Disclaimer: It all belongs to Stephenie Meyer. NOT ME.

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Chapter Three: Killing Loneliness

Holding my breath turned out to be pointless. The bell rang and neither Alice nor Edward showed. I wondered what was up, because I had just been walking with Alice not five minutes ago. I knew it was absolutely none of my business, but I couldn't stop thinking about her saying Edward's name and having a worried look on her face. It made me all anxious and uncomfortable just to think about the possibilities. Thankfully I was distracted by the directions given to us for our first project.

"I would like you all to write me a five paragraph essay about yourself, your hobbies, friends, family, and a topic of your choosing," Ms. Ramsey told us. Before, I was ready to come in here and write up a storm, but now, I'm not so sure I could even write one paragraph (let alone five). Come on, Bella. Get yourself together, I ordered myself, it's none of your business where any of those new kids are.

Over the first hour of class I wrote down the required information into a nice little essay. I was a little brain dead after I was finished, but at least I got it done. I don't know why it was so hard for me to write about my self. You'd think that that'd be the easiest subject of them all, but as I reread what I had written, I noticed that all the sentences were meek and boring. It seemed to be that I wrote the minimal of what was required of me. That, in itself, showed that there was something wrong. I've always been passionate about my school work. I don't enjoy doing it exactly, but when I do it I put I a lot of effort into it. I always do my best.

As the bell rang to go to Spanish, I turned my paper into the teacher. I was a little reluctant to go speak a foreign language, so I dragged my feet a little. When I walked through the door, Señor Burk had already begun a lecture. I tried my best to draw as little attention toward myself as possible. I hated it when people stared at me. Not a minute later the bell rang, and everyone's attention was adverted back to the lesson. Today we were learning basic colors. I knew most of them already, so class wouldn't put even more of a damper on my already not-so-great day.

When Señor Burk had finished teaching us the colors of the rainbow he took up last night's worksheet, and gave us a new one to start. I finished this one in about fifteen minutes and was ready to call it a day. Lila apparently wasn't feeling the same. She was just as talkative as ever.

"Have you heard what's happened with the Cullens?" she started.

"No…what?"

"Well, early this morning Alice's brother, the auburn-haired one, got really sick or something. They all went strait home. I guess they think what he has is contagious."

"Sick? So that's what Alice must've been talking about—" I stopped, because I knew Lila would get curious. Also, I didn't want her to go gossiping about the next thought that flew into my head: How would have Alice know that Edward was sick. She hadn't seen him while we were walking, and she didn't seem worried until she got that blank look in her eye.

There was something different about these people, and I knew it. I didn't know what it was exactly, but I did want Alice to be able to trust me. Even if there was something weird going on, that wouldn't make a difference. Alice was my friend, and it was going to stay that way. I don't think I've been so comfortable just talking to someone like that since I met Lila.

"What? What was she talking about?" Lila asked excitedly.

"Nothing. I—I mean she, well, she was just looking a little worried when she was talking to her brother, that's all. See, nothing important. She was just worried about," I gulped, "Edward."

"Oh…Okay," she looked disappointedly at me, "Well…did you hear about Angela and Ben?!"

The rest of the conversation went in a similar fashion, and, surprisingly, I found Lila to be kind of annoying when she talked about people the way she did. I've always known she was big on gossip; I just didn't want to hear it right now.

"Hey Lila, could you help me with my geometry homework real quick?" I said. I needed help with geometry like a hole in the head, but I was willing to say just about anything to make her stop gossiping.

"Uh…Yeah, sure. What did you need help on?"

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I pretended to play dumb with my homework until the bell rang, and then we were off to lunch. I went through the line and got an apple and some lemonade. As I was walking away from the lunch line, I couldn't help but to peek over at the table where all of the Cullens sat the day previous. I felt a pang of anxiousness as I saw what I already knew: None of them where there. I wanted so bad to know what was going on. It was not like me to be this nosey, but I had this awkward feeling that I was going to be closer friends with Alice than I was with even Lila, so I was worried about her. This made me happy and sad at the same time. I didn't want it to be like I was trading Lila in for a newer model, but I knew that she and I would always be friends. That's just the way it was with us. We could fight with each other like it was World War II, and make up by the end of the day.

I bought my lunch and stopped to wait for Lila. Once she was finished we went to sit at a table with Angela and Mike. We only sat there when all the other tables were full. Although we were good friends with Mike and Angela, we didn't get along with other people at that table. Unfortunately, Jessica, Lauren, and their band of Bella and Lila haters sat there because it was supposedly the "popular" table. Jessica and Lauren's friends didn't really dislike me, but they wanted to fit in. Therefore, they followed mercilessly. When we did sit at that table we made sure to sit as far away from them as possible and only talk to Angela and Mike. As far as I was concerned, anyone who sat on the other side of the invisible line that separated us from them had crossed to The Dark Side. It was rather sad actually. I used to be friends with a lot of them; Karen, Greg, Daniel, and Maggie all used to hang out with me and Lila until Jess got a hold of them.

"Hey Mike, Angie," I greeted them kindly.

"Bella! Sitting with us today?" Mike asked with a gleam of hope in his eyes.

"Yeah, the tables fill up real quick here…Do you mind?"

"Of course not," Angela interjected.

"Yeah, of course not," Mike smiled, "Actually, I don't think anyone would mind if you sat here every day."

"Thanks," at smiled at them both. I knew he was wrong, though. There were plenty of people who minded, but I didn't say that out loud. We were in need of seats for the school year. I was a little nervous, because I had not sat with this crowd since the middle of last school year. I noticed Lauren and Jessica across the table, arguing with each other.

"Hey, guys, I think we should all hang out this weekend," Mike addressed the table. I turned quietly to Lila to start our own conversation. I didn't want to interrupt their social planning.

"Sorry, I'd love to, but my grandparents are 'coming into town'," she said the last part in a pretty good imitation of her mother, "I'm confined to old people slobbering all over me, pinching my cheeks, and lecturing me about the old days."

After Lauren's excuse, everyone on "The Dark Side" quickly made up reasons why they just couldn't attend; everyone except Jessica that is.

"I'd love to go Mike," she smiled sweetly and looked toward me.

I was confused until Mike turned to me as well and said, "What about you, Bells?"

"Yeah, Bella, you should come," she said. I was utterly shocked, "We haven't hung out in forever!"

I was tempted to say "Who are you, and what have you done with the snob that is Jessica Stanley?", but I turned to Lila and asked if she wanted to go. I saw, out of the corner of my eye, Jessica glaring when I invited her.

"Oh, I can't. I'm still grounded, remember? But you should go. Don't let me stop you," she smiled. She looked sincere, but I wasn't sure. I looked from her to Jessica to Mike and back to her. She just nodded in encouragement.

"Okay…Sure, I guess—"

"Great!" Jessica interrupted me. I was kind of scared. I couldn't help but wonder why she wanted me to go. Like I've said, we weren't friends.

"So, I thought we could go see a movie. What do you guys think?"

"Oh, oh! I've been wanting to see Pirates of the Caribbean. I heard I was really good," she offered.

"That's sound great," Mike said at the same time I said, "Sure."

It was weird. Mike, Lila, Jessica, and I spent the rest of lunch laughing and chatting like we were the best of friends. I guess Lauren was getting on Jessica's nerves at the moment. When the bell rang we all got up and walked together to the door and parted our separate ways when it was time to go to our classes. The rest of the day was uneventful and passed by quickly. I walked out of Biology, and made my way to the parking lot. It was raining pretty lightly, so I decided I'd just let the rain hit me. I've always loved walking in the rain.

"Hey, Lila, Mrs. Peru," I said while getting into the van to go home.

"Hello dear," Mrs. Peru responded.

"Hiya, Bells," Lila said, "That was real weird at lunch today, wasn't it?"

"Yeah. Definitely weird. I wonder what Lauren did to Jessica."

"Oh, when they were talking about the guys they were into, Lauren told her she was a loser, because she liked Daniel Peirce. Do you think that's what this is about?"

"Well, other than Lauren, I don't think Jess is really friends with any one but Mike," I guessed. All the others were more like minions to Lauren. Whatever she said went.

"That makes sense. Do you think she'll still talk to you after this weekend?"

"Ha! I doubt it. She'll make up with Lauren, and things will go right back to how they were before. But I'm going to give her a chance anyways. If she's going to be nice for now, then so am I."

"See, that's why I'm friends with you. Bells, you're the epitome of nice. You're even nice to people who make fun of you. I'm envious. I could never be like that," she said shaking her head.

"It takes years and years of practice buddy. It's not a very easy task to master, either."

She laughed, and we spent the rest of the drive talking about a bunch of unimportance. When we got to my house I said my goodbyes and hopped out. I noticed that Dad's cruiser wasn't in the driveway, so I was going to be able to do my homework without the awful racket coming from some kind of sport on the T. V.

I walked in the door to a quiet haven. I wanted to go ahead and finish everything so I could get started on dinner for Dad. Tonight I was going to be making parmesan chicken. I started with Spanish. The notes we were supposed to take on chapter four to get us prepared for tomorrow were only one page, front and back. I moved on quickly to Biology homework.

When I was finished I made my way to the freezer and pulled out the chicken breasts to defrost them. Once I had them in the microwave I took out the ingredients for the sauce and began feeding the tomatoes through the food processor. I took the pulpy mess and fixed it through a strainer to remove the seeds and the tomato membrane. I went over to the cabinet under the stove and took out a small pan and began sautéing the garlic. When it was finished, I took what was left of the tomatoes and added the garlic and a hint of sugar. Next, I placed the concoction into a large pot and fixed up my sachet full of dried herbs. I added in the sachet and left it to cook for the next couple of hours.

When the chicken breasts were done defrosting, I took them and pounded them with a meat mallet until they were of the right size. I, next, went to the cheese. I grated the parmesan and sliced the mozzarella into thin slices. I took out two bowls in which to mix my ingredients. One was used to whisk the eggs and water, while the other was used to mix the parmesan and breadcrumbs. I dredged the chicken in the flour on both sides and repeated the step with the egg and water mixture as well as the cheese and breadcrumbs mixture. I moved my chicken breasts to the second frying pan I had taken out and sautéed them until they were golden brown. When they were finished browning I moved them into a casserole dish. I poured the finished tomato sauce over the chicken, and topped with the slices of mozzarella. Putting this in the oven to cook, I took out a smaller pot and began boiling oil and water for the pasta noodles. I knew it would take about ten minutes for the water to boil, so I went to my back pack to grab my book.

I heard the timer for the water go off and jumped at the disturbance in the eerie quietness. As I made my way to the kitchen I could here the rain picking up outside. When I looked out the kitchen window it was as black as Edward Cullen's eyes when I saw him in history yesterday. That brought something back to my memory. When I was in Language Arts, I could have sworn that his eyes were that same, strange gold color that his sister's had been. They were an odd bunch, the Cullens. I wonder what the eye thing was all about. Maybe all this rain was finally getting to me, and I was going insane. I broke free of my thoughts and went back to the boiling water. The chicken still had about fifteen minutes left there was plenty of time for the noodles. I quickly broke them up and placed them in the water. Just then I heard a car door and looked out the window to the driveway. Dad was home.

"Bella?" he called, "I'm home."

"Hey, Dad. I was just cooking dinner," I explained. This made him smile.

"What's on the menu tonight, Bells?"

"Chicken parmesan with some pasta and French bread." I remembered that I had yet to take the bread out and butter it to prepare it for cooking. I walked over to the pantry and took out the long loaf of bread. I sliced it in half and put the unused bread back in its plastic bag. When I went back to slicing and buttering the bread Dad decided that he didn't need to hover. He went into the living room, and I soon heard the noise of some kind of sports announcer drift through the halls. I popped the bread into the oven for the remainder of the time the chicken was to cook. Eight minutes was all the bread really needed anyways.

I went to the stairs, told Dad to call me when he heard the timer, and took to my room. My room was the same as it's always been since I was born. Of course, the crib had been replaced by a bed, and the changing table had been removed to make way for a small computer desk where my ancient computer sat with a long cable running to the phone jack for my mediocre internet connection. The walls were still light blue and the curtains were a cream-yellow color where they had previously been white, but they had become discolored with their age. The rocking chair from my baby days was still in the corner by my sad excuse for a closet. Let's put it this way; if I were to go stand inside my closet I would barely fit. It was too small to fit all my clothes, but that's what I had my chest of droors for.

I walked over to the computer and moved the mouse around. When the screen finally came up I plugged in the dial-up cord. I wanted to check my e-mail, so plugging it in now meant that it would be up by the time I had finished eating dinner, cleaned up the leftovers, and done the dishes.

"Bells? The timer went off," I heard Dad at the bottom of the stairs.

"Coming!"

I left the computer and took my time on the stairs. I knew that if I had tried to go fast I would have fallen. My effort was wasted in the end, for I tripped on the last step and landed on my knees in the middle of the foyer. At least I was at the bottom of the stairs, so I didn't fall all the way down, I thought to myself.

"You okay, honey?" Dad called over his game.

"Yeah, Dad, I'm fine."

I took the bread and the chicken out of the oven, and turned the heat off of the noodles. I stirred them around for a couple of seconds and strained the water out in the sink. When I was putting the food into plates for Dad and me, I noticed him coming into the kitchen and taking a deep breath through his nose.

"That smells good, sweetie."

"Thanks," I smiled at him, while handing him a plate.

Dinner was a comfortable silence and the chicken parmesan was very good if I do say so myself. Dad seemed to think the same thing, for he had gotten a second helping. I went to get the leftovers ready for the fridge, while Dad cleared the table. When I was done cleaning up I washed the dishes by hand.

When I finished up I told Dad goodnight, and went upstairs to see if the computer was ready. It was. Tons of little pop-up ads covered the screen, and it took about five minutes just to clear them away. When I opened up my e-mail I had three new messages.

The most recent was from Mike:

Hey Bella,

Me and my mom going to pick you up for the movies at around twelve on Saturday, if that's okay. You still want to go, right? Just checking to make sure the plan was still on. I think Jess really misses all of us hanging out together. You remember in sixth grade when we used to do this kind of stuff all the time? I miss the good old days. We really need to hang out more…Well, bye Bells! E-mail back if there's any problem with the plan.

Mike.

I replied back telling him that the plan was still on for the movies. I really did miss the old days when we all were actually friends.

The next was from this afternoon, from Lila:

Bella! Just thought I'd say hi. This is my only means of communication for the next two weeks, because my parents are losers. They got all mad at me just because I talked over my minutes last month. I really wish they'd get a clue, you know? Grr. Anyways, just e-mail me for a while, so we can keep in touch outside of school. I love you, girlie! Talk to you later!

Lila.

The last was from two weeks ago. Looks like my mom actually remembered I existed.

Hello, Bella.

How's life in that ominous town of yours? I don't know how you can stand all that rain, dear…Anyways, I just wanted to say hello, and see how my favorite little girl was doing. Mommy will talk to you later! Love you,

Mom.

I was appalled. That was the fakest e-mail I have ever gotten in my entire life! I thought. But I replied back anyways. I told her that I missed her, too, and that the town was great. I told her that the rain was easy to live with when you liked it. See what you make of that, I said in my head as I hit Send. She only e-mailed when she wanted to brag about something in her life, so I didn't even bother asking how she was. I knew she would tell me, regardless.

I decided that shutting down the internet would only lead to having to wait the next time I used it, so I was just going to leave it up. I wasn't really tired and I didn't have anything else to do, so I took one of my CD's out, put it in my CD player, turned it on loop, and plugged in the head phones for me to listen. I listen to the music while I was lying down on my bed, so I ended up falling asleep with the music in my ears.

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I slowly came to consciousness and could still hear the music playing, and I groggily looked at the clock as I turned it off. Oh. My. God. It was seven o' clock, and I only had a half an hour to get ready for school. Crap! I had forgotten to set my alarm last night, and now I was running late. I ran to my dresser, grabbed a hoodie and some jeans, and ran to the bathroom. I jumped in without even letting the water warm up, so I ended up taking a cold shower. When I finished I went into my room to check the time. Seven fifteen. I ran downstairs, grabbed a granola bar, and ate it on the way upstairs. By the time I was to the bathroom the granola bar was gone, and I was brushing my teeth. I turned off the water and took my bathroom stuff back in my room. My hair was wet, but there was nothing I could do about it. I could hear the horn honking from Lila's mom's minivan.

I ran down the stairs and grabbed my bag. Today was going to be hellish, I could tell.

"Hey Lila, Mrs. Peru," I said while jumping into the van.

"What happened to you?" Lila asked. I guessed she was referring to my wet hair and lack of breath.

"I forgot to set my alarm clock and woke up about a half an hour ago."

She laughed, "I'm sorry."

"No you're not," but I smiled in spite of myself.

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We got to school a little later than usual, so there was no lingering around before class. It was strait to Geometry for us. I was happy to see that Alice was back in her seat today. I walked over and sat down in the seat next to her.

"Hey, Alice. How's Edward?"

"What?" she looked confused.

"I thought he was…sick or something," it came out sounding like a question.

"Oh, right. Yeah, he's doing better," she got quiet for a couple of moments, "He'll be back by Friday." She looked confident and final in her prediction, so I didn't push for further information.

When the bell rang the, teacher came bustling in. Everyone got back in their seats and stopped talking. Today we were working on dilations. He taught us how to resize different pictures and gave us an in-class project. We were to pick two to three people to be in our group, and choose one of the pictures he had on his desk and dilate it. My group consisted of Lila and Alice, of course. Alice was really good at drawing, so we did all the math work that was involved and left her to the picture. The three of us made a great team. We were the first ones done, so we got our home work and worked ahead. I had finished my homework with little time to spare.

When the bell rang, Alice rose swiftly and waited for me to get my things together. As we walked through the door I waved a small goodbye to Lila and walked in the opposite direction. As we neared the classroom I couldn't help but feel anxious. I knew that Alice had said he wouldn't be back until Friday, but I felt myself hoping. Of course, when we walked through the door, he wasn't there. And during the time between the bells he still didn't show. Even though I knew he wouldn't be there I was disappointed. The rest of class went through in a blur. I walked to Spanish and that class flew by as well. I wasn't in the mood for the rest of the day and Lila could see that.

"What's wrong, Bell?" she asked worriedly.

"Nothing. I'm just not in a very good mood today. I'm a little hungry, because I didn't really get breakfast this morning, so I'm sure I'll be fine after lunch," I gave her a small, reassuring smile.

"Okay," she agreed reluctantly.

When I went through the lunch line I got a cheeseburger, some fries, and a Coke.

All through lunch, sitting with Mike and Jessica's group again, Jessica talked to me like we'd been friends for ages. She had come and sat on my left while Mike and Lila chatted on my right. I could see Lauren glaring as she tried to make it look like she was having fun without Jess by her side. I kind of felt sorry for Jessica, because I just wasn't in the mood to talk or be ecstatic about who likes who. She was basically just talking to herself. I gave the right types of emotion whenever she said something that required it so I didn't seem rude, but I really had no idea what she was blabbing on about.

I felt a wave of loneliness and despair as the person who obviously hated me wasn't in his seat in History. Why in the world was I sad he wasn't here? I should be happy he's gone. He hates me for Christ's sake! I cringed internally as I thought of tomorrow. Alice said he wasn't going to be back until Friday, so tomorrow was going to be another day killing loneliness.

It was then that it hit me. It explained why I wanted to make him happy, why I was depressed when he wasn't here, why I wanted to hear anything that had to do with the Cullens: I was crushing on some one who despised me with such intensity that I could practically see the anger and hatred rolling off of him. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

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Author's Note: I hope you enjoy this chapter. I know I said that I was going to get it up sooner, but I didn't. I'm a loser, and I suck. I'm sorry. But I promise that the next chapter will be up sooner! Thanks for reading! PLEASE REVIEW!!! If you do, I'll love you forever!!