Chapter 1
To cut the story short, I have forgotten. I simply forgot our 24th anniversary. Before that day arrived, it already came to my mind that our anniversary was coming up. But since I also had a lot of things going on in the Pro Leagues, when that day actually came, it slipped my mind.
I knew it was my fault, and I accepted it; I didn't try to make any excuses because I might end up blaming her without meaning to. Instead, I told her I was sorry, and I told her again the next day. I tried to make it up by buying her an expensive necklace, but to my disappointment, the only thanks I got were a faint smile and a quick peck on the cheek. Well, I guess that was an expected reaction. She was disappointed in me after all. But somehow, since that day, no matter how hard I tried to redeem myself, she never seemed to fully forgive me.
Don't get me wrong, though; Asuka wasn't that shallow. I think part of the problem was the fact that we still didn't have a child. But technically, we had two.
Our first baby was a honeymoon baby, something that made both me and Asuka jump up and down in excitement. The ultrasound indicated that it was going to be a boy, the gender that Asuka and I wanted. She was so excited, that she even picked out baby clothes for him before hand. But sadly, shortly towards the end of Asuka's first trimester, she had a miscarriage. The doctor told us that it was due to progesterone deficiency. As it turned out, Asuka had low progesterone levels and because of this, it cost us our first baby's life.
We were both devastated. Asuka went through a self-blame phase, claiming that it was her fault that our baby died. Although I was also grieving, I tried to be strong for the both of us. If I broke down, Asuka wouldn't have anyone to lean on. So for what it's worth, I kept all my emotions to myself.
After a few months, I got her pregnant again. I was almost relieved that Asuka had gone past her grieving stage. I was also excited that we were going to have another baby.
Now, if a woman had a miscarriage before, what were the chances of her having yet another miscarriage right after? Asuka and I hoped that it would never happen again, but it did. It was like the universe hated us. Of all the couples in the world, why did we have to face two miscarriages in our lifetime?
Although this time, it wasn't because of an internal problem. This time, Asuka slipped. And this time, I was the one who went through self-blame. There was one morning when I woke up late for work. I jumped out of bed, panicked, and rushed. And apparently, I made Asuka panic and rush as well. And, just as I was about to leave, I forgot something. And Asuka, being the responsible wife that she is, ran to me before I reached the car. And then, she tripped. At first, the thought of it didn't dawn on me. I had my back facing her, so I didn't see her fall. It was only when she began to scream when I turned to see her on the ground, with blood all over.
Ever since the second miscarriage, Asuka and I had been a little distant. I didn't really know the reason why, but it may have something to do with blame. We started fighting all the time, even over the simplest, most minute things, like me complaining that my food was too cold after I came home from the Pro League, and her complaining that I'm never listening to a single word she says (which I do, by the way). I don't know what was happening to us, but it was like we were treating each other like scapegoats for the misery we were feeling.
Eventually, our fights subsided after a few years. But the distance only increased. However, this distance was only a theory of mine. Sometimes, I tried to console myself that I was only analyzing the situation too much, and Asuka was only going through a grieving phase. But recently, I was almost afraid to admit that my theory might be true.
Sitting beside her on the couch, I slowly placed my arm around her. When she didn't respond (she usually did), I stole a glance at her. It was then that I noticed that, for the first time, she wore an unmistakably sad expression on her face, cold, dark, and empty. Seeing this made my heart ache, for I suddenly realized that I wasn't quite sure whether she still loved me.
It's heartbreaking to think that your wife might not love you anymore, and that night, while Asuka proceeded upstairs, carrying the gift I've given her, I remained sitting on the couch for hours, wondering how I was going to fix the mess. I never thought our relationship was going to end up this way… and I wasn't going to let it go on like this. I thought for a moment. How am I supposed to win back her love?
Court her again. Said the little voice in my head, Just do what you did before, when you first won her heart. The thought of courting my own wife made me smile. It sounded a little silly to me, but at the same time I knew it was the perfect plan.