Disclaimer: I don't own FMA... or these pants.

I kiss you once, then kiss you twice and now sit back for you owe me thrice.

Maria Ross had been right about one thing, Roy didn't deserve it. He didn't deserve the kindness of strangers. He didn't deserve compassion of old friends. He didn't deserve the love of the woman who left him behind. Most of all, he did not deserve Edward Elric.

Roy drank his coffee as he watched the snow fall onto the naked tree outside. It was hard to imagine such a light and graceful dance of snowflakes when in his mind he kept thinking that it would soon turn into a blizzard of the north that would trap him inside his small cabin. There was never anything up there quite as beautiful as there was here, and Roy sighed when he realized he was no longer referring to the snow.

Edward was out in it now, walking slowly from the state car to his town house. Roy sighed again and pulled his knees close in the window seat. It had been only a few days, but he already felt like a new man.

The black car pulled away and Edward paused in his journey to the front door.

He must think he's alone.

Roy guilty moved in such a way so that he could still be in the second story den window, but without being noticed by the outside world below to allow Ed's illusion of solidarity to remain. The blond put his handful of files on the door step and turned back to the road with his hands in his blue pant pockets. He was facing away but Roy could tell by his stance that he was relaxed.

It was a new pass time for him: 'Ed watching'. Somehow the fireball of a blond boy that had filled his office with the most elaborate temper tantrums was now this serene man who never stomped but instead almost glided from room to room. Roy never heard him walking through the house and he was almost willing to bet money the man wasn't leaving footprints out in the new snow. He was like a complete stranger, but one that fascinated him to no end.

After leaving the hospital, Edward, no... Colonel Elric had told him flatly that he was a suicide risk and would not be allowed to live alone. Now they were living together, but Edward was always at the office. Roy was wondering what the real point of him spending over eight hours alone in Edward's home was. Not that he wasn't thankful, but it was unnerving to be around people again. He was so used to being left alone that knowing another human was sleeping in the next room made him hyper alert to every noise.

It was this fact that Roy justified spying on his roommate like a private eye or a silly school girl. It was just a crazy quirk from being a hermit for a year, that's all. Rationalizing his reality was his second new pastime.

Edward was now crouching low and looking for something in the snow with his gloved hands. Roy leaned forward to catch a glimpse, thinking it was a set of keys or something and nearly fell off his seat went a snowball was pelted at the glass. Barely saving his coffee from a swift trip to the floor, Roy glared out the window with his one eye and was shocked when a familiar grinning blond demon was looking back.

That was the first time he'd seen Edward smile since they parted was so many years ago.

Unmovable as the Mountain

Roy looked with disdain at the uniform that arrived via currier that morning. A full month's recovery behind him and this was his reward, blue binding shackles. There was a brief note saying he had an hour before a car would be by to pick him up. It was in Edward's slanted handwriting and obviously written down quickly. It contained many unnecessary details, like what door he was being dropped off at and a small map to the office he was going to report into. It never ceased to amaze Roy on how much Edward looked out for him. It felt like a complete role reversal.

Well, almost a complete role reversal. Edward was being more like a parent for Roy than Roy ever was for him. Where Roy jibbed and manipulated Edward into doing what he wanted in the past, Edward flat out told him what was needed and simply expected results.

Roy fingered the white trimmed collar and wondered how one Edward had grown up into this other one. But then, who was Roy to talk. Once he was the great flame alchemist, ambition only rivalled by his good looks. Although he hated to admit it, both of those proud attributes were gone now, leaving only this strange sensation of freedom. Roy wasn't so quick as to shove his whole life back into those issued polyester pants. Feet weighed down by boots were forced to march when they'd rather run bare through wet grass.

It was a hilarious thought that Roy didn't much want to retake his previous place in the world. He had worked his whole life to become that man and many people were sacrificed to push him up. It was almost an insult to their collective memories to be feeling as hesitant as Roy. Had Riza really given his life back only to follow the same path?

"No, she would have wanted me to... I don't know. I just don't know."

He walked away from the bed and picked up the phone. No matter how healed and rejuvenated his body felt, his heart was still in the same shambles as before. He did not want the life that came with the vivid blue and white garbs.

He cancelled his ride and threw the uniform into his closet.

Black void surrounded him in its grand infinity. There was nothing in view yet it was wrapping around his body like a paranormal snake. The dark emptiness pressed in from all side, squeezing and—

Roy snapped awake in his bed, yelling out but with no sound escaping his throat. The sheets were tangled around his legs and arms in an impossible knot and Roy panicked while trying to get free. He twisted and thrashed like a trapped animal, the fear from the dream still rattle his sense of logic.

It was coming for him again: the black demon with too many eyes. It could see everything, his fears, his loves and his sins.

Roy hit the floor, still struggling to escape the black hands that were only in his mind. He knew his life being given back to him was too good to be true. His sins were still there and this monster was going to claim his other eye as payment.

"No," escaped Roy's lips and he got one of his hands free. He reached for the lamp in hope that some light would vanquish his foe but instead knocked it to the floor in a justifiably loud crash. Pieces of porcelain scattered across the floor like sharp mice in all directions. Roy slipped and his hand went directly into the pile, slicing his soft palm.

"What the fuck—" came from the door way but Edward didn't finish his comment. He rushed in a clapped his hands. The vicious, blood lusting sheet disintegrated in a heap of thread and an even bigger heap of whimpering Mustang.

Roy couldn't stop the tears. They came in harsh, heaving sobs that shook his whole body and left him feeling as weak as a child. And that child needed the comfort of a mother.

Without care of how it would look to Ed, Roy grabbed onto him and hugged him close like a stuffed toy. Roy's hands eagerly sought proof that his was human and that Ed was too. He feverishly shoved his hands up Ed's tank top, relaxing under the soft touch of skin.

Demons from that place never felt as right as this. Their touch was similar to sand and fire while Ed's skin was cool and smooth. Roy kept moving further and further up the back of Ed's shirt and the blond didn't move to stop him. Roy came to where Ed's automail met his flesh and explored each and every long raised scar and bulging bolt under Ed's skin. Somehow these imperfects calmed Roy.

He found his voice and buried his face into the side of Edward's neck. "I'm sorry."

Edward woke up from his startled dazed then. He wrapped his arms around Roy's back. "Don't be. We all get like this, after what we've seen."

Roy breath intake increased and he shuddered, trying to burry himself into Edward. The blond held him just as fiercely in their upright tangle on the floor.

"Ed," Roy whispered, his lips brushing Ed's skin unintentionally, "she didn't come for me."

Roy waited for the usual spiel of lies about her being in heaven looking over them all or that it was just a dream. Truth was it was never going to be just a dream. Every night those hands reached for him was a real attempt to take his life from him. Maybe not physically, but Roy felt a fraction of his sanity leave with those retreating hands each time. Home many more 'dreams' would it take before he is dissolved into a muttering lunatic in a padded room? Roy predicted it wouldn't take many more.

Ed's flesh hand found its way into his hair, "She's dead."

Roy looked up into Ed's golden in surprise. There was no comfort or malice, no exasperation or pity, just Edward and his truth. Riza was dead and not coming for him until he was the same as her, dead.

"But," the blond continued, "that does not mean you should be too. I didn't travel all the hell up fuck north to pull your out half dead self out of a damned snowball to have you fall apart in your bed... on your floor."

"You?" Roy said in disbelief.

Ed nodded reluctantly. Roy could see he had not wanted to tell Roy this. Roy's panting that had subsided now returned in full blast and he pounced on Edward, crashing their lips together and slamming the smaller man into the floor.

Aggression and need filled the room with each article of clothing being ripped off and tossed aside. Edward didn't fight Roy, to his surprise but became the more dominate one, rolling them both over and pushing himself between Roy's legs.

Neither of them questions the morality of what they were doing or the consequences. This moment existed outside of the harsh world and they revelled in it. It wasn't love, it wasn't sex and it certainly wasn't comfort. It was need; the need to be alive, the need to feel alive and the need to feel another who was alive along with them.

Ed ran his hands through the short black locks, looking out the snowy window without seeing it. Roy's head was against his chest, the sound of Ed's heartbeat having lulled him to sleep.

The side of Edward that demanded an answer to every mystery was miraculously quite. No explanation was needed for what had happed over an hour ago, nor did Edward want to find one. He was content and that was something worth protecting beyond the desire for truth.

Roy wrapped his arms around Ed's chest more firmly, his scarred face nuzzling Ed's scarred front. Yes, some things were worth protecting, even without a reason why. The hows and whys came with time and right then, they both remained outside of time in their own world of each other.

END

Author's Note: Hey everyone, who thought this fic was dead? --waits for the millions of hands to raise-- Well... I'm sorry!

This fic is done according to the plot but I plan to make a epilogue next week so don't leave just yet. I hope you all enjoyed this massive role reversal angst fic and thank ou for your outstanding patronage!

-rix