Heartbeat by AndromedaMarine

Here for You

In the middle of the night John found he could not sleep. He had been tossing and turning for hours on end, thinking only of Elizabeth. He threw back his covers and savored the night air that washed over him; it felt cool on his warm skin. He dressed and quietly left his quarters for the infirmary. He had to be by her side. To his surprise the infirmary was all but deserted – the nurse on-call had fallen asleep at one of the workstations.

Had Jennifer gotten anywhere with Elizabeth's condition? He approached her bed and saw multitudes of white. Gauze was wrapped around her stomach, splinting broken ribs; her left arm was in a cast, her right leg in a splint, a square of white on her head, covering a gash. But her face was clean. The blood that had caked for two days was gone – a hallelujah to heaven. And to think he would have given up. Rodney had done the right thing by standing up for what he believed in.

The woman had gone for two days without any sleep, minimal food, and even less water. Oberoth didn't want her to live. He'd removed the nanites so they couldn't heal her – but what he didn't expect was for her body to heal on its own. Unknowingly John had given her the strength to go on when he looked into her eyes.

The colonel sat next to her bed and just gazed at her. He went back to memorizing her features. Her beautiful reddish-brown hair; her small, delicate hands. John could not and would not forget the feeling that rushed through his body when Elizabeth – or rather, Phoebus – had kissed him. Ever since that incident he had wanted the same feeling again – but without any other consciousness inhibiting his proper functions. To think this woman could have died had he been the self-centered fool that Rodney got rid of. He didn't want to wake her. In fact, in the morning Jennifer would find John still in the chair, asleep.

Elizabeth wouldn't wake for thirty-six hours.

--

It was the morning Jennifer found John in the infirmary. "John," Teyla asked kindly, resting a hand on his shoulder. "Are you all right?" The colonel was seated in the commissary, staring at a plate full of food. Teyla sat next to him, her concerned face searching his for answers.

John shrugged. "I don't know." He wrapped his hands around a warm mug of coffee and stared at his reflection. "I don't know a lot of things anymore."

"I do not believe that is true," Teyla rebuked, lifting her own mug to her lips for a drink. "You are a strong man. No one could have saved her but you."

The colonel was rather surprised that the Athosian knew what he was talking about, but Teyla had her ways and John wasn't sure if he wanted to know them. His reflection stared back at him, challenging him. He spoke quietly. "Right now I can't be strong."

The Athosian cleared her throat and smiled at the colonel. "Rodney was right. I believe Elizabeth needs to hear your voice to find her strength. Without you, all may be lost."

John was shocked – how on earth did Teyla know about that? As sneaky as her ways were, this was new. Before John could say anything Teyla stood and left, leaving John to contemplate what she said. John lost himself in his thoughts for a few minutes, and finally decided to adhere to Rodney's and Teyla's advice.

He went back to the infirmary.

--

"Colonel, I really must protest," Jennifer argued when John slowly walked in. "Elizabeth needs rest and quiet, not constant visits."

John looked intently into Jennifer's eyes. "I need to talk to her." It was a simple statement, not really a request, and more of a demand than anything else. When the doctor placed her hands on her hips and refused his sentence merely with her expression, he revised. "She needs to hear a familiar voice."

"Every voice is familiar."

John shook his head. "Please, doc. I need this just as much as she does."

It took a few moments, but Jennifer caved. "Fine. But don't wake her up. This, I gather, is the most sleep she's had in two days."

"No coma?"

"No coma. But she did suffer a moderate concussion."

John left the CMO and walked to Elizabeth's bed. Right then he didn't care if anyone saw or heard him. He just spoke from his heart. "Lizbeth, I'm sorry. I never should have left you on Asuras. It's my fault you're like this; my fault you're so hurt. If I could do it over again I would've brought you back the first time. I've been beating myself up over what I should have done. I hate seeing you like this. You are strong, Liz. Fight through it and come home. We need you. I need you." He rubbed his thumb over her hand. "I'm here for you."

The pattern of her chest rising and falling with each breath continued, unchanged. She hadn't acknowledged him in her sleep; there was nothing. Just the heartbeat. The one thing that told him she was alive. She was still frail and seemingly near death as he spoke. He had to admit it. Even if it took all of his willpower to complete, he had to.

John leaned over the woman until his mouth was right next to her ear. "I love you," he whispered, and stroked her hand again. "I love you."

Keller, from a distance, had been watching John speak softly to the leader. She knew what he was saying even without hearing him. Now she understood his reasons and she turned her head. John was right. He needed it just as much as Elizabeth did.

The colonel smiled at the one he loved and stood. He would be there when she woke. He walked away, internally thanking Rodney and Teyla for their wisdom.

Through every hardship, through every trouble, John would be there for Elizabeth. She just needed to wake up first.