Miracle – V

Ichigo never remembered what happened after his dad said those words. He didn't remember whirling around, and he didn't remember bolting upstairs, or slamming his door. All he knew was that one second he was standing in the foyer with his father, and the next he was in his room, breathing as if he had just run a mile. His heart was racing, beating a violent tattoo against his chest. And the word rang in his head. Leukemia...Leukemia...

"Ichigo?" the door opened, and Isshin stepped in, looking hesitant, "Ichigo, are you okay?"

"Are you sure?" Ichigo's voice was low and disbelieving, "Are you absolutely sure?"

"Yes," Isshin didn't even have to ask what his son was talking about, "Her doctor is Kaname Seiichi, he's an old friend of mine. He told me everything I wanted to know"

"I don't...believe it," Ichigo said after a minute, "I don't. Are you sure?"

He didn't want to believe it. Even though, on some level, it made sense, he did not want to believe any of it.

"Ichigo, do you really think I'd lie about something like that?" there was too much truth behind those words to ignore. But really...it couldn't be true, could it? Ichigo realized something then; the truth was worse than any rumor the kids at school could come up with.

"Oh God...Rukia..."

"She was diagnosed when she was eight," Isshin started, "So young...she was in the hospital last year because she stopped taking her pills and no one realized it. She nearly died too, that's why they kept her in the hospital for so long..."

Part of Ichigo didn't want to hear this. He didn't want to hear about how Rukia had suffered, didn't want to know anything else. He was regretting asking his dad to investigate.

But part of him wanted to know it all. "I don't get it," he finally muttered, "How is it no one at school knows about this?"

"She's probably good at keeping secrets," Isshin said, "Maybe she just doesn't want anyone to know. Kuchiki...I know that name. If her father's Kuchiki Byakuya, and if she's anything like him, she's got a stubborn nature-"

Ichigo was no longer listening. His brain was still trying to absorb everything. Leukemia. Rukia had Leukemia. How could she act the way she did? How could she act so...normal, knowing what was happening inside her? And how could Ichigo have thought she was just another girl? "Ichigo," Isshin's voice broke through his orange-haired son's thoughts. "It's obvious she doesn't want this to get out. So don't harp on her about it, okay? Treat the way she wants to be treated"

"What do you mean?"

"Just treat her like she's a normal girl"

Later that night, as he lay in bed, Ichigo went over his father's words. It made sense, really; Rukia didn't want it to get out, she wanted to be normal. But how could Ichigo treat her normally? How could he act like he was just another clueless student. He wasn't just another student to her, after all; he was a friend, wasn't he? Sure, their friendship was a bit on the strange side, but still, he was the first person in the school that had really approached her, hadn't that told her anything about him? Hadn't that told her anything at all?

Before he could stop them, angry thoughts bubbled up in Ichigo's mind. If they were really friends, why hadn't she told him herself? Why did he have to go behind her back, getting information like this from his father, when it should have come from the source itself? Was he just not important enough that Rukia thought he deserved to know? Did their friendship really mean that little to her? Was it all just a game?

"I wish people would stop worrying about me all the time..."

The anger drained out of Ichigo. Maybe that was it. Maybe people who knew – doctors, parents, etc. – treated Rukia differently, worried about her too much. Maybe she didn't want her friends to spend all their time worrying, the way everyone else did.

Or maybe she just wanted to be treated like a normal girl. But could Ichigo do that? Could he face her now, knowing what he knew?

"It's not fair," he muttered, rolling over onto his side, "Why did this have to happen? Why to her? What'd she do to deserve this?"

Somehow, Ichigo kept a straight face through school. When Rukia greeted him, looking tired but happy, he managed to grunt out a 'hi' like he normally did. During lunch – for some odd reason Rukia decided to join Ichigo and Keigo – Ichigo was saved from having to talk; Keigo did it all, trying to impress Rukia. Ichigo had been right; Keigo definitely wasn't her type.

All and all, Ichigo thought he should be congratulated on how well he handled the day, all things considered. He treated Rukia exactly how she wanted to be: like a normal, healthy, high school student. And all that was fine.

Until they were walking home

"You have a lot of energy today, don't you?" Ichigo asked as he and Rukia made their way down the street.

"I was cooped up all day yesterday," Rukia said as she jumped over the cracks in the sidewalk, focusing all her energies on making sure she didn't hit even one, "I go crazy when I'm cooped up like that, I need to get out more. Then an entire day of school..."

Ichigo smiled in a cock-eyed way. It was hard to believe, just by looking at her, that this girl fought for her life every day

Maybe it was those thoughts that caused what happened next

"Come on," Rukia said suddenly, abandoning her attempt to not step on any cracks, "Race you to my house. My mom wants to see you again, she really liked you – for some reason, I'm still trying to figure it out, but whatever. Let's go!"

She took off down the street. Ichigo, not thinking, blurted out, "Hey, take it easy!"

Rukia skidded to a stop. Her back was to Ichigo. Her body had gone rigid. "W-What?" she stuttered without turning around, "What did you say?"

Ichigo regretted the words at once, "I mean...Er...I mean..." he stumbled over his words, "I didn't mean...I just meant...you were sick yesterday-"

He moved forward, stepping up right behind her, and rested a hand on his shoulder, but she jerked away. "That doesn't have anything to do with it," she said slowly, "You...Oh God...you know...I knew there was something different, I knew it...how?"

"Rukia – what are you talking about?" he had to look confused, had to act ignorant. But obviously he couldn't fool Rukia.

"You know!" she shouted, whirling around. Her eyes were blazing, but Ichigo could see tears, "How did you find out, how?!"

"R-Rukia, calm down...look, I don't know what you're talking about, really-"

"Yes you do!" she yelled, "I don't believe it...I don't believe it...who told you?!"

Ichigo was bewildered now. He hadn't expected her to be exactly happy when and if she found out that he knew, but she was really overreacting. He wished he had a little bit more of a clue on what to do. He could tell she was upset, but he sucked at comforting people, and he hadn't thought about what he would say if she took it badly.

"Rukia, come on already," Ichigo said finally, feeling flustered, "I-It's okay, really, I have no clue what you're talking about, I mean-"

"Don't," her voice was choked with tears, "Don't talk to me like that-"

"Like what?!"

"Like I'm some kid who doesn't understand-"

"I never said that!"

"It's none of your business," Rukia snapped, looking furious, "It was none of your business, you didn't have the right...how did you find out?"

Ichigo knew saying, "I don't know what you're talking about," would be way too overly repetitive. It was obvious she knew he knew, and saying he didn't know would have just angered her even more than she already was. He had to do something else, say something that wouldn't make him look like a completely jerk, something that would make her listen to him, realize that he hadn't meant any harm. But what could he say? "Rukia, just listen, all right?" he reached out to touch her shoulder. She pulled away from him, but not before Ichigo felt her body shaking. Whether it was because she was angry, or she was ready to cry, he didn't know.

"No, I won't!" she snapped, "You shouldn't have...you didn't...it wasn't your right, it doesn't have anything to do with you, you should have just minded your own business!"

And with that she whirled around and ran away, her feet pounding furiously against the pavement, her bag swinging wildly. Ichigo stared after her, blinking rapidly, his amber eyes filled with shock. He'd known she'd react badly...but what had just happened had been a complete and total disaster. And suddenly he wished he'd come up with a different way to reveal to her the fact that he knew her secret. Because obviously that wasn't the right way.

"Jeez," he said; his voice sounded weird even to him, as if he were being strangled, "So what the hell should I do now?"

Kuchiki Hisana looked up from her book as the door banged open. She was nestled in a corner of the couch, reading. "Hi Rukia, how was-"

The young girl in question darted through the living room, up the stairs, and to her room, slamming the door so hard the pictures on the wall rattled, and one actually fell. The sound of breaking glass echoed through the house like a gunshot. Hisana blinked as she stared at the stairs, then stood and walked up, unsure of what to say to Rukia, who was obviously upset. Before she knocked on Rukia's door though, she looked down to see which picture had suffered; it was one of the small family, taken the summer before Rukia started first grade. She stared at the picture long and hard before reaching her fist up to Rukia's door.

"Rukia?" she knocked lightly on the girl's bedroom door, "Rukia, what's wrong? Rukia, open up, come on," she tried to turn the doorknob, but it wouldn't budge. "We had to give to you the room with the door that locked," Hisana muttered, just a bit on the bitter side, "Rukia, open the door, please. I want to talk to you"

No answer. Hisana pushed at the door, wishing it would just unlock. She used to know how to pick-lock, maybe if she could find a bobby pin...

Ding-Dong

Hisana sighed as the doorbell rang, and made her way downstairs. She wasn't done with Rukia yet, but she couldn't leave whoever just standing at the door. "Kurosaki-kun!"

The orange-haired teen was standing on the doorstep, looking sheepish. "Uh...hello Kuchiki-san," he said in a hesitant voice, "Is...Rukia here?"

"She's in her room," Hisana said cautiously, "I don't suppose you know what happened to her? She seemed very upset when she came in"

"Yeah," he said slowly, "Unfortunately, I kind of do. Do you think she'd, um...talk to me?"

Hisana was a little confused. "I don't know, I mean...she seemed upset. She won't talk to me...Kurosaki-kun, do you know what's wrong?"

"It's a long story," Ichigo muttered as Hisana led him upstairs. Hisana noticed he looked upset, but decided not to push the matter. She knocked carefully on Rukia's door.

"Rukia? Kurosaki-kun's here. Do you want to talk to him?" no answer. Hisana was starting to get a little upset, which wasn't something that happened often. She knocked again, beginning to wonder if Rukia was even still in there, or if she had snuck out the window. It sounded like the kind of the thing the stubborn girl would do.

"Rukia, please," Ichigo said, surprising Hisana, "I'm sorry. Really, really, sorry. I didn't mean to upset you, I didn't know you'd...just talk to me!"

Nothing. "Kurosaki-kun?" Hisana said in a low voice, "What happened?"

Ichigo shoved his hands into his pockets, looking somewhere between annoyed as hell and worried. "It's...it's my fault, I asked my dad...he did some searching for me..."

"What do you mean?"

Ichigo couldn't seem to bring himself to look at Hisana as he answered. "I know...I know Rukia has leukemia"

Hisana's eyes widened in surprise. She didn't think she'd ever hear anyone say those words. "I didn't know she'd take it so bad, or I never would have snooped"

Hisana still wasn't sure of what to say. Finally she decided on, "How did your dad find out?"

Last time she had checked, after all, patient records were confidential – not open to the public. That had been one of Rukia's first questions, after all her questions about cancer.

"He's friends with her doctor," Ichigo said in a low voice, "Like I said, I asked him to...I just wanted to know...there were all these rumors, I wanted to know if any of them were true...I didn't know she'd take it so badly"

Hisana sighed wearily and started downstairs, beckoning for Ichigo to follow. He did so, looking rather forlorn. "She took it badly?" Hisana asked once she and Ichigo had settled on the couch. The orange-haired teen nodded silently, his eyes on the floor. He was obviously very upset. "I can't say I'm very surprised. She's struggled to keep it a secret for a long time now. She's...ashamed, I think. Ashamed that she can't just be a normal girl. I think that's what drove her to do what she did before, last summer...when she stopped taking her pills, I mean, you don't know about that, do you?" Ichigo nodded. "Your father really did his homework. Listen, there's one thing you should know about Rukia: she doesn't want to be treated differently. That's a lot of the reason why she doesn't tell anyone about her. She doesn't want pity, she doesn't want people to treat her like she's a delicate doll. She just wants to be normal. The only people that know outside of doctors and family are her teachers, for obvious reasons. And they've assured Rukia that they won't treat her any differently then they have any other students," Hisana noticed, with a pang, that Ichigo still looked rather upset, "I don't know what to say, to make this better, Kurosaki-kun, except maybe this; I know you didn't mean to hurt her. You just wanted to know more, and that's understandable, really. Rukia's a smart girl, I'm sure in time, she'll realize that as well. She may not see it right now, but in the long run, I think it will help, having someone else know her secret"

Knock-Knock

"Rukia? Open the door sweetie, come on..."

Rukia clutched tightly to her pillow, refusing to answer the summons. All she could think, over and over, was, how dare he?

"Rukia, you know he didn't mean to hurt you, he just wanted...he wanted to know more about you. Come on Rukia, be reasonable. You can't tell me you liked having to keep all those secrets from him, did you?"

She couldn't stand it. She grabbed her pillow out from under her and buried her head under it. Hisana's voice was muffled slightly, just enough to wear Rukia couldn't make out the words anymore. "He didn't have the right," she muttered, "He didn't have the right, it was none of his business, who does he think he is anyway? Why couldn't he just let it go?"

Her eyes stung with tears she refused to shed. She wouldn't cry, she wouldn't cry, she would not cry, if she cried she was weak, and she wouldn't be weak, she couldn't be weak...

Hell. She was weak anyway. She let the tears fall

Ichigo made his way home, head spinning. Everything Hisana had said was floating around inside his mind. Ashamed. So Rukia was ashamed. She couldn't stand the thought of being so different from the people around her, couldn't stand the thought of people treating her like she was weak. She wanted to be normal. That was understandable, of course, but it was something she could never have. And she knew that, she had to, but it wasn't exactly a reality she wanted to deal with. She didn't want to think about not being able to just be normal. So she hid it.

Mingling with Ichigo's pity was guilt. He felt bad for making Rukia so upset, hated himself for touching upon something she was obviously very sensitive about. Why couldn't he have just let it go? Why did he have to be such a snoop, why did he have to so desperately want to know every little detail about her? Why couldn't he just take a hint, realize that if she didn't want to talk about it, there had to be a reason. He should have been smart enough to just leave it alone, should have been happy not knowing.

A thought bounced into his mind, making itself heard over the din that was echoing in his head, putting an end to his mental beating. You love her

Love? Ichigo blinked. What the hell? He was only eighteen, he wasn't in love with anyone! And certainly not that annoying midget who's favorite pass-time and obvious goal in life was to drive people (namely him) to an early grave. Where the hell did love factor in?

Well, let's see, an annoying voice said in the back of his head, You like being around her, you want to know everything about her, you want to protect her...that sounds like love to me

Oh shut up, Ichigo grumbled silently

I'm just sayin'

Who asked you?

You did

Did not

Well you asked yourself, and considering I'm you, you kind of did-

"Shut up!" Ichigo said loudly. A couple of kids who were walking past him craned their necks to look over their shoulders and stare at him in a panicking way. He ran a hand through his orange hair, annoyed. And now he was talking to himself. He just defined sanity, really.

Look, the voice spoke up again, It's obvious you love her, isn't that enough? Why don't you just admit it and get it over with?

Because even if I did love her – which I'm not saying I do – that's not to say she loves me. Especially not after today. She probably hates me as a matter of fact

Does it make you feel better, thinking about her hating you?

"I'm home," Ichigo called listlessly as he walked into his house.

"Hi Ichi-nii!" Yuzu called back. Ichigo smiled at the eagerness in his sister's voice. She was so happy, so full of life. He couldn't help but wonder if Rukia had ever sounded like that without it being all an act.

Author's Note – /wearing a helmet ye-aaaaaah...right. Just don't kill me, okay? That's all I ask. I don't remember what my review count was last time, and I'm too lazy to go and check, so just review letting me know what you think, and I'll update when I see a number that looks good. All righty then? - Sam