Chapter 5
Her voice echoed in my head. Edo…Edo… It was slow, caring, and mysterious. Honey… wake up. It's time to wake up.
"But the alarm didn't go off yet…" I groaned.
I turned it off for you… you overslept…
"WHAT?" I opened my eyes in shock and woke up with a start. I heard Asuka gasp. "What, what time is it?" I asked.
"Gosh! Don't scare me like that. You almost gave me a heart attack." She said. "And it's just about time to get up, sleepyhead."
I glanced at my bedside clock. "Why did you turn off my alarm?" I asked her.
"You were complaining last night about being tired and stressed out," Asuka explained, "so I figured you'd want some more rest. Don't worry, I prepared breakfast already. All you need to do is get ready for your big day."
Well, how about that. That was thoughtful of her. "Thanks, hon." I said simply. I gave her a quick good morning kiss before I got out of bed and proceeded to the bathroom.
- - -
After getting myself ready for another busy day, I went downstairs to see Asuka, sitting on one of the dining chairs. Breakfast was already waiting for me. "Dig in." she said. I took a seat, sat, and ate. She seemed to be observing my every movement, for some reason. "So," she began, "what time are you coming home?"
"Same as last night," I said, "Why?"
"Nothing, just asking." Asuka replied. "So you're going to work overtime again?"
"Yes." I answered. I looked at her, trying to figure out what she wanted from me. "Did you want me to come home earlier?"
"Oh, no, no, it's fine. Really. I was just asking. Don't worry about me." She said.
If anyone were to hear our conversation that morning, people would assume that Asuka wanted me home. Well, at least that's what I deduced. So I planned to surprise her by coming home earlier than usual.
However, when I arrived home, at around 7pm, she wasn't there. I know that it might sound shallow, but I got really angry when I found out she wasn't home. It was hard enough to work overtime at the leagues; let alone to ask for an early dismissal. I had to make up a life-or-death excuse just to get home early, and this is how she repays me? By not being home? The first thing I did was to call her cell phone, but when I heard the sound of her ring tone, I got really pissed. She didn't even bring her cell phone!
As I waited for a few moments, I tried to console myself that Asuka just got something from the grocery or the bank, and would come back any minute.
An hour has passed, and she hasn't come back home yet. I kept glancing at my watch every other minute, as if some sort of miracle would speed up the time. I was angry because my effort was put to waste. I was even angrier because she didn't even call me to tell me where she was. But most of all, I was worried. What if she really did just go to the bank, but she got mugged on the way? What if she's lying on an alley at this very moment, bleeding to death? How could I still be angry at her then? I tried my best to shrug off the terrible thought and told myself that she was okay. But as another hour passed, I started to walk around in circles.
I didn't know if I should be mad or be worried. Both emotions seemed to be gradually increasing in me as the time continued to pass. It's 9 o'clock. Where is she? I told myself that if she wasn't here by 9:30, I would call someone. Anyone. I ended up calling her brother 10 minutes later.
"Hello?"
"Fubuki. It's me, Edo."
"He-hey! It's good ol' bro-in-law! What's up, brother from another mother? How's li'l sis?"
"Well, I was just going to ask you about her." I confessed. "By any chance, has she called you at any time of the day today?"
"No, 'fraid not. Why? Li'l sis causing trouble again?" he laughed.
"No, she's fine." I lied, "Alright. Thanks anyway. I gotta hang up on you now. A little busy here."
" 'kay, no prob." Fubuki said, "See ya. Say hi to sis for me."
"Sure." Once I find out where she is.
I hung up. "Argh! Where could she be?" I shouted, intentionally trying to let out all my anger with that one exclamatory. But it didn't work. "God damn it, Asuka!"
I debated whether or not to call the police. But then I figured it would make me appear paranoid. Oh, I can see it now:
"What's your name, sir?"
"Edo Phoenix."
"And what did you say your problem was?"
"Uh, I don't know where my wife is."
"Hm, I see. Did you recently have a fight, or-"
"-Yes, actually, we did. But I don't think that has to do with anything."
"Sir, that's what they all say."
Shit. That won't work. That just won't work. I glanced at my watch. Another hour just passed.
Maybe I am just a little paranoid. I mean, Asuka could be anywhere. But if she could be just anywhere, then why didn't she tell me? I felt myself growing even angrier and angrier. It's been 3 bloody hours since I got home. I asked myself again what I was doing here. I felt stupid that I didn't know where Asuka was. I hated feeling stupid. I tried to call her cell phone again. I heard her ring tone. For a moment, I was relieved, but then I realized something… "Damn it!" I exclaimed, forgetting that she left her cell phone in the house. Maybe if I just sat down and waited for her patiently, she would come home. And I did just that. I sat down. And waited. Patiently.
Another hour has passed. She still wasn't home. But I just sat there. And waited. Patiently. Another hour just passed.
12 midnight. It's god damn 12 midnight. And she still wasn't home. I inhaled all the air I could uptake, and heaved a slow, steady sigh, intending to exhale all my worries and anger away. Stay calm, Edo. She'll be back soon. Just sit there. Sit there and wait.
Patiently.
Sit and wait. Patiently.
Patiently, now. Patiently.
Then, I heard some laughter from outside. I immediately stood up and went near the window to take a closer look. There, I saw Asuka, with her friends, Momoe and Junko. All three were wearing party clothes. And they were laughing. Now I really got angry. Not only was my effort on coming home early put to waste, but so was my worries and anxiety… and paranoia. For her. And I felt stupid. I absolutely hated. Feeling. Stupid.
I waited as they approached the door. They were laughing and talking. Laughing and talking. And I couldn't really make out what they were saying. Heck, I didn't even give a damn. I saw the door knob twist open. I clenched my fists tightly. C'mon, Edo. Give her the benefit of the doubt. She didn't know you were waiting. I tried to inhale and exhale again. It wasn't her fault after all. I have absolutely no right to be mad at her.
The door opened. I came face to face with Asuka. When she saw me, she gasped.
"Edo!" she said. After a slight pause, she smiled. "Hi!"
I felt my anger rising. No, Edo. You don't want to do this. Remember. Benefit of the doubt. Benefit of the doubt. Benefit of the-
"WHERE THE HELL WERE YOU?" I shouted at her.
Her smile faded. She looked at me in shock. Her friends, who were behind her, stopped talking and fell silent.
"Edo, relax. I was just out with the girls-"
"YOU WERE OUT WITH THE GIRLS? HAVING FUN? WHILE I WAITED FOR YOU FOR NEARLY 5 BLOODY HOURS?"
She shifted her gaze from me to the ground. "Don't shout at me-"
"I'VE BEEN WORRIED SICK ABOUT YOU! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT YOU PUT ME THROUGH?"
She remained silent. "Momoe, Junko, I think you'll have to leave." She said coldly, her voice shaking slightly.
"Alright." Momoe said, "We'll, uh… call you, I guess."
"Bye girlfriend…" Junko murmured. They left without saying anything to me.
Asuka and I remained standing there in silence. I stared at her angrily, while she was looking down at the floor.
"Well?" I said in a louder voice than I had intended, "Is there anything you want to say?"
Finally, she looked straight at me, with fierce, death-glaring eyes. "What is wrong with you? You embarrassed me! In front of my friends!" her voice was rising in intensity and power.
"That's beside the point!" I shouted, "Where the hell were you?"
"I told you! I was out with the girls! We were bar hopping!"
"You could've at least called." I said sternly.
"How could I?" she asked, "I left my phone at home! I realized that when I was already on my way to meet up with them! Gosh, I swear, Edo, you better watch that temper of yours-"
"-Well next time, if you didn't want me home early, you should have told me!"
"I DIDN'T TELL YOU ANYTHING!" she screamed. I was thrown back by her exclamatory. "When did I ever tell you that I wanted you home early?"
"Oh, I dunno. This morning?" I hinted.
"THIS MORNING?" she exclaimed. "THIS MORNING? I JUST ASKED WHAT TIME YOU PLANNED TO COME HOME! And what did you tell me? 'Same as last night'!" she said that last line in a mocking way, "And what time did you come home last night? 12:30! 12 god damn 30, you big paranoid piece of shit!" she wasn't done yet, "And what did I do when you came home? Oh, that's right. I tried to seduce you. But what did you say? 'I'm tired! I won't last'!" she mocked me again with that last line, "DON'T GIVE ME THAT CRAP THAT YOU'VE BEEN WAITING FOR ME FOR 5 SHITTY HOURS, BECAUSE I'VE PUT UP WITH YOUR LOUSY SEX DRIVE FOR LONGER THAN I CAN TAKE!"
"WHAT?" I shouted, almost breathless. "EXCUSE ME?"
"Yeah, that's right!" Asuka said. "I said it! The truth hurts, doesn't it?"
"I have a normal sex drive, thank you very much." I said.
"NORMAL?" she exclaimed, "Oh, that's rich. When's the last time you held me, Edo? Hm? 2 months? 3 months? NO! 10 MONTHS! 10 GOD DAMN MONTHS! And that's just an understatement!"
"That's not true!" I defended, "You're the one who hasn't been into it for longer than I could remember. Ever since the second baby died-"
"-The second baby died nearly a year ago! You haven't touched me since then because you're a sissy! You're a coward because you don't want to deal with my grieving anymore! You're a coward because you're not willing to go through the pain again!"
"SPEAK FOR YOURSELF!" I shouted, "You're the one who's been telling me that you're 'just not into it tonight'! Remember that, honey? All those nights when I asked for you? And you just turned me down?"
"That's because you asked me almost right after the baby died! I was grieving, you bastard! Unlike you! You don't care because you don't feel anything! You'll never know what it's like to lose something that's been in you for months!"
"Well you don't know what it's like to carry two burdens on your back! You think I wasn't grieving when the baby died? I was crying every single day! I just never showed you because I needed to be strong for you. You! Everything was always about you. I had to take care of you and at the same time keep my emotions on check. You're so ungrateful, you know that? I do everything I can just to please you, but you never seem to be satisfied!"
"SATISFIED? YOU NEVER GIVE ME ANYTHING!" Asuka shouted. "Everything's not all about me! It's all about you! You and your damn Pro League business! You and your stress! You and your daily routines! It's you! YOU!"
"HELL NO!" I shouted. "Don't you think I'm only doing all this for you? Hm? Have you ever thought about that? No! Because all you care about is how to satisfy yourself, your needs, your everything! You're ungrateful and demanding, bossy and cold-hearted, unsympathetic and air-headed, self-centered and… and…"
"You done?" she asked, her voice trembling. I stopped, realizing that tears were rolling down her face. Suddenly, all the anger that was building inside of me disappeared. I just stared at her, feeling my throat tightening and my heart breaking. How could I be so cruel?
"Is that how you see me, Edo? Is that it?" she murmured. Her eyes were overflowing with tears.
"Asuka-"
"-Why don't you just sum it up in one word, Edo? Why don't you just say it?" she said.
I found myself at a loss for words. I didn't know what to tell her at this point. She continued. "I get it." She said. "I get it already, ALRIGHT? I'm a bitch!" she cried, running up the stairs. I tailed after her.
"Asuka-"
"-NO! Don't you dare come near me! Don't you dare!" she said. She was crying. She went inside our room. After a few seconds, she stepped out of the room, carrying a pillow and a blanket. "Here!" she shouted, throwing them at me. "Go sleep somewhere else! I'm a bitch, so I don't give a shit where you sleep tonight! I'm sleeping alone, in my bed, in my room, and there's nothing you can do about it!" And with that, she slammed the door shut. I heard a twist and a turn. She locked the door.
"Nice going, Edo." I grumbled. I now officially hate myself. And to think that I'm only left with less than a few days to prepare for our 25th anniversary.