"No? Thank you then, Miss."
Fuji smiled at the lady. That was the fourth stall he visited and he had yet to find what he looked for.
Cooling summer breeze conveyed the pleasant smell of sea to his nose. He let his legs bring him closer to the shore. There, he spotted another stall which lent boats and stuffs for tourists.
"Sir," he called. An old man looked up from his checking on a surfing board and turned around to face the honey-haired lad.
"How may I help you?" The old man approached the counter. Fuji smiled.
"I want to know if you have a raft."
"Raft?" Like other people he asked, the old man looked bewildered. "Ah yes, I have one. Do you want to see?"
"Please," Fuji replied in a cheerful singsong tone. His smile widened a little.
"Here it is," the old man retrieved a wooden raft from the floor. With little difficulties, he dragged the raft outside the stall. "Is this suit your favour, young man?"
Fuji's eyes softened as he took a good look at the raft. It was small, perhaps only enough to bring two people at the most. The logs were bounded together by three lines of ropes made from coconut fibers and were secured by three lines of yellow plastic ropes. However, what made him fall in love with this raft was the colour.
The exact brownness of his most beloved's eyes. Hazel… Deep but soft at the same time.
"Can I take it?" Fuji asked softly, still gazing fondly at the wooden ride. "Do you mind if I buy it?"
"You want to buy it?" The old man asked uncertainly. "Ah, I have no grudge against it. No one ever borrows a raft from me, after all. My grandchildren made this raft when they joined an outbond their school held and gave it to me. I think they won't mind either."
"Thank you," Fuji said after handing some money to the old man. Together they brought the raft to the sea. "Tell your grandchildren they've done a very good job."
The old man gave a warm laugh. He handed Fuji a wooden oar. "Here, don't forget your oar. Remember, you're only allowed to sail until that red line. After that line, the wave is rather dangerous."
Thanking the old man once again, the slender tensai settled himself on the raft and launched his raft onto the sea.
Aah, what a beautiful day, Fuji thought as he rowed slowly to the side. He rowed until he reached a part of the sea he knew very few people visit. It was Chiba after all; he knew the sea as well as his second home.
It's a perfect day. If only Mitsu were here…
It was a clear day. The sky was wide and blue with soft white clouds patterned it. The fragrance of the salty water was so refreshing; the sound of waves was so soothing. Summer breeze was not as dry as it would be at the land and it swirled around the lone figure on the raft, playing with his honey silky strands.
The raft was slowly floating further. Fuji was still savouring the perfect scenery that surrounded him when his raft tugged at something. A long red rope prevented him from getting further.
"You're only allowed to sail until that red line. After that line, the waves are rather dangerous."
A small sad smile found its way to his beautiful face. Slowly he outstretched a hand and reached for the line, raising it to let his raft through.
The waves were not that wild. Fuji slowly released his grip on the oar, letting it float away. The waves took him directionless across the ocean. He stared at the endless blue sky and felt the sky watching him in return.
The sky is so blue… Much like what I see on the mirror everyday, the slender man chuckled softly; his voice blended with the wind's whisper. It was as if the sky reflected the blueness of his sapphire eyes.
Seeing the sky watches this raft from above is as if seeing my eyes stare at yours, Mitsu, he thought. Dear God, let me be one of Your angels and allow me to watch him from above. To ensure that he does well and achieves what he deserves. To ensure that he lives happily ever after with the one he loves above everything else in this world.
The one that is not me.
Fuji sat up again. He gazed solemnly at a beautiful platinum ring around his finger before pulling it off. Carefully, he tied the ring with plastic rope that bounded the raft, attaching it securely to the ride.
The cerulean-eyed man then looked at his behind once more. He could still make out the outline of the furthering shore; the line of coconut trees waving at him, as if bidding him good bye.
Good bye…
Mitsu.
Your smile is my sun
Even when it's stormy outside
Shuusuke… please, pick up!
Tezuka practically slammed his cell phone onto the bed, followed by his own body. His lover's phone was still off.
Diagnosed of brain cancer… stadium 3B…
The words swam in his chaotic mind. He was aware that Fuji looked rather unhealthy, but not to this extent!
"Shuusuke, please answer…" he grabbed the abandoned cell phone and desperately punched Fuji's number for the thirty second times that morning.
"Mitsu?" A soft voice was suddenly heard.
"Shuusuke!" Tezuka jumped off of the bed. "Where are you?"
"Me?" Fuji chuckled. "Vacating. Are you with Hiyagi-san now?"
"No, and it's not important. Shuusuke-"
"Not important? You said it's very important that you can't go with me…" Tezuka could depict Fuji pouting at the other end.
"Shuusuke, we need to talk. Where are you? I'll pick you up."
"Saa, no need, Mitsu. I'm enjoying myself."
"What time will you come home?"
Heavy silence filled the atmosphere. Tezuka felt his lungs somehow fail to exhale.
"I don't know," Fuji replied in a soft whisper. "I don't know if I will do."
World seemed like shattering on him. Tezuka found himself whispering back, "Why?"
"Mitsu… Do you want to see me depart?"
Tezuka blinked. "No…"
"That's my reason," Fuji's voice was as melodious as ever. "I will eventually drift away from you. I don't want to see you sad."
"Do you think I won't be hurt this way?" Drained, Tezuka slumped back to the bed.
"I'm sorry for being so selfish… But you still have your career, your top priority with you, ne, Kunimitsu? You won't feel so all alone…"
Tezuka felt his heart clench painfully at this. Fuji's voice held no fury or accusation. Maybe his heart wouldn't ache that badly if the tensai just yelled at him like last night; but no, he sounded so understanding like his usual way.
"I'm sorry for being so harsh and not understanding yesterday," Fuji's voice was soft, very soft, like the sound of angel's harp. "And forgive me that until now, I still don't understand…"
No, you're the most understanding person I've ever met! I'm sorry, Shuusuke… The words hang on Tezuka's tongue, but somehow he couldn't find the energy to voice it out loud.
"Ne, Mitsu, I hope you will find a person whom you love till the end of your life. More than your career. More than everything else in this world…"
"Shuusuke…" It's you! You are the person… Please don't do this to me… Tell me that you will come back…
Tezuka really hated himself for not being able to tell Fuji all his thoughts. He felt pathetic. His tongue tasted bitter. Words just built empty pledges.
"Even if I'm not that person, Mitsu, forgive me that I still love you… Be happy, Mitsu. Be happy for the rest of your life."
Tell me, Shuusuke, how can I be happy without you?
"Shuusuke, I…" Tezuka finally found his voice. His mind was a mess now; he didn't know what to say first. All thoughts shouted in his ears, demanding to be voiced first. In the end, he ignored all he thought and voiced what he felt, "I love you."
A pregnant silence once again aired before Fuji replied slowly, "Thank you, Mitsu…"
Before Tezuka really digested the situation as a reality, the line went dead. But not before the dumbfounded man caught a sound that might lead him to find his beloved.
If I never met you, I wouldn't know
One could feel warm in the middle of snow
At times without you, I always wonder
How could one feel cold in spite of summer?
Your smile is my sun
Even when it's stormy outside
Your tears are my rain
Even when it's sunny outside
You're my weather
You are all I feel, all I think about
You're my wind, you're my cloud
When you smile, you're my sun, brightly shine
Even miles I will run, you're in my mind
When you cry, you're my rain, storming hard
I will try, ease your pain, you're in my heart
As long as you're here, catching me when I fall
Nothing I would fear, believe me, you're my all
A man in his mid twenties strolled along the shore. He let small waves drenched his bare feet as he savored the warmth of the soft sand. He continued walking until he reached a part of the beach that was devoid of visitors.
Finally resting against a coconut tree, he let his eyes roam briefly to the endless blue in front of him before closing them and losing in his own thoughts. Mere observers would find him rather out of place; with his rolled work suit and serious face. Not that he cared, though.
"Hey! Isn't this what we made back then?" He vaguely overheard a little boy shouting.
"I thought grandfather has sold it!" Another boy replied in equal loudness while the sound of running steps could be heard.
"It seems like it floats back here!" the first boy shouted back.
"How weird! The raft wouldn't come back once it sailed to the wavy part of this sea. It'd break!" the second boy commented.
The word 'raft' snapped the man out of his reverie. He turned to look for the sources of those voices. Two boys—approximately 10 years old or so—were examining a small raft at the shore. The first ridiculous thought that crossed the man's mind was that the raft's color resembled his own eyes' very much.
Tezuka Kunimitsu promptly stood up and slowly approached the boys.
"What is it? Something's sparkling tied by the rope," the second boy pointed.
"Uhm? You're right," the first boy kneeled for a closer look. "A ring?"
"Ring-- Er, sir? How may we help you?" the second boy was startled as he looked up to see Tezuka standing behind them. His comrade looked up as well.
"May I look at it?"
The boys dumbly nodded and stepped back while Tezuka kneeled down. He slowly outstretched a hand to touch the elegant platinum ring. It looks achingly familiar…
"Shuusuke…"
His gaze slowly returned to the peaceful sea ahead. Ocean breeze blew back its cool breath; stroking his tousled hair, caressing his flawless cheeks, answering his longing call, embracing his whole being…
Somewhere in the depth of this unperturbed sea, laid the man he had always loved for all his life. He looked up at the cloudless blue sky. He smiled a little. The sky smiled back.
Watch me from above…
Angel of my heart.
As long as you're here, catching me when I fall
Nothing I would fear, believe me, you're my all
A/N: Wanna kill me? Just do it. I don't mind. I'm really sorry for those who want this story to have a happy ending –bow-
3000s words. Believe me or not, this is a shortened version (may I remind you, this is actually a one-shot). The original version consists of 5000s words.
Do you want me to post the original version as well? It's more beautiful, but very-very long. Or perhaps you want me to post a happy-ending version?
Thank you for reading. Please review too, ne!