Ah, it's been much, much too long since I last updated. Even though I'm basing each chapter on the originals, I'm finding it hard to be pleased with my own writing. I'm trying to take out scenes, and add in new ones. I actually wrote an entire scene between Misha and Takashi from his point of view, then decided that I really didn't like it. Heh. (At the same time, I'm trying to get back into Magenta Rain, because that story, too, has gotten a decent response.)

Well, here's chapter threee. And thankfully, it is also the longest of the chapter right now. Isn't that nice? You get a lot to read today, then. I hope that all of my fans will forgive me for taking so long to get this chapter done! (Thank you, to those who do -- I just settled in to the a apartment!)

And here's a special hello to Myu-chan, Seena, and Yuki! Thank you for talkin' with me so often, coming to my forum, and/or watching(and commenting on) my AMVs.

Chapter Three, How to Face One's Past

"Inevitably, all of that led to your failure as an angel," Aizou's voice rang through Misha's head. "Though now, none of that really matters. You can never become an angel, no matter what progress you make in that direction." The elder half-demon let a soft sigh pass through her lips, and she stopped for a moment, looking thoughtful. "You knew all of that when you agreed to become one of us, though. So there's no point in saying it like this…"

Misha stood silently, only a few feet away from Aizou in the front hall of their hotel room. She bowed her head and nodded quickly. It was the same old lecture that she had heard too many times over. Every time it was the same thing. She could almost recite it, word for word, as Aizou did -- though she would never dare to say it aloud in the elder half-demon's presence. She could never be ungrateful to her.

Besides, sometimes she really did need these lectures to get her back on track.

And after the way that Kotarou shrugged her off, she was really needing it.

"Anyways," Aizou continued, "Aya told me that your chance to greet Higuchi and Ayanokoji came the other day?"

A smile spread across her face, and she nodded happily at the memory. Not all of it had gone 'according to plan', but it had gone fairly well as far as Takashi was concerned. At the very least, she was going to be that positive

"Uh huh. I got to see everyone all at once! Su! It was great!"

Something flickered in Aizou's eyes, and she stared hard at Misha for a moment, as if trying to decide whether or not to take Misha's word or not.

"Is something…" Aizou seemed to hesitate for a moment, before she shook her head and decided against her question. Instead she went for the direct approach and said, "what aren't you telling me?"

Misha stood there for a moment, dumbfounded. She should have been used to her smiles being called on by now, but she wasn't. Even though Aizou, Mango, and even Aya always knew better than that, and it was more often than not that they called her on it, she was still surprised. Somehow, she had always been able to fool everyone with that smile of hers. Everyone had always accepted it from her, like Hiroshi had before. Why couldn't people just take that from her and not question her? Though it was refreshing… it also tended to be so frustrating.

"Kota--" she stopped herself in time to correct herself "Higuchi-san… He really seemed to, um, not want me there. Su." She laughed nervously. "I think I kinda botched that one. Suuu…"

She rubbed her arm, suddenly feeling a little self-conscious. Everyone had been working so hard to help her reach that point, and she had let them all down in an instant. She hesitated, and in that moment, everything had been ruined.

Bowing her head lower, Misha mumbled out a brief apology. She could not even look at Aizou right now.

"Well, it should have been expected," Aizou replied.

Misha's head shot up, and she stared at her with wide eyes. "Ehh?"

The elder demon's returned stare was calm and reserved.

"You did take off all of a sudden, on all of them," she said. "You should have expected that at least one of them would have been upset by that. Especially Higuchi. I'm sure that as far as he is concerned, you abandoned him once you learned the truth."

Misha opened her mouth to fight back against her, but her voice failed her. She was right. She was completely right, and there was nothing that Misha could say to defend herself while she agreed with that. It would have been a futile and pointless battle that she could never win.

Aizou smiled softly and took a few steps closer.

"Cheer up, Misha. This is your chance to change everything." She smiled a little more, which was strange for her. "Don't let it slip away. Remember that you only have two months left. Perhaps even less."

Misha stared at her for a moment. Was she serious? Was that really Aizou? That kind smile was nothing but a stranger to Misha. She had never seen it before.

"O-Okay. Su."

----------

Misha stretched her arms up towards the sky before she sighed and settled back on the park bench. Ever since she had parted ways with Aizou, she had been in the park. She had walked, sat around, and watched as the children played their games around the playground. She had watched and watched them, for who knows how many hours. They were all so innocent. So, so very innocent.

Thinking about Aizou's reminder sent a shudder through her. Not even these children would be spared when that time came. She shuddered again, and hugged herself. She suddenly felt cold.

They'll all… She could not even finish her thought. She closed her eyes tightly and tried to force back those thoughts. Her eyes slowly slid open again as another thought struck her. I only have two months to make things up with Kotarou-kun. Only two months, before… it's too late.

How exactly was she supposed to do it, anyways? As long as she had known Kotarou, she had never been a very good angel. In fact, she had been useless. She had always messed up. She could never properly protect him from anything, not even other humans. How much had really changed from then to now? At this very moment, could she make him happy?

Can I really do it? she silently wondered, staring at the ground.

She closed her eyes and sighed softly. Aizou and the others seemed to think that she was fully capable of it. But what was holding her back? What had always held her back? Even when it had been "Kotaroh" that she was trying to help out, things had not gone well. She had driven him to kill himself, so that they would never be parted. Unfortunately the attempt had been in vain, because his soul would not go to the same place that she would. Angels existed in a different part of Heaven than where the human souls rested.

She shook her head, trying to shake those thoughts loose. Thinking about Kotaroh-kun now won't help me!! And I gotta stop comparing him and Kotarou-kun! That's what I did wrong before!

"Nyaaah?"

Misha's eyes snapped open and she looked to her right, to where the voice had come from.

"Aya-chan?"

She gasped softly. She had honestly been expecting to see Aya standing next to the bench, but it wasn't her. It was Nya. He sat on the bench in his cat form, staring hard at her with his cold amber eyes. Misha shivered a little under his intense gaze, feeling a bit intimidated by him. There was something so accusing about the way that he was staring at her, she felt a little guilty.

It's true then, he finally began to speak, you became a half-breed. What a desperate move.

Misha said and did nothing. She just continued to stare at him.

I heard a great deal of talk about you last night. I wanted to see the fallen angel for myself.

Still she remained silent.

You stupid, useless angel! he suddenly roared at her. Doing such stupid things, turning a demon into a human… Why did you take Shia from me?!

"Shia-chan… Shia-chan was gonna die! Su!" Misha protested. "You said it, too! 'Cause of me, Shia-chan was gonna die and she was gonna let it happen. Suu…" She looked away suddenly, withdrawing into her own little world. "It was… It was the only way I could make it up to her. Su! It was my fault she was gonna die…"

Shia was mine until you came in and meddled with things!

Misha smiled a little when she felt the tears rushing to her eyes. Had she really done something so horrible? Maybe it was to him, but she had done it for Shia. She had nearly killed someone else--and to top it off, Shia was Kotaroh's mother. Somehow, that made her feel worse.

Do you think that justifies what you--

"You hurt her more!" she shouted at him, turning to face him. She leaned towards him a little, feeling the anger rising from deep within her. "I saw what you did to her, Nya-chan! You stole her beloved memories away! Su! You took all her happiness away and made her so alone… just for you… Shia-chan was so sad! Su!"

He hissed and bared his fangs at her.

This time, she didn't back down.

"Shia-chan gets to be with so many people now! She can be happy, and-and she won't be alone anymore!!"

You really don't get it, do you? he questioned. He shook his head, then turned around and hopped off of the bench. Stupid half-breed…

"But…" she mumbled to herself, blinking back the tears that were still threatening to fall. "I did a good thing, didn't I? Shia-chan… won't be alone any more. And now she can keep on living. Suu… That's a good thing, isn't it? I did the right thing… didn't I?"

She smiled softly to herself, and shook her head. She was sure that she fully understood the situation. Sure, it wasn't nearly as simple as she was trying to make it sound, but she was certain that there was nothing wrong with what she had done. There was nothing wrong with trying to lengthen Shia's lifespan. There was nothing wrong with wanting to give her a chance to be happy and with others for a change.

Nya had taken that all away from her before. He was the one who didn't understand…

----------

Angels were from Heaven. Demons came from Hell. Humans were from a land that existed some place in between the other two realms. Each served under a different alignment: angels were "good", demons were "evil", and humans began as "neutral" -- somewhere along the lines, guided by angels or demons, humans found themselves following that corresponding path. Both the angels and the demons could pass between realms; unfortunately, they could only survive in a realm that was not theirs for so long.

Of course, there were always the exceptions. Fallen angels had the will to keep themselves alive without needing "God's grace" to survive. Then there were the half demons with human blood that had yet to wake to their demonic half, as well as those who never would wake, and they could survive as if they were truly full-blooded humans. The half demons who lived with their demonic side awakened were forced into a different form of life. They had to feed on the 'life energy', the blood, of another living being to survive. However they usually isolated themselves from human interaction, and were shunned by all demons. Their existence was truly something pitiful.

There was also one last exception to the three species. A half breed between an angel and a demon. It was bad enough to be a fallen angel, or a half-human demon, but those who were half demon and half angel were nothing more than an abomination that needed to be destroyed. Those who were of mixed blood existed only because the ritual that would give an angel or a demon a human body had been interrupted during the middle of the energy exchange. It was usually because a mistake had been made in the preparations, though more often the reason behind it had been because the PBT of the Demon Council had found out about it and came in to interfere.

Those who willingly attempted to become human were always punished severely.

More severely than the crime of causing a human's untimely death.

Misha's eyes fluttered open.

Kotaroh-kun…

Angels, demons, and humans could never peacefully coexist. Even though the angels spent their lives doing nothing but trying to guide humans along the 'right path', they did nothing but pity them. Angels, collectively, seemed to think that they were better than the humans. Real angels were never seen by humans, and they certainly would never be touched by their dirty hands.

Despite the fact that becoming a real angel had been her lifelong goal, Misha had been ready and willing to give it up when Aizou approached her. She had always believed that it was, first and foremost, an angel's duty to protect and care about the humans they guided. But as time passed, she had begun to wonder: how could an angel properly guide someone that they looked down upon so much? Did that not contradict their own beliefs? Is that what becoming a real angel meant?

If it was, then she would not become like the others.

For her beloved Kotaroh.

No, that was not right. Now, she was doing it for Kotarou's sake.

With a heavy sigh, Misha pushed off of the park bench that she had been sitting on. How long had she been in the park for? It had to have been hours, she realized, when she glanced around and found that all of the children that she had been watching before had suddenly disappeared. After Klaus' visit, she had just fallen into a daze, thinking about things that she never really cared for.

Hadn't she shed this useless part of herself three years ago, when she left the country with Aizou? She was supposed to have left behind all of her uncertainty and weaknesses -- or at least by now, she was supposed to have grown out of them. Why was it that suddenly it felt as though the world was crashing down upon her? Why was it that when she looked at Kotarou, she still saw Kotaroh's face?

"I'm so pathetic," she growled at herself. She stood awkwardly near the bench for a moment before she began to walk. She wasn't really paying any attention to what direction it was that she was walking in; she didn't really care where she was headed now. She just couldn't sit still.

The roaring boom of thunder sounded in the distance as if confirming her need to get moving.

She closed her eyes and continued to walk as if she hadn't heard it. There was a second roar that tore through the sky, and this one was louder than the last. It was closer, too. Even if she began to run now she would not be able to escape the rainfall that was soon to be upon her.

What am I doing? she asked herself, coming to a halt. Although she had planned everything out, the fact of the matter was that she had no clue what she was doing, or what she was doing with her life. Even though she was certain of the direction that she needed to move in, she hesitated taking those steps when the time was most crucial.

All she did was run in circles, even when she was in the middle of realizing what she was doing. She knew exactly what it was that she wanted to accomplish, but when it came down to taking action, she refused to do it. And even when she recognized that she was hesitating at the very last second, she failed to brake the cycle. She had always been useless, but after she had started making changes in her life, it just seemed to get worse. No matter what she did, she always made a mistake and screwed things up. And because of those mistakes, she stopped to think her actions over for a longer period of time. But in the end, it all amounted to the same thing; she hesitated, then made the same old mistake all over again.

Just what am I doing here…?

----------

Kotarou sighed heavily as he quietly shut his math textbook. He glanced up at his bedroom window and stared at the cloudy sky. Mere moments after the third flash of lightning broke through the sky a heavy downpour had begun, and the loud pitter-patter of rain drops beating against his window echoed throughout the room. He took the noise as an excuse to pause his studying. He was having trouble focusing on them to begin with, this was just the easiest way out.

Ever since she had returned from America, thoughts of Misha had plagued his mind. When she was gone, he had often found himself idly thinking of her, but now it was only getting worse. Misha had returned from America a new woman -- or was that "angel"? He wasn't sure what to call her. From her dyed hair to her rougher, less feminine choice of attire, she looked less like an angel. He was not sure what he would consider her after that. Calling her demonic felt as though he was jumping ahead of himself, because there was nothing truly demonic about her; human seemed more fitting, but as it always had been with Misha, she was no where close to being human.

And then, there was the most infuriating moment of Misha's return that played over and over again in his mind. The way that Takashi had greeted Misha. Every time that he thought about it, he wanted to scream. It had been so friendly and close, as if they were close friends that had not seen one another in years. Half of that was true, as far as he could remember. Misha had never shown all that much interest in anyone but himself. But was he remembering that right? They way that she looked at Takashi, her nervousness, and the way that she smiled when he held her -- it was all so intimate.

When had that happened?

He had spent so much time thinking about it for the past few days. Takashi had been the one to see Misha off the day that she had left. He had come into the Tricot and delivered a present to Shia. Perhaps that was not all that had gone on that day. They might have decided to keep in touch. But the blonde had never mentioned anything of the sort, and he had never shown any indication that he and Misha were keeping in touch.

But what else could it have been? He could not think of any other reason that explained their closeness.

Kotarou drew his knees to his chest and sighed. If it's true, then the reason that he never let any of us know was because he wanted to keep it a secret. Or even, he was keeping it a secret for Misha-san… He dropped his chin onto his knees and let out another frustrated sigh. It was almost like they were a couple…

In the back of his mind he knew that it was useless to think of such things. Things had changed while she was gone. He was no longer the naïve preteen that she had so carelessly used. He had grown up, and was wise to her lies. He knew better than to sit there and long for her. He knew better.

It was time to wake up, and to change everything. If he continued to act the way that he was acting now, he would only end up bitter, hurt, and angry. And in the process, he would undoubtedly hurt Koboshi, as well.

"Oniichan!" Shino's voice called to him from the hallway. "When are you gonna make dinner?"

He sighed again.

"Soon… Shino, I'll make it soon," he called back.

A moment of silence followed his response. For a moment he had thought that she had walked away, but she finally replied,

"Alright."

He turned his head so that he was looking at the door and waited to watch her shadow disappear from the small beam of light that trickled in under the door. It felt important to him to make sure that she was gone before he shrank back into his own little world. If someone was near, then it wasn't nearly as private. Even though she had no idea what was going on in his mind, and even though the door was shut and she could not see him, he was still bothered.

"Okay, I'll see you then," Shino added suddenly. She finally walked away from his door, and back down the hallway, towards the living room.

Shino, too, he thought. She's depending on me, too. I can't let either of them down.

----------

It's raining pretty hard, Misha thought to herself as she rested her chin on her knees. She blinked, staring out at the falling rain. She listened to the soft echo of raindrops striking the plastic cave that she had sought shelter in. The playground had been the only half-decent shelter from the rain that she could find when it had began raining and she was still standing around in the park.

She moved one hand, letting it drop down on to the blanketed ground beneath her. She glanced down at the blanket for a moment, then turned her attention to it and stared. It was big and soft and made for outdoor use. She had found it bundled up on the ground and guessed that it had been left behind when the rain had surprised its owners. It was convenient, and she felt lucky to have it. Wet sand was always a pain to dust off.

Misha was bored just sitting there. She could only admire the rain for so long before she ran out of shallow things to think about. All of the thoughts that mattered, that made a real difference in her life, had already been thought out to death. Her path in life, the choices she made, and her sins as an angel. She thought of them so often that it was just ridiculous. All that she could do about any of it was feel regret. She couldn't do anything else about those times. She could not go back and right the wrongs that she had committed against the ones that she loved.

She could only go forward.

Why won't I do that? she asked herself as she leaned back against the cold plastic wall. "Suu…"

She heard footsteps suddenly. Shoes slapped against the wet ground, and the resulting sound was somewhat harsh. She stared forward, willing herself to push back all of those thoughts. She knew who it was that was headed in her direction. She could feel his presence deep within her, warming and comforting. That was enough to ease her thoughts. For a few moments, she felt nothing but relief.

She wanted to go to him at that moment. She wanted to force herself out into the rain, and to run to him. For the past three years, his letters had been what comforted her. Whenever she questioned herself, she would read them over, and his encouragement was what kept her going. She gained all of the confidence she needed, even when things weren't going their best. Now, when her mind was so troubled and she was falling apart on herself, she couldn't think of anything better than to have him near, or to be in his arms.

"Ta…" Her throat was tight and his name caught in her throat. She could feel the tears swelling at the back of her eyes, threatening to spill down her cheeks. She was going to break down, crying, and just let him pass her by. She closed her eyes tightly, her hands curling into fists. "Suu…"

He came to a stop suddenly. He skid a little on the wet pavement, the gravel crunching under his feet. Her eyes shot open and she looked up. There he was, standing on the path, staring at her.

"Misha," his voice was breathy. He doubled over, his hands resting on his knees while he tried to catch his breath. She could barely hear him past the rain. He swallowed hard before continuing, "th-there you are."

A wolfish grin crossed his face before he pushed himself up into a standing position. He placed his hand on his hips, sighing heavily, before he broke out into laughter.

"I knew I'd find you out here," he laughed, his voice beginning to rise above the sound of the rain, still shaking his head.

Misha smiled softly. That all-too familiar wetness filled her eyes, and she blinked quickly, trying to hold back the oncoming tears. It was obvious that the blond-haired teen had been out running for a while. Out, looking for her.

She gasped, suddenly remembering something.

"O-Omigosh!" she gasped, lunging out of the plastic cave and towards Takashi. Immediately she felt the cool burn of the rain at it pounded down upon her. "I-I'm sorry! Su! I completely forgot about it!"

On the day that she had been reunited with the others she had given Takashi the phone number of the hotel that she had been staying at, so that he could call her and they could set up a time when he could give her a tour around the city. She had gotten to know the city fairly well when she had been living there three years ago -- but that had been three years ago. Three years made a difference, though not by much. Finding her way around the city was like an instinct, she was never really lost even when she had no clue where she was. But, a reason to see Takashi was a reason to see Takashi, and she was happy for it.

Smiling, he shook his head at her.

"No, it's okay," he assured her. He reached out and placed a hand on her shoulder. He continued to smile at her. "It's okay. I'm just glad that I found you, Misha."

She returned his smile, taking a moment to wipe the water from her face with her hand. There was something about being around Takashi that made her feel so light and free. She could be herself around him, let him know when she wasn't feeling her best. Ever since the day that she had said her goodbyes, he had been the one who had been there to confide in. She did have the others, Aizou and Mango and Aya, but Takashi had been there for her in a way that no one else could be. With him, there was no way to let him down. He had always been so happy and so proud of her. He knew what to say to her so that everything just made sense, so that it didn't feel as though she was letting him down.

"I'm sorry," she apologized again.

He shrugged and let go of her shoulder. He began picking at his jacket suddenly, fumbling for the zipper with fingers that had gone numb from the cold. Misha stood there, hardly feeling anything, and watched him curiously. He pulled the zipper down and shrugged the jacket off.

"Takashi-kun?" she questioned.

"You're gonna get yourself sick," he sighed before he swung the jacket around her and draped it over her shoulders. He then used the grip that he had on the collar of the jacket to pull her closer. He held her near him but in a way that they weren't touching. He pressed his cheek against the side of her head, and stood like that for a moment, not saying anything.

Misha closed her eyes, enjoying the warmth of his cheek. She grabbed for the edges of the jacket and pulled it tightly around herself. The motion pulled Takashi closer, so that they were just barely touching one another. She pressed her face to his damp shirt. He was warm, so very warm. Her smile widened as his hands slipped down and around her waist. He held her tightly.

"Suu…"

Something flashed in Misha's find, the barest traces of an image. Her eyes snapped open and her body tensed. She knew without thinking what it had been: Kotaroh. She was so happy there in Takashi's arms. But even that was not enough to keep the brunette out of her mind. She pushed away from Takashi so suddenly that she stumbled back and nearly fell over.

Takashi just stood there, stunned, with his eyes wide and jaw hanging open a bit.

"I'm sorry," she apologize, again. She raised a hand to cover her mouth as if that alone could stop the frustrated scream that she could feel building up in her throat.

"Misha, what's wrong?" Takashi asked. He held back, though it was obvious from the way that he was looking at her that he wanted to close the space between them, to get closer to her and pull her back into his arms, to comfort her. She could see all of it in the way that he was standing.

I killed him… she screamed in her mind. She stared at him helplessly. Her bottom lip trembled.

Takashi returned the stare, his face still full of confusion. After a moment he opened his mouth to say something, then shut it. He hesitated for a moment, obviously unsure of what he wanted to say.

Finally he spoke, "who did you kill?"

Her eyes widened slightly and her hand shot to her mouth. She bit her bottom lip hard, frustrated with herself. How could she have said anything? She had only thought it. There was no way that she could have said it aloud. Not yet. She had thought about telling Takashi the truth once or twice, and had even been encouraged by Aizou on several occasions. But this was too soon for her. She didn't want to tell him about her past yet. Even when she felt safe enough to let him know, she had no idea how he would react to the information.

"I…" She was at a loss for words. I don't want him to know. What If he hates me for it? Kotarou-kun did…

"Misha?" Takashi questioned.

She stared at him. He was being so patient with her. How did he do it? Just about anyone else would have given up on her by now. She had danced over just about every possible subject that he brought up over the past three years, having to hide so much about herself and what she was doing. She had even refused to tell him when and if she would be returning to Japan. He had taken it all in stride, and told her that he looked forward to her return. He had been so patient, so wonderful with her. How could she drop this on him? How could she take back those words once they were out there?

No matter what she did next she came to a dead end.

She always hesitated, though. She had already said it, those words were out there. It was too late to turn back now. It was always too late for her…

"A-A few… years ago…" she stammered. She quickly turned away, hiding her face from his sight. She wasn't sure that she could face him while she said it. Yes, it was definitely easier if she didn't have to see him when she said it all. But that didn't change the fact that she had no idea how she wanted to start explaining everything. "His name was Kotaroh."

"M-Misha? Kotarou's still alive," he pointed out.

She shook her head and made a noise that was a cross between a laugh and a strangled sob. She sniffled. She reached to her face to wipe away the rainwater that was dripping into her eyes. Her hand was shaking though, she realized with a start. It was shaking violently, and there was nothing that she could do to stop it. She slowly curled it into a fist, hoping to at least get it under some control. But she knew how futile her battle was; her entire body was beginning tremble, and it was only getting worse. It was so hard for her to talk about this with anyone.

"No, it's a different Kotaroh," she told him. "A different one… Takashi, they were so different, but I never realized it." She could feel her hand starting to shake again. She sucked in a deep breath, trying to calm herself down. It didn't work, but she continued on despite that, "b-back then, Kotaroh and I were really close. We had each other. I-I… I was the only person he thought that he had. He said he'd give up anything for me. He even asked me if we could go out, and I was so, so happy."

She bit her lip softly, playing with it between her teeth. It was only after she began to taste the odd metallic flavour filling her mouth, that she realized how hard she was biting her lip, and she stop. She ran her tongue over her lip, tasting her fresh blood. The pain came as a slight relief; the taste of blood in her mouth was even better for her nerves, so very calming. She was startled by its effect, but relieved at the same time. If she could just focus on that then maybe she could get through this without crying.

"Misha, we should get under some place that's covered," Takashi spoke up suddenly, as if he had just remembered that they were standing in the rain. She heard the gravel crunching under his feet as he walked back up to her. "You're going to get sick."

No I won't… she said to herself. But aloud she said, "alright." She motioned to the playground. "That's the closest thing we've got."

Takashi made a face. "I was thinking, something a little… warmer? Maybe get you changed out of those wet clothes?"

Misha shrugged. "It doesn't matter now."

"Misha," he sighed, sounding more helpless than annoyed. His placed his hands on her shoulders lightly.

"If I hadn't promised him…"

"Huh?"

Misha blinked slowly. She felt cold inside. She had always known and accepted that it was her fault that Kotaroh killed himself. Even now the most prominent memory was the one of him floating face down in the lake, struggling against his dying body to give his last words to her. He had been smiling, so certain that they would be together after that. He had been happy to die if it meant that he wouldn't lose her. He was happy to give up everything if it meant that they would be together. But none of that mattered. In life or in death, humans and angels just couldn't be together.

"If I hadn't been so stupid, it wouldn't have happened. I wouldn't have let him down and none of this stuff would've happened. Suu…"

----------

"How is it, Misha-san?" Shia asked quietly, staring up at the night sky.

Misha smiled faintly. She raised the green mug to her lips and sipped at the hot cocoa that Shia had made. The warm sweetness filled her mouth. She had to admit, she felt a little bit better after tasting it. She had missed Shia's cooking and baking, and everything else the demon had done in the past. She was so motherly, so kind and caring. It was hard to remember that she had lived such a hard life.

"It's good. Su," she replied after a moment.

"How was America?" Shia asked softly, her eyes still focused on the stars above them. She smiled softly and tucked a few strands of her dark brown hair behind her ears.

"Interesting. Su."

"Yeah?" Her eyes darted to her for a moment, before returning to the sky. "I've never been there before. What's it like?"

Misha shrugged. The Haven had never stayed in one place for too long of a time. They moved at least once a month, and at times they hadn't even lived in any apartments or houses. Most of the time they simply stayed in hotels or motels. Their contact with humans was always limited, because their forms were so unstable it would have been hard to explain the changes that they went through twice a month.

Her reasons had been a bit more personal than Aizou's and the others', but she had never voiced them. She had shied away from contact with humans because when she was near them, she could only think of Kotaroh and Kotarou, and what a failure she was as an angel.

"Misha-san?" Shia's curious voice invaded her thoughts.

Misha sighed. "It's not all that different from Japan, I guess. Lots of humans, and some really big cities. Forests and everything, too. It's okay…"

Shia laughed softly, and it sounded awkward. Misha knew that she wasn't being her friendliest. She had been having trouble with that from day one. In the past she had been so open, and tried so hard to be so close to everyone. Now she was cold and distant, less than enthusiastic about anything in her life. Even to the people that had always been so good to her, she couldn't be kind and loving to anymore.

"We spent a lot of time trainin'," she said finally. "Mango, she's a fallen angel. She taught me lots about my angelic powers, things I didn't even know were possible for angels to do. And Aizou, she taught me lots about fighting. Anythin' and everythin'. Su. She became a half demon in the same way that I did."

"Aizou…" Shia mumbled to herself, her gaze dropping to the cup of cocoa she was holding, as if she was trying to remember something. "She used to be a demon, right?"

Misha nodded.

"How did you know?"

A soft sigh passed through Shia's lips. "Aizou's story is a very popular one in Hell. I don't know how much of it is true now, but it's well known."

"Oh…"

Misha brought the cup to her lips and sipped at it again. Aizou never spoke much about her past life as a demon, and so she never really knew much about her, or the circumstances under which she attempted to become human. She had never bothered to ask because the conversation always seemed to be painful for her.

An awkward silence passed between them. Misha had no idea what to say, and Shia did not seem to know, either. They both settled for being quiet, waiting for the other to find something to say.

Misha was the first to find her words.

"Shia-san, I'm sorry," she apologized. She looked over to the dark-haired woman. "All those years ago, it was my fault… It was my fault that Kotaroh-kun died."

Another awkward silence passed between them.

"Kotarou-san has grown up rather well, wouldn't you say?" Shia spoke up, changing the subject. She smiled slightly. "Shino-chan has, too. It's been wonderful watching them grow up like this. It's been like watching my own children growing up."

"Shia-san…"

"Kotarou-san told me all about what happened back then. I hadn't known any of it," she told her. "I keep thinking that if I had been there when he was growing up, I could have prevented it. If I had been able to stay there just a little longer, I could have let him know what was going on, that he wasn't just a freak. He could have lived a normal life in the Human Realm, as normal as the child of a demon could have."

It clicked in Misha's head, like a light being turned on. Shia blamed herself for leaving her family all alone like that. She had left them to fend for themselves. She had left them to deal with things that she had never explained to any of them, that could never be dealt with by humans.

"It wasn't your fault, Shia-san!" she exclaimed. "You didn't do anything wrong! You wouldn't have known!"

"I couldn't stay with them and continue living," she said softly, shaking her head. "I couldn't stay there and live, at all. There was only one way to do it, and I could never live with myself for doing that. Even that last time, I almost lost myself to the hunger. I almost did it…"

"Shia-san…" Misha was at yet another loss for words. She wasn't the kind of person who could easily come up with comforting words. She could only stumble over herself and hope that whatever came out of her mouth was enough to bring a smile to someone's face. "I…"

"I don't blame you, Misha-san," she said finally. "It's no one's fault that any of it happened. We all tried our best those days, but none of it was enough. We can only keep going forward, and enjoy the time that we have now."

"Y-Yeah. Su," Misha mumbled. She wasn't sure if she agreed with what Shia was saying, or If she really understood it.

"Becoming human is such a mixed blessing," she continued. "But because of it, I'm able to watch my children grow up. Even if these are just their reincarnations, I'm happy that I've gotten a second chance. Thank you, Misha-san."

With a soft sigh, Misha turned around enough to stare back at Klaus. The small cat had been staring at her for a while now, his eyes narrowed to slits, willing for her to drop dead where she was. She smiled softly. She turned back around and stared up at the remnants of the moon.

I'll become an angel again soon…