And the truth will set you free

McKay tore the papers from Sheppard's hands, snatching up those littering the bed before pacing the room, constantly in motion, talking all the while.

"How did you get in?" he snapped out. "This, this is private," he said, waving the papers at Sheppard. "It's personal, what gives you the right to barge in here and, and read my personal…," he paused for a moment, finally looking straight at Sheppard. "Why aren't you in the infirmary?" he asked. "Did you go AMA again?" and before Sheppard could stop him McKay had activated his radio. "McKay to Keller."

"Rodney!" Sheppard growled, taking a step towards McKay, who took a step back, holding his hand up.

"What! No, no. Have you lost Colonel Sheppard?" McKay said into his radio, totally ignoring Sheppard.

"What! You can't be serious? The man's about ready to drop!" McKay said, turning to look Sheppard up and down, who flushed under McKay's gaze, forcing himself to stand up straighter.

"McKay," he snarled again.

"Yes, well he's obviously confused because he's in my quarters. Yes, yes McKay out." McKay looked at Sheppard. "Keller says you were meant to go straight to your quarters and rest. I'll get Lorne to escort you there," he explained, rising his hand to his radio again, only to have it caught in a vice like grip. McKay shot Sheppard a surprised look.

"Rodney, I am not going anywhere until you tell me what the hell is going on with you," Sheppard snapped out. "I have had it! No more. No more playing at being a marine. No more of this… this nice thing you got going on. What the hell is wrong with you?" Sheppard let go of McKay's wrist and snatched the papers back out of his other hand. "What the hell is all this shit?" he demanded waving the papers in McKay's face.

"Hey," McKay squawked out, grabbing back the papers. "It's nothing to do with you," he snarled. "Get out." he demanded, walking towards the door for emphasis.

Sheppard sat back down on the bed, rubbing his hands across his face before looking back up at McKay.

"Rodney, I thought you were getting over Katie," he said quietly. "I'm sorry."

McKay moved away from the door. "For what?" McKay asked almost sullenly.

"For letting it get this far," Sheppard said. "Why did you blow the door?" Sheppard suddenly asked.

"What?" McKay asked, startled. "It was the quickest way to get Lorne and his team out," he explained.

"Which risked bringing down part of the tunnel, no matter how much C4 you used or how you shaped it. You knew the risk McKay, better then anyone, but you still did it. Why?" Sheppard asked.

"Because it was the quickest and easiest way. I calculated the risk, it was minimal …." McKay started to explain.

"You forgot your computer." Sheppard said.

"What?"

"You blew the door McKay, because you forgot your damn computer," Sheppard said standing up, suddenly angry. "You had no other choice, no other way of getting that door open, because you forgot your computer. Four years McKay. Four damn years and you have never forgotten it." Sheppard stepped towards McKay. "The damn thing is almost a part of you, and you forgot it. What the hell is going on with you?"

Sheppard watched in stunned amazement as McKay stood gaping like a fish for a second, before turning red with anger.

"What the hell do you want from me?" McKay suddenly yelled out. "What?" he yelled again as he started to pace up and down, hands and arms in constant motion. "I'm too arrogant, too smug, to…to…to egotistical. Can't move fast enough, can't shoot straight enough. Can't keep up, too unfit, to slow," he ranted.

Sheppard made to move towards him, opening his mouth to speak.

"No! No you don't get to interrupt," McKay rounded on him. "What the hell do you want from me? I've got fitter, I…I learnt all the moves," his hands mimicked bantos stick movements. "It wasn't easy you know. But I learnt, I learnt to do it. To make me better." He patted a hand against his chest. "More efficient, more likeable." He looked at Sheppard in dismay. "What more do you want? Just tell me, I'll do it. I'll learn it. I'll be good at it," he opened his arms in a gesture of defeat. "What do you want from me?"

"McKay … Rodney," Sheppard said, stepping slowly up to McKay. "All we've ever wanted is you. The real you."

McKay shouldered past Sheppard and sat heavily on the bed. "No you don't," he said wearily. "The real me isn't a nice person. I understand everything, except people." He looked up at Sheppard. "I…I can't tell, I don't know," he shook his head in confusion. "I just don't understand how to be a friend. I don't know what I need to do," he placed an elbow on his knee and placed his head in his hand.

"McKay, you don't have to do anything. You can't change yourself to be what other people want," Sheppard said gently. " A friend is someone who likes you warts and all."

McKay turned his head to look up at Sheppard. "I've never been popular. I don't think I've ever had a friend, not till I got to Atlantis." he gestured with his hand between himself and Sheppard, making the papers he was holding flap about. "I thought, you know, I thought we were friends, I…." he trailed off, letting his hand drop.

"Rodney, we are friends," Sheppard said. "Okay, you don't make a great first impression. You kinda grow on people. But people like you for who and what you are Rodney."

Rodney gave a snort of derision.

Sheppard sat down on the bed beside McKay. "Ronon and Teyla have missed you. Lorne and Carter too. Zelenka's been giving me a hard time over all of this," Sheppard said with a slight smile.

"I thought she loved me," Rodney suddenly said. "I thought she knew me, but she didn't. I didn't act well, when we…we were shut in the lab and it destroyed her love for me. I was that much of a jerk."

"McKay, Katie wasn't the girl for you," Sheppard said, rushing on as McKay took his head out of his hand and glared at him in astonishment. "I'm just saying that she wasn't the forever one. Look, yes you were an ass during the lock down. But someone who really knew you won't have pampered you. They would have kicked your ass into gear. They would have known that you don't do well when you've got nothing to concentrate on."

Sheppard reached for the painkillers Keller had given him, dry swallowing a couple as the pain in this stomach turned to sharp stabs of pain instead of a throbbing ache. McKay had placed his arms on his knees, his hands smoothing out the papers, missing Sheppard taking the pills.

"If you had been trapped in there with Teyla, would you have acted the same?" Sheppard asked.

"Probably," McKay answered.

"Okay," Sheppard agreed. "You would have reacted the same. But Teyla won't have let you get away with it. Because she knows you. Trust me Rodney, there's a woman out there just waiting for you. Someone who will love you for who you are."

McKay looked up form the papers he was still smoothing out to look at Sheppard. "Rodney," Sheppard said before McKay could speak. "I don't like this new you. I like the old you. The old Rodney didn't lie; you knew where you stood with him. This new version, too nice, too considerate. Makes too many mistakes in the labs, lets others make too many mistakes," Sheppard said.

Having time to think while he was laid up in the infirmary he had realized why Zelenka was so concerned about Rodney. That it took a personality like McKay's to keep people moving, working harder to find the solutions, to keep them all alive. McKay had become a barometer to scientists and marines alike, how McKay acted was like a Defcon alert. For all of his abrasive personality traits, McKay's moods brought a sense of comfort and well being to the rest of the expedition.

"You don't like me?" McKay asked with dismay.

"I like you just fine McKay," Sheppard replied, "I don't like this person you're trying to be," he flicked a hand at the papers McKay still held. "You don't either. What happened between you and Katie," Sheppard shrugged, "it happens and I'm really sorry it didn't work out. You got some issues to sort out, we all have McKay, but you can't do it by being untrue to yourself. You're going make yourself sick."

"But isn't this what you want from me?" McKay asked bewildered. "To, to be a better solider to …."

"No!" Sheppard interrupted. "Rodney, dammit! Don't you get it! We're a team," Sheppard stood up with a winch. "Like the Fantastic Four, I'm Mr Fantastic, you're the Human Torch …."

"Why am I the Human Torch?" Rodney asked in puzzlement.

Sheppard sighed in frustration; he really had to find a new analogy. "I'm the leader, Teyla's the diplomat, Ronon's the bodyguard, and you're the brains of the outfit. We're a team, we all fit. Teyla, Ronon and me are trained in combat situations, you're not. But you're not the weakest link on the team McKay."

Sheppard sat back down on the bed. "Rodney, you're not a solider and we never wanted you to be one, but you became one anyway. You're the only scientist on a front line team. You won't ever be as good as Teyla, Ronon, or me, because you have other stuff to do. You track down the energy readings, you figure out the technology, but we know that you can help defend us if need be."

Sheppard stood again. "I don't know why you didn't have friends before you came here Rodney, but I'm guessing it wasn't all your fault, because you have lots of friends here. Very worried friends."

Sheppard stepped forward and grasped Rodney's shoulder, McKay looked up. "We good?" Sheppard asked.

McKay gave a slight nod of his head. "Yeah," he said. "I just need …"he let the words trail off.

"I'll see you at lunch," Sheppard said, walking to the door, he turned round "And McKay, you ever forget your computer tablet again, I'll kick your ass," he turned back and walked through the door leaving a bewildered McKay behind.

It wasn't until he was half way to his quarters that he remember that he hadn't found out what happened after he had been injured in the tunnels.

SGASGASGASGA

One week later

Teyla made her way slowly through the city as she neared the end of her walk. She grew more apprehensive the closer she got to the labs. Rodney had been like a ghost the last few days, you would catch fleeting glimpses of him and then he was gone.

After John had told them that he had confronted Rodney, it had broken a dam. It had given everyone the confidence to approach McKay and tell him how they felt. Some had let their worry and concern boil over into anger, like Zelenka. Others had followed Ronon's example with a slap on the back and a nod and Teyla had expressed her feelings in her quiet diplomatic way.

Rodney had fled to the bowels of the city and had only been seen fleetingly ever since. By the third day John had organized a search party, which Colonel Carter had quickly disbanded. Carter had called them to her office, John, Teyla, Ronon, Lorne and Zelenka and told them that she had spoken to McKay and that they were to leave him alone. John had argued and Carter had finally relented that if McKay hadn't returned to the main part of the City within the next four days, they could go get him.

Tomorrow was that day and there was still no sign of McKay. She knew that he reported to Colonel Carter every twelve hours by radio and that Carter had told him of the deadline. Teyla also knew that Rodney could make himself disappear from the city sensors in a flash making finding him extremely difficult.

Teyla was so deep in thought as she approached the labs, that it took a moment for the sound of raised voices to penetrate.

"……….. in a cereal box? Start again and remember to factor in the weight ratio this time," McKay's voice said loudly.

Teyla smiled as she quickened her pace towards the lab.

"Nononono, the variation is too high….."

Teyla stood in the doorway of the lab, watching as McKay went from scientist to scientist inspecting their work. She looked across at Radek who stood with his arms folded across his chest, a huge grin on his face, which promptly disappear when McKay turned towards him.

"Radek …. Teyla! Is it lunchtime already," McKay said, looking at his watch.

"Yes, yes, you take him to lunch, so I can calm battered staff," Radek said, making shooing motions at McKay.

McKay gave Radek an annoyed glare, but joined Teyla at the lab entrance.

They left the lab together, McKay excitedly telling her of his latest find, it wasn't until he paused, obviously waiting for some sort of reply that he noticed her several steps behind. He sheepishly returned to her side.

Teyla reached out and took his arm, smiling up at him. "It is good to have you back Rodney," she smiled.

Rodney looked down at her for a moment. "It's good to be back," he replied, both knowing it wasn't his recent disappearance they were talking about.

"Wonder what's for lunch?" he said.

"I believe that it is meatloaf today," Teyla replied.

"Better take the transporter, we need to beat Ronon to it," McKay said, tugging at Teyla's arm as they headed for the transporter.

Teyla went willingly. It was good to see Rodney more like his old self. She was wise enough to know that Rodney still had a long road to travel and that there were difficulties to still overcome. But for now she was happy that Rodney was back with his team, and as a team they would face the future head on.

My apologies for the long delay in chapters .

Thank you so much for all your lovely reviews