Miracle – XIII

Rukia was heavily into the sulking mode. She knew sulking wasn't going to help her at all. But she really didn't want to be back in the hospital. It was a nightmare. So even though Rukia wasn't much for sulking...she planned on doing some heavy sulking.

"It's your own fault," Hisana had walked in Rukia's sulking session, "You knew what the weather was like, but you still went out," She rested a hand on the younger girl's forehead, and frowned, "Plus, you still have a fever. And the doctor said-"

"I know what the doctor said," Rukia snapped, pushing her mother's hand away. She knew she was being mean, but she didn't care. She was sick, she was in the hospital. All of that equaled one bad damn mood for Kuchiki Rukia. Hisana knew better than to take it seriously, of course. Her daughter's bad moo was almost guaranteed when a hospital was involved. "How long do I have to stay here anyway?"

"Until the doctor says you can go home," well that certainly did nothing for Rukia's mood. Hisana smiled as she watched her daughter's frown deepen. She'd understand someday.

"Kuchiki-san!" Rukia jumped a mile and looked up. Hinamori Momo was standing in the door to the room, smiling.

"Hi Hinamori," Rukia put aside the book she was reading and tried to smile. She didn't want Hinamori to think anything was wrong. "What's up?"

Just came to say hi," Hinamori shuffled into the room and dropped into the chair next to Rukia's bed, "I heard you were back. Sorry."

"Not half as sorry as I am," Rukia proceeded to tell Hinamori about what had happened. The girl listened intently, her head cocked to one side, her black eyes shining with curiosity.

"Ouch," she said when Rukia told her about the argument with Ichigo, "That's pretty harsh. But he did save you."

"Yeah. I still wanna kill him though," Hinamori smiled weakly. "But hey, enough about me. How've things been with you?"

Hinamori perked up at once. "Shirou-chan was here the other day!"

"Again?"

"Uh huh," Hinamori nodded, smiling, "He's off the crutches now, I think he's really happy about it too, but you can never tell with him, he always looks madto me, did you ever see him smile? I know I didn't..."

Rukia smiled. She couldn't help it. She was determined to be upset, but Hinamori's mood was contagious. And maybe she didn't want to spend the entire time sulking. After all, there were a few good points to this. She got to miss school. Then go back and listen to rumors. She quickly tried to think of something to say. "Hey, I heard you might be going home soon."

"Oh!" Hinamori looked elated at the thought, "Yeah, I meant to tell you last time I saw you. Ishida-san told you, right?"

"Yeah."

"It's really exciting, isn't it?" Hinamori went on, "I miss my parents, you know I don't see them that much-" Hinamori lived one town over from Karakura, and her parents didn't get a chance to come out and visit that much, "I was so happy when my mom told me, you know they've been trying for so long to save up enough money to fix the house, but the way things have been going, you know, medical bills and all, it's hard-" Rukia knew her family could relate to the money thing, "But my parents have been trying, and I guess someone finally answered their prayers. I can't wait, it's really exciting, don't you think?"

It was exciting – but it was also hard, trying to keep up with Hinamori's constant stream of chatter. Rukia's head was still spinning as she said, "Yeah, it's really great Hinamori. I'm happy for you, really, it's wonderful"

Hinamori grinned. Sometimes Rukia wondered if the younger girl knew perfectly well what she was doing, confusing the hell out of everyone, and went so far just to get a little more enjoyment in her otherwise dull life. "Kuchiki-san? Are you okay?"

Rukia jumped as Hinamori rested a hand on the raven-haired girl's arm. "What? Oh, yeah, I'm okay, don't worry."

"You sure?" Hinamori's smiled faltered to a look of concern, "I mean, you look kind of...I dunno. But are you sure you're okay?"

"Yeah Hinamori. Don't worry," once again, Rukia attempted to put on a smile. But once Hinamori got an idea in her head, it was next to impossible to get it out of her head. And it was a pretty accurate idea at that.

"Well, okay..." Hinamori blinked, unsure. But then the smile came back, and she said, "How long do you think you're going to be here for?"

"You're guess is as good as mine."

"Aw, too bad," Hinamori gave Rukia a sad smile, "Well, it's all for the best in the end, right? If you end up getting better-"

"Does it even matter?" Rukia wasn't sure where those words came from. But the next second there they were, hanging out in the open. Rukia wished she could take them back. Hinamori gave the older girl a look of surprise.

"What do you mean 'does it even matter?'?"

"Nothing," Rukia said promptly. She didn't want Hinamori to worry. The girl had enough of her own problems. "I didn't mean anything by it, it was nothing...never-mind, Hinamori, it wasn't anything at all."

"No, you meant something," Hinamori pushed, looking determined now, "What did you mean, Kuchiki-san? Don't you care about getting better?"

"It'll never happen, what does it matter?" Rukia said finally, trying to brush it off.

"Oh come on, Kuchiki-san," Hinamori tried to smile, but Rukia could tell the girl was upset now, "You just have to have hope-"

"Hope?" Rukia repeated in disbelief, "Hinamori, maybe you haven't figured it out by now, but hope doesn't exist."

Now Hinamori looked very upset. Rukia supposed she should have felt bad about hurting the girl, but she didn't attempt to stop herself. "Don't you care Kuchiki-san? Don't you care about...about getting better, about living?"

Rukia didn't answer. But apparently it was all the answer that Hinamori needed. "Kuchiki-san...don't you care?"

"Ishida-san?" Ishida Orihime looked up from the pills she was attempting to sort into their respective cups. Hinamori Momo was standing into the door of the small room Orihime was in, a look of concern on her face. Orihime was surprised. If Hinamori-san was upset about something, there were definitely bad things in the air. Orihime turned fully to face the young girl.

"Hinamori-san, what's wrong?"

"It's um...it's um..." Hinamori shifted from foot to foot, obviously unsure of what to say, "It's...it's about Kuchiki-san"

Kuchiki Rukia. She was definitely an interesting girl, at least to Orihime. She never ceased to completely amaze a person. "Kuchiki-san? What do you mean, what's wrong?"

"Well, um...I went to talk to her earlier, you know, 'cause it's been awhile since I saw her and everything, and we were talking, and she said...well, I said something about having hope, and she said..." Hinamori shifted again, her black eyes dodging everywhere, "She said hope was useless, pretty much, and I asked her if she cared about living, and she said...well, actually...she didn't answer, Ishida-san."

Orihime listened intently, feeling grave. Kuchiki-san didn't strike Orihime as the type to be suicidal...but with everything that was going on, between her parents and school, and that boy, Kurosaki...it'd be enough to drive a person completely nuts, in Orihime's opinion. "Ishida-san...you don't think she'd...do something to hurt herself, do you?"

Orihime knew where Hinamori's worry was coming from. So the young nurse said, in as a soothing a voice as possible, "Don't worry Hinamori-san. I don't think she'd do something like that. But if it'll make you feel better, I'll try and talk to her"

Hinamori smiled gratefully. "Would you?"

"Kuchiki-san?" Rukia was getting tired of hearing that. She looked up, annoyed, at Ishida Orihime, who was standing in the door, a look of concern on her face. Rukia sighed and once again put her book aside.

"Hello Ishida-san. What's up?"

"Well, I just had an interesting talk with Hinamori-san..." oh great. Rukia knew exactly where this conversation was going.

"Ishida-san, I'm not suicidal."

"I don't think you are," Orihime informed the girl, "Really I don't. But I do wonder sometimes... especially after last year. Kuchiki-san, why did you stop taking your pills?"

The question caught Rukia by surprise. "I uh...I mean...I don't really know why, I mean...I guess I just wanted to prove I didn't need them."

"Are you sure that's all it was?"

"Ishida-san, you wouldn't understand even if I explained it."

"So? Try me, you'd be surprised what I understand"

Rukia gnawed on her bottom lip until it was raw, almost to the point where it was bleeding. "I don't...it's confusing, Ishida-san. I've lived with this for awhile...almost ten years...you don't know what that's like, living with something for so long, knowing eventually, no matter what happens, no matter what's done, eventually you're going to die, it's going to kill you. Do you know what it's like, living like that? Do you know what it's like, knowing that your life's going to be taken away from you, and you have no say in it? I mean, I know no one really has a choice in how they die...but to know that my life,my death is all in the hands of the doctors here, doctors that have no clue about what I have...do you know what that's like? For ten years, I've had no control in my life. I just wanted a little bit back. I want control what happens to me. That's all I want. Just some control."

Her lip – which she had been biting in between sentences – was bleeding now. And though she hadn't noticed it before, there were tears welling in her eyes. Orihime sat silently for a second, staring at Rukia. Then she grabbed a tissue from the side table and handed it to Rukia. The young girl wiped up her lip, and said in a quiet voice, "You have no idea what it's like, do you Ishida-san?"

"No. I don't," Orihime said gently, "And I can't say for sure I ever will know what it's like. But I do understand what it's like to want some control over what happens in your life, and I can completely understand why youwould want it. But you have to understand, we don't get to choose our paths. Those are chosen for us. It's what we make of those paths that really counts. Remember that, Rukia. It's what youchoose that makes your life. And that gives you control, even if you don't realize it at the time."

Rukia rolled over in the hospital bed, groaning. "Great," she muttered under her breath as she tried and failed to sit up. She felt terrible. Okay, so maybe it was a good idea, her staying in the hospital. That didn't mean she had to like it. But still...she'd definitely felt better. "Okay, here's my plan for today," she muttered as she rolled stiffly onto her back, "I lay here...all day...don't move...sounds good"

Okay, so she'd had better plans in her life. Hell, she'd had worseplans, and besides, she was sick. She was entitled to not have brilliant ideas. Just as she was entitled to lay around and do nothing all day long. But as always, fate seemed to have different ideas for her. However, these ones might have worked out in the raven-haired girl's favor this time around. There was a first time for everything.

"Um...Rukia?"

Rukia's eyes snapped open, and she sat up with great difficulty. "Wha-at...Ichigo?"

The orange-haired teen was standing in the door of the hospital room, shuffling from foot to foot, obviously uncomfortable. "H-Hey," he said after they had stared at each other for a minute. His eyes kept dodging between Rukia and the ceiling of the room.

"What?" she asked in a thick voice. Her throat felt scratchy. "Never been in a hospital before?"

"No, as a matter of fact I haven't," he grumbled, "My dad owns a clinic, I've never had to go to the hospital. Idiot."

"Tch," she made a face and fell back against her pillow, eyes closed. If he was going to be snippy with her, she wasn't going to deal with him. A second later though, she felt a rough hand against her forehead. "Get off," she grumbled, pushing his hand away.

"Sick, I take it?"

"What the hell do you think?"

"Well, it's your own fault," Ichigo said after a minute, "You're the idiot that went out in the snowstorm, remember?"

"Shut up," she pulled the blankets firmly over head. The memory of the last talk she had with Ichigo wandered back into her mind. She wasn't going to deal with him if she could help it. And if she had her way, she could help it.

"What's your problem?"

"What do you think is my problem?"

"Che," Ichigo made an impatient noise in the back of his throat. "Will you please just look at me, Rukia? We have to talk"

"No we don't"

A hand grabbed the blanket and yanked it away. "I hate you," she grumbled, pushing herself up. The world spun weirdly before her eyes, but she did her best to just ignore it. "I mean, it, I really hate you right now."

"Is that how you thank someone who saved your life?"

"I didn't ask you to."

"All the more reason why you should be grateful."

"Just shut up already!" she yelled, losing her patience, "You are so damn infuriating! Do you do it on purpose or something?"

"Don't flatter yourself," Ichigo grumbled, "Can we please just talk like civilized people?"

"You're capable of doing that?" Ichigo glared at Rukia, who huffed impatiently. "What do you want to talk about, then?"

"What do you think I want to talk about, moron?" he was impatient now, "Look, about that fight we had the other night...I'm sorry. I think."

"You think?"

"Only if you're sorry."

"Gee, that's a fair trade."

"Well I'm not going to apologize if you don't!"

For a second they just glared at each other. Then a coughing fit overtook Rukia's body, and she doubled over as the coughs wracked her small body. Ichigo hesitated for a moment before resting a hand on her back. "I'm okay," she muttered when the fit faded. She straightened up, running a hand over her forehead. Jeez, even shecould tell she was burning up.

"Yeah, you sound really okay."

"Shut up."

"Make me."

"I hate you."

"I know you do," Ichigo laughed evilly as he sat down in the chair next to Rukia's bed, "Look, I really am sorry."

"Yeah...I am too"

The teens exchanged embarrassed sort of smiles. And for just a moment...things seemed just a little bit better.

Author's Note - Please don't tell me nothing happened. I'm well aware of this fact. Review anyway though. And...sorry for the long delay. I kept saying I was going to update then...I forgot XD - Sam