CHAPTER SIX
"Figures those wusses would make me the fall guy." Harris' tone and eyes communicate amusement and belittlement, a combination few cops or district attorneys expect arrested suspects to show. Carver usually only watches the interrogations, but there was a tiny chance that Harris would take an ADA more seriously than he was taking the police. Besides, given the involvement of the Israelis, any plea offers had to come directly from Carver. Keeping his hands clasped in his lap helps Carver maintain his game face in front of a new breed of criminal.
Bobby now knows that Harris doesn't plan on taking any of them seriously. There has to be a way to get to him, he believes as he takes notes on the behavior they're witnessing. Everyone has their weak spot... It's a matter of finding it.
Putting the papers proving the setup of the scam down, Harris folds his hands together, a show of seriousness. "I thought I was making legitimate bets. I-I had no idea Phil and Greg had rigged the system."
How, Alex wonders, can anyone look completely unconcerned the whole time they're in here? No perp or witness I've met ever managed that until him... She smirks, her hand gesturing between some of the papers and Harris. "And that little scheme with your Israeli friends – they didn't look happy you ripped them off."
That same smile, that same unblinking expression stays on Harris' face. "All I have to say about that is, you set me up. Really hung my ass in the breeze," he snorts. It's a charge the police can easily defend themselves against, although it would distract them from more important matters. "But," Harris shrugs, "that's all right. I'm in here with you. They're out there."
Bobby keeps his eyes on his notepad, suppressing a grim smile when Alex snorts at Harris' thinking. Now, he thinks at Harris, there's an attitude that'll get you and your family killed... "Well, that's good short-term thinking, Ken." The slight sarcasm will probably escape Ken, Bobby predicts, but it's worth saying for the record. Without pausing his hand, he looks at Carver to make the offer. I'm just going to pause to pretend that I'm reading, do whatever feels right for the moment.
Here's my cue, Carver knows the glance. "You're charged with one count of betting fraud," he informs Harris, "a 'D' felony." Leaning forward, hands still in his lap, he takes on the friendliest negotiation tone in his arsenal. "I can have you arraigned by 2:00. I can agree to your release by your own recognizance and have you on the street lickety-split."
Harris nods and his grin turns thoughtful, looking pleased with that idea. He's a bigger idiot, Alex thinks, than Bobby ever could be. "With no chance," she interjects, a knowing grin lighting her face, "of making it to the subway station in one piece." Yet the words make no dent in Harris' expression. She feels herself sour. It's like he didn't even hear me, Alex suspects, which I can easily believe...
"Or," Carver adds, presenting their best offer, "you can plead guilty to the murder of Penelope Chai, and serve your time in isolation under the protection of the Department of Correction."
Harris tilts his head at Carver's last words, that grin increasing slightly, looking merely amused. "I like Plan A better."
Does this man have no sense, Carver wonders, of self-preservation? "Plan A's a death sentence," he contends. Or does he even care about his family...?
The suspect almost laughs. "I'm not afraid of the Israelis. Believe me," Harris nods, like he's letting them on a big secret, "I've been in hairier situations."
You've proved that you're not afraid of them, Bobby thinks, by getting into business with them. "The cave off of Maui," he suggests, nodding in acknowledgment of Harris' words.
"That's a walk in the park." Harris' voice holds a hint of a laugh. His eyes slide back and forth between the two people looking at him. "I once had a parachute pack refuse to open at 15,000 feet. I opened it with a penknife... 3,000 feet to spare." Harris is clearly proud of that detail.
Bobby laughs, tinges of disbelief in his voice. "Don't you get scared?" He finally looks up at Harris, waiting for any reaction. "You know, like normal people." None comes, even as a uniform enters with a form. "You know, but..." he trails off momentarily, voice showing the effort of his mental search – which Harris doesn't know is already complete – as he takes the, briefly acknowledging the officer; his eyes stay mostly on Harris, breaking the gaze only to check if Carver has any input. Based on how the ADA is leaning back into his chair and casually looks from the departing officer to the suspect, there's nothing else to add. "I mean, you don't get scared at all? I wonder why."
Harris shrugs. "It's a gift." His tone hardly changes, but that pride and grin are still there. "It allows me to push myself harder than other people."
Scanning the papers, Bobby ponders that answer. Insurance paperwork, dated last week. "Well," he comments, "you could almost... trick yourself into believing you were invincible." What updating was needed...?
Once again, Harris shrugs, almost imperceptibly. "Until someone tags me with a laser sight, I'm going to keep going."
I don't doubt it, Alex mentally grimaces. Fool-hardy to the core. People like you are gonna get yourselves killed eventually, unless there's someone who can reign you in first... Her eyes drift to the papers Bobby's looking over. She can only see a corner of the top page, but can tell what type. Your poor wife and son, her heart sighs sadly. How can anyone cope with the person they depend on being so reckless?
I've never seen someone with so little fear of retribution, Carver marvels, or punishment. God preserve his wife and child...
"Hmm." The sound comes out more in response to finding the change in the policy. Does Harris know about this...? His thoughts pause, fixing on that topic. "Your wife, Kerry..." He stops to consider the best phrasing, to keep Harris from sensing his thoughts. The papers are placed so they can only be seen by Alex and Carver, which is how he wants it. "Is that why she was attracted to you? 'Cause of your... your self-confidence?"
Shrugging again, Harris states, "You'd have to ask her." His tone softens a hair, and it just reaches his eyes as he adds, "I'll tell you this. She's the reason I get out of bed in the morning."
That gets Bobby's attention, nearly freezing his lungs; it mirrors his life a little too much. She's the most important thing in the world to you, Ken? With all your thrill-seeking...?
Alex and Carver each furrow their eyebrows. How can he be serious...?
Unaware of the thoughts of the others, Harris finishes, with a hint what could be called reverence, "She's my prayer warrior."
He means it, Bobby realizes. A man doesn't get that look in his eyes if he's lying... I'd know... So, he cares deeply about his wife... "She believes in you," he comments quietly. "It's important." Those words easily apply to him and Alex, but he tries pushing those thoughts aside.
Harris' smile remains soft, but retains a hint of his reckless attitude. "She knows I'll never let her down."
You're confident about that... but I saw different... Aha... That explains this... Bobby's mind rapidly forms an idea. "You wanna know how she's doing?" Harris doesn't react doesn't move, but Bobby's not surprised. I need him to watch... "Cause we... we can, uh..."
Alex listens to the beginnings of another Bobby Goren flurry of activity, keeping her eyes on Harris' non-responding face; they don't want him to catch on. To whatever plan, Alex silently adds, Bobby's thought of.
Carver eyes the detective for any idea of what the detective is about to try. Hope whatever it is works, because we're running out of options.
Bobby motions toward the door. "Come on," he tells the others, although aiming the "request" at Harris.
Harris stands, not even slightly puzzled as he follows them wordlessly out.
Alex leads the way into the observation area, opening the door. "Your son's watching cartoons with a social worker," she informs Harris. The other men trail behind them.
Looking aside at the mirror overlooking where he'd been, Harris doesn't answer right away. Which makes everyone – even Alex as she draws up the blinds hiding the other mirror – wonder if Harris even heard her. When he turns to face Alex, he's greeted by seeing his wife in the room next door. He instantly turns on Bobby. "Why is Kerry in that room?" His voice and posture finally take on a hint of anger as his eyes flicker briefly to Carver. "She doesn't have anything to do with anything. I want to talk to her," he demands.
You're not the first I've had to explain this to, Carver thinks, and you won't be the last. "Since you're under arrest, Mr. Harris," he patiently explains, shaking his head slightly, "I can't allow it."
Bobby, who looked down to write while Carver spoke, raises his eyes like something just occurred to him. "But I can see her," he pretends to remind Carver. "Um, I'm allowed to talk to her." His eyes drift to Harris as he slowly steps – backwards – out of the room, commenting, "If there's anything you need to say to her... you know, give her your love or..."
Silence. Harris simply walks next to the mirror, to watch. Bobby shrugs to himself before walking to the next interrogation room.
Alex, remembering a number of the details they've learned about Harris, can imagine which details her partner plans to use on Kerry to get her husband. The worry they saw at the front door returns fulls force as soon as Bobby enters the room. "How's my husband? When I can see him?" Not quite as worried as we saw earliar...
"It shouldn't be much longer," Bobby assures Kerry. Which it won't be, he knows, but you'll be seeing him from the other side of prison bars... His heart feels heavy knowing what the law is about to do, but it will spare her from one grief. "Your son's really liking those cartoons," Bobby comments, walking up to the mirror, stopping so he knows Harris can still see his wife. Part of the plan. "He's a very active child," Bobby comments, smiling as the memory of the kid's pleasure made his insides feel lighter. Turning to lean back against the frame, he adds casually, "Just like his dad, huh? All that... scuba-diving, jumping out of planes. The thrill a minute."
Kerry smiles, fingers fiddling. "He trained hard to do those things." Smile looks genuine, Alex observes, but the fiddling intensified when Bobby mentioned those dangerous sports... and her gaze dropped... She's not going to survive this talk without losing it.
Bobby nods, acknowledging the words. I'm sure the people he learned from tried to get him to learn more, to protect themselves from lawsuits... "Kid stays with you. That's smart," he observes. "If anything happens to Kenny – say his parachute doesn't open, or he runs out of-"
Kerry's eyes dart around for a few seconds. "He can take care of himself." Please, Alex nearly smirks as the woman's eyes finally return to look at Bobby, you know he doesn't... It reminds her of another person she knows... Only, she adds, he has a sense of self-preservation...
She doesn't, Bobby's gut knows, really believe that... "How-how," he asks, pushing away from the mirror to walk, "long have you been... together?"
Kerry shrugs, leaning back against the chair. "Since high school." That long, Alex marvels, for him? You must give him thrills he can't find elsewhere...
His eyebrows popping, Bobby continues walking. "Those must have been... exciting years for you."
That produces a fond smile, at some memory. "We had a lot of fun." Don't doubt it, Alex thinks. A thrill-a-minute guy, I'm sure he showed you plenty of good times... and bad...
"Were you with him," Bobby asks, changing the subject as he starts sitting, "when he... got those speeding tickets?" He places his binder on the table so he can freely clasp his hands and lean toward her. "Going 80 miles an hour in a 35-mile-an-hour zone? Was that fun?" His tone hints at his suspicions. You didn't enjoy it, he sees from her face, you were scared...
Alex grimaces, thinking, Didn't that clue you in that something wasn't right with him...? Kerry, you don't seem like a total idiot...
"You told him to slow down," Bobby quietly asks, "didn't you?" Kerry's eyes drift between him and somewhere below the mirror. Like, he feels, she's avoiding the question as long as she can... "He didn't. Now, he wasn't scared?" His eyes reach for her own sense of self-preservation, her sense for her child. "He never gets scared? Uh, do you ever wonder why he can't sit still, why he's always looking for... stimulation?"
"He's not always like that." Kerry's protest sounds weak to Alex. No, she thinks, you've seen him like that very recently... Her eyes drift to Harris, whose face – and attention – is turned to his wife. Yet, Alex thinks, how can I still feel that scary smile on his face...
Bobby starts fiddling with the book on criminal psychology he took from his desk. "According to his boss, he's disruptive." He flips to the bookmark he put in after meeting Harris, adding to the description as he eyes Kerry's reaction, "He plays people. You ever seen him like that?"
"No," Kerry insists, without conviction. "People like him." She's not, Alex's gut comments, trying to convince us. She's trying to convince herself. But the smile fades from Harris' face, sheer intensity replacing it.
"He's manipulative," Bobby adds, with authority. It silences any further protest from Kerry, who can't look away. Pausing to double-check that he's opened to the right page, he quietly observes, "He has a high tolerance for fear stimuli. Do you understand what that means?"
Obviously not, Alex thinks. Otherwise, why would she marry him?
No answer, but Bobby doesn't expect one. "He has all the traits of a certain personality type." He slides the open book to Kerry. "It's, uh... this type... here." He waits for her to look like she's started reading the section he pointed to, and then states the section title to guide her and the others: "Psychopathic personality."
Harris snorts. Alex's narrowing eyes drift to his back, seeking to drill... something into his impossibly dense hide. Now, part of her realizes, dealing with Bobby's quirks seems easy by comparison...
Kerry's eyes widen a touch. She sees it, Alex senses, but can't admit it yet... "This isn't Ken," Kerry protests weakly after several long seconds, without energy.
"Yeah," Bobby breathes, pulling back slightly. Not quite yet, he senses, but she's weakening...
"He knows," Kerry murmurs, pushing herself out of the chair as she absently closes the book, "that he has to change." She moves over to the mirror, like she has to stand and lean against something.
The words draw confusion into Harris' features. Carver frowns, puzzling over the reaction. I'm glad you do care, he thinks, but why?
Bobby follows slowly, seeing his opening growing wider. "Well," he reminds her, aiming for softness and reason, "there's knowing and then there's doing."
"He can do it." Her voice almost cracks as her gaze lifts, staring at some spot on the mirror. Her eyes look almost as wide as her husband's typically are, but tears and desperation ooze from her soul.
"She knows it." Harris doesn't see it, Carver realizes as that smile returns. He doesn't see – or at least respect – that his wife is scared by his actions. I can't imagine doing that to any member of your own family...
Bobby gently chides, like a parent reminding a child about limits, "You don't believe that."
"Yes, I do." Come on, Kerry... My partner and I saw your eyes. What's it going to take for you to admit to what you know...?
You're hurting yourself and your son by thinking this way... Bobby sees he has to pull out bigger guns to crack Kerry's lies. "Kerry... you know what kind of man you hitched your wagon to," he reminds her, bringing up his hand to emphasize his point.
Watching the mirror, Alex sees Harris close his eyes and exhale deeply. Her eyebrows raise. You're feeling something... I never would've thought it possible...
"You know that he's not going to change," Bobby continues, seeking Kerry's eyes in the mirror. "His fearlessness. This 'gift.' It's a curse. You know it's going to get him killed."
Kerry shifts, shaking her head listlessly. "No, it's..." Her voice trails off on seeing his disbelief, and she almost stamps her foot. Like a frustrated kid, Alex thinks, trying to get her own way.
Bobby draws his lips into a tight line, preparing for an explosion. People who care that much can lash out if their self-delusions are shattered... "Look," he stresses, "when you opened the door, I saw what you were thinking." He pauses for a moment, seeing if she remembers that moment. "Kenny's dead."
"No," Kerry stammers, almost whipping her body around to protest the thought, "I didn't think that." She jerks her hands down, as if trying to hold on to her self-deception a little longer. "Kenny's not going to die!"
Alex's hands start fiddling with each other. There you go, Bobby. Your opening. Good luck.
Bobby stares her down for a few seconds, then moves to reach into his binder. Time to make this public knowledge... "Well," he drawls, "maybe you can explain this." He presents her with the papers that the officer handed him.
As soon as it faces her, Kerry turns back to the mirror, eyes dropping to the ground. Something she can't hide from, Carver notes. So what is it...?
"We saw this inquiry on Kenny's credit report. It's from Colonial Trust Insurance." Bobby leans in a little, to make sure she can't ignore him. "They own Kenny's insurance policy," he adds, re-enforcing the message as he turns his eyes to Kerry as she gulps. "Right?" The question doesn't get a response aside from more hanging the head. Not surprising, he feels as he lowers his hand. "Last week, you increased the benefit from 200,000 to 2 million."
Harris pulls up slightly, almost jerking, and Alex can hear a change in his breathing. I don't believe it... We got to him...
Seeing Kerry starting to shake, Bobby switches the report to his other hand. "But Kenny doesn't know, does he?" Her breathing becomes labored, and her hands tremble uncontrollably. You've held it in too long, he thinks at her. Time to let go... "You want to grow old with him." He gets a choking breath out of her, and she meets his eyes through the mirror. "You... you want your son to have a father." Her breathing chokes again. "But you looked at the odds." he whispers, lifting his finger to point to the reality of her life, and then he shakes his head, "And you're betting he ain't gonna make it."
Harris starts shaking. It's subtle, but it's there. Alex's eyes widen a touch, stunned. Yet she holds it back, waiting for the explosion that's reaching critical mass.
"What am I supposed to do?!" Kerry's voice breaks, and her body keeps shaking. Her eyes don't look like they can focus through the tears. Her hand slams through the air, as she screams, "He thinks he can't get hurt, and he won't stop! He just won't stop!" Her eyes drift to her reflection at the last words, as though she could see Ken through the mirror.
Harris happens to be exactly on the other side of the mirror, and his hands slide on to it, as if trying to reach her as she leans against the mirror. Alex sighs silently. Years of hurt, worry... And more to come once we tell her what else he's being charged with...
Nothing I can do for her, Bobby knows, sadly. Silently, he puts the report and book back into his binder, and walks out of the room. Did it work...? Walking through the open door, buttoning his jacket to push aside his hurt on Kerry Harris' behalf, he sees Carver nodding at his shoes while Alex stares at Harris' frozen body. That woke him up... "Well," he comments to Harris, "there's your prayer warrior."
"The woman who loves me," Harris breathes, staring at his still crying wife. "Who had faith in me." His voice trembles, but he can't pull away.
Sighing to the side of the room, Alex drops her hands to clasp loosely in front of her. It was probably never as much as you thought it was, she thinks.
Bobby shrugs. "Now, as far she's concerned, your race is run." Kerry chooses that moment to gather her control and push herself off, to sit back down. "Now, if you can't even make her believe you anymore-"
"What chance do I really have?" The words draw Bobby's eyes slowly up. Did it work...?
That... that sounds like a broken man... A lot of Alex's self-control becomes tied in keeping from showing a reaction, especially as Harris turns to face them. His eyes, still not blinking, are wider than a bug's. Fear... he's finally showing it...
"Well, you're... You're feeling it now." Finally, Bobby thinks as he walks forward, finger casually pointed at Harris. We got him. He passes Alex, remarking, "It's searching you out."
Harris' body starts shaking, his eyes still unblinking. "Laser sight," he forces out. His body is tensing, fight-or-flight activating and burning connections. "I got to run the odds," he panics. "I got to be quick about it. How much time do I have? How much time before it hits the mark?" But Bobby's finger pushes against him, and he reflexively closes his eyes.
Bingo... Alex suppresses a grim smile. Poetic justice, Bobby. Nice one...
Harris eyes shake behind their sockets. It takes a few seconds for him to meekly open them, now blinking as he slowly looks up from the finger.
Bobby keeps his face tinged with gravity. After a moment, he pointedly asks, "Now do we have your attention?"
Harris unsteadily breathes, the shaking easing off. "I'll take the deal," he whispers.
Bobby nods, backing off as Carver clarifies, "You'll plead to Miss Chai's murder."
"Yes," Harris nods. Alex walks behind him to place the cuffs while Bobby drifts further back. As the cuffs come out, Harris mutters, "I want protection."
"For your wife and child," Carver says. They're the ones who'll need it.
Harris blinks again. "For me," he whispers grimly.
Fat chance, buster, Alex thinks as the dazed man is led out. Bobby walks over to the mirror to watch the distraught Kerry, whose hands have been going between from covering her face to clasping in front of it, and everything in the middle. "Well," Alex marvels once he's out of earshot, "will wonders never cease. He blinked."
Carver shrugs. "He may be human after all."
Bobby looks back, eying Carver. "Optimist." His tone conveys his lack of belief in that idea, and incredulity that anyone would think that.
Shrugging, Carver turns to retrieve his briefcase from the table. "I'll go prepare for his arraignment." With that, he leaves.
Alex watches Kerry for a moment, then slowly strolls up beside Bobby – keeping a few feet between them. A thought that crossed her mind days ago replays itself. It might not be the best question to ask Bobby, but her disbelief wants an answer now so she can move on. "Why would a thrill-a-minute guy stick with the same woman for as long as Ken did? Shouldn't he have gotten bored with her back in high school?"
Bobby ponders that. Contrary to Alex's concern, he didn't perceive any similarities to his own life in the Harris marriage. He views Ken Harris as someone who had to be cracked, brought down to earth. He's just glad that Harris cared enough his wife and kid to provide them with a way to get him. He shrugs, not sure, but he can think of possibilities. "Maybe he had a good relationship with his mother. Maybe he likes one thing always the same as a backdrop to the excitement. Maybe Kerry was... adventurous enough that he decided to stay with her."
The answers are weak, but even Alex knows they're the best ones given the data. They wait until an officer escorts Kerry out, and then head to their desks to fill out paperwork.
As they write, Alex puts part of her mind to observing what they're doing and comparing it to the past. They've had three days to think about what Deakins said, and both make an effort to act normal. At least for them. Usually one of them – almost always Bobby – starts some crazy topic to relieve the boredom. He's not procrastinating; he simply needs something to occupy the rest of his brain so he can focus on getting the job done.
Her pile is still finished first, but this time he's more on schedule: more than an extra hour. She's noticed how careful he is about not making a mistake, how slowly he'll take the process. Alex has found a mental state that lets her fill in the blanks quickly and accurately. It works pretty well, and she's contemplated offering to explain it as best she can, but never got around to it. Maybe I'll ask to compare systems, how our minds work...
Alex notices that Bobby's breathing has been measured since they left the observation room. He's dwelling again... Why...? She considers the question while he finishes the final page. He was dismissive of Harris being human. Is he thinking of Kerry and the boy?
Finally... Bobby sighs loudly, shoulders dropping from his ears. His eyes drift up, and notice the pile still on her desk. His eyebrows raise. "You didn't turn them in already?"
"I decided to wait for you," she shrugs, pushing herself up. Grinning, she adds, "This way, I can report a few other things complete, too."
Bobby's eyebrows pop up, but come back down when the latter sentence hits him. Means more time away from the office... possibly together. Sounds fine. Nodding his acceptance, they take their piles to Deakins' office.
The knock on the door pulls Deakins' mind from the paperwork frame it's been in for a few hours, to his relief. Forgot, he silently groans, to take a break... His eyes take in the two piles his unusual team's bringing in, and suppresses a grimace. Murphy's Law... "Those piles," he mutters darkly, "had better only need signatures..." You've only reminded me of the other grievance you've given me...
Both detectives stop near the door, and briefly glance at each other. Where's that coming from...? Alex clears her throat, cautiously asking, "The people upstairs adding to your headache?"
"I'm not there yet," he exhales, completing yet another report before putting it aside, "but I'm hoping to get home before one kicks in." I have them both here, he thinks, and not busy. Is it time...?
Bobby puts his pile down, directly in front of the pile their boss is working on. "These look worse than they are," he promises while Alex places hers next to his.
Deakins puts the pen down, removing his glasses to rub his eyes. "Good," he murmurs tiredly. Yeah, he answers his own question, I shouldn't put it off any longer...
Alex and Bobby spare a quick glance, then shrug. It's part of the price of being the commanding officer, both feel. "Well, good night, Captain," Alex wishes for both of them. Bobby nods to second it, and both turn toward the door.
Sorry, Deakins thinks, but you're not leaving yet. "Wait," he orders, keeping his tone calm and measured. "I'd like a few minutes of your time."
The tone sends both Alex and Bobby into alert mode. This sounds like a warning... Yet both turn back to face him. Alex's hands clasp in front of her, Bobby folds his arms. Habitual poses for them.
Deakins has thought about this talk for over a day, when he wasn't completely preoccupied with something else, and he's carefully chosen his words. "Partnership is one of the oddest things in the world," he observes, looking up at them. Keep from accusing them outright... for now. "You have a find a way to stand each other for hours at a stretch, you learn to watch each other's back, and how the other thinks. If you make it all work, a trust builds that few can understand."
Okay... The two exchange another confused look. Why he's telling them something they already know crosses both their minds, but the possible aim hits them promptly: Oh, no, is he actually going to ask...?
"But when bad times hit because of what you see on the job," Deakins continues, silently noting the subtle anxiety in his detectives, "your partner is often the only person you can talk to." Took Angie a while to be okay with it... "In some cases, that can lead to confusion over your bond. It's too easy to believe there's something extra there. Or to mistake what's there for something that's not. Bottom line is that good partnerships can be destroyed by reading too much in their bond, in the emotions attached to it."
This, Alex realizes, is a continuation of our talk from four days ago... Her fingers manage to not shake this time, but her throat feels clammy.
Bobby fights the urge to swallow. Okay, he thinks, he's not outright saying anything. That's gotta mean something... A few days ago, he'd worried a lot about what would happen if they were found out. Now, after Alex's reaction four nights ago, he can't even think about giving up what he now has. He eyes Alex, taking in her silence as a cue for him to talk. Okay, he feels, it's up to me to get him off our backs... He clears his throat, striving for an even tone. "Captain," he probes quietly, "what's your point?"
Deakins' eyes dart to him. Well, I didn't expect determination overriding anxiety... "You're an excellent team," he comments, allowing the justified praise into his tone. "That's why I don't complain more about the smoothing over I sometimes have to do." Okay, a little more than sometimes, but you get results, and I don't complain about that. "I'm saying this," he insists, leaning forward – hands clasped – to further the point, "because I think it needs to be said. Now." Before you jump into anything...
Bobby hears the unspoken hint, but he doesn't want this talk to go on much longer. "Captain," he firmly declares, stepping forward to draw attention away from Alex, "my partner and I would never – and will never – do anything that could jeopardize what we've worked so hard to build."
The words pull Alex out of most of her anxiety. We are in this together... The thought comforts her, enabling her to feel steady despite the moment.
I'm sure you wouldn't, Deakins thinks back as he stares hard at them. Neither budges, shows a hint of what's really happening. And since I won't accuse without proof... Sighing, he shakes his head, relenting. "Okay. But I don't want to see a repeat of four days ago." He fixes one last stare on them, his voice emphasizing the order. "Got it?"
Not wanting to risk talking, both nod. Safer that way.
I'm no closer to an answer than I was before I talked with Alex... Waving them – and his thoughts – away, Deakins mutters, "See you both tomorrow."
That, both detectives think as they file out, was too close... What is he going to do...? The worry – despite the confidence Bobby displayed in "challenging" the boss – silences them.
Face turned to the paperwork, Deakins keeps the detectives within his field of vision as they walk away. Once they're out of earshot, he sighs loudly. They're closer than they were, he feels, yet I don't think they lied. Shaking his head, he can only think of one option: wait and find out what could happen with various possibilities. Hypothetically, he adds, to not get anyone looking too soon at them...
One by one, Alex and Bobby grab their respective coats and file out, after Bobby collects his binder. They keep a few feet between them at all times, except on the elevator ride to the garage; five other people are on it when they board. There it's a matter of simply standing side-by-side, but not talking.
The silence continues all the way to Alex's apartment. Neither wants to even begin the conversation – that both know is necessary – until they won't be overheard. Since her neighbors aren't nosy types, and Alex and Bobby keep their talks quiet, there's nothing there to worry about.
The quiet is broken the second Alex opens her door. Two quick barks greet them, and a grown black lab strolls up to them. "Yes, Java," Alex smiles, kneeling down to scratch behind her dog's ears, "I'm home. Feeling better?"
Bobby silently closes and locks the door behind him, grinning at the sight before him. Alex's five year old pet had needed an operation five days earliar, to repair an old injury, and had stayed at the animal hospital for observation. It was the only reason their talk the next night had been peaceful. Well, he corrects, until Java woke up and realized we were there...
Satisfied by her dog's good mood, Alex stands again. Refreshing after today... "You want some hot chocolate now, or wait until after dinner?"
Bobby blinks rapidly, startled by the question. What...? Oh, he remembers, she thinks I'm lost in my head... "Yeah."
She looks pointedly at him. Don't think you can get away with that now, Bobby...
Bobby sighs, giving in to the silent demand. Of course she'd spot it, he feels. "Harris... He said... that his wife was the reason he gets out of bed every morning."
That line... Alex remembers sensing his surprise then, even through her own disbelief that it mattered to Harris. Bobby wasn't dwelling because of similarities to his family... She shakes off the recollections, quipping, "A line like that could easily be taken the wrong way."
A snort escapes Bobby's closed mouth. Humor to lighten the moment... I needed it... to clear my head a bit. "True," he agrees quietly, then his face and posture grow more serious. "But he meant it in the best sense. He called her his prayer warrior. That was important to him, and maybe encouraged him to keep going even when she hinted at backing off..."
Prayer warrior... Alex reflects on the phrase as she finishes mixing. Someone who supports you... and has faith in you... Her eyes pop wide as why it hit so close for Bobby becomes clear. "It stuck," she whispers, handing over his mug, "because you have the same need..."
His eyes sink to the mug, not wanting to admit how true it is. "Yeah," he whispers, taking a long sip.
She sips from her mug, searching for the right words. "I believe in you, Bobby," she softly declares, touching the hand on the counter, "and I know that you'll never let me down."
Can't meet her eyes... Bobby shifts uncomfortably. Why, Alex, do I feel like I have...?
Silence... Too much silence... Alex's throat tightens, a hint of dread building. "Bobby," she cajoles, "please tell me that you don't see more similarities between you and Harris than that..."
The words draw his head up, but not his eyes. "Well... Doesn't scaring you count as letting you down?"
She walks around the counter to stand in front of him. "No," she insists, "it doesn't. Those were... acts of thoughtlessness about what others might think of you, but your motivations are the opposite of Harris'. You stop to see the consequences of doing the act versus not doing it. I repeat: I know you'll never let me down."
Bobby finds himself captured by the transparent honesty in her voice, and it draws his gaze to hers. Same feelings... "But-" Her fingers cover his lips, but the shock seeing them fly up cuts him off first.
"Let me talk, okay?" Her eyes hold his gaze, her tone as gentle as it's ever been. "I need you to listen, Bobby."
Can't piss her off... He nods, not daring to look away.
Alex takes a deep breath, lowering her hand to the counter next to their mugs. "Your empathy and imagination are two of your greatest strengths. One drives you to find the answers, the other helps you find the path to them. They also enable you to find ways to bring about justice when we're light on evidence, but sure we're on the right track."
Bobby blinks repeatedly for several second. What is she getting at...? It... is the nicest way anyone's ever put it...
"I..." Alex pauses, considering her next words. Damn, she realizes, I have to keep going now. "It threw me for a loop for months before I realized what it was. Maybe my own fight to get to where I am jaded me, blinded me to that..." Which didn't help either of us... "But I now see it as something to admire. It makes you a very ethical person, maybe the most ethical I know."
His head drops, cheeks burning slightly. Really...? You believe that, Alex?
Just like you, Alex smiles sadly, to not believe that... For her, the next part is going to be the most difficult to convey. "The... the only thing that makes me uneasy is when you see too much of yourself – or things from your life – in the lives of the victims, survivors, and... and even the perps."
That pulls his eyes up to hers. What...?
"I know getting into people's heads," she quickly adds, "it part of what you do, how you find the truth. But sometimes you get in so deep... It's gotten you in trouble before. Some days, it bites you in the ass, and I can't do a damn thing about it."
Bites me in the ass...? Can't do anything about it...? Bobby racks his brain for examples, and draws blanks. "What do you mean...?" It comes out in a whisper, accompanied by disbelieving expression.
For the only time possible, Alex wishes she had an example other than the one she has to use. She hesitates, contemplating getting him to drop the subject, but it won't leave her be. Maybe I can talk around it... Taking a very deep breath, she braces herself to deal with whatever reaction she gets. "The aftermath of really bad cases, where you absorb the horrors so much that you can't let go..." She swallows, holding back the rest until she can be sure she can talk steadily. Cannot let him mistake my feelings about another as being for him... "Or, worse yet, the ones where the perp gets to you... Leaves you obviously raw and... vulnerable... and bleeding emotionally," she trails off, whispering as her eyes drop. Why does admitting this make me feel so weighted down...?
Bobby feels his mind approach 200 miles-an-hour as he tries to find an example of what she's referring to. What he sees is the tension spreading from the inside out. It was a bad one, he knows, whatever it was, but it had to be one that... Before he can complete the thought, one memory leaps out at him. Five months ago... It has to be... And if-if Alex cares even half as as much as her eyes say she does, then it explains why she started insisting on sticking around...
He's thinking... How long until he guesses...? Not wanting to dwell on the thoughts, Alex clears her throat, needing to get out a little more. "I'm fine with letting you do your thing, but when it's not working or it causes you pain... I want to step in, give you a chance to recover. I'd finish for you if I had to. I never have because I promised to not interfere."
But you wanted to that day... Bobby's instinctual need to ease Alex's burdens flounders for something to do. We-we, his mind stammers, we've always seen that day differently... and I don't know what you really thought of it... He hasn't so far since it was the furthest thing from his consciousness. Not now... As hard as this could be... I have to do it... Gulping, he braces himself. Here goes nothing... "What did you see that day?"
What?! Her head whips up to face him. You... You're actually asking...? Alex had a tiny hope of not having to speak directly about it tonight, but that flies out all the way to Bangkok.
The movement transfers to a jerking motion down her body, startling Java. The dog, figuring out she's not getting any attention for the moment, whimpers and walks to her bowls in the kitchen. Neither Alex nor Bobby notices; all of their senses have fixed on each other.
The silence gets to Bobby quickly. I need you to talk, Alex... To tell me... "Please," he pleads softly, "tell me what you saw and felt when we last saw Nicole."
His actually saying the given name of the woman who qualifies as their worst nightmare sets something off inside Alex. The brakes keeping her thoughts in check fall away, and she takes a long sip as she feels the tension of dread fill her being. Okay, Bobby... you asked... Putting down the mug – when she's angry, and talking about this perp will make her such in minutes, she's more likely to get physical with the objects around her – as she leans against the counter, Alex looks down while she gathers her thoughts. "I'm used to letting you at a perp, to watch you batter down their defenses. I'm used to seeing you treat perps as things to break, acting sympathetic until you've found the moment to strike..."
Bobby's gut twists, and he feels a brewing headache. You... wanted me to break someone who's been through horrible abuse... At the time, Bobby didn't know Nicole's darkest secret, and wanted – badly – to believe that she could be reached. Now... I know...
"But when she showed you those numbers she'd just written..." Alex's voice trails off, throat threatening to choke her. God, that was one of the ten worst days of my life... "It was like your fire, your fight almost went out completely. Even when you insisted on tit-for-tat, you were on the defensive, scrambling for an advantage. I... I'd never seen you in a situation where you weren't at least on equal footing..." Her eyes drop as she grips the counter harder, needing the stability to keep herself under control. Thinking about that woman isn't conducive to relaxing...
His hands shake, sweating. You... you always urged me to not think I can see everything if I try hard enough... Why would you-? His mind goes silent as she opens her mouth to continue.
"Bobby," she demands, turning to face him, "why did you offer to answer her questions when you had to know that she wouldn't answer yours? That she'd use your answers against you...?" How could you do that, even with your... unique moral code?
Wouldn't answer... Bobby has to defend himself, even if it's been years since Alex insisted on him explaining himself. "I, uh, thought that I could get her talking about the truth, which she did."
"In the third person, Bobby! Maintaining that she was Elizabeth Hitchens!" Her voice raises, but she can't care. "All you did was give her an opening to hurt you further!" That, to Alex, was the worst part of the mess. "How do you think I felt watching you bleed from your whole being, knowing I couldn't do a damn thing to stop it?!"
Bleed from your whole being... Bobby gulps as the truth of that statement hits him, hard. Oh, no... I never imagined that I'd hurt Alex... He puts down the mug, pushing himself away from the counter to pace.
Unable to hold still when things get too personal... Alex has seen it before – including during that awful moment – and isn't surprised to see it again. So sad... "She won that battle, Bobby," she adds, tone softening from watching his reactions. "You only had her on the defensive once, when you brought up the abuse. We all know it happened, but she didn't face it long enough to break her denial. If you'd started on it sooner, then I think she might've broken and that lawyer wouldn't have made a difference."
I didn't hit on it sooner... It came to me seconds before I said it... Rubbing the back of his neck, Bobby spins around in his pacing. Facing her, he can only think of one thing to say. "Alex, if you'd been in my place, on the receiving end of her displaying details of your personal life, what would you have done?"
Well, she reflects, something I can easily answer. I've thought about that a lot... Putting down her own mug, she propels herself toward him. "I probably would've been silent at first, from the surprise. But after a few seconds, I would've gathered myself and let her know that her calculated digging was nothing compared to the dirt I had on her, that I refused to be pushed around like that."
"Alex," Bobby interjects, energy bursting from his veins, "I've admitted to details of my life before." To perps much more immediately dangerous... "I'd never had it fail."
"Until then," Alex reminds him sharply. "Did anyone else hit as personally as Nicole did?"
Bobby flinches. The words couldn't have hit him harder had they been a physical slap. His face falls, voice dropping to a soft wheeze. "No..."
Groaning, Alex pushes herself off the counter, folding her arms. "You went in there knowing this woman had committed at least eleven murders. She deserved to be locked down, and for the key to disappear." I wouldn't mind her not taking any air away from the rest of us, but maybe letting her rot would hurt her more... Alex's eyes narrow, pinning Bobby still. Although her frosty tone would've been enough. "Why did you treat her far more respectfully than she had any right to expect?"
"I..." Bobby twitches, but can't move beyond that under the force of the glare. His mind struggles to recall his thinking from that day, but only one thing comes to him. "I sensed that someone with goodness in her – a sparkling little girl – had survived the horrors of that childhood..."
"Survived, maybe," Alex snaps, "but not lived through it, and certainly not bounced back. She never sought help, never blew the whistle on her father. Mind you," she allows, starting to pace near the couch, "that jackass did a through job isolating her from the world, preventing her from making friends or bonding with other adults. I'm sure her life was a living hell, but she won't admit to what happened, that she was powerless to stop it. That threatens the elaborate defense mechanism she's carefully constructed around herself, to keep the world at bay."
Bobby can't ignore the basic points of her argument. I've been over most of them enough times myself since that day...
"Did it ever occur to you that maybe what you thought you saw was a ruse," Alex glowers, pausing to face him, "to keep people from seeing the real her? Because she knows enough psychology to know that she'll never blend in otherwise?"
Bobby starts, shock-waves shooting through his body. His mind stops, but his mouth moves soundlessly. He faces half-away from her, trembling unconsciously.
Oops... Alex quickly realizes what triggered that reaction. Deflating, she sighs, frustrated. Great, now how I do undo that...? This is like dealing with a hypochondriac; you have to be careful to not increase their fears, yet you can't dismiss them. "Bobby," she sighs, willing him to look at her, "it's true that you both had bad childhoods, that you were each failed by those who should have protected you, but how you react to the world is the polar opposite of how Nicole reacts. How you each ultimately feel about the world might not have many similarities."
O-of course, Bobby's mind sputters, of course Alex believes that... He knows her beliefs – not to mention her feelings – are deeply held, and it's slowly become clear that it extends toward him. In some things, she had the more perceptive view. Is it possible, he silently mumbles, that she's right here, too...?
His silence doesn't ease Alex's concern. Why does he react so strongly to that woman...? One possibility crosses Alex's mind, and it twists her gut. No, she prays, please not that... Gripping her arms tightly at the elbows, she swallows hard. Great, she realizes, this one isn't going to stay in my head, either... "Well," she murmurs, "I'm sure she presented a tempting picture at the apartment..."
That whips Bobby around to face her the instant she trails off. Wha-- You think-- "No, no," he blurts, holding out his hands in a placating – and insistent – wave, "no! Alex, I was never attracted to her, even for a second!" The words rush out of him as his feet resume his earliar pacing, but without the outward calm. You must understand this, Alex, please... "Remember, she was a suspect before we ever heard her name. My instincts pegged her as a potential manipulator from the salesman's description. By the time we left her place, I knew we had to consider her the prime suspect."
His words and motions speak volumes to Alex, but the intensity behind them would convince a blind and deaf person that he's telling the truth. Sighing from relief, she clears her throat to relieve his panic. "Thank you, Bobby. I needed to hear to hear that. What... bothered me was that I had her pegged as a liar from the second I met her; I got a bad vibe from her. Maybe that's why I felt so uneasy about what happened."
Of course, Bobby sighs noiselessly. Rubbing the back of his neck, he softly acknowledges, "I guess... being a man, there are some cues I'd miss."
Alex grins despite the atmosphere. Something you admit to not knowing... "Look," she relents, freeing her hands to gesture, "I get that you don't like being wrong; you've needed to be able to trust your instincts for so long. But... if you knew then what you know now about her," she hesitantly queries, "what would you have done?" Please tell me you would've stood up to her...
Bobby's pacing stops mid-stride. That's a question I wasn't expecting... She doesn't usually ponder – aloud, at least – the what-ifs... He resumes, but his feet take him closer to Alex with each round. "I... would've thought of her daughter – who must have been a sparkling little girl – the whole time, to keep me plowing for a confession. I... would've forced her to face her past a lot sooner, and left her no choice... somehow..."
I wish you'd done it then, Alex sighs. But now isn't time to press it... "What I'm saying, Bobby," she explains, stepping up to place her hands on his chest, to push Nicole out of their thoughts, "is that I hate seeing you get so tangled in a case that you let your own past – whatever part of it appears in your memory – be so present that it could cloud your judgment. I just want reassurance that you'll be able to catch yourself from going over that edge."
Bobby absorbs the words, but doubts he can do what she wants on his own. If I have to be reminded to eat before I get too hungry to think, he considers, then I'll need help with this... But how can I reassure her...? She spots those problems long before I do... What a minute... We're a team... We have each other's back... "Well," he hedges, fixing his gaze on hers as he wraps his arms around her waist, "how about this: if you feel that I'm going in that direction, tell me. I promise to listen, and we'll discuss what – if anything – we need to do. But you have to let me do the same for you if I feel that a case is getting to you."
Alex feels her eyes try to pop. Wow... He reached that idea on his own... "Sounds perfect," she whispers in delight, reaching to lightly clasp her hands behind his neck, encouraging him to stay close.
Matching soft grins heighten the warming, comfortable mood. Their foreheads draw together, from a mutual need to let go of the day and their thoughts. So nice to have this, both feel as they move for a soft kiss to seal the promise.
But their lips barely touch when Java whines, bumping deliberately into them for attention. Both look down at the annoyed dog, whose eyes seem to glare, "Save that for when I'm asleep."
Bobby chuckles. The joys of your love having a pet, he sighs silently. At least she's got a good one... "I guess we're eating in tonight," he muses.
"Just as well," Alex shrugs, tolerantly amused at Java's antics. Last thing we need right now, she knows, is to give the Cap something solid to worry about...
But both laugh as Alex keeps her pet out of Bobby's way as he checks the cabinets for ingredients. Cooking her meals is another way for him to indulge her, and it looks like he'll be buying her groceries tonight; not enough for the Italian meal he has in mind. Yet being able to transition his thoughts so completely gives both extra confidence in the growing strength of their new bond.
Strength they will both need in several weeks...
THE END