A/N: You know, for once, I actually don't have much to put up here. I apologize for the odd format of the previous chapter, as I was having... technical difficulties. I'll fix it later.

Disclaimer: I don't own 40k, or the all-in-one-house idea. I do, however, own a pillow.

Diplomacy Is A Real...

Chapter I

WHAT?!

-From The Personal Journal of Budosin "Bud" Karensk, Blood Ravens Captain-

While I am aware that the Emperor Himself has decided upon the course that has led me to these... events... I am still unsure of what he had been thinking. For us to negotiate with Xenos is bad enough, but Chaos? The Alpha Legion? While I do not wish to sound blasphemous, What The WARP?! And now we have to keep journals? There's only on reason why they would give us journals.

And I don't like it.

-From The Personal Diary Of Alpha Legionnaire, Alpharius #257, under the name 'Jack.'-

While I am aware that the Chaos Gods really don't like it, I have volunteered to be part of these negotiations. I am probably not the best choice, as I have a bit of kleptomania, at least we're not sending Kharn. While it is amusing to imagine what he would do to the walls here, it is still... unfavorable for him to do so.

The Raven refuses to admit that they gave us diaries, and insists on calling them journals. He also seems entirely too insecure in his own sexuality.

They gave us each a journal to write in, but they haven't told us why. My guess would be a test of our ability to 'get along,' with these journals to track our progress.

I swiped several Bolt-shell statues from the Blood Raven, oddly enough. I managed to get several teeth the Ork had in his pocket (my response was, what the?), several bottles of ale from the Imperial Guardsman, (he was drunk and it was in front of him) and a.. teddy bear... from the Tau.

These people are odd.

I swiped a bag full of a strange green plant from the Eldar. I'll have to try poisoning the Raven with it to see what it is.

When I tried to pickpocket the Necron Lord he put a spiked end of his staff in my foot.

Ow.

-From the Personal Journal of WootDakkaDakkaDakka Izzelf-

I IZ GREEN! I IZ DA BEST! I IZ (the rest of this excerpt has been lost, as the Ork ate the rest of the paper)

-From The Personal Journal of Farseer Shortmoose-

Duuuuudddeee... I am so tripping...

Hey, where's my stash?

-From The Personal Journal of Sirius Redwind-

Dude! I am in a personal meeting! I can't believe it! The people in charge are finally respecting me! Woot! Yay! Everyone seems so nice! I don't see why everyone says the Chaos dude is evil. He even patted me on my back at one point! It hurt, cuz, you know, power armour, but still!!

(inane, senseless chatter for several pages)

Hey, where's my bear?

-From the Personal Journal of Lord General Faust-

I am resisting the urge to shoot the Tau. Frakking idiot. The hippie-Eldar really doesn't help.

-From the Personal Journal of Lord Aulianas Darakathos-

Damn, that Tau is annoying. So is the Eldar. And the Humans. Hell, they're all annoying. Can't I just kill them?

No?

Damn. Eh, at least I'm amused watching the Alpha Legion-human pickpocket everyone. He tried to take something from me and ended up with a spike in his 3rd toe from the left.

The Alpha Legionnaire stole the Tau's bear... wait, bear?

Wtf is wrong with these people?

I know what you're planning, and I know you're reading this, so...

Chicken Duck Chuck Throw Monkey Mon'keigh Eldar Pansy Emperor's Children.

I have just shown the relationship of the Emperor's Children to Chicken, in exactly ten words.

-End Transcripts-

Gentlemen, Xenos, Daemons and Entities, in case you cannot tell, this 'meeting' is going to go badly. Very, very badly. On the plus side, that isn't the real meeting. Instead, as the Space Marines and the Necron have guessed, they will be tested. If they can prove to us that peace has a chance, then we will continue with this... mutual negotiation. There is something very telling in the fact that almost every 'diplomat' has brought with them enough weaponry to conquer three backwater planets. Each. Except the Tau, unless you count his disregard for his own proper language and grammar a weapon.

And now we shall review the vid--

Wait, what is that Alpha Legionnaire doing with Shortmoose's stash? Is he hiding it inside the bear?