Warning: Spoilers for SG1 Seasons 6 and beyond
If it moves, shoot it
Colonel Samantha Carter had known Rodney McKay before anyone else on Atlantis. She had met him years before, and she had hated him. He had been a smug, self-important jackass that had condemned Teal'c to death. While she and the rest of the SGC had tried desperately to find a solution, McKay had just gotten in the way, arguing against every idea.
She had punished him for it, in a way. She had recommended him for the job in Russia. The Air Force needed someone to help the Russians with their naquda generator program and so they sent McKay. Sam's recommendation had been the icing on the cake.
She hadn't known, in truth, she hadn't cared what happened to McKay after he left the SGC, but they had had to call on him when Anubis had tried to overload the Stargate. She had dreaded having to work with him again, but she had been surprised. He was still abrasive and arrogant, but he had made a real effort to connect with her and he had shown a surprisingly good sense of humor. She had started to like him.
She had started to read his reports on the naquda generators he was developing for the Russians. His work was impressive and inspiring. She had been ashamed to find out that the lab he was working in was in the middle of a huge military installation in the middle of Siberia. There was nothing else for miles around, a sensible precaution when dealing with naquda, but McKay had been the only foreign scientist assigned there and his personnel records showed no Russian language skills. She had felt guilty that she had been instrumental in sending him into exile.
Every time they had met after that, she had grown to like him more. He had changed so much from that hated jackass she first met over six years ago and when she had first seen him walk through the Stargate with his team, it had taken her a moment to recognize him. It seemed odd to see him carrying a P90 and with a confidence that made it clear the gun wasn't there just for show.
She looked down at the report on her desk regarding yesterday's events in the jumper bay.
Sergeant Franklin was a well liked member of the military, one of the original expedition team; he had seen and done much to help defend Atlantis and her inhabitants. He was not a man prone to hysteria or who jumped at shadows. His apparent breakdown had lowered moral amongst the military.
Dr. Keller's medical report made grim reading, a scan had revealed a large brain tumor, explaining Franklin's behavior, but the tumor was inoperable and Franklin's life expectance was short.
Carter turned her attention to the incident report, reading each statement given by all those in the jumper bay at the time. All but two said the same thing. Franklin had started to hallucinate; others had tried to calm him as he backed way from them. As he passed Dr. Zelenka, he had pulled a knife and rushed to attack him. Zelenka disappeared into the back of the jumper he was working on. Dr. McKay appeared, tackling Franklin to the ground and attempted to disarm him. McKay had gained procession of the knife just as the rest of the marines got to the jumper. McKay had been slightly wounded in the altercation.
Only McKay and Zelenka's statements were different, as expected. But they differed from each other's wildly. Zelenka stated that McKay had pulled him out of harms way and had then tackled the marine to the floor, wrestling for procession of the knife.
McKay stated that Zelenka had backed into the jumper, falling backwards over some cables. McKay in his rush to see what was going on, fell over Zelenka and fell straight onto the enraged marine. The timely intervention of the other marines saved him and Zelenka from serious harm.
Carter snapped the file shut. McKay was becoming the bane of her existence, she had had off the record chats, on the record complaints, she had become privy to rumors and whispers, all concerning her Chief Science Officer. She ignored the rumors, she ignored the complaints, she always received those regarding McKay, always from the newest batch of scientists fresh from Earth, but she couldn't ignore the concerns of those who had sought her out for an informal chat, particularly the one from the second in command of the science personnel.
It was time to talk to the one person in Atlantis who would have noticed such apparent drastic changes in one Dr. Rodney McKay.
SGASGASGASGASGASGA
"Colonel. Colonel Sheppard."
Sheppard looked round as he heard his name, seeing Zelenka trotting up the corridor towards him.
"Hey Radek," he greeted. "How's the head?"
Zelenka stopped in front of Sheppard, his hand unconsciously rising to his head. "Oh, um, it is fine," he answered, dropping his hand. "Colonel I need to speak with you."
"Now?" Sheppard queried.
"Yes, yes, is very important," Zelenka replied. He cast a quick look around him, moving towards the wall of the corridor, his hand snagged Sheppard's sleeve, tugging at it to get Sheppard to follow. "It is about Rodney," Zelenka said quietly, giving the corridor another look up and down.
"Rodney?" Sheppard asked.
"About what happened yesterday," Zelenka nodded.
"Doc Keller tell you about Franklin?" Sheppard asked. "The marine who attacked you?"
"Yes, yes," Zelenka said. "It couldn't have been known. Poor man."
There was silence of a moment.
"Yesterday was last straw," Zelenka said breaking the silence.
"Last straw?" Sheppard queried, wishing Zelenka would get to the point.
"With Rodney."
"With R…, I don't know what you mean," Sheppard said in exasperation.
Zelenka frowned at Sheppard. "You have not noticed? How can you not have seen? You are his best friend, yes. You eat lunch together everyday. You must have noticed something?" he questioned, his voice rising with each question.
It was Sheppard's turn to frown. "With Rodney? Look Radek, I know he's been a bit quieter lately, but he's been going through a rough patch, he'll snap out of it."
Zelenka looked at Sheppard with astonishment. "A bit quite? I, I ….I do not think you are right person to speak to. I thought ….." Zelenka stumbled to a stop. He leant against the corridor wall with a heavy sigh.
"Radek," Sheppard said. "What's going on?" A feeling of dread had started to form in the pit of his stomach.
Zelenka looked up at Sheppard. "After we had quarantine fiasco, Rodney started to change. He came into lab late, he was always tired. You could see he was in pain, but he would try to hide it. I tried to get him to see doctor, but he would say no." Zelenka explained, he looked back down at the corridor floor.
"And …." Sheppard prompted when Zelenka remained silent.
"And then things returned to normal," Zelenka said, the feeling of dread started to lift from Sheppard's stomach, returning with a thud when Zelenka continued. "Or so I thought. It suddenly occurred to me that Rodney had not raised his voice once in temper since the lockdown. He berated no one. He became helpful, attentive …," Zelenka ground to a stop.
"Hey Radek, its okay …" Sheppard started to say. Zelenka sprung from the wall.
"No, no, it's not okay," Zelenka suddenly shouted, "It is not okay," he repeated quietly. "I am losing my friend; there is no ego, no sarcasm. Some say it is nice, but it is not. Rodney has saved this city repeatedly. With you out on missions, how many times have you asked him to do the impossible?"
Zelenka paused, looking at Sheppard. He didn't wait for a reply.
"Rodney understands Ancient and Wraith, he can connect Earth technology to each, he can connect all three together." Zelenka waved his hands around him. "Atlantis speaks to him, he understands her. He is a brilliant man. But that brilliance does not come with nice personality. He yells, he argues, he belittles and we work harder and faster. We all learn to work better, to be better. It is his ego, his arrogance that makes him think of impossible solutions and to make them work."
Zelenka slumped back against the wall. He looked at Sheppard sadly.
"Have you not missed him?" he asked.
"Radek, Rodney's changed since we came here, he's lea …..."
"Yes, yes, I know." Zelenka snapped. "He has learnt more …social skills. He has leant that he does not have to boast to us. He has learnt to be a solider, yes. He was leant that he is strong inside. He is a good man. Many of us have always seen this; otherwise, we would not be his friends. We have put up with his sarcasm and ego, because we see deeper."
Zelenka pushed back off the wall, pushing his glasses back up his nose.
"This man, who tries to be nice all the time, it is not Rodney. It is not something that Rodney can become in less than two months. He has forced himself to become this man. Do you not see Colonel? We, his friends, we are failing him."
It was Sheppard's turn to look up and down the corridor to make sure no one else was in earshot.
"Look Radek," he said quietly. "Rodney … look … he ….um… look what I'm going to tell you is private okay, you don't tell anyone."
Zelenka nodded his agreement.
"Rodney asked Katie Brown to marry him," Sheppard all but whispered. "Rodney was a bit of an ass when they got locked in together, bottom line, they broke up. I just think that this whole …. phase … he's going through is just him working through all this," Sheppard explained.
Zelenka frowned. "No Colonel, it is more than that," Zelenka disagreed. "We have all been hurt by love. We have all suffered humiliation and embarrassment, Rodney more than most. He is not trying to mend a broken heart. He is trying to be something he cannot be."
"Radek, I'm sorry, I think you're wrong." Sheppard said. "Rodney's hurting. It's his way of dealing with what happened. Give him some more time; he'll soon be back to his normal lovable self."
Zelenka looked at Sheppard with a mixture of astonishment and disappointment.
"Radek look, I'll talk to him, make sure he's doing okay," Sheppard promised, the feeling of dread still curling in his gut.
Zelenka didn't look happy with the suggestion. "If that is best you can do, it will have to do," he said quietly. "I must go I have work to do." He took off down the corridor without a backwards glance.
The whole conversation disturbed Sheppard. He had had to search McKay out after everything calmed down after the lockdown, when he asked how it had gone, the look on McKay's face told Sheppard all he had needed to know. He had got McKay well and truly drunk, the whole story coming out in bits and pieces over the course of the evening. He knew McKay was hurting and had given him some space to get his emotions under control.
Sheppard had meant to keep a closer eye on McKay, but things had just got busy. With nothing much to do to keep them out of mischief, Sheppard had put the military to work. Extra weapons training, hand-to-hand combat, jumper-flying lessons, drills, you name it, Sheppard had thought of it. There were also performance reviews and stacks of files to go through to replace members of the military that had been lost or transferred back to Earth.
Sheppard had insisted that the entire team meet for lunch every day; they had even had several off-world missions, minus Teyla. All had gone off without a hitch, no irate natives, no injuries, no Wraith and he had never noticed anything out of place with McKay. Yes, he was quieter, but he had expected that. He knew what it cost McKay to propose, to put aside all his doubts, his nervousness and hand his trust and emotions to another. Then to have it so utterly fail, by McKay's own hand, had been a hard blow. It had made McKay have to deal with another aspect of his personality, to deal with another wall he had put up between himself and the world and Sheppard could understand McKay needing some time to sort things out.
But, was Zelenka right? Was McKay trying to become something he thought others wanted him to be? Had it become more than just a man healing a broken heart?
Sheppard walked down the corridor with a determined stride. He would get this meeting with Carter out of the way and then he would find McKay, put Zelenka's mind at ease, get everything back to normal. Piece of cake.