Thanks kcatlin for her immense support/suggestions on this one.
When she opened her eyes the first time, they gave her tests – too many. There was a whirlwind of poking and prodding and shaking of heads. She closed them again when Stella asked her to tell all.
The second time she opened her eyes, her room was silent as a tomb. She pushed herself up onto her elbows and wondered if she looked as ugly as she felt. She caught a flash of mirror in the bathroom. She slowly, achingly moved her legs to the side of the bed. A small tug on the top of her hand held her back, and she looked to find an IV. She turned to work out how to unhook it.
"No, no, no," Danny murmured from the doorway to her room. He put down the cup of coffee he was holding and reached for her to lay back down. She flinched. He took a step back.
"I – sorry," she said quickly. "I didn't mean to."
His eyes were hurt, but he managed a fake look of indifference to the fact that the love of his life was scared to touch him.
"Try again?" she asked with a sweet smile.
He relaxed and helped her back, moving slowly and letting her watch his hands. He set her back against the pillow, and she relaxed into his smell and his soft touch, let them lull her back to before.
"Can I see Dominic?" she asked hopefully.
Danny took off his glasses and rubbed the bridge of his nose as he sat down on her bed. "Adam's got him. They'll be here in a little while. He babysat while I went to get you."
He reached out a hand and stroked her hair, for him, not for her. She watched him with dark eyes, frightened of the way he was speaking and staring, like some giant elephant in the room was about to attack.
"Before you ask," she started, speaking with tears in her eyes, "I'm not ready to talk about it. I just want to see the baby." Danny eased himself down beside her to hold her gently.
"The baby's going to be hungry," he mused, "I used all the breast milk we had in the fridge an hour before I came to find you. I was thinkin' we were gonna have to switch to formula."
"Well, I'm all set to go," she mumbled, suddenly very sleepy in his arms.
Danny laughed.
"Seriously," she said, "they're totally full right now. If someone doesn't suck them soon, they'll actually explode."
"Maybe don't yell that if you're in a crowded bar," Danny chuckled.
Adam burst in, cradling the screaming baby, and handed him off to Danny. "Sorry," he yelled over the cries, "we hit traffic, and you told me if I took any risks, you'd lock me in a basement and feed me bugs for the rest of my life, so I came as fast as I could, but –"
Danny cut him off with a clap to the shoulder. "You did good, man. Now, unless you wanna see her breastfeed, I suggest you leave."
Adam blushed an intense shade of violet pink, and left, smiling at Lindsay and giving a little wave.
Danny crawled behind Lindsay and helped her support the baby. He guided her head to rest in the crook of his neck. The baby stopped crying and quickly started eating. When the baby had finished, Danny discovered that both the baby and Lindsay were fast asleep. He nudged and tugged Lindsay until she was lying comfortably on the bed, then lifted the baby off of her chest and asked the nurse on duty for a bassinet.
Once Lindsay and the baby were settled in their respective beds, Danny sat back in his chair and watched them. He fought his eyelids as they dropped, and refused to sleep until Mac arrived and promised to put another officer at the door in return for Danny's promise to sleep.
Danny crawled in bed next to Lindsay, only to have the baby begin to cry. Lindsay awoke with a small grunt, and let Danny help her breastfeed again.
"He's nocturnal," Lindsay said sleepily.
Stella bit the end of her pen, waiting for Lindsay to begin.
Lindsay locked her eyes shut, trying to get everything into focus.
The clock ticked. Someone in the room next door sighed.
Lindsay blinked open her eyes. "I need him in here."
Stella nodded and headed out to the hallway, returning with Danny trundling along behind her. He pulled over the chair beside her bed and sat next to her, holding her hand.
Lindsay smiled gratefully at him and turned back to Stella.
"They took us while we were sleeping," she began, "I remember being awake for a second before I smelled the chloroform. I was out like a light after that. I woke up in a big metal box – a truck. Calista opened the doors and took us out. She had a man with her. He tied me to a chair while they talked. Calista left the house." She waited for Stella to stop writing and look up before continuing.
Stella nodded.
Lindsay took a big breath and tried to explain. "The baby wasn't safe. He wasn't. It was dangerous." She looked at Danny for confirmation. "He wasn't safe," she repeated.
Danny nodded, understanding spreading to his face. "You had ta get him out," he said slowly.
Lindsay nodded.
"What did you have to do?" Stella probed gently.
Lindsay's voice was soft yet steady. "I proposed something to him."
"His name was Thrumond Pike," Stella added.
"Oh. Well I saw … Thurmond … looking at me and I knew he wanted me. So I suggested that he take the baby to a hospital and then I'd give him what he wanted. He agreed. When Calista came back, I heard you coming and I ran," she finished quickly.
"He raped you," Stella said quietly.
Lindsay shook her head. "It was sex. It was my idea, anyways. For the baby."
Stella glanced down at her papers. Danny held Lindsay's hand tighter and shifted in his seat. He cleared his throat. "Linds," he said gently, "you'd just had a baby. He … there was a lot of tearing. You musta been in a hell of a lot of pain. The doctor said that you probably passed out. That's not sex, it's …" he faltered.
Lindsay's eyes widened as she realized something. "Will I be OK?" she asked. The thought struck her that she'd never be with Danny again.
"You'll be fine," Danny assured her, "they stitched you up. You just gotta be really careful for a few months."
Stella gathered her things and stood. "I'm going to have to go over this with you later, kiddo, in more detail. But right now, just get better." She touched Lindsay's cheek with the back of her hand and left.
Lindsay watched the door close, then turned to Danny and said quickly, "Don't lie to me, Danny. Will I be OK? You know, down … there?"
He smiled. "Doctor says you'll be fine, baby. Just no horseback riding for a while."
She grinned cheekily. "No Danny riding?"
His eyes widened, then he laughed. "Nope. Not 'til you're healed."
"How will you ever manage?" she snorted. He crawled onto the bed and lay next to her, facing her. She watched the ceiling, oblivious to his thoughts.
"If I have you guys, I'll be OK," he murmured. She turned to look at him. "I really can't live without either of you. I always sorta knew I wouldn't. But now I know I really can't." His voice shook.
"Danny," she murmured.
"No, Linds, please, just listen, I gotta say it. I don't care if you say it's the wrong time to propose, or whatever, 'cause you're wrong. There's no real time to say it; if anything it's overdue." He took a deep breath. "So, all I'm sayin' is, I really need you to marry me. I don't want you to anymore, I'm not really asking either. I'm just telling you that I need you to. I just want you to know that. And I really hope you'll do something about it."
She smiled at him, sniffling to hold in the lump in her throat. "I think I need it, too," she said, her voice breaking.
"Really?" he murmured, holding her cheek with one hand. She rolled onto her side slowly and nodded.
He leaned in and kissed her softly, softer than he ever had before, reveling in her taste and the way her lips felt against his. She sighed happily against his lips.
He broke the kiss a few moments later and lay next to her on the bed, their faces close. "What were you looking for? When you said you needed the 'right time'?" Danny asked. It had been bugging him for weeks.
Lindsay shrugged slightly. "I wanted you to take your time. That's it. I just wanted … well, it was selfish, really… I wanted to feel it, to really feel that you wanted it, not that you had to do it." She smiled. "And I do feel it. I always did, I just never saw it."