Disclaimer: I own nothing to do with Hellsing, mores the pity. But one day...one day, i shall own it ALL! mwuh ha ha ha ha...gets dragged back to asylum

...

Having munched his way through the entire contents of the food table Alucard was feeling very hyper, if a little sick.
Spying Seras hiding in a corner, clearly a little worried by her masters behaviour; he ran over to her and grabbed her wrist.
"SQUEEEEE!" he squee'd as he dragged her into the centre of the room. As she stood there looking confused and out of place, Alucard ran round the room in a giant circle, before grabbing Pip by his over-long hair and dragging him into the centre to join Seras. They stood there looking sheepish whilst Alucard stared at them, as if expecting something. He tilted his head.

"Oh for…." He said, groaning. "Let me show you how it's done."
He walked calmly over to where Integra was standing, clearly amused by the situation. When she saw what Alucard was up to she backed away, protesting and cursing loudly.

She got out her gun. He got out his.

They were standing less than a metre apart, guns drawn and ready to fire. Alucard moved closer ever so slightly. Integra took aim and fired, just as Alucard grabbed hold of her shoulders and pulled her towards him.
Sensing his masters desire for escape, he held onto her tightly as he pressed his lips hard onto hers and kissed her.
She struggled briefly, then gave in to Alucard and kissed him back. There was silence around the room as everybody looked at them in disbelief.
When they finally let go of each other, Alucard saw that everyone was staring at him and glared back, gun still out. Both Alucard and Integra were soaked in blood from where Integra had shot him, not that they cared much.

"Now" began Alucard, not fazed in the slightest by what had just happened "You try"

All eyes turned to Seras and Pip, both of whom were still standing in the centre of the room.
Seras looked at her master, then back at Pip, before crouching on the ground sobbing. Pip knelt beside her and muttered something inaudible to all present, except Seras and of course Alucard. Seras stopped crying and looked into Pips eyes. She stood up and rushed out of the room, followed closely by Pip.

Now that Integra had recovered from her ordeal, she turned to Alucard.

"Vampire scum...stupid sod...swine" she muttered to him.

"What was that master?" Alucard goaded her just a little more.

"Who do you think you are bloodsucker?? You do that again and I'll have you eating garlic for the rest of your un-life. Damned stupid sod..."

"Did I offend you, my master?" he bowed sarcastically and laughed.

"Yes you damned well did." she said, blushing. "You think I'm going to let you get away with it you have another thing coming. MY office when we're done here."

"Yessir. But if you'll permit me to say Integra" he didn't wait to ask permission "you seemed to be enjoying yourself..." His evil laughter resounded round the room as he braced himself for the violent response he knew was about to come from Integra.

"Why you..." She didn't continue her sentence, merely shot him in the head several times, before moving onto other, more delicate areas of his body. When she was out of bullets she sat down on the ground and put her head in her hands.
Alucard wandered over and sat down with her.

Trying to force all memory of what had happened out of her mind, Integra raised her head and yelled at the remaining guests; those who had not already left the Hellsing mess.
"WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE ALL STARING AT?! CLEAR OFF!"
They didn't need telling twice, and soon all the guests had gone.
Integra still hadn't forgotten; she wanted to make Alucard feel as bad as she felt.

"Just because I'm letting you near me doesn't mean you're forgiven." she warned, before continuing "...so why are you so scared of balloons?"

He shuddered. That was one memory he had been hoping to forget forever.
"It was my four hundred and thirty first birthday…"
"…You remember that far back!?" interrupted Integra
"Of course I do. Anyway…I thought you wanted to hear this. It was my four hundred and thirty first birthday…"
"You didn't need to repeat yourself. You're getting doddery in your old age" mocked Integra
"Don't-interrupt-me. Like I said. It was my four hundred and thirty first birthday; lots of presents, cake, banners. You know the drill. And balloons. My dad was lobbing oranges at me and my mum…she was…off doing something, somewhere. I don't know where she was. Anyway…I was being attacked by oranges, and I stepped on a balloon…"

The sound of manic, unsuppresable laughter filled the room.
"A young Alucard being pelted with oranges…." Integra was hysterical "I…I just can't imagine it…"

Alucard glared at her. "If you'd let me finish. This is painful you know. Right. I stepped on a balloon and I went flying backwards. I was only four hundred and thirty one, so it hurt…it was orange too. It burst and I landed on the pile of them and they all burst too and…and…" He relapsed into the state of panic he was in before and started rocking backwards and forwards knawing on his wrist.
The giant red git was munching so hard he punctured something and sent blood streaming everywhere, worsening his already fragile condition.
Integra didn't have the heart to shoot him again. He was clearly upset; hard to believe for a creature such as Alucard.

"Um…Alucard?" He looked up "Lets get out of here. Heal yourself and go to my office. I'll fetch Walter."

"Y…yes ma…master." He stuttered through sobs.

On her way out, integra had one final question for him.
"I guess this means you have a grudge against oranges too?" She asked, receiving only a frantic nod in reply as he phased through the floor in the foetal position.