Voldemort Takes Therapy
Disclaimer: You get the idea.
A/N: I'm soooo sorry I disappeared from fanfiction. Especially when a bunch of my fics were at their heights. But I'm back now and I hope everyone forgives me for not updating in months.
Chapter 5:
"Okay, Voldemort, here's a question. Being a Dark Lord comes with a lot of responsibility, right?" Dr. Crane held his pencil at the ready on his clipboard.
Voldemort answered simply, "Of course it does. With the Follower meetings, the standards you have to meet as a leader, the image you have to display to the public…"
"And from what I've seen and heard you're quite responsible in most of those areas," Crane stated.
"Well yes I-" Voldemort cut off himself and looked at Dr. Crane with a question in his slit eyes. "Most?"
Crane smiled. He seemed pleased that he had gotten what he wanted from Voldemort. "Yes, most. I've spoken to your followers prier to this session and I think you need to have a responsibility exercise."
"Which of my followers?" Voldemort said, a bit enraged by this.
"They all asked to remain anonymous. Can't say I blame them," Crane said.
"Eh," Voldemort muttered. He couldn't blame them for that either. It was probably in the best interest of their lives.
"So, I've found in my experience that the best way to learn how to be responsible is to care for a pet," Crane said and got up. He set down his pencil and clipboard and walked over to his desk. He leaned down out of sight to get something from underneath it.
All this time Voldemort was on a rant. "I have a pet! Well, more of an animal follower. Nagini. She's very loyal."
Crane poked his head up from under the desk and said, "Do you take care of her? You said yourself she's more of a follower. Do you feed her? Clean up after her? Care for her in any way like that?"
"Well, no I guess," Voldemort admitted reluctantly. "She hunts herself. Doesn't stay in a cage or anything like that. Okay fine. I suppose she's not really a pet."
Crane smiled and leaned back under the desk. "Well, I have a pet of my own that you can borrow for a day to care for. One thing is that Nagini is an adult and younger animals teach more responsibility because they need more care and attention." He stood up and set a carrier on his desk. The door of the carrier faced him so Voldemort couldn't see what was inside it. Crane pulled something out from the cage and walked over to Voldemort with his hands behind his back.
"So what am I caring for?" Voldemort asked suspiciously.
"A kitten," Crane said with his hands still behind his back.
"WHAT?! That is the stupidest, dumbest, most pointless-" Voldemort continued to rant and Crane held out a white kitten with black paws and ears and a pink nose. "-useless thing I have ever-Oh, it's so cute!" Voldemort took the kitten and touched it's nose to his. Well, what he had for a nose anyway. His voice suddenly went very high pitched, even higher than normal, as he said, "Aww! Who's cute? Who's a cute little kitten? I'll call you Fluffy-Doodles!"
A/N: What can I say after a chapter like that? Fluffy-Doodles will reappear in the next chapter so this story of "responsibility" IS unfinished. I'm not just going to end this here and go to another story in the next chapter like I was going to. This is too ridiculous to end here. I hope this and the future chapter(s) with the kitten are as funny as I pictured them. Please review and I'm sorry again for not updating in forever.