No… I don't want to get up

Okay, THIS is the chapter I bawled my eyes out writing mainly because I'm a Sasuke fan, but that's not that point. If you were hoping for the happy ending here… well, you'll find out soon enough. I'll put all the funny edits as a separate chapter once I'm not lazy and finish the last chapter. I hope I can get the last chapter up before school starts in two days...

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How Did This Happen?

II

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No… I don't want to get up.

He lay where he was, body numbly aware of his surroundings. He had gotten out of the hospital with his physical wounds healed, but the mental wounds were still fresh and bleeding with no sign of clotting. Today was the day… he jumped out of bed and ran to the bathroom, throwing up what part of his dinner was still in his stomach. Not bothered by the taste of his stomach acid, he stood to look at himself in the mirror. Clammy skin, dark circles under his eyes, and a small scar on his left arm. That's all he got from fighting Sasuke. It wasn't fair compared to what he had to pay.

I should be the one dead. Not him.

-

He brought his gaze up, hearing Sakura's wild, grieving cry. Yamato was shouting at her, telling her something that she screamed back at. Something was wrong. Horribly wrong. Yamato had moved to pull Sakura away while she still held onto Sasuke, allowing Naruto to see Sasuke.

He still wasn't moving.

-

His stomach lurched again, heaving nothing until the nausea wave had left him and looked at him in the mirror again. He couldn't look at himself anymore in the mirror. Angrily, he stared back at himself until punching the mirror. It shattered into tiny slivers of glass, sparkling down into the sink and onto the tile, plinking cheerfully. Rage filled tears formed at the corners of his eyes, unable to feel the pain of glass in his fist that he hoped would make him suffer. Sliding to the ground, his exposed knees were scraped and punctured with glass; a gurgled sob escaping his throat in remembering the kyuubi would only heal the wounds.

Sakura-chan, I'm so sorry.

Sakura probably was in worse shape than he was; she blamed herself for not saving Sasuke's life no matter how many times Lady Tsunade had told her that the damage to his body was too extensive for even the great medicine ninja herself to heal after autopsying his body. He shuddered; it made him sick imagining Sasuke being dissected by Tsunade and Shizune. Tsuande wasn't affected by Sasuke's death and even said it was a good thing that he was dead.

That sick bitch.

Another wave of nausea summoned him out of his remembrance to throw up nothing in the toilet. He didn't want to go to his friend's funeral. He didn't want to have to remember all the missions they did, all the times they fought, remembering when team 7 was finally reunited after three years of training with the Sannins. He didn't want to remember what he had done to Sasuke in the end

I'd rather drown in my own blood.

Lying down, he tried his best to focus on the pieces of glass cutting into his skin and drawing blood. Trying to erase the memory of Sasuke's death. Trying desperately to convince himself he was in a sick, twisted dream that he'd soon wake up and find out Sasuke was still alive. It wasn't working.

I don't want it to be true. I want to just fall asleep and never wake up.

A knock at his apartment door roused him from his thoughts that were spiraling towards suicide. A part of him didn't want to get up, but another part of him did. Standing up, he could see the small spots of red that covered pieces of glass on the floor. A sickening grin of satisfaction came to his face.

I hope I have glass in my face.

Walking to his door, he opened it. He squinted in the light though it was downcast, reminding him of the Third's funeral. There, in front of him, was Sakura. She looked up at him, wearing cover up to do her best to hide the red rings around her eyes; she had cried recently, though, and the make up ran down her face. She had made no attempt to fix it. Opening her mouth, she closed it and looked down to her black dress. He assumed that she had seen the glass or cuts on his face.

Sakura looks even worse than me.

He reached out, touching her shoulder with his bloody hand; the blood had already clotted, but some pieces of glass still remained buried in his skin. She looked away, almost to tears, struggling to speak.

"Are you…"She couldn't finish, tears rolled down her face freely, her hand came up to cover her face while she cried into it. Her body shook violently that he thought she'd fall to the floor.

"Sakura-chan… I'm sorry." He stopped, realizing there was nothing else he could say to her to make her feel any better unless he could bring the man she loved back to life.

I'm so sorry Sakura-chan.

He closed the door softly, leaving her alone so she could be out of the presence of Sasuke's killer. Walking over to his bed, he stared at the black suit that lay on the ground, partly covered with sheets and almost under his bed. Picking it up, he solemnly put it on. Finishing, he looked at the picture of their old team, focusing on Sasuke in the photo. Picking up the picture, he smiled bitterly, chuckling.

You'd probably call us idiots for grieving for so long. Right Sasuke?

He stared at the picture until his vision blurred, tears falling onto the glass of the photo frame. Realizing what he was doing, he hastily wiped the glass free of his salty tears and slowly placed the photo back on the dresser. He slumped onto his bed, blinking hard with glazed eyes before running a hand through his knotted hair. If he was going to go to… he couldn't say it without feeling sick. He closed his eyes, letting the nausea roll back to his stomach.

He'd probably not want me to go… but I have to.

Standing, he got up and went to his door. Opening it, he found Sakura gone. A steady drizzle fell down on his head, barely changing his mood. He walked down to the street, finding it almost empty. Looking both ways, his breath caught ragged in his throat. He swore time stopped for the briefest of moments.

Sasuke!

He saw Sasuke standing at the horizon of the road, staring at him, wearing the same outfit he had on. Sasuke scoffed, turned around and began walking out of sight with his hands in his pockets.

Wait Sasuke! Wait for me!

And so he went, chasing after Sasuke through the village they had grown up together in and been friends in, Sasuke always at the end of the road and out of reach. The longer he ran after Sasuke, he realized what Sasuke was but shut it out of his mind, wanting to think Sasuke was still alive. Passing by a few of their old training spots, Sasuke finally stopped walking and turned to look at him. Panting, he stopping ten feet away and watched Sasuke stare at him and he at Sasuke.

What are you trying to show me Sasuke?

Finally, Sasuke's emotionless face broke a smile, a true, genuine smile. Lighting flashed across the sky, making him look away from Sasuke for only a nervous, twittering heartbeat and looked back.

He was gone.

No…

"SASUKE!!" He screamed as loud as he could, frantically looking everywhere for any sign of his friend. He suddenly realized where he was; the very place he, Sasuke and Sakura became genin. On top of one of the three posts, the middle one, a boxed lunch sat; he could see heat rise from it because of the cold rain. Walking towards it, he picked it up and opened it, finding it contained the same meal that Sasuke had offered him almost three years ago. In tears, he sat on the wet ground and snapped the chopsticks apart, mumbling imadekimasu before eating.

Thank you, Sasuke. Thank you for everything. I won't forget you, especially when I become Hokage, -ttebayo.

-End-

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Uh, nothing much to say. The alternative chapter will be up shortly.

R & R :D