Okay, Chapter Four! I'm surprised (and obviously very happy) by all the people who have enjoyed this story so much. Thank you so much for the reviews, I love hearing what you guys think of the story! I promise I'll keep this a light-hearted, humorous adventure, (if you're looking for drama, go read Occam's Razor, which I swear I'll be updating soon). I keep sitting around thinking about what other sort of horrible things I'm going to keep tormenting these poor characters with, and don't worry, I've got plenty in mind . . .
Mutually Assured Destruction
Chapter Four – Domestic Assault
Tynan
"I have confirmed sighting of the targets at the predicted location."
"And their status?"
"They're celebrating, the wenches! Seriously Heero, they've got like three bottles of wine and they're laughing and giggling and all! I swear to God, I'm gonna -"
"Do not engage the targets! It they're intoxicated it will make the mission parameters easier to obtain."
"Yeah, yeah copy that . . ."
"Maintain visual and report back as soon as they depart. I'm preparing the necessary equipment and supplies; I'll have yours ready for pick up as soon as we confirm they're indisposed."
- - - - -
Hilde threw her head back and laughed, her voice filling the pub as Relena refilled her glass. "Oh, I wish I could have seen his face! This will teach him to just conk out on me afterwards!"
Relena blushed a little, though it could have been the wine. "I swear the whole time I was in the locker room, I thought Heero was going to catch me."
"Oh even if he had, he'd been too embarrassed to do anything but jump back behind the curtain and start stuttering while you made a break for it."
Relena giggled in response, "You know they're going to be doing everything in their power to get us back for this . . . you might want to stay at my house until this whole affair subsides Hilde."
But her friend waved her off, "Relena please, do you really think that he'd dare go back to the house after this?"
She nodded, "I guess not, still though . . ."
Hilde, however, would not hear it, "Oh what are you worried about? You've got an armed guard basically 24-7?"
"Exactly! Heero and your boyfriend are in charge of it!"
The dark haired girl looked as though she was about to protest the statement but she was interrupted by the arrival of the bartender. "All right then ladies? Can I be gettin' you anything more then?"
Relena grinned at him, "No thank you Doyle, just the bill please."
After paying, Relena and Hilde stumbled to the street, into separate cabs, and off to a doomed night.
- - - - -
"Confirmed departure of the targets."
"They left separately?"
"Affirmative."
"Excellent, supplies are waiting for you in the designated drop spot."
"You got everything I asked for?"
"Affirmative, call if you require assistance and report in when you've accomplished the mission."
"Roger-Wilco, over and out."
- - - - -
Jackie Murphy sat bolt upright in her bed. There was a phone ringing somewhere in her room, but it wasn't her land line. Throwing aside the covers she leapt out of bed and frantically grabbed the still ringing cell phone in her work bag . . . her standard issues Preventers cell phone, the one that never rung when she was off duty unless there was an emergency.
Looking at the number on the caller ID her heart sped up and she flipped open the phone and held it to her ear, "Agent Yuy, this is Officer Murphy. What's the situation sir?"
"Calm down, Murphy. There's no situation." It could have been her imagination, but her commanding officer sounded . . . dare she call it happy? He continued, "I'm sorry to wake you at this hour –"
"Not at all sir!" she interrupted, but he paid no mind.
"Yes, well as I said, I apologize for waking you. I wanted to call to inform you that I'll be handling the Foreign Minister's transport to her office tomorrow morning. You won't be needed until 8:30, so take this opportunity to sleep in a bit."
With that he terminated the connection, leaving a very confused Preventers officer in his wake. Jackie puzzled the conversation over in her mind as she walked back to bed; her and the other three officers assigned to Agent Yuy's command rotated weeks transporting the Foreign Minister back and forth to her office . . . it was a menial task, certainly not one that required the attention of an agent of Heero Yuy's caliber. As Jackie drifted off to sleep she couldn't help but wonder what was going on . . .
- - - - -
Relena reached her arm out from under the covers in order to slap her alarm clock off. Sitting up she rubbed her eyes and tried to ignore the headache that was developing; she really shouldn't have drank so much last night. As she continued to massage her throbbing head she swung her legs over the side of the bed and stood up . . . only to immediately shriek and recoil back onto the bed as her feet came into contact with something cold, squishy, and wet.
Looking around her room for the first time she gaped in horror at the floor; thousands of tiny Dixie Cups, each filled nearly to the brim with colored water, covered the plush, white carpet. At a complete loss for words she looked at her soaked feet which were now stained a light shade of blue. With complete disregard for her sheets she stood on the large bed, backing against the head board as if the cups might bite her.
Relena surveyed the room, save for a small patch by the door, every inch of the floor was covered in the cups and the phone that was usually beside her nightstand was no where to be found; her only recourse was to make a path for herself. Laying over the edge on her stomach she leaned down to the floor and lifted one of the cups. To her horror, the cups surrounding it also lifted off the floor, wilting, tearing, and spilling their colored contents on the floor. She set the now soggy piece of paper on the floor again and upon quick inspection discovered that, not only had the cups had been stapled together, but in their cheap design and production they were beginning to absorb much of the liquid they were holding, even the slightest touch would cause them to disintegrate. Trying to pull the cups apart would only create more of a mess.
Sighing Relena flopped backwards on the bed and stared out over the expanse of small paper containers, several red colored ones catching her eye. Standing to get a better look, she quickly discovered that they formed letters, letters which formed words, words which read 'THIS IS WAR'.
- - - - -
Hilde rolled over and swung her arm over her head in order to reach for her alarm clock . . . and sat bolt up right in bed as it became entangled with something.
Well she tried to sit up anyway, but her torso quickly met the same fate as her arm. Focusing her vision Hilde surveyed her bedroom, or what she could see of it at least. Everywhere she looked thick white string was stretched out in front of her, like some sort of horrible spider web. Immediately realizing that these were the repercussions of her actions yesterday, she took a deep breath and collected herself, then mustering her strength pushed aside as much of the string as she could with one good sweep of her arm . . . then screamed, loud and clear as she was doused in cold water.
Soaked and fuming Hilde looked above her bed to find a bucket dangling over her; written on the bottom in Duo's trademark scrawl was 'All's fair . . .'
- - - - -
Relena's voice was horse from yelling for someone to come rescue her, so when there was a knock at the door she felt an overwhelming sense of relief wash over her . . . which quickly dissipated as soon as the door opened and Heero Yuy strolled in, coffee mug in one hand and newspaper tucked under the other.
To her horror and annoyance he smiled at her as he stood in the only clear patch of the floor. "Well, good morning, Foreign Minister. Still in bed I see?"
Relena could no longer contain herself, "How the hell did you do this?!"
He looked at her with as innocent an expression as he could muster, "I have no idea what you're talking about Miss Peacecraft."
She glared back at him, "I'm serious Heero, I have to go to work!!"
He just shrugged, "So go."
Practically growling in frustration Relena looked around for something to throw at him.
- - - - -
Hilde had made it about four feet from her bed, which considering most people would have needed a machete to get that far was something. In the eight or so feet she'd managed to travel she'd been had another bucket of liquid dumped on her, (this time something sticky) tread across a pile of feathers which were now sticking to every part of her body below her waist, and come into contact with a section of the string maze that had apparently been coated some kind of color chalk so that bright lines of red, yellow, and blue now zigzagged across her skin.
Hilde could see the door not another ten feet in front of her . . . but making that trip was going to take every bit of training she could remember. In the meantime, she could imagine the horrible things she was going to do to her beloved boyfriend as motivation to survive.
- - - - -
"Alright Heero, you got me. Now this has been very fun and all but, Officer Murphy's going to be here any -"
"No she's not." he interrupted her.
Relena tried not to sputter as she glared at where Heero had pulled a large squishy armchair into the clean spot by the door and was reading the paper while drinking his morning coffee. "What do you mean she's not coming?"
He looked up from the newspaper, with a casually interested expression on his face, "I called her last night and told her that I'd handle your transport this morning," he turned back to his reading, "She's been working very hard lately, I thought she needed a break." he continued off-handedly.
"Heero, this is ridiculous, I have to go to work!" she tried to yell at him but her voice was still sore.
The expression on his face was a twisted cross between innocent confusion and a sadistic smile, "I'm not stopping you."
Relena stood again and stomped over to the edge of her bed, never wanting to throttle someone so badly before in her life; she was only eight or so feet from him, maybe if she took a running jump . . . "Of course you are! You've trapped me in my bed!"
He raised his eyebrows, just as she realized what she had said, "Hmm, better not let that one get around the office . . ." he flipped the page of his newspaper, "But as I said before, Miss Peacecraft, I'm only here to protect you, if you want to stay in bed late this morning that's fine with me, we'll leave whenever you're ready."
The tone of his voice made her want to hurt him bad enough that she considered running across the cups just to do that, however glancing down at her feet she changed her mind. Whatever Heero had dyed that water with apparently darkened over time . . . her first encounter had left all of the skin up to her ankles a lovely shade of cerulean blue, she shuddered to think what might happen to them if she came into contact with the water again. Fuming she glanced back over to where Heero still sat, taking a long draw out of his mug and apparently draining it.
He stood and set the paper aside, "I'm going to go get some more coffee, do you want any?"
Relena sat bolt upright, "Heero Yuy, don't you dare just leave me here!"
Heero turned back to face her, that small, infuriating, incredibly handsome . . . No, not handsome! It was a bad smile, a very nice . . . No! Bad smile! . . . Whatever it was he was still wearing it as he spoke, "You mean in your own bedroom? Surely Relena, this is much better than being left completely naked in a locker room for and hour and a half while you wait for Duo to convince Sally to bring some scrubs to his office then for him to come down with a pair for you." With that he spun on his heals and marched down the hall.
- - - - -
Hilde could just barely make out the door in front of her. How Duo had managed to pull something off like this she could not even begin to fathom, but she would be sure to find out when she was torturing him to death.
Pausing for a minute to catch her breath, Hilde looked down at the mess she had become. She was still soaked, streaked with colored chalk marks, and covered in feathers but now could chocolate syrup and something that was turning the right half of her body a dark shade of blue to the list of things that had been dumped on her.
Hilde took a deep breath and with one last push forward seized the door handle but stopped. She pushed it open the tiniest bit, waiting for whatever final booby trap Duo had set on the other side. To her surprise none came and forced the door open the rest of the way; no sooner had she stepped through it than she felt her foot catch on a trip wire and was suddenly accosted by an unknown number of cans of silly string.
Resigning herself to the situation, Hilde just stood there and waited for it to be over. Wiping the foamy substance from her face Hilde suddenly realized something else sat in front of her . . . a video camera mounted to a tripod, and attached was a note.
'Just wanted to see your face first thing in the morning . . . you always look your best right when you wake up."
- - - - -
Relena sat on the edge of her bathtub and looked down at her feet. After finally realizing that there was no other way out, she'd made the slow march across the cups to her desk, told the office she'd be late today, and had since been soaking and scrubbing her feet for almost an hour with no discernible results.
Beside her sat her cell phone, which she was impatiently waiting to ring after calling Hilde several times to make sure she had survived the morning. Just as she was contemplating sending someone to check on her friend, the phone began to ring.
"Hilde?!"
"I'm going to murder my boyfriend the first chance I get."
"They got you too?"
" . . . I'll tell you about it when we meet."
"Meet for what?"
"Relena, you're not seriously considering letting them get away with this?"
"Hilde, how much longer can this go on –"
"Don't get into your pacifism mode now! After what they pulled this is war!"
Relena looked down at her feet, a renewed desire for revenge bubbling to the surface, "So what's the plan then?"