Chapter Three

Buffy

The sun started to set against the ocean changing the blue sky to a vibrant orange-red. All around families began to pack up their belongings, their children jumping up and down impatiently, ready to go home and clean the sand from their toes. I kept my eyes on the horizon, hoping that the burning sensation in my eyes caused from staring at the sun would render me blind. Maybe if I couldn't see the world anymore, if I couldn't see anything, it would be like it never happened. No, that's impossible, because I can't feel him near me, that's how I know that it happened. I feel like part of my soul has been ripped away, never to be returned.

I closed my eyes, feeling the burn caused from the heavy mixture of sun and tears. A gentle breeze began to pick up along the shore, pulling my hair off my shoulders and letting it rest against my back. A small shiver started at the base of my spine and seemed to travel to my neck causing goosebumps to appear on my arms and legs. It was the all too familiar feeling that I always seemed to get whenever Angel had been around, although this time I knew that it was caused not by his presence but rather from the cooling atmosphere.

I reached into the bag that was resting by my side and pulled out his shirt, I wanted to be wrapped up in him and it was the only thing that could simulate that. I put my arms through the shirt before pulling it over my head and over the rest of my torso. I could smell him all around me, the spicy natural scent that seemed to be all his own. I pulled my knees against my chest, wrapping my arms around them before resting my chin on my knees. The beach was slowly clearing out, many leaving to go back to their homes, to their families and friends. The new summer season meant that the teenagers who inhabited the beach were back at home, preparing for whatever party that would be happening later that night. It was a life I had never really known, my slayer duties making me grow up faster than I had ever anticipated, but it was a life I had once desired, whenever I felt overwhelmed.

My eyes rested upon a couple walking hand and hand along the shore, their feet barely touching the surf as it crashed along the sand, foaming slightly. I watched as he brought her hand to his face, kissing it softly causing her to laugh. They were so happy and I wondered if they ever thought about what might happen if something were to happen to crush that happiness. I wondered if they could live without each other. Was love real? Did it really conquer all because sitting here, alone, without him, I felt as though nothing else mattered anymore. As I lost myself in some thoughts, my eyes fell upon a family. The father had the son on his shoulders, as they walked they joked and laughed and it was another reminder of everything that I would never have in this lifetime.

It felt good to be outside. The hurt obviously hadn't subsided, everything I saw seemed to trigger a memory of some sort, or at least make me think about him. But being outside allowed me to formulate a new, different perspective on the situation. Angel had died trying to protect me, his love for me was stronger than his love of life. And, somehow that meant more to me than anything else in the world. The fact that he loved me, it was something that I knew I would have for the rest of my life, something that I could hold on to and cherish. I took a deep breath; I could feel myself wanted to start to cry again. Being there, on that beach, it was more difficult than I had imagined, especially as I began to remember the last, truly wonderful conversation that the two of us had shared on this beach.

"I'm scared that this is the last time we are going to be together, really be together. I'm angry that for the first time I finally seem to get what I want and it's being taken away from me. I'm upset that you take on the burden of protecting me when you shouldn't have to. I'm worried about all the time I've missed with everyone this past year because they thought I died and now, if I do die, they have to go through that all over again. I'm sad because this feels so good, being here with you and knowing that this could be the last time… It makes me regret every decision we ever made, you ever made, about our relationship." I said as I felt his hand softly stoke my arm and the other pulling me closer to him. He told me that I wasn't alone in this, that he would be there to protect me. And he was, he jumped in front of an arrow so that I would live even though it meant he would die. Then he told me that he loved me, and I didn't doubt that.

The tears pooled up in the corners of my eyes once again. As much as I had wanted to try and hold them in, it was useless, it was completely pointless because whether I wanted them there or not, they were going to fall. I had tried so hard in the past to be strong, but it was always easy because I knew that he was around, now, he was gone and I couldn't be strong anymore. I was only fooling myself if I thought that it would be easy, to move on, to keep it inside, because this is probably one of the hardest things I've been through, coming in a close second with the death of my mom. Everything there, at that beach seemed to spark a memory of him. Did I really think that I was strong enough for this? Did I really think that I was ready to be in a place where I knew would bring such strong feelings of him? The pull had been so great to go there but I never really thought about what would happen when I was there, I never thought about the fact that the memories would cause me to be this emotional. I just wanted to be there because I thought that in being there I would be with him. I guess I'm just a foolish girl.

I dug my feet into the sand, feeling the grainy substance between my toes as I wiggled them. It was something that I had always found a pleasure in but now, as I did it, I felt nothing. I was only thankful that the sand was cooler; the top had been burning hot from the sunlight that had been beating down on it all day.

I watched Angel for a moment as he stood by my dresser, his hands on my pig, Mr. Gordo. I smiled for a moment, I hadn't been expecting to see him standing there. It looked like he was looking for something, anything that might help him understand me. I dropped the bag as I crawled into the window and stood in the room.

"Buffy! You scared me." He said turning to face me, a look of surprise fell across his beautiful face.

"Now you know what it feels like, Stealth guy. Just dropping by for some quality time with Mr. Gordo?" I asked, nodding to the stuffed pig in his hands.

"Excuse me?" I wanted to laugh at the confusion on his face. He was pretty much the most adorable two-hundred and forty one year old man that I had ever seen.

"The pig."

"Oh. I, uh.." He stuttered, looking at the stuffed animal in his hands before he put it back on the dresser.

"What's up?"

"Nothing." Was his only response but I knew it was more than that, I knew him better than he liked to admit.

"Only you don't have a nothing face. You have a something face. And you don't have to whisper. Mom's in L.A. until Thursday. Art buying… Or something." I replied.

"Then why'd you come through the window?"

I shrugged as I glanced back to the open window. "Habit."

"I wanted to make sure you're okay. I had a bad feeling."

"There's a surprise. Angel comes with bad news. Oh, God, I'm sorry. Look, I've been Cranky Miss all day. It's not you." I sighed, I valued his protectiveness, took comfort knowing that he was looking after me.

"Well, what is it then?" He seemed truly afraid that it did have something to do with him.

"It's nothing. Uh, we're having this thing at school." I hated to admit it but I was envious of my friends abilities to have a normal career, to have a normal life and for once it was something that I just wanted and something that I knew I would never have.

"Career week?"

"How did you know?"

"I lurk." He responded, very matter of factly.

"Right. Well, then you know it's a whole week of 'what's my line', only… I don't get to play. Something I just want…" My voice trailed as I looked at him.

"You want what? It's okay." He responded.

"The Cliff Notes version? I want a normal life. Like I had before." I responded watching as the look on his face change, as though I had just almost broken his non-beating heart.

"Before me." He said quietly.

"No, Angel, it's not you. You're the one freaky thing in my freaky world that still makes sense to me. I just get messed sometimes. I wish we could be regular kids." I hated that I made him think I didn't want him in my life, he was the only thing that I was completely sure of.

"Yea. I'll never be a kid." He responded.

"Okay, then a regular kid and her cradle robbing creature of the night boyfriend." I responded, and watched as he looked at a picture that was resting on my dresser.

The tears began to pool in my eyes once more. It was coming to the point of me questioning whether it was even worth pushing them off my cheeks. Every now and then, a few people would walk past me. They watched, their eyes on me as I sat there crying alone. They would stare, but I didn't feel self conscious, I didn't really feel anything, they were just ghosts in my mind. After a few moments, after they had their fill of watching the depressed girl crying on the beach, they continued on their paths, continuing on with their lives. I wondered if they even knew that the person who had kept them safe, who had worked so hard to protect them was gone, and was never coming back, and I wondered if they even cared.

The only conclusion that I could come upon was that mankind was clearly not as friendly as I had always remembered. Maybe I was just in the habit of assuming that something terrible had happened to people that I always felt the need to ask them what was wrong, but not one single person who had passed me as I was sitting there had bothered to see if I needed help, if I was okay. The whole time, all I got where sympathetic looks and although I hadn't been self conscious before, I began to feel like a caged animal in a zoo and it was then that I began to wipe the tears on the sleeve of his shirt, watching as the wet tears created large damp spots.

"Are you okay?" I heard a voice from behind me ask; I guess he heard me sniffing. I glanced over my shoulder seeing a man of rather tall stature standing there, about to crouch down. "Do you need someone to talk to?" Amazing, just as I finish condemning modern society and his or her lack of sympathy or rather, concern, someone comes up to me. It never ceased to amaze me how the universe worked sometimes, you think you have everything all figured out and then, it's as though everything you thought you once knew, is completely wrong. He crouched down and placed a sympathetic hand on my shoulder. I glanced at him as he was at my eye level now and I guess if I weren't so closed off to the opposite sex right now, I would have considered him attractive.

"I'm fine. Really." I stuttered out. I was embarrassed, here I was someone who was usually so strong, and I looked like this weakling, unable to control my own emotions.

"Are you sure? A beautiful woman like you shouldn't be out here alone crying." He said. Aha! So that settles it, he's just trying to pick me up, he must have a thing for damsels in distress who need rescuing. The thing was, the only one who could rescue me was no longer around, he was the only man who I ever wanted to rescue me, and this guy only made me cold, made me angry. I didn't want him to rescue me, I wanted Angel to rescue me, just like old times. But I felt better that my opinions of mankind had not at all been thwarted as I thought they might have, he was a man, of course he stopped when he noticed I was all alone.

"My boyfriend died a few days ago and I'm kind of off the whole finding someone new thing. You might want to go find yourself someone else who needs rescuing. I'm fine by myself thank you." I managed to say just before he stood up and muttered something of what I'm assuming was 'bitch' before walking away. I didn't let it get to me though, he was just some stupid guy hoping to get lucky, I'm not sure why I didn't realize it sooner. I sighed and hugged my knees closer to my body, resting my chin back on my arms, keeping my focus on the horizon, trying to clear out my mind.

It was getting late; the sky was turning dark now. It was probably time that I head back. Being here wasn't as therapeutic as I had hoped that it would. I released my arms from me knees and stood up, brushing the sand from my shorts. I reached down, grabbing my bag and pulled out Angel's keys before walking to the car and leaving the beach.

Authors Note:

Hey guys! Hope you liked the new chapter! Thank you for all those who continue to read and leave feedback! I appreciate it. This chapter is obviously different as I want to go a different route a little than I had in the original. Now... A little bad news. I won't be able to write as much, I haven't been able to write as much as summer has been CRAZY but now I have a job at a law firm so I'm busy a lot more but I'm still trying to single out some time each day to write a little... That just means that it takes a little longer. I'm also kind of on a block with Asking For Trouble... I love the story and I'm NOT abandoning it... It's just on hiatus right now. But I will bring it back! I promise! Anyways, please continue to read and review! It makes me more excited to get new material to you all!