, she tended to take many wrong turns. But Lacus had called her and said that she was worried about Kira, that his sister might be the only person who could help him right now because he obviously shut her out. He didn't let her in and Cagalli realized how much the fact hurt Lacus.

It might not help much, but it was better than nothing. And it wasn't as if she didn't notice what was happening to her brother. Kira knew how to put himself and he took his title, that 'Protector of Peace', very seriously. Responsibility had a whole new meaning when it came to him, which, Cagalli realized sadly, was not always good for him and his health, physically and mentally. It was like Strike-and-Archangel all over again. He had to protect. He wanted to protect. He couldn't be weak. He couldn't cry. He couldn't break down.

Murrue-san had mentioned it once to her, the hero complex her twin seemed to suffer. Cagalli could practically hear guilt in her voice while she was reciting those difficult times and how Kira had almost lost himself simply by thinking I have to, I have to and I have to. It was a warning, Cagalli realized with a sense of remorse, one she hadn't taken many actions on since she was too busy saving the face of her country.

She might shoulder the weight of one whole country but Kira was burdened by humanity itself, the role he voluntarily took when he had decided to ride to war and save them twice. Murrue-san knew this and it was why she had tried to caution her. And Mwu-san. During these three days after Kira's return, it was not seldom either for her to see the older man dragging both his superior and coworker out from their office for something as simple as lunch.

Hence the dinner tonight. Cagalli couldn't say that she was free of fault either, looking at the inadequate lunch she had had this afternoon, and she wasn't about to make excuses. At least she could assure herself that dinner tonight would be better. Maybe she could try that bad joke the Head Representative from Equatorial Union had cracked during their meeting this afternoon.

The door to his room was slightly ajar and Cagalli was about to announce her arrival when she realized what she was looking at. She stopped dead on her track, her body suddenly running cold, nails digging into the brown envelope she was holding and every document within.

Kira was standing in front of his closet, directly within her line of sight, and in his arms, tightly held to his chest was a familiar brown jacket.

Athrun's jacket.

She stood there as if in trance as she watched her brother kissing the jacket, lips whispering words she couldn't hear. His eyes were closed and on his lips was a smile, a beautiful smile which was so forlorn that it almost made her choke, her feet trembling beneath the new weight she had just discovered. This was not something for her eyes to witness but she could not bring herself to move from the heartbreaking picture. For a moment in that minute, for just a moment, she saw that he wasn't Kira Yamato the ORB general, the pilot of Freedom, the protector of peace, the champion of justice. He was just Kira, who loved his best friend Athrun very much.

Why must it be him? Haumea, why must it be him?

The first bead of tears slid down her cheeks and she felt like her chest was bursting with pain. She knew he was breaking inside and yet he felt so far, too far for her to touch him. The few steps in between, the door she was hiding behind suddenly became so much more. It was that gap she couldn't bridge and now that she had seen this, how could she? Lacus was not the only one he was shutting out. Kira wouldn't let the world see what he was feeling, how much he was holding inside, how bad Athrun's disappearance was affecting him.

He was alone. She might be here, trying to offer a hand, but he remained alone, fighting his own war in a battlefield no one else could enter.

Cagalli would have turned back and call the whole dinner thing off if Kira had not turned around and noticed her there. The shock was evident on his face and all of a sudden she felt guilty, aware that she had intruded what must count as a very private moment. She might be her twin, but there were things, moments she should have left alone – her brother deserved at least that much.

Still, whether this was one of them or not she really couldn't tell.

"Kira," she forced herself to speak, almost wincing at the weak sound coming out of her throat, and hastily wiped her eyes. "Sorry I didn't knock. I was–"

"It's okay, Cagalli," he said quietly, his usual melancholy look already back on his face even though he did little to hide the jacket. "What is it?"

Cagalli tried to smile, which turned out not exactly unsuccessful but still pathetically false if she were any judge of it. "Dinner, remember? You agreed to have dinner with me in your room today."

"Oh, right." His surprise was genuine, diluting the heavy air between them for a moment, and his posture became slightly more relaxed. "I'm sorry, I almost forgot. Come in."

"Thanks," she muttered, slightly relieved that he didn't make an issue out of her rather inappropriate behaviour. It was completely honest if she said that Kira was probably the last person she wanted to piss off on the face of the earth.

"There are a lot of things in my mind today," Kira mumbled, almost like talking to himself, and Cagalli realized that he had not fully recovered yet from the episode happening just a minute prior. And now that she was closer, she could see that his fingers were still clinging to Athrun's jacket, trapped between straps and buckles and, she realized bitterly, memories.

Trapped. That was what he was.

"Why don't you take a bath first?" she suggested, still with the same heavy smile which stubbornly refused to leave her face. "I'll tell them to bring the food up."

He nodded and hung the jacket on a hook, putting it away from her eyes before disappearing into the bathroom. Cagalli was surprised to find that she was relieved. She didn't want to remember Kira's face when he was kissing the jacket. There was a line there she had overstepped and this new knowledge destroyed her.

Kira didn't crack up. He just didn't. And if he started to show signs of cracking up, whatever happening bust be bad enough if not worse.

What was she thinking? Cagalli suddenly wanted to punch herself. This was about Athrun, of course it was bad enough! He was strong – he looked strong – and she took it for granted. She didn't think about the demons Kira had to fight in order to believe that his best friend – lover – was still alive. They were different from what she had to fight. Crueler, stronger, uglier.

For the first time in days – weeks – she wondered if it was better for them to find Athrun dead. This was worse. They were clinging to hope because there was no body found and who knows, who knows maybe it was better for Kira if...

Cagalli hissed loudly, horrified that such thought could set foot in her mind, and walked over to the desk, seeking refuge from the framed pictures lining up next to a pile of computer books. They were Kira's anamnesis, like Athrun had once christened them. She let her eyes travel from one frame to another, a wave of nostalgia sweeping across her heart. The four of them. Kira and his parents. Kira with his whole military brigade. Last year's Christmas party in ORB. Kira and Athrun. Cagalli smiled slightly at the last – it was her who had taken that picture during Athrun's brief visit to ORB nine months ago. There was this look in Kira's eyes, a mirror of the slight upturn of Athrun's mouth, which told her that she was looking at a couple very much in love with each other.

It was unfair, she said to herself, eyes blurring again. It shouldn't come to this. They were young. They had so much ahead of them. Maybe she didn't know that kind of love yet, but at least she knew what it meant if a sword lost its sheath. Kira was a sword, a sharp one but extremely fragile at that, and without Athrun he would–

It took her a few seconds to realize that she was thinking of Athrun like he was already dead.

The sound coming from Kira's cell phone was the only thing standing between her and screaming. She whipped around so fast and for a moment only stared at the source of the sound on the bed. The second round of its musical tune snapped her out of it and she hurriedly grabbed it, her heart beating three times faster when she saw the caller ID.

Yzak Jule.

"Hello?" Her voice sounded shaky but Cagalli really couldn't care less at the moment.

"We found something!" The voice that answered to her was excited, almost ecstatic. Her throat suddenly went dry and it took almost her all willpower to conquer the silence left by the overexcited outburst.

"You found something?"

There was a pause, in which she suspected that the caller had just realized who was actually speaking with him.

"Representative Athha?"

"Yes, Commander Jule, Kira is in the bathroom," she answered, firmness returning to her voice despite her numbing limbs. "You said you found something?"

"Yes, Representative," Yzak suddenly sounded reserved and stiff, which she realized sadly was the result of her title and position. Except Kira and sometimes Fllaga, everyone in the military always treated her in their most formal despite her age, even Shinn, and while this was something she had learnt to appreciate throughout the years, she couldn't help but to feel lonely sometimes.

Was this even important right now?

"And?" she asked again.

"We've just finished going through some of the security video which survived the explosion and there was something in it which may–"

"Wait a minute," she stopped him when Kira emerged from the bathroom, wearing a bathrobe with a towel tossed haphazardly above his damp hair. "It's Yzak Jule," she called to him. "He said they found something in the security video from that colony."

Even from that distance, she could see her twin's eyes widened. She put the call through a speaker and let Kira spoke to the line.

"Yzak? It's me. You found something?"

"Yeah," there was a breathless note in the ZAFT commander's voice and Cagalli found herself holding her breath as well. "I think... we think he's alive."

The silence which followed was heavy, loaded with feelings left unvoiced. Cagalli found herself sitting on the edge of Kira's bed, strength abandoning her feet completely once the news sank in. For the longest moment there was no relief, just emptiness, like every sense of emotion had been wiped clean. She carefully looked at Kira, at the stunned expression on his face, and then the fear that erased everything else as if he was afraid that he had misheard.

"What?" Kira's voice sounded weak.

"Athrun– Chairman Zala is alive. There is this one file, it's pretty hard to break the password and get into the system but we managed to do it. It's a recording from a security video and he's in there."

"He is?" Kira almost choked between the words.

"Yes," Yzak's voice was confident, even if a little smug. "It appears that he was locked in one of the rooms in the main building. He seems to be sleeping – or unconscious, we're not sure – and there are tubes attached to his arm but otherwise he looks fine. We have gone through every single body there and he isn't among them."

"Are you sure?" Cagalli took her chance to ask since her brother seemed incapable of any sort of speech at the moment.

"One hundred percent, Representative Athha. We have checked four times to make sure and we are in the middle of taking blood checks from each body to compare them with the chairman's."

"What about the room he was locked in?"

"We have also located the room – in the east wing of the building – but it is empty. Our assumption is that he went with one of the ships which had left the colony prior to the explosion."

Suddenly Kira came out of his stupor. "You have any idea where they might go?"

"Unfortunately no," the voice lost a little of its earlier complacency. "You've seen our video yourself. We can only see them leaving the colony but not where they were going. The possibility that he's on Earth now is just as big as anywhere else."

Cagalli threw another glance at Kira, anxious because her twin seemed determined not to look at her and stare blankly at the cell phone instead. "What about the system in the colony?" she asked, trying to sound calm. "Surely there's a log or something."

It was Kira who answered to her question. "It has been destroyed by the explosion."

"Yes," Yzak promptly confirmed, "but I can assure you that he is not among the dead bodies. The blood test will be finished tomorrow and then we'll know for sure."

Kira's expression was strange and Cagalli didn't dare breaking the silence. When he brought a hand to his eyes, she thought he was going to cry. She waited for a few moments, unmoving, looking at his shoulders shaking slightly, and thought at last. But to her surprise, his eyes were dry still when he lowered his hand, if a little hazy they seemed.

"Thank you, Yzak," he said softly, sincerely.

There was a moment of pause and when Yzak spoke again, he sounded uncomfortable. "I will contact you again tomorrow. Good night, General, Representative."

The room felt empty after call, the only sound far murmurs coming from the outside, and they stayed that way for a long moment. Her eyes never left Kira, reading the stiffness in his posture and those eyes now hidden behind a curtain of chocolate-coloured bangs, and she wondered if he was still wrecked by that fear. Hope was a very dangerous thing, fickle and insensitive, and this one soared far above the rest. But when Kira finally looked at her, Cagalli could see the splintered tension, the budding relief he was obviously suppressing. He mouthed something she couldn't hear, eyes shining for the first time in days, and all she could do was to reach for his shoulder, holding to it quietly.

"I..." his breath hitched and he closed his eyes, fighting with what might be a wave of tears. "Cagalli, I..."

"I know," she soothed, smiling at his overwhelmed state. "I know, Kira."

And the phone rang again.

They looked at each other after a brief glance to the cell phone and she instinctively tightened her squeeze. She saw him bite his lips and an unsteady hand reached out to accept the call.

"Yes?"

A pause.

"Miriallia?"

End Chapter Thirteen

-----

Notes: What does Millie have to do with this? We'll have to wait a few more chapters to find out. The next will finally deal with our missing man. Thank you for reading and please review.