To Mend A Broken Heart
Chapter 5: Hello Beautiful
The next 3 days I spent trying to not cry or think about Todd not being with me. Unfortunately, the key word in the last sentence was 'trying', I cried less, but when I cried less, I thought about Todd more. Life was never going to get easier unless Todd walked through that door, wrapped me in his arms and never let go, but that didn't happen, it wouldn't happen until tomorrow; one week since the day he walked out the door.
During that time, my dad had moved to his new apartment about 10 minutes away, I guess he was really serious about giving Todd and me our dream house. But him moving out really made me begin to think, I could live here alone and could do this. I never wanted to, but if for some strange reason I had never met Todd; I could live alone. I finally began to realize why Todd left, why he wanted me to see what life was like without him, how much I depended on him.
The day before Todd was supposed to come home; I woke up at 7 in the morning and decided that today was the day I would get over my fear of Justin. I went and picked up the photo album that was still on the floor from when I had thrown it 6 days ago. I flipped to page that brought tears to my eyes every time I saw it and made copies of it. I then posted the 50 copies all over my house in places I would see it: my refrigerator, my TV, every mirror, the front door, the back door, my closet, my guitar, and many, many other places.
The next step was to sit and just look at the picture; that was so hard. I cried and cried, felt so much pain and hurt and just wanted to go find Todd and hold onto his hand so we could get through it together, but I couldn't; I needed to do this on my own. The next four hours dealt with just that, staring, remembering, crying, fearing, but mostly, succeeding. I began to glance at the picture and not feel anything at all, his hand fully removed from my leg. The picture I had stared at so long was now engraved into my head and it didn't cause me as much pain. I can't say that it didn't hurt, that I didn't remember the many long months he spent tormenting me, but I was getting through it; I was surviving.
I stood up from the couch and started just going through a typical day and every time I saw the picture I said, 'I can survive, you do not control me.' and I was able to go through my day, somewhat normally. It was now three in the afternoon, but I still wasn't hungry; being away from Todd, made me not hungry. Now I know how weird that sounds, but for some reason I couldn't eat, knowing that he hadn't made it. I loved how Todd made food for me, whether it was bad or not, I loved eating something he made; it was one of the many things I loved about him. That made me think about all the things Todd did for me and how dependant I actually was on him. He did so much, even through the years Justin made our lives hell. All Todd cared about was making me happy and all I had cared about was me. If I had known about Todd's situation would I have cared more? Absolutely. But I hadn't known, and I took him for granted; either way I didn't treat him right, he deserved better then the attitude I had shown towards him. Who would have known that being away from someone you love would show you how much they really meant to you? I'm guessing Todd did, he believed in me and knew that time apart would give me time to prove to myself how strong I actually was and I thanked him so much for that. I had finally realized that I could take care of myself; it had taken 6 days, but I had gotten it.
I sat and watched T.V. to pass the time until around 7, when I decided to make a sandwich. Once I finished eating, I took a shower and put on my pajamas before coming back downstairs to watch more T.V. At ten I decided to go to bed; I put down all of the blinds and got some water before going upstairs to get some good rest before I saw my fiancé for the first time in a week. I loved and missed him so much and I couldn't wait to see his face, to see his smile, to see those eyes, to hear him laugh, to feel his arms around mine, to feel my lips on his, to finally be able to tell him how much I loved him. I fell asleep that night with no worries in my head, Justin never crossing my mind, keeping all of my thoughts on the one I really loved, the one I really cared about, Todd.
I was rudely awakened by a doorbell; I glanced up at my alarm clock which read 12:01 am.
"Who is at my door?" I said, getting up and slowly going downstairs. I opened the door and began to speak, my eyes still partially closed from awaking only a minute ago. "Why are you at my door at 12 in the morning? Did anyone teach you manners?"
"Yes, my mother did, but I thought the love of my life might be waiting for me." I knew that voice, I knew that voice. I rubbed my eyes until I could fully open them and saw Todd holding a large bouquet of red roses, I weakly smiled and then he said the words I had been dying to hear for the past week, "Hello, Beautiful."