Disclaimer: Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer.

Disclaimer: Lyrics are from P!nk, "U and Ur Hand"

CHAPTER TWO

CONFESSION

Thanks to Sam, I was in the woods near his house at midnight, crouched behind a bush, naked. Freezing my ass off. He's a gem.

I stashed my clothes beneath a thorny bush and stood under the moonlight, preparing to shift. I closed my eyes in intense concentration. Even after almost a year, it was hard for me to stay focused. It required a colossal amount of effort to force your body to become a huge wolf. A minute or two later, I opened my eyes again. Looking down, I could see four black paws. Time to go to work.

And I didn't mean killing some bloodsuckers. Tonight, the hard part would be not thinking about my new obsession: weed. I didn't need to hear about it, not from him. He doesn't have the right to tell me how to live. Not anymore.

I stalked into view of the small house and waited for the others to show up. I heard a large noise from behind me, the rustling of leaves. Cue the distraction.

I'm not here for your entertainment,

You don't really want to mess with me tonight,

Just stop and take a second,

I was fine before you walked into my life,

Cuz you know it's over,

Before it began,

Keep your drink; just give me the money,

It's just you and your hand tonight,

Midnight, I'm drunk, I don't give a fuck…

I usually hate whiny girl rock songs. But for Pink, I make an exception. That bitch knows how to be: independent, strong, alone. Plus, the guys would hate it. Bonus. If I could just rerun the song over and over in my head, hopefully I wouldn't be able to think about anything else. And hopefully they would try and tune me out.

Leah, I heard Jake, come on, stop it.

Yeah, my ears are bleeding. Paul seemed pissed off. I smiled to myself- watching him try and take me might be fun. I was actually pretty fast.

No can do, guys, I retorted.

Sam called us to order then. By now, we had all shown up. Fur in every color glinted strangely in the moonlight. Black, brown, silver, honey, and even some white clustered together, looking like a vulgar coat for an old woman to wear at Christmas. The kind PETA would throw paint on. I stood away from the rest- I would pass on the pack bonding.

Finally, several decades later, we were moving. The Pink song repeated in my head, and I ran ahead of the rest.

Leah! Sam came in loud and clear. Unfortunately. Go with Paul around east, he'll show you the trail.

Whatever, El Capitan, I threw back at him before hurriedly singing along to the goddess of punk herself. Sam always paired Paul and I together. I was too much of a bitch for anyone else to handle. He was, too.

Paul and I fell in together, matching each other step for step as we ran flat-out. I had to admit, the speed was cool. It was a rush. Paul stayed quiet, which was good. By quiet, I mean he kept the annoying self-chatter to a minimum. Aside from a few easily ignored snipes at my attitude, he was a good partner. Unlike the younger few, he had some balls.

As I predicted, nothing much happened. We ran for a while, trying to catch whatever scent he thought had been there. Early in the morning, exhausted and irritated, everyone met up by Sam's house again. No one had even smelled a damn thing. One by one, every person retreated back to wherever they had stashed their clothes to phase. I returned to the bush and pulled out my tank top and shorts. It was too annoying to carry underwear, too.

I closed my eyes in concentration for a second time, allowing my muscles to relax. I felt my limbs contract and collapse in, shrinking. Hair flew inward, to be replaced by mocha skin. My long hair tumbled around my face in waves, and I was suddenly bent on all fours on the grass, probably looking like a total idiot.

I yanked on my clothes, in a hurry to get back to the house. The faster this was over with, the faster I could get out of here. I ran back to Sam's yard, not bothering to knot my messy hair on top of my head as I went. It wasn't like there was anybody to look good for.

Everyone was giving me weird looks as I came back into their midst. I should say, there were more weird looks than usual. I knew that most of them half-pitied, half-feared me. I didn't care, as long as they all respected me.

"Leah?" Embry asked, sounding uncertain.

"What?" I had no idea what was going on.

"Did something happen?"

Oh shit, what did they hear? I thought I did so well, I didn't remember thinking of anything I shouldn't have.

"Um, no, Embry." I scoffed and rolled my eyes. I needed them to just shrug it off.

"Okay, but Leah, are you sure--"

I cut across his voice before he could say anything. "What, Embry? Stop whatever you're doing. I'm not your fucking friend, don't preach to me. Go find your Daddy if you want someone to give a shit."

That did it. Embry closed his mouth stupidly, hurt filling his face. Pussy, I thought. He was so sensitive about the whole Dad thing. I didn't really care, but if it shut him up I would use it. Embry walked slowly away from us. At once, dozens of accusatory eyes turned to me.

"What? Why can't everyone just leave me alone?" I demanded, taking off in the opposite direction that Embry had gone. Sam would yell at me later for that, but I didn't care. Because I knew what Embry had heard tonight.

He hadn't heard about my latest habit, he had heard what I tried to hard not to let them know. Sam knew, of course, and so did Emily. But it wasn't my fault; I couldn't help who I loved. Yeah, loved. Because my stupid fucking self can't get over him. We were supposed to be together forever. Embry heard what he didn't already know- I still love Sam. And he should love me, too.

I know that it eats him up. But he has Emily. And I have nothing, no one. I still care about him. He's aware of this, of course. I try my best not to think of it, but still, he fucking knows.

And yet he goes back home every night to his Emily, my mother-fucking cousin. I mean, how perfect is that? If there is a God, he hates me. Everyday, I have to look at them together. Happy, married, having a baby. Yeah, Emily is pregnant. With his child. Deep down, I feel like it should be mine. A long time ago, we had talked about it. I was going to have his babies, and he was going to marry me. But that was a long time ago.

While I was thinking all of these things, my feet were carrying me over to Adam's house. I needed something, it didn't matter what.

"Hey, baby," he crooned when I showed up, "back already?" Obviously, he wasn't complaining about the fact that I had showed up in my tank top and shorts, looking like I just rolled out of bed.

I tried to think really fast. Not easy to do, given that I had already smoked what was left in my car. It hadn't worked. I couldn't get the same release, the same high. It took more and more to find relief. I needed something better, because marijuana was not cutting it anymore. I couldn't forget.

"Yeah," I purred at him, hoping he wouldn't see through me. I was using him, it was so obvious.

He opened the door and I stepped inside the filthy house. I wouldn't have been surprised if there were rats there.

Adam closed the door with one grimy hand and reached into a sack by the door with the other. It was huge- did he have a friggin' marijuana field out back? I could recognize the smell coming from it a mile away.

"No," I stopped him. "I want something better."

He paused, and his eyebrows knit together. But he wasn't one to object on moral grounds; he was at least five years older, and I was technically still in high school. A wicked grin spread out across his face.

"I'll show you something better," he told me, giving my ass a pat as he walked past me into another room. I didn't even care- if it were any other guy I would have broken his nose. But Adam had something for me, so I would tolerate it. I would do anything to feel better.

An hour later, I was sprinting towards the edge of La Push, my nose still tingling. Whatever it was, it was great. I was free. Uninhibited. It was better than anything I've ever experienced. Weed made me forget, but this made me strong. I could do anything. So I knocked on the door of Sam Uley's house.

"Sam!" I yelled, not caring who I woke. The small place was dark. It only took a few minutes of yelling and rattling the door handle to make a light snap on, though.

The tall, handsome man I loved stumbled out the front door, groggily pulling on a shirt. "What the hell, Leah? It's four in the morning!"

"I don't care! How could you do this to me?" I practically screamed at him.

Emily was sleeping just inside, so he grabbed me roughly by the wrists and dragged me several yards from the house.

"What are you talking about, Leah?" Sam sniffed the air around me. "Are you…high?"

"What does it matter to you? You don't get to judge me anymore! I just came over here to tell you to go to hell! You left me. You left me. You left me." I repeated the words like a mantra, flinging them out into the night.

Sam's face puckered in pain. "I'm sorry," he whispered. "I didn't have a choice."

"You had a choice! It's simple, her or me. And you chose her! You married my fucking cousin, Sam! You were supposed to marry me!"

Sam just stood in the early morning dew, looking tortured. One big hand was still wrapped around my wrist, but the other hand was extended towards me, palm out. Like he was protecting himself from the sting of my condemnation.

The drug made me brave, and I was finally telling him everything that haunted me at night. I couldn't care that I would regret this in the morning, or that I was going back on every promise I had made myself; I had promised myself that I would never get hurt again. And this was going to hurt, laying everything out here like this.

"You know what, Sam Uley? I hate that I have to see you everyday, so goddamned happy! I can't ever be happy again. Look at me! I'm so fucked up…"

"I'm not that happy," he whispered, so quietly that I almost couldn't hear it. "You know why I left. It's like there's a string, connecting me to Emily. Nothing can break it. I can't lie- you know I wouldn't want to leave her, but I regret hurting you. Do you think I like waking up every morning, knowing what I did to you? You're right Leah," he took in my red-rimmed eyes and shaking hands. "You are fucked up."

Staring into his warm eyes, I felt it all. I felt his pain, his remorse, and his pity. But I could also see something else there. He belonged to Emily, body and soul. But there was still some part of his heart, somewhere, that I had touched. It was mine first, and it would always be mine. That was the best I would ever get- a piece of the man I loved.

I stumbled on my feet. The crash was coming already, and there was something else I needed to say. "I love you."

And then I blacked out.