Chapter 16

As I followed the doctor to Asuka's room, I couldn't help but notice another couple, how overjoyed they were with their new born. There were blue balloons decorated all over their room and a big banner that said, "It's a BOY!" in big, bold letters. Around them were gifts and treats that their family and friends gave them for their new, happy family. They were so cheerful, so radiant, so… disgusting. I hated them. I hated all of them. They had the happiness that should've been mine. They had the happiness that was prematurely taken away from me. It just isn't fair. Why did they get the pleasure and I didn't? Why did destiny have to be so cruel with me all the time? I lost my mother, I lost my father, I found out that my guardian was actually my father's murderer, and now… this? I could survive all the lies and deceit of D or even the loneliness I had to bear for losing my father… but this? This? Losing the love of my life? Losing Asuka? Unbearable. I'm just not strong enough.

I glared at the happy couple. Bastards.

"Here we are, Mr. Phoenix." The doctor said, presenting me the door of a room unfamiliar to me. "We moved her here… to give you guys some privacy."

I stared at the door, emotionless. I felt like I've lost the ability to feel anything anymore. The doctor looked at me sadly, apologized again, then left.

Asuka was on the other side of this door. Part of me expected to see her alive, that this whole thing was just some mean little prank that she prepared. But a part of me expected her to be lifeless, just like the doctor said she would be. But every part of me couldn't accept it. It was just… impossible. I regarded my wife as some sort of immortal goddess, a silly thing to regard her as now that I think about it. I stared at the door. Was I ready to face the truth?

A tear trickled down my cheek.

I placed my hand on the door knob, twisted it, and opened the door.

There she was, lain on the bed. I stared. The room suddenly felt like it was shrinking. And everything was darkness… except for me and her. Slowly, I walked towards her.

She was paler than I last saw her. Her eyes were closed, her lips were parted slightly, her arms were resting on each side. She had that peaceful look on her face, the very same expression she displayed every time I saw her sleeping on our bed every night, when I came home late from work. I always leaned in to kiss her, followed by a whispered 'I love you', before hopping in bed myself. She's asleep. I concluded with a weak smile. She's only sleeping. She isn't gone.

Yes, she was sleeping. But this time, something was wrong. Her arms… it shouldn't be in each side of her; one of them should be above her head, and the other should be resting on her belly. And her body… she should be facing to one side and not resting in a supine position. She lacked an extra pillow; she wanted one to wrap her arms with while she rested, if I wasn't available. It looked as if someone placed her this way, someone who didn't know her. And it was all wrong.

"Hey," I greeted her, my eyes filling with tears. "It's me, Edo. Wake up, sweetheart… I've… I've got a surprise for you."

My tears fell when she didn't answer me.

"Asuka," my voice trembled, "wake up." I placed a hand on her shoulder to shake her gently.

"Wake up… Asuka, please wake up, please…" I cried, my knees shaking and my heart pounding, "I need you, hon… I need you…"

"Asuka…" I whimpered, caressing her face. I turned away, realizing it was useless. I looked at her. I grabbed a chair and sat beside her, holding her hand firmly. "I'm sorry I let you go," I whispered, kissing her hand. "I shouldn't have… I was just too excited to see the baby that I didn't realize I let go of you… I didn't mean to…I wanted to hold your hand and not let go, just like I promised you, but…"

I examined her. There were still traces of sweat on her forehead. I sniffled and tried to smile as I brought out the handkerchief I had used to wipe her while she was delivering. Softly, sweetly, I gave her one last wipe despite my trembling hands. "There." I whimpered, smiling. "…perfect…" I closed my eyes and let my tears fall, still holding on to her.

I was silent for a time, not saying a single word. My sniffles and sighs were the only sounds that echoed through the room. When I calmed down a bit, I looked at her again. It occurred to me that her lips were actually smiling slightly, something I had not noticed the whole time I was there.

"Five hundred, twenty-five thousand, six hundred minutes…" I sang, fighting the urge to cry again, "how do you measure, a year in the life?" I stopped, as if expecting for her to join in.

She always joined in. But for the very first time, she didn't.

"How about…" I sighed, "…love…"

I stopped again. She wasn't going to sing with me. Not anymore. Sadly, I planted a kiss- the last kiss, I realized, on her lips. "I love you," I whispered in her ear. "I love you…"