I'll Huff and I'll Puff

There was a real spring in my step as I returned to the cantina. It made me feel like my old self again. I could feel my old, winning, human smile underneath the fur and my elongated nose. I wished there were saloon doors for me to swing open.

Oddly, my usual ability to see in the dark failed me. I supposed this was because I had come bounding in so fast. I wasn't worried but a little more care would probably serve me better, considering I was here for a showdown with the lord of the underworld. I caught my breath and scanned the room.

He hadn't arrived. Not yet anyway. Fair enough, I thought. Probably better to get here first. I strolled over to the bar but was disappointed to see my least favourite of the bartenders. Wuhur was an uncooperative, quiet type. I asked him for a cold ale quick and he got me a warm one at his own pace. Eagerly I licked my teeth before I drank a little, then I headed over to a quiet, corner table. Angry and ready for a fight, I felt a familiar stinging sensation as my eyes began to change to red.

A few more gulps of room-temperature, watered down local brew later, and I was losing my bloodlust. I guess that's the wrong word. I hadn't decided yet what I was going to do with B.L., but my teeth had their opinion and they were ready to demonstrate. I hadn't brought my blaster. Either way, I needed to be ready, so I decided to sip from now on.

The place was packed with dangerous-looking smugglers and spicers. I looked around at the other patrons. To my surprise I recognised a few – a sign I had been here too long. The guy smoking the pipe who I saw the other day was at the bar, perched daintily against it and chatting with some short guys with bad jackets. I was surprised to find I actually snorted a laugh when I recognised Astronaut Dan at the back of the room, and I looked around for the greenies. After a while my eyes met Melsa's and she held up her hand. I couldn't see from here but I guessed this meant she was wearing the ring. Discreetly I raised my glass to her good health, hoping she wouldn't come over. She got the message. With the exception of my beer, all was well.

At one side of the bar I even noticed the two drunks who'd tried to pick a fight with me that time. Today, I was even glad to see them. Yeah, perhaps it was time for me to leave this planet. I still had friends back home, but not much work. Here the work I'd found had paid well but it was dangerous. I'd miss my keen eyesight and faster reflexes when I lost them. Once I was changed back, I'd be just about done here. I started to kid myself that when I returned Jahna would take me back. Yeah, sure. Girl like that'd probably be married by now. She was just too perfect to stay single. For a moment, like an idiot, I closed my eyes and remembered the good times.

If I was going home, I was going to have to figure out a whole mess of problems, and I'd have to think about maybe getting over the damn girl. I don't keep many friends – it's smarter to stay alone, but those I had told me there were other women as great as her. I wish they'd said that on Tatooine. The locals have a good expression I could'a give them back. Bantha p…

My lapse in concentration gave Doctor Four-Eyes the perfect chance to sneak up to me and screech into my ear.

'Zeebub is coming' was all I caught. He was panicking. These three words raised a whole lot of questions.

'You know him, doc?'

There was a squeak in the affirmative and I narrowed my eyes. In a moment the doctor was pressed against the wall while I brushed his fur, looking for weapons. There were none but my grip didn't relax. It wasn't easy holding someone that big in place, but I wasn't in the mood for games.

'Why didn't you tell me you knew him, McGee? What're you hiding?'

I managed to translate most of his answer, but it didn't get me anywhere.

'What do you mean, you shouldn't be talking?'

'He is coming for you!'

'That works for me. I'm waiting for him.'

'If he finds you here you will be hurt.'

'I'm ready for that.' I let go of him. 'How do you know him?'

There was no reply, but Four-Eyes backed away. I tried a guess.

'What, he turned you into the abominable snowman?'

Four-eyes made what sounded oddly like a hollow laugh. He said quietly, 'Don't face him again. Just drink your drink and leave.' For a moment he looked really sad, then said, 'I'm very sad to discover that your condition has nothing to do with womp rats.' Poor schmuck, that really did depress him. He wandered off then but stayed inside. Not as much of a coward as he seemed. Maybe he really was just trying to warn me. Or…

Zeebub slid through the door at that moment, grinning away. He ordered a drink, nodded as thanks and sat down in the middle of an open area. I figured he could see me, and I really, really wanted to make sure he didn't slip by and make his exit, but I was still thinking things over so I stayed put.

Then nothing happened for a long time. The Bith band struck up, playing that same song I still couldn't get out of my head, now mercifully free of Ackmena's vocal addition. I became angry at myself – the whole time I'd waited for my man I had thought of nothing. No plan, no witty opening line, no clue. I decided the best thing to do would be to wander over to the devil's table and start up a conversation. I did, and took my ale with me.

'Hi,' I said.

His voice travelled right through those teeth of his. His lips didn't move quite enough for my liking, but I sure wasn't going to let him frighten me. Sure as hell. 'Hello again James,' he said calmly. 'You have been looking for me this time.'

'That's right. Mind if I join you here?'

Zeebub made a nod of his head that told me that he didn't mind and also told me exactly where to sit. I moved to the next table. There were a few feet between us. It struck me as odd that he didn't feel safe, but it was an encouraging thought. I did as he asked, thinking it would help me to be able to see his hands.

A look of curiosity struck him as he waited for me to speak. I went with, 'There's no such thing as a 'Devaronian' is there, B.L.?'

'Indeed there is. It is the name of my species.'

I tried to make my eyes glow red to show him I wouldn't be lied to, but I just couldn't make it happen. My eyes stung all right, but because I was straining them so hard. Well, I had other tactics. I bared my fangs and tried to bark at him, a clear threat like you get from a mynhund when you get too close to its young. For some reason I couldn't make the desired scary noise. I just sounded like I was yelling at him. He didn't react, but one or two drinkers either side of me glanced across. Nothing to worry about, they were obviously thinking. Just some hairy drunk yelling at the Devaronian.

Okay, back to the debate. 'You broke our deal, Louie,' I said in a fierce whisper.

'I did not.'

I made a fist beneath the table. He could probably see it. 'I seem to have turned into a wolf,' I told him. With hindsight, I suppose this didn't need to be pointed out.

'I told you that Dice's bite would effect you.'

'Things didn't work out with Jahna either.'

'I'm not surprised, James. You turned into a wolf.'

This little joke got under my skin, so I quickly brought my hand down on my glass without breaking eye-contact. The glass spilled but survived largely unharmed. A chip stuck itself in my palm, and stung like hell for some reason.

'I am unhappy that you believe I reneged on our agreement,' Zeebub told me. 'I told you only that I would make your soul-mate, the one you were meant for, love you.'

'And she's probably with someone else by now.'

'If you are referring to your Jahna, yes. She is happy. But she is not who I meant. Frankly, I never thought you were compatible.'

'You said…'

'You should have paid more attention, I think. I did not mention your intended partner by name – it is a very old trick that you fell for.'

A hundred thoughts hit me at once, demanding my attention. I did nothing but growl, unable or unwilling to get up and strike him. The struggle with denial didn't last long – he was very believable. I'd missed my window and Jahna was with some other jackass. I bet he was good – Jahna had her pick the way I saw it. A small irony struck me – after I'd tracked down this guy she was with, he'd end up looking a whole lot like the Mummy.

'The lycanthropy was intended to move you away from her. The tip-offs you received on Geonosis and at Mos Espa were placed in order to bring you to this cantina.'

This time I did bark. It was a really good, solid bark. It worked because I was involuntary. A couple of people jumped but the Bith stopped it carrying across the room. I was almost proud of my work in the brief moment I had before being hit again by the Jahna news. I bet he had a great job. I was gonna kill him.

'The meeting with the astronaut was to let you know where you could find me. I wished to know how you used your first gift, and if you had made any progress with the second.'

'The first one really wasn't my kind of fun,' I told him, picking at the glass in my paw and trying to cool off. 'I know the doctor was part of your plan. Was Dan, too? If he was, I've got an engagement to object to when I'm done here.'

Louie shook his head. 'He would not deal with me, I'm sad to say. I was forced to arrange around him.'

The guy was evidently not in a hurry. This gave me a moment to think things over. It seemed I'd fallen for his little plan hook, line and sinker, and I still had no idea what his motives were or how he intended to finish it. That was annoying, but I wasn't going to let it bother me until I had my antidote. In spite of myself, I was glad Jahna was happy, too. No, really. But I was still gonna kill her boyfriend.

'Well, you brought me here,' I began, feigning nonchalance, hoping he would give me an explanation.

'And you found me here,' he added, curtly.

I nodded. 'You're a real smart-ass, you know that, B.L.? Let me put my cards on the table. Seeing as you think you're such a fine gentleman and all, I hope you'll do the same. My plan is to physically threaten you into turning me back.'

'This is a foolish plan.'

'It's all I got, buddy.' I really wasn't kidding. 'What's your plan?'

Zeebub answered right away. 'I have not decided yet.'

It killed me that he was so relaxed, so disinterested. My blood was pumping faster than I remember, but this meeting didn't seem to bother B.L. a great deal one way or another. I lost my struggle with my emotions and raised my voice. 'I got a new plan, B.L. I'm just going to maul you right here in five seconds if you don't turn me back. Five.'

The grin retracted slightly, but not, I think, out of fear.

'Four.'

With no hurry, Zeebub held up a hand to slow me. 'James,' he said, 'I expected you to have realised by now. Your condition is only temporary. I led you here for a reas….'

'Three. Temporary?'

'The cure you seek does not exist, but your body is slowly returning to human form. By now you should have already begun to revert back.'

Annoyingly, it had made sense. That morning I noticed my sense of smell had changed a little. I put it down to heatstroke. Come to think of it, I'd shed less during the night. And when I'd gone to vacuum-clean the hair, I hadn't even been startled when the damn thing switched on. He was serious – I was turning back. It was over.

'I brought you here to administer the final dose, to make your current state permanent. If you had impressed me with your use of the gifts I might have given you the choice.'

I very quickly held a debate in my mind over whether to attack him or flee. I don't know if I'm ashamed or not, but I chose the latter. I'd have lost this fight, but hey, I've lost plenty of fights. At least I'd be human again. Maybe I'd go back to Corellia after all.

Still staring Zeebub right in the eyes I realised this option to escape was looking pretty damn viable. Because of the sight of my incisors, he'd asked me to sit a table away. I had a head start. My foot began to move as quickly as it could, brushing against something soft, as I planned my dash.

In an instant, B.L.'s tentacle-looking friend was in front of my face. Presumably, Dice has been waiting underneath the chair for a signal. Great. In the Star Bar, this sort of thing is pretty ordinary, so the whole thing received no reaction, save a concerned glance from some blond-haired farmer kid dressed all in white. I wondered idly what the hell he was doing in a place like this before the tentacle moved again, faster than my eyes could follow.

I growled, more in despair than anything respectable, and felt those thick, triangular teeth leap into my left shoulder with all the dexterity and strength I had been just starting to lose. I watched B.L.'s self-satisfied grin one last time as I lost consciousness, knowing I'd been beaten and not particularly caring what happened next.