Voldemort Takes Therapy
Disclaimer: All characters and people that appear in this fic were not created by me; I'm not JK Rowling, or any of the other character creator people…or God.
A/N: This fic is going to get REALLY weird. Just for this chapter, I'm going to venture outside of the Harry Potter world and you will soon see why. I hope it turns out as funny as I imaged it.
Chapter 4:
"Okay Voldemort, we're going to go downstairs to the group meeting now. All of the patients with problems similar to yours are going to get together and I want you to admit that you have a problem. That's the first step to getting through all this," Dr. Crane walked over to the shattered remains of his door and stepped into the hall. Then turned around and waited for Voldemort to follow.
As they walked down stairs, Voldemort asked, "Can't I throw more darts at Harry?" He asked like a little kid pleading their mom for a cookie.
Crane chuckled as he held a door open for Voldemort on the bottom floor, "Maybe later."
He entered a light room with a bunch of chairs set in a circle. Only a few people were there. Voldemort took a seat to the right of a pale man with black hair and a white high-light. He noticed that almost all of the people had a weapon of some sort. He had his wand; the man of his left had a knife that Voldemort thought looked a bit like a barber's blade. Then a very strange sight caught Voldemort's eye. Across the room a man dressed in all black, leading a saddled black horse was taking a seat. He had a black cape and a sword at his side that seemed unusually sharp. As he sat down he held onto the reins of the horse; but the strange thing about this man was that he had no head.
Since there were so many open seats on his right, Voldemort considered putting his feet up; but decided against it.
Other interesting people came in over the next few minutes. None Voldemort noticed, except one. When a few more had come in, of all people, Remus Lupin entered the room. He noticed Voldemort at the exact same moment Voldemort noticed him. "Hey, Lupin! What are you doing here?"
Lupin walked over to Voldemort and took a seat on his right. "You'll have to wait till I have to say to the group just like everyone else."
"So, what exactly do we all have in common?" Voldemort asked. He was glad that someone he knew had shown up. Plus, he now had a reason to lean to his right because the pale man on his left was freaking him out.
"We all have unhealthy obsessions," Lupin said.
"And a lot are also freaks," Voldemort said, scanning the room. "But Lupin, besides the whole were-wolf deal, you never seemed to be that much of a freak."
"Like I said," Lupin sighed, "Just wait and see."
After a few more came in, all the seats still weren't filled, but Dr. Crane closed the door and stepped into the center of the circle. "Alright, this is part of all your sessions so yes, you are all supposed to be here. Now, this could take a few minutes, than you can all go back to your rooms, or it could take hours; it's up to you. All you have to do is state your name to the group, and admit to your problem. Once everyone has done so, your can all return to your sessions. We'll start with you…" Crane pointed to a man who, compared to some in the group, didn't look like a total freak.
The man didn't speak for a moment then took a breath and said, "My name is Hitler and I'm a perfectionist."
They went around the circle clockwise and when they got to the man with the horse and no head, Voldemort wondered how he could admit anything. But Crane pulled a chalk board on wheels out of a closet and pushed it over to where the man sat. Then handed him a piece of white chalk and the man wrote on the board, "My name is The Headless Horseman…"
Voldemort leaned over to Lupin and whispered, "How original." Lupin chuckled quietly.
The horseman continued to write, "…and I have a head chopping problem." He handed the chalk back to Crane who pushed the board back into the closet.
When the group came to Lupin, Voldemort was curious about what Lupin's problem was. Lupin said to the group, not to willingly, "My name is Remus Lupin…and…uh…I have a chocolate problem." Voldemort didn't want to be rude, so he resisted the urge to laugh.
Voldemort then said to the group, "My name is Voldemort and I have a murdering problem."
Then Voldemort turned his head to the man on his left. He was quiet for a moment as the group waited for him to say something. After a minute or so he said in a voice that gave even Voldemort the chills, "My name is Sweeney Todd and I have a throat slitting problem."
No one refused to talk, so Voldemort and everyone else got to go back to their sessions after a few minutes. He said bye to Lupin as they walked out the door and headed in different directions. When Voldemort saw the Sweeney guy out of the corner of his eye he let him pass and was never happier that he was bald and had no need for a shave.
A/N: Okay, so that was really weird. I was half making it up as I went because I had almost no idea how I was going to make this chapter work. I know I left the Harry Potter world, which is kind of cheating, but I wanted to do the Sweeney Todd thing. AND I WANT TO SEE THAT MOVIE!!! Anyway, send me reviews on this chapter especially because I really want to know what you thought of this one. More to come; and Tassel630, I'll try to use your idea in a future chapter.