Thanks to all who read and review! Hope you continue to enjoy this story as much as I enjoy writing it! And also, I have only be to London once, so I'm sorry if I mess up on any of the locations or the spellings of the tourist attractions.

Chapter Three: Letters to Mac

I've been writing to Mac. I don't address them to his apartment; I just write them and put them on my desk at home. There's a pile of letters to him just sitting there, waiting to be mailed to Mac. But the thing is I haven't found the courage to send them to Mac. Mac is either gone or Peyton's around, and I can't let him see the letters. They confess everything I'm feeling, about how I dislike Peyton and that I love Mac. No, he'll never read them.

Dear Mac,

How's London? The sites must be amazing, if you could, take some pictures for me? I hope you're having a great time, and please, don't worry about us at the crime lab, we're fine. Danny almost blew something up, though…no I'm just joking. I'll make sure that won't happen. I'll see you in a week!

Sincerely,

Stella

My first letter to him actually got sent in the mail, I thought that one letter wouldn't do any harm. And he didn't forget to mail me back, which made me happy. He hadn't forgotten about me.

Dear Stella,

Don't worry Stel; I got plenty of pictures and a little something for you. No hints, you'll have to wait and see what it is. Peyton and I have been enjoying the time here in London; we've gone sightseeing to Big Ben, Buckingham Palace, Westminster Abbey, Tower Bridge, and the Tower of London. We've done some shopping—Peyton of course wanted to do that more than me. On Wednesday night we went on the London Eye, it's an amazing site, Stella. You can see the Thames River—the river separates the city of London—and the entire city lightened up at night. I took pictures from there; I can't wait to show them to you. One time I'd like to take you to see London, Stella, you'd love it.

Today we don't have much planned…but on the weekend, we might go see a movie, something like that. We might go up to Stonehenge sometime, too.

Danny blew something up? I'll have to fire him…only joking. But please do make sure something like that doesn't happen. I'll see you in a week, Stella.

Sincerely,

Mac

A long letter…I loved that letter. He wanted to take me to London. And he had bought me a mini toy version of the double-decker buses they have in the city of London--I got a kick out of that, but of course, I had asked for one--along with a few postcards of the city and some of their currency. I kept the bus, the postcards, and the money near his letter on my desk, I wouldn't ever let the things go.

I had planned on sending him another letter. But the next letter that I wanted to send to him wasn't exactly as nice. It was more demanding.

Dear Mac,

I miss you. Hearing that you're having a great time, I'm happy for you. But I have a confession to make. We're best friends; you've been my friend for the longest time. You helped me through so many tough times, Mac, and I've got to thank you for that. I don't know if you feel the same for me, but I love you Mac. Being here in the crime lab without you Mac, I've realized my love for you. I know you're in London, I know you love Peyton, but do you feel the same for me? Being friends is great, I love that we're friends, but if you do love me, tell me.

What I'm feeling now is inexplicable. Maybe the words lonely, scared, depressed even may explain it. But I'm feeling so many emotions, that right now, nothing makes sense. The others are noticing this Mac, that's why I need you back. Come home.

And this song on the radio, it's called "Come home" by Onerepublic, if you listen to it, you'll understand how I'm feeling. But if you don't come home soon, I think I'll go crazy. I'm sorry to tell you this, Mac, but I hate Peyton. She doesn't deserve to be with you, you and I should be together. We will be together. Come home, Mac, come home before I die from not seeing you walk through the crime lab or hearing your voice. If you don't come home earlier, then I think I'll take the day you arrive in New York off. I'll see you then, or soon if you come home early.

Come home.

Loving you with every breath,

Stella

I never got around to sending that letter, so Mac didn't come home early. I didn't want him to know I love him and that he didn't deserve Peyton. He has every right to be with Peyton. One half of me believes that is true, and the other half of me thinks Mac needs to realize that his best friend is more important than Peyton. But is that true? Or is that just a selfish thought?

As Peyton was here, my letters not only got shorter, but they were filled with more hate. Suddenly I start to wonder, how long will this relationship last? They'll break up, won't they? They can't love each other, especially since they live in different countries, can they?

Dear Mac,

She always has to be right. I've noticed that. She gives her theory when I come to get an autopsy report and I listen, but when it's my turn to explain what I think happened to the victim, I'm suddenly wrong. How can you love someone who doesn't accept your best friend?

Sincerely,

Stella

Dear Mac,

Tell your girlfriend to stop appearing in the lab when I'm working with you. It's like she knows I love you. What, does she think something will happen between us if we're alone for a minute? I want her to leave! She interrupts everything. She belongs in London—without you.

Sincerely,

Stella

When I come home from work after a late night, I sit down at my desk and pour all my anger into these letters. I'm glad I don't send them; if Mac ever read any of them he may never forgive me for what I say. I'll burn them if he comes near my apartment. But there's still a part of me that wants him to read the letters, I want him to know exactly how I feel about him and Peyton being together. Besides, the next few get a little nicer…maybe…

Dear Mac,

You can't seriously be thinking on going back to London with her during Christmas? Yes, I heard you two talking about it as I was walking down the hallway to your office. Sorry for eavesdropping, but I'm glad I heard it. I thought we could spend Christmas together…two friends enjoying the holidays together. But it's your choice, you make the decision.

Love from,

Stella

Dear Mac,

I'm speechless. Lindsay, she told me that you were going to go to London. And you told a lot of the others, Danny, Flack, Hawkes, so on and so forth. But had you ever thought about telling me? No. You'd be afraid to hurt my feelings if you did. Well, you accomplished that. But I'm even more hurt that you didn't even tell me face to face. I guess I should wish you an early "Have a nice time in London during Christmas without me". Have fun. But I'll still be thinking about you over the holidays and my love for you will never diminish.

Still loving you,

Stella

It's the end of October now. Thanksgiving's only a few weeks away. Maybe I'll get to spend time with Mac then. I'll ask him tomorrow at work, maybe his schedule won't be booked on Thanksgiving. But after what I saw today, I don't think he'll even want to spend the holidays with me.

I'm sitting at the edge of my bed, staring at the clock as tears roll down my face. It's already two in the morning, but I don't feel the least bit tired. Sleeping is the last thing on my list that I need to worry about.

I walk over to my desk, turning on a lamp for a little light. I take my pen in my hand and begin to furiously write my heart out.

Dear Mac,

I hate you. It's probably the first time I said it. I can't love you. You don't even notice me. I hope Peyton drops you; maybe you'll get a little understanding of how I feel. You barely talk to me anymore, what happened? Oh, wait, I know. Peyton happened. I'm thinking about taking time off or even resigning from my job. But who'd care? You wouldn't even notice. You act like I'm not there now, so what would change if I really wasn't there? I hope when you read this you cry, I hope you understand how you've forgotten a friend. But after what happened, after everything that happened, I think you should know this. You don't deserve to be with Peyton. And what Peyton deserves is to die.

Sincerely,

Stella Bonasera

My hands are shaking and I lose my grip on the pen, causing it to fall to the floor. I slam my fists on the hard surface of the desk and I cry, "Why, Mac? Why?" He ignored me, he never said he was going to London with Peyton, he lost his best friend. He kissed Peyton, and not just a quick kiss like the one at the airport, but one filled with all the love he has for her. The love he could have for me. And now, he has left his friend heartbroken.