A/N – This chapter was very hard for me to write but I hope that you will apprereciate it and enjoy it. Thank you all for your great reviews once again! Anyway, on with the story!
CHAPTER 11 – PLEASE, DON'T SAY THAT
"What?" Michiru almost stumbled over at the same time those six words left the blonde's mouth. Haruka kept her distance from Michiru, seeing as how the shorter girl was stepping back in either shock or fear and the blonde didn't want to make matters any worse. The young racer sighed and looked down at her hands.
"I didn't mean to just say it like that. It sort of just came out." Haruka looked up, desperate for any reaction from Michiru. Instead she was greeted by a wall of silence. To Haruka, it seemed as though the other girl couldn't even bring herself to look in her general direction. After a few seconds Michiru took a few steps and sat on a nearby wall that came to waist height. After debating with herself for a few moments, Haruka took a tentative step towards the younger girl.
"Michiru?" After a few seconds, Michiru finally made eye contact with Haruka. Her eyes watered slightly with salty tears that threatened to fall from her blue orbs. The blonde took another step closer and broke the silence again;
"Just because it came out like that doesn't mean I didn't mean it," She slowly reached for Michiru's hand, and took it gently in her own. "I do mean it. I really do. Every single word." Haruka leant forward slightly to kiss the smooth hand but as her lips were about to brush the fine skin, the hand was pulled away by its owner. Michiru stood up, and began pacing back and forth in front of the blonde
"You say you're in love with me... Are you sure?" The blonde said nothing but nodded her head in reply. A small smile came across Michiru's features, but soon they were dissolved. Michiru stopped pacing and looked at Haruka, her deep eyes exploring startling green ones.
"When I first met you, I thought you were a boy." Haruka laughed gently.
"I remember, I thought you might have died of shock when you found out. Haha, but you didn't react that badly... in comparison to when Mina and Usagi found out. Man, I thought they were going to swallow their ice cream spoons." Haruka continued to laugh and Michiru's features softened once again.
"That sounds like those two... But Haruka, I think we need to talk. Seriously." Haruka's ears perked up. That sounded bad… she wondered if she should be worried? Michiru smiled reassuringly but the blonde's stomach suddenly lurched forward. This time Michiru took the silence as her cue to carry on speaking.
"At first I thought you were so arrogant. You were cocky and I thought you had zero respect for women. I thought you had zero respect for me, and then I found out about Keiko and the competitions... and I get that you were hurt and you'd rather not compete anymore, but I had really hoped that I would get to partner with you. And I thought you didn't want to dance with me... but then that samba! Oh God that samba!" Michiru's eyes glazed over for a moment as she remembered the first time that Haruka's hands ever touched her, and the first time that Michiru was sure that the blonde had some interest in her. Michiru's eyes returned to Haruka. The blonde had a goofy grin – she was thinking about the dance too.
"But to be honest Haruka, I thought at the time you only liked me for no other reason than you thought I was pretty. I didn't think you would actually like the real me. Everyone who meets me only ever thinks I'm uptight and rude and-" Michiru was silenced by the blonde's finger placing itself on her lips.
"No, Michiru, I thought you were cold at first, but after we spent some time together, I could tell that you were just like me. Putting up a front so others won't see the real you. But I saw a glimpse, and I loved everything I saw… everything I felt. I love you for who you are, Michiru, not for any other reason than that." Haruka smiled gently and Michiru fought back some tears. She couldn't cry, not yet… she had to get everything out of her system. Haruka inched forward but Michiru turned her head away. At first the blonde was hurt but when Michiru cleared her throat, Haruka was just more concerned because Michiru seemed so down.
"Haruka... I'm so glad you feel that way about me. But I need to tell you something, and I need to ask you something." Haruka nodded and waited patiently. Michiru took the taller girl's hand in her own and felt its warmth… its roughness caused by years of hard work on cars and outdoor training in the wind and rain. Michiru felt Haruka instinctively intertwine their fingers. The violinist looked up only to see Haruka smiling but looking anxious. She seemed nervous, but she was being patient.
"I really wanted to kiss you the other day. Ever since I had found out you were a girl, you were all that was really on my mind. And I was so desperate to just be in your arms again after we first danced together, and I was sure you wanted that too... and up until yesterday I was sure my feelings for you were a strong liking... fuelled by lust. Bu now, I'm convinced that's not the case at all." Haruka looked up at Michiru. The blonde was definitely worried. Was this all just a play from the other girl? Only time could tell. "I want to be with you. I do, and I had hope that you'll always feel that way for me, Haruka. Have you ever travelled around the world before? For work? It's not as fun as it seems you know, being moved from one place to the next… constant travelling, constant practicing, barely any time for yourself. Heh, it's funny when I think of it now, but when you travel solo, you're living your life for everyone but you. That's why my parents brought me here, so I could have two normal years of high school and life before I have to go on tour again. When you're on tour, you have no time for yourself, let alone love, Haruka. And I want to have time for you. I want to spend every moment with you. But I need to know, do you want to spend every moment with me?"
The tomboy stood up and gently caressed the smaller girl's cheek. Gently, Haruka felt the warmth of Michiru's skin, and for a second the racer had to take a breath and let all the emotions wash over her before she could speak.
"Of course I want to spend every moment with you, Michiru. And I know that touring isn't as fun as it seems. It's all work and no play that's for sure, but Michiru, if you're asking me what I think you're asking me then you should know how unfair that is. And if you are asking me to choose between you and the F1, then maybe I should ask you in two years to choose between your violin and me. What would your answer be then?"
Michiru looked up into searching teal eyes, and she turned away. She knew she would choose her violin, but begrudgingly, if she was faced with the choice. She couldn't really blame Haruka for chasing her dream, but a part of Michiru deeply hoped that Haruka would choose her, so that they could experience their new feelings together. Michiru turned away from Haruka and the aqua-haired girl looked down at her feet.
"Haruka, I don't know why I tried so hard. Maybe I should have left it until you came back I suppose… but maybe you would have found someone knew in one of the countries you visited... or maybe you would have come back and forgotten all about me. But I guess I thought if I peaked your interest then maybe I would have kept your interest." Michiru sighed, but then a pair of familiar strong hands rested on her shoulders.
"I wouldn't forget about you. I can't. The feelings I have for you, they're not just some schoolgirl infatuation. What I feel for you is deeper than anything I have ever felt for another. I thought I had been in love before, but I clearly didn't know what love really was... not until I met you."
Michiru's eyes shimmered as she could feel Haruka's breath on the back of her neck, and hear the sincerity with every syllable uttered from her mouth. Haruka took her hands away from Michiru's shoulder and kept them by her side;
"Michiru, I am going away to the F1 soon. I have worked so hard for this. I really have and I think I've earned the right to at least one year in the top division. If... if you truly feel the way you say you do about me, then can I ask one thing of you? Please?"
"What are they saying? I can't hear a word!" Leon complained with his ear pressed against the back door. Yumi shook her head at her husband's antics, he was intent on finding out what the 'two lovebirds' were up to outside.
"Leon, darling, leave them alone. Did you not learn anything from yesterday?" He instantly sweat-dropped, and grinned.
"Of course, I learned something… I learned that I should listen for you sneaking up the stairs!" Yumi simply rose an eyebrow at him, and he kissed her cheek affectionately. "I'm kidding! Look, I just wanna know what was so important that those two had to rush outside. Plus, if they kiss, it should be monitored – kissing leads to allsorts don't ya know?" He winked at his wife who rolled her eyes. Yumi knew right now it was a lost cause to get Leon to leave the two alone. In his mind, he was somehow helping them. As long as he didn't make matters worse, she was fine leaving him to his own devices – as long as he didn't embarrass her. Of course, Leon was not alone in his quest to spy on them – Usagi and Minako were by his side, intent on using two tumblers to listen through the wall. Ami couldn't help but point out that the door was nearly a foot thick and the tumblers were in fact plastic. After watching the three of them rush about by the door and trying to look through the windows without being caught, Hachi could no longer contain his laughter. Leon looked over to him and eyed him suspiciously,
"Are you laughing at me, Hachi?" More chuckling followed Leon's question, which earned Hachi a glare from a pair of green eyes he knew all too well.
"Leon, if you're so desperate to spy on Haru-chan, why don't you go more modern? I mean... there is CCTV out there and the security booth is only backstage." As soon as Hachi finished his sentence a blur of auburn and blonde whizzed by him and somehow rushed to the back of the stage in the blink of an eye. Hachi soon joined Leon, Usagi and Minako backstage and they were all looking down at the CCTV images, showing Haruka looking at Michiru with sadness in her eyes. The audio level was down and suddenly all four felt guilty for spying because they could see clearly this was not a happy conversation… but even through their guilt, Leon turned up the volume. He had to know why they weren't going to be together. They seemed so perfect for each other now. So with nothing but interest, the four began to watch and were soon joined by everyone else, intent on knowing what the hell was going on with the two drama-riddled teens outside the club.
"You want me to wait? With no guarantee of anything? Haruka, that's so unfair!" Michiru voice was clear and crisp in the cold night air. The blonde kept her eyes locked with the girl in front of her,
"It's as unfair as asking me to give up my F1 dream, isn't it? All I'm asking from you is for you to wait for me to come back, then we'd have all the time in the world to pursue our feelings and emotions." Michiru half shook her head, and half laughed,
"One day away from you would kill me. How do you expect me to survive a whole year?!" Haruka stayed silent for a moment before speaking again,
"It will be just as hard for me Michiru, but if I know that you're just waiting for me every day… then I can have the hope that an entire year will pass in the blink of an eye… if I can spend the rest of my life with you." It was only in this instance that Haruka realised the small tear that had cascaded down her cheek. She moved it away in one rough movement.
"Please, Michiru?" The aqua-haired girl stopped and looked up to the sky, and she thought deep and hard. She thought about how lonely her life had been. Her parents constantly travelled for work and so Michiru immersed herself in her arts, and that now evolved into work. And it took over her life. It all did until Michiru met Karin and she felt that she could let herself go and that backfired. Could Michiru really leave herself vulnerable for one whole year just for Haruka? What if Haruka went and found someone else and fell out of love with her; regardless of the blonde's sweet words, it could happen. Michiru would rather wait, but without promising anything to anyone. If she did and it all went south, then she would have to rebuild again.
While Michiru was deep in thought, Haruka was only confused; Michiru spent all her time yesterday getting the blonde's attention, and dying for a kiss and now it was like Michiru was avoiding her. The tomboy was certain she had made it clear that it was more than a physical attraction, so she thought it couldn't be that. Was there another reason? Was there another girl? No, Michiru would never do that, she'd have known anyway if there was another girl. There was no reason why they couldn't be together when the blonde got back. No reason except Michiru's personal reason. Haruka had to know.
"What is it, Michiru? Tell me… it's killing me not knowing! Why can't you just wait for me?" The silence was all that greeted the blonde again. Inside Michiru was fighting with herself; if she told Haruka about Karin she would more than understand because of Keiko right? Michiru decided she had to tell her. So with a deep breath and an even deeper resolve Michiru turned to the blonde standing behind her,
"Haruka, I'm just scared. The last girl I loved, she hurt me badly, and I've only just recovered and I don't want to fall back into the state I was before. I want to tell you about her."
Back in the security booth, everyone was hanging onto every word that they anticipated Michiru would say and as she was about to confess everything, Minako reached over and turned the audio off. A collective 'HEY' was heard, and Usagi shot Minako a look that was mainly puppy dog eyes and on the verge of crying. Instantly, Mina turned away,
"No, Usagi, don't give me those eyes!" Leon was still in shock at the audio being turned off, and Mina decided to continue to speak. "No, now you all listen to me; I spoke to Michiru earlier and she confided in me, about what she's telling Haru-chan now, and I am sure that it's a hundred percent no-one else's business. So don't even try and touch that dial. The first one to do so, dies… including you Rei." Minako shot her lover a look as the raven-haired girl's hand sneakily approached the volume control button. Rei instantly threw her hand back, and everyone turned to the monitor, seeing the two girls on-screen. Michiru looked to be holding back some tears, and Haruka looked confused but keept her distance. After a few moments, Haruka's eyes widened and she embraced Michiru from behind.
"Haruka, please, I didn't tell you this for your pity. It was just important that you knew about Karin."
"I'm not holding you because I feel sorry for you, but because I want to hold you. Michiru, can't you understand why I do the things I do?" The aqua haired girl nodded,
"Because you're in love with me." Michiru looked down at her watch on her wrist. "It's late, I should get going, Haruka. Good luck tomorrow." The blonde stood in disbelief, and managed to snap out of her trance and grab the younger girl's wrist in time.
"Wait, what? That's it? You tell me you love me… that you want me too, but that you can't wait for me? If you really feel the way you say you do about me, then everything you've done, the flirting, yesterday, none of it all makes sense, dammit!" Haruka's voice was rising beyond her control, and Michiru stayed still,
"It does all make sense. I love you dammit! That's why I did all that, to get your attention and to show you... but today, it really hit me as I told you before. You're actually leaving, it's all real. I had this stupid idea in my head that you might stay. I thought you might not go… that you'd stay with all your family and friends, but you're not! You're choosing to leave everyone! I am not making any promises Haruka, not to you, not now."
"Please, don't say that Michiru... please. What if we go all year and come back and start again? Then there was no loss, but we'd have promised it to each other… it would be more special."
"And what if you go and find someone else? It could happen, Ruka." Haruka shook her head,
"I don't want anyone else but you, Michi." Michiru smiled sadly,
"I really do have to go. Tomorrow's a big day Haruka. Take care and good luck." Michiru stepped up on her tiptoes and kissed the taller girl on the cheek before heading back inside to get a ride.
Everyone quickly moved from backstage as soon as they saw Michiru heading back into the club. As she entered, she approached the table, keeping her head down. She did not want anyone to see the tears escaping her eyes. She reached the table and picked up her bag while searching around the room with her eyes.
"Can I get a ride home, please… Mina?" Minako instantly nods in the silence and approaches the table herself, gathering her own things and gesturing for Rei to follow them. The room is still entirely quiet. Even the band had stopped playing at Hachi's command. As soon as Minako and Rei collected their belongings the door opened, revealing Haruka looking a little disheveled and as though she has been fighting back tears. She stood back, leaving the door open, and without another word Michiru began to walk past her. Haruka held back a surge of tears and managed to clear her throat, catching the younger girl's attention. Green eyes met blue in that instant, before Haruka closed her eyes and turned her head away.
"Good luck tomorrow Michiru-san." Michiru didn't like the suffix on her name again but she ignored it… she had brought this on herself. She really hoped that in one year Haruka would stay true to her word and love no other. Michiru knew she wouldn't, but to bury the pain of not having the blonde, she'd have to ignore the feelings she had for her. Michiru simply nodded slowly.
"Good luck to you too, Haruka-san." Without a final lingering look or second glance back, Michiru left the club and Haruka. Minako and Rei stopped by the door to see their friend, looking on in the direction Michiru just walked out of.
"Haru-chan, are you okay?" Haruka looked up into Rei's eyes and smiled sadly.
"No, Rei, I'm not fine." The tomboy looked around the room, aware of every single pair of eyes on her. Even Seiya was looking at her with sadness in his eyes; the last thing on this planet she needed was Seiya's pity. She looked away and instantly her eyes rested on her family; Hotaru, Setsuna, Yumi, Leon and Hachi all looking at her, at a loss for words. Haruka sighed… it was clear tonight was over.
"Thanks for coming everyone... but I think I'm gonna call it a night." Rei and Minako nodded and silently walked out of the door. After a few more minutes, everyone had left, but not of course before leaving Haruka with a look of empathy and sadness. Hachi held her a little tighter and whispered some words in his Latin tongue but Haruka couldn't make it out really. She knew it had something to do with not worrying and toughing it out. Yeah, that was easier said than done.
After Leon had started the car and they all sat in silence for about ten minutes. Haruka decided to look out of the window and think about everything. She didn't notice Leon glancing at her at every opportunity he got through his rearview mirror, and she didn't notice Setsuna ask if she was okay. What did break Haruka from her trance was when Hotaru unbuckled her seatbelt just as Leon pulled into the drive and turned off the engine. She leaned over to Haruka and held her tight in a sweet embrace. Haruka held her little hime-chan in her arms and she felt her body relax. She felt the purity in Hotaru affect her, it made her understand that Hotaru just cared for her, and Haruka let herself go. All the tears she had been holding in were released, and Hotaru held her 'papa' determined to be strong and to be there for her.
"Haruka-papa, don't worry. You're strong, you'll be fine. Let's get you to bed, and then we can talk about it, okay?" It was moments like this that Yumi and Leon were pleased they had raised a fine girl like Hotaru, who could be wise beyond her years. Haruka nodded in between sobs, and Leon helped his daughter of the car.
Leon wasn't angry at seeing Haruka like this, not like how he was when Keiko broke her heart. No, Leon couldn't be angry with Michiru. He knew that she too had her heart broken tonight, but for reasons only Haruka and Michiru knew.
Once Haruka was in her room, Leon and Yumi left Sesuna and Hotaru to spend the night with her, to talk to her… to calm her, to do anything they could to make her better. Leon stood in the doorway to his bedroom, with Yumi on the bed preparing for bed. Leon could only frown in sadness, and Yumi patted the side of the bed, and he slowly walked over and sat on the edge. Yumi instantly began rubbing his shoulders.
"Don't stress yourself, Leon. Haruka is a big girl and she will be fine. Relax for now and worry another day, love." Leon shook his head and he sighed deeply,
"How can I relax when my baby is next door crying?" Yumi stopped rubbing his shoulders and placed her head on them. He turned to her and kissed her forehead lovingly,
"Leon, she is my baby too... and I know you're protective of her but she can handle this one. It's not over until it's over, you know that. Now, let's go to bed and prepare ourselves for Haruka's big day tomorrow." Leon nodded. He knew that regardless of how Haruka was feeling, by tomorrow morning, she would put her fake smile on,… win her race… win her sponsors over, and spend hours at a boring banquet event celebrating Japan's finest talent and then... then she will come home and slum on her bed and speak to no-one until she leaves a few days later. Leon got changed for bed silently, as Yumi got the light and pulled the sheets back for him. Yumi fell asleep in her husband's arms while Leon kept his eyes on the ceiling, unable to sleep.
Down the hall, Hotaru and Setsuna left the room of a completely exhausted and sleeping Haruka. They both looked downcast, mimicking the blondes current state. Setsuna closed Haruka's door behind her and she looked down at Hotaru,
"What do you think she'll do, hime-chan?" Hotaru smiled sadly,
"Haruka will pick the racing... and Michiru. You know her… she has to have everything she sets her heart on." The two girls shared a sad laugh. Then both stared at the door of the blonde tomboy. Setsuna sighed heavily before she spoke two simple words.
"Poor Haruka."
A/N 2 - So that's it for today. Sorry for the delay between chapters but as some of you know it is much harder to write this than to read it. Once again, I hope you all appreciated this and please review if you've made it this far - it gives me good feedback for when I inevitably will go back and change this story when I am annoyed with it.
Oh and super special love goes out to Reusch17 for being a smexx incarnate and being my wicked proof-reader - without her this would not have made a single bit of sense :D
till next time ciao!