Title: Crossfire

Author: Jusrecht

See Disclaimer and Warnings in chapter one.

A/N: Thank you for everyone who has reviewed the past chapters. Sorry for missing three months without any update. And with a poor repayment too. This chapter is relatively short compared to the others but I feel that I need to write it. We will take a break for a moment from the main plot and revisit PLANT. There is a healthy (or not) dose of angst included in here, so beware.

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Chapter Seventeen: Meyrin – Scars

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Home at last.

Meyrin sighed as the elevator started its ascend. It was her first day of coming back to work. She had expected it to be hard, working with the temporary chairman and still torn by the thought that everything was wrong. It turned out to be much worse.

She still kept her post, dividing tasks and responsibilities with another secretary the new chairman had brought in to help. Meyrin hardly minded since she didn't think that she was able to function to the best of her ability yet. As a matter of fact, it came as a relief to her because she didn't have to repeatedly come to his office to make perfunctory reminders. She didn't have to look at the man sitting behind the desk, expecting to see a familiar smile, only to be shoved back to reality when she realized that it was not him.

Algrend Hayes was sitting there. Athrun didn't return.

It was almost an obsession, the thought plaguing her days and nights. Her sister had tried to talk to her about it, but no matter how gently, Meyrin would always snap at her in the end. It was a poor repayment, she knew, to everything Luna had done for her. She had insisted to stay with her, paying no mind to the fact that she had to wake up one hour earlier in the morning in order to get to work on time. She would always rush to her bedroom every time Meyrin was wrecked by a nightmare, no matter at what hour. To top it all, she never complained.

Meyrin felt guilty. Luna had been so nice, but the thought of Athrun attacked her in wave after wave of cold anger and despair. Her anxiety, her hopes, empty though they might be now, were still eating her. They hurt a lot, so much that Meyrin chose to pretend that nothing had happened.

It didn't solve anything, but at least she could have a little comfort in the arms of ignorance, even if it was fleeting and false. That was why she couldn't appreciate Luna's attempts to make her feel better. For her sister, coming into terms with the problem was a necessary first step and it was exactly what Meyrin was not ready to do yet.

There had been flowers, twice sent to her, and Luna had spent the rest of both evenings mercilessly teasing her. No card or name had accompanied any of the beautiful bouquets, so Meyrin had taken Youlan's name off the list. She would very much like to think that it was Athrun who had sent them, but she realized that it was a foolish idea. For all she knew, it might be another make-her-feel-better attempt Luna had tried to pull.

It still didn't give her a reason to be difficult though, she realized guiltily. Her sister was genuinely worried because she loved her so much. Maybe she should cook for Luna tonight, to make up a little for her rudeness.

The elevator arrived on the twelfth floor with its usual 'ding' and Meyrin stepped out. Her room was located in the end of the left wing, a moderately large, two-bedroom space with a marvelous view toward the nicer part of the city. Being the secretary of the most powerful man in the country did have its perks. Meyrin sighed when a familiar ache fastened its frozen fingers around her heart. She really was getting used to it and the thought brought a shiver down her spine. She couldn't imagine a more awful thing to get used to.

Meyrin felt her breath caught in her throat when she noticed two officers in military uniform standing in front of her door. Their face betrayed nothing when they saw her, but one of them quickly approached her, his manner brisk and practiced.

"Miss Hawke?"

"Yes," her voice was frail, shaky when she answered. "Is... is there something wrong?"

"Please come inside, Ma'am," he stepped aside and opened the door for her. Meyrin couldn't respond, her heart thundering in her chest. Something had happened and she could feel that it was something bad. What if Luna...?

Her feet were wobbly when she finally found the power to move them and stepped into her apartment. The lamps had been lit inside and there were voices coming from the inner room. They usually meant that her sister had a chance to return early but this time, she was not so sure.

Already prepared with heavy anticipation, she was surprised to find Luna sitting on the couch facing the entrance, looking perfectly fine if a little worried. Her face brightened when she saw her standing rooted to the floor. "Ah, here she is!" she exclaimed. "Meyrin, Lacus-sama has been waiting for you."

Not quite over her initial surprise, she could only repeat, "Lacus-sama?"

True to his sister's words, a very beautiful young woman with long, flowing pink hair rose from the couch. Meyrin stared, dumbfounded, as the other approached her with a disarming smile. "Good evening, Meyrin-san. I hope the officers outside did not upset you."

"Oh, no, but..." she trailed off, still overwhelmed by the fact that Lacus Clyne was here, at her house. Even after working for almost two years as the chairman's secretary, she had never been particularly close with the beautiful mediator. Lacus had this stately air that often made Meyrin feel small in her presence. The ethereal beauty didn't help to improve her confidence either – if anything, it only served to make her feel even more inferior, being in the same room with this perfect specimen of female grandeur.

"I was asked to deliver a message to you," the intermediary said again, her voice every bit as lovely as her face.

"A message? But, Lacus-sama–"

"Lacus is fine if I may call you Meyrin," she smiled and guided her to the couch. "But before I tell you what it is, I need to stress the importance that nothing I disclose here may leave the room. This is classified information, but someone feels that you have the right to know about this. I happen to agree."

Meyrin could only nod. Luna, at the other hand, rose from her seat at this warning and waved her hand vaguely toward the kitchen.

"I'll go for a moment then. Would you like to stay for dinner, Lacus-sama?"

"Please don't leave," the pink-haired woman quickly said. "You're welcome to stay and I think your sister will appreciate it. All I ask is for you not to repeat to anyone else what I'm about to say."

Meyrin released the breath she had been unconsciously holding as her sister sat down again, close enough for their knees to be touching. It almost surprised her how vulnerable she had felt at the thought of being left alone. She had been so used to Luna's constant presence, to the feeling that she would always have someone to count upon. Luna seemed to notice this and gave her a small encouraging smile.

"This is about Chairman Zala," their guest said softly and Meyrin realized that she couldn't breathe again.

Chairman Zala?

"There have been some developments during the past few days," Lacus continued, blue eyes never leaving her. "Now we have a reason to believe that he is indeed still alive."

Meyrin forgot about her difficulty to breathe altogether once the news had sunk in. She stared at the mediator, only half-listening to her explanation about Commander Jule's recent discovery, the other half of her mind covered by an alien emotion which tasted too much like dread. Somewhere in the darkest depth of her mind, a voice was screaming 'impossible!', making her hands tremble.

"We may not know for sure, but the video recording is definitely something" Lacus was still speaking, her gentle voice falling upon her ears like the beguiling singing of sirens, beautiful but deadly. "The most important of all, two days ago Kira received a call from an old friend who told him that she had made a contact with Athrun. She is a friend we trust deeply, so I doubt that she is only playing a trick on us. For precaution, I cannot tell you more but we may expect to hear from him directly in a few days."

Those blue eyes were still staring at her, their depths calm and comforting. Meyrin felt like they were the only thing she was holding onto as she trudged forward slowly on this uncertain path between hope and despair.

"So he is alive," she whispered weakly, afraid that at any moment she would feel her sister shaking her up and everything would fade like so many dreams she had experienced since the accident. As if sensing her uncertainty, the mediator smiled at her.

"Yes, I think we can be certain of that."

The silence which followed was heavy, full with emotions waiting to burst. Meyrin was faintly aware of her sister's arm circling her shoulders, but she only looked down at her own hands, wishing that she could assure herself that this wasn't a dream. She had repeated the experience too many times and by each moment, the pain only got worse. She would wake up with tears streaming down her face and Luna would make such a fuss over her and gain more tired, anxious lines on her face.

But what if this time it was real?

She heaved a deep breath, preparing for the worst as she felt herself once more giving in to that bittersweet tang of hope. It was a thoroughly familiar feeling by now. She might be able to write a thesis on that.

"Hey," Luna's confident voice pierced through the dense mist in her mind and she found herself looking up at her smiling face. "You aren't dreaming, Meyrin. Trust me."

"You said that too that time," she murmured but didn't explain when her sister gave her a puzzled look. Instead, she turned her attention to Lacus's waiting gaze.

"It's General Yamato, isn't it?" she inquired quietly. "The one who asked you to tell me."

There was an enigmatic look on the mediator's face as she gave her a slight nod. "He was one of two. The other one asked me not to tell you his identity. Yet, at least," she added in amusement.

Meyrin could only respond with a faint 'oh'. She had suspected Kira at once – the ORB General had always been so nice to her, maybe because he knew how she felt about his lover – but never thought that there was another who would go to such length worrying about her. She wanted to know – still couldn't silence the small voice that whispered to her that it could be Athrun.

He is alive. God, he IS alive...

"Maybe it's your secret admirer," her sister suggested all of a sudden. "We know for sure that he is worried about you."

"Onee-san!" Meyrin felt her face heating up, but from what she couldn't tell. One part of her just wanted to cry and weep out those pent-up emotions within her while the rest had their interest piqued by this new possibility.

"Secret admirer?" Lacus asked with a puzzled tone.

"Someone sent her two beautiful bouquets anonymously, Lacus-sama," Luna generously explained. "One cannot help but to wonder, right? I mean, why anonymously?"

"It has nothing to do with this," Meyrin argued in what she felt her sternest voice, wishing that her face would cooperate and stop blushing. Luna raised her eyebrows at this.

"How do you know that?"

"I just do," she insisted stubbornly.

"I wouldn't be so sure if it was me," their guest suddenly contributed, a knowing smile gracing her face. "It may be the same person."

"See? Even Lacus-sama agrees with me," Luna declared triumphantly.

"I..." Meyrin took a deep breath, trying to calm her emotions. She didn't want this. Really, the thought was flattering, but she did not want this, not when it wasn't him. "It doesn't matter," she murmured weakly. "I mean, I am really grateful for his consideration but..."

She didn't expect the look of utter sadness that flitted across Lacus's face, or the equally sad voice that drowned every silence in the room afterward. "You know, Meyrin, there are times that..." the mediator faltered, her words disappearing like a window shutting out the rain, tiny pitter-patter echoing still in the background. In her clear blue eyes was a shadow that Meyrin had often seen in the mirror, darkening her own eyes. Her lips tightening into a thin line, Lacus attempted a smile and said again softly, "Sometimes, even if it's hard, one has to let go."

Meyrin was taken aback. The insinuation was obvious, but it was that poignant smile which shot a dart through her heart. It wasn't the painful sympathy that always shaded Luna's face every time she mentioned Athrun's name. Luna had never understood, but here, this, that smile...

And then she remembered. Of course. Kira Yamato.

Here was probably the only person who understood fully what it meant for her to love Athrun Zala. How her own sobs sometimes played as a lullaby to send her to sleep. How she continued to live believing that he needed her. How she died a little every time he smiled at her. She was proud to love him, immensely so, but it didn't make bearing such love any less painful.

"Yes," she whispered. "I know."

End Chapter Seventeen

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Notes: Who is Meyrin's secret admirer? The clue is I have decided to break one of the most canon pairings in Gundam SEED and Destiny. Guess who XD

For everyone who is waiting for an update on 'Anonymity', please forgive the lateness. I have finished the newest chapter, but some technical difficulties between my beta and me have occurred. I promise I'll post it as soon as possible.

And please review!