Comic relief, anyone? Maybe just a little?

"Harry James Potter, you had better start explaining right this instant!"

Harry looked sheepishly at a livid Hermione and shrugged.

"Don't you take that tone with me!"

Harry started to protest that a shrug could have no tone, but decided it best not to agitate the already fuming teen. He instead stayed silent.

Hermione continued to glare.

Harry finally sighed. "It's a long story."

"Then we're going to have a long day," Hermione shot back. "And no one's going to dinner until you've spilled it."

Ron blanched. "No dinner? But 'Mione, what did I do wrong?"

"Shut it, Ronald!" Hermione turned her attention back to Harry.

Harry bit his lip and nodded.

"Good." Hermione forced a tight-lipped smile. "Where have you been all day? Ronald said you never went to bed last night. And you certainly weren't in class this morning."

Harry shifted uncomfortably. "Well, I, er, went for a walk last night, and uh—" He trailed off.

"And?" Hermione prodded.

"And, I guess I must have gotten tired and dozed off…."

Hermione narrowed her eyes. "One more question, then?"

"I suppose, yeah…."

"Why, pray tell, was Malfoy missing from class, as well, only to show up in the Great Hall just moments before you?"

Harry paled slightly.

Ron paled even more. "Aw, Harry, mate… tell me you didn't. Please!"

"Okay, I didn't," Harry said immediately.

"Oh dear Merlin," Hermione said. "You slept with Malfoy, didn't you?"

"No," Harry said out of reflex. He was silent for a few moments. "Not exactly…."

"Then what, exactly?" Hermione said as she folded her arms across her chest.

Ron, of course, was staring at Harry dumbly with his mouth hanging open.

"Well, I guess technically speaking, one could say that I did…." He then added quickly, "But nothing really happened!"

"How does that work?"

"We were just talking… and then talking led to, well, stuff, but not too much stuff! Then I guess we just fell asleep."

"Uh huh," Hermione said in disbelief.

Ron was still staring with his mouth hanging open.

"And that's the truth," Harry said as he ran out of the common room as quickly as possible.

And Ron was still staring where Harry had just stood with his mouth hanging open.

Back in the Slytherin common room, Draco was not having any more luck than Harry...

"You did what!?" shrieked a mortified Pansy Parkinson. "With who!?"

Draco clapped his hand over her mouth. "Zip it, skank, or you'll be swimming with the merpeople."

"You fucking slept with the goddamned Boy Wonder and you expect me to stay calm!?" Pansy whispered fiercely when Draco had removed his hand.

"I did not have sex with him, if that's what you're wondering."

"No," Pansy said in a sarcastic matter-of-fact tone, "you didn't. That much is obvious. But you damn sure want to."

Draco blushed. "So? Wouldn't anybody?"

"Okay, so you have a point there."

Draco sunk into a chair by the fire and buried his face in his hands.

Pansy sat on the arm rest and put her hand on his shoulder. "What's wrong now, Drakie?"

"I am so royally fucked," came the muffled voice from behind pale fingers.

"Aw, why would you say that?" Pansy soothed. "He obviously likes you. You'd be daft not to see that."

"Yeah, and how much do you suppose he's going to like me when it comes down to doing that and he realizes I've no idea what I'm doing? He'll laugh at me... I'll be humiliated! He's probably been with scores of people, and who have I been with? No one!"

"Well, whose fault is that? It's damn sure not from lack of offers."

Draco huffed. "Well, forgive me, woman, if I wanted something in my life to remain untainted."

"Aw," Pansy cooed, "how cute! My little Drakie-poo wants his first time to be special!"

"Fuck off," Draco said as he waved his hand dismissively. "Just because you're a loose whore doesn't mean the rest of us have to be."

"I'm going to pretend like you didn't say that."

"Pretend away," he replied as he rose from the chair and once again began pacing.

"You know what would be really funny," Pansy said after a few minutes of silence.

"What?"

"If Mr. Golden Boy himself is thinking the same things you are."

Draco quirked an eyebrow.

"Well," Pansy explained, "for all you know, he's been with as many people as you have, which obviously is a big fat zero, and is pacing his own little heart out worrying that he will disappoint you."

"Yes," Draco said in mock sincerity without even smiling, "that's so funny I may just break a rib."

He finally shook his head and grabbed her arm. "Come on, I'm hungry, let's go eat."

That was worse than the last chapter, wasn't it? Damns...