Heartbeat by AndromedaMarine

His Voice

John, with an injured leg, carried Elizabeth from the Jumper straight to the infirmary. He didn't put her on a gurney and waste time strapping her down. He didn't pay attention to the angry nurses who swarmed around him as he limped down the hall. Once or twice Ronon insisted he carry Elizabeth, but John shook a defiant head. He had to do this. "She's alive," he said to Keller as he laid Elizabeth on a bed. "But barely. I don't know why the nanites aren't healing her."

Jennifer got to work, hooking Elizabeth to beeping machines and she insisted that John step back. The doctor scanned Elizabeth's body and stared in shock at the screen. "There are no nanites."

"What?" John breathed, relief as well as gut-wrenching fear flooding his heart. "How is that possible?"

Jennifer shook her head and glanced at the colonel. "I don't know. But she's functioning fine without them – she's just very injured. I need to do more tests to see what else is ailing her. She might have broken bones, a concussion. Give me time, Colonel. I'll let you know as soon as I have something."

But John didn't budge. He just stood by Elizabeth's bedside, staring at the woman he'd almost admitted to loving. Jennifer touched his arm and he flinched, jerking back to reality in the time it took for a heart to beat once. John's heart was in his throat. He nodded, giving the CMO a small smile, and then began to limp away.

"Colonel," Jennifer called. "Your leg."

John had forgotten about his injured leg. Instead of answer the doctor he limped over to the bed adjacent to Elizabeth's and sat. A nurse attended to his leg, but all John did was gaze at his leader and memorize her features. She seemed peaceful, but he knew that her dreams were wracked with fear and terror. He didn't notice when the nurse finished with his leg. All he did was sit and stare. And then the realization hit him hard.

She's not dead. She's here, safe, and I won't lose her. She's alive. I saved her. We saved her. She's not in danger any longer. I really do love her.

"John, are you all right?" Jennifer asked, seeing John's eyes well up. "Go, get some rest. I promise I will let you know the nanosecond I have something." She didn't want to resort to shooing the colonel out of the infirmary, but that's what she had to do. "I promise she won't go anywhere."

He'd promised the same thing to Elizabeth – "I won't go anywhere." But he did. He left her in the confines of evil, in the hands that gave no mercy. She'd paid for it. She'd paid for it with her screams and almost with her life. God be damned if he let it happen again.

John limped slowly back to his quarters, mentally beating himself up for leaving her in the first place. It was his fault that she'd had to sustain the torture and suffer. Rodney walked past him and John snapped. He seized the front of Rodney's jacket and shoved him against the wall of the deserted corridor. "You," he hissed angrily. "It was your plan that got Elizabeth in trouble."

Rodney was terrified. He squirmed and finally relaxed. "You're right, it was my plan. But what happened to Elizabeth isn't any of our faults. I'm not going to put the blame on you because first of all, you're my friend and I know for a fact it isn't your fault. And two, if I did blame you, you would probably take my coffee supply and then kill me. John, look at me." John's gaze had fallen to the floor. "Look into my eyes. Do you see anger, or bitterness?" Rodney just looked at his friend with big, round eyes. "Answer me."

"No. No I don't see those."

"Exactly. What do you see?"

John didn't say anything, but he kept his firm hold on the scientist.

"You see sadness and guilt, don't you? I know it isn't my fault either, but I can't help but feel that it was. It was my plan that caused Elizabeth to leave the Jumper. And I hesitated – I hesitated big time when I was told to hit the kill switch. Right then, if it had worked, it would have been my fault. But it didn't. And because it didn't, Elizabeth is in there, and she's going to recover. I just wish the nanites didn't have anything to do with it."

"There are no nanites," John said softly, echoing Jennifer's words. "Her body is healing on its own."

Shock passed over Rodney's features. "Let me go."

John didn't budge, his mind still wandering drastically.

"John, let me go."

The colonel released the scientist and his shoulders sagged. "I'm sorry." He started to walk away but Rodney reached out and grasped his arm.

"You know I'm not one for secrets," he said, clearing his throat. "But I will keep yours, I promise."

John stared at Rodney.

"Um...this might sound cheesy. When you rescued her, you talked to her, right?" John nodded. "She heard your voice. She knows that you're there for her. Unlike a lot of people, Elizabeth has someone she can trust. You can talk to her. I'll bet that to her, your voice is comforting. I'll bet that while she was on Asuras all she did was think of you."

"I saw it," John said, his voice barely perceptible. "In her eyes, as I left her. And...it's real. She didn't really want us to go."

"What did you see?" Rodney asked, intrigued.

There was no other word for it: John looked pathetic. "Her heartbeat, the pain, realization, and..." He faltered, not sure of himself.

"And what?"

John stared into Rodney's eyes – through the doorway residing in every person – just like he did with Elizabeth. "And love." John shuddered and suddenly Rodney didn't want to be there; he didn't want to be anywhere near an emotional person. But he didn't walk away nor did he stand and stare, embarrassed. Usually he would flee as fast as he could in the opposite direction, but he needed to be there for his friend, his brother. As strange as it sounded, John needed him.

Rodney helped John back to his quarters, knowing that John had heard his voice. He knew that Elizabeth would hear John's. And he knew that Elizabeth loved John.