Author's note: I must apologize for taking so long to complete this chapter. This chapter involves quite a lot of characters whom I don't often read or write about; in addition, this is one of the longer chapters I've written, so it really took me quite a while to write all this. This is only the first part of the entire chapter I had planned. I will be uploading the second part as soon as I finish it. But, right now, I hope you enjoy this. It's the night before the day Kira is supposed to be 'let go' and Lacus is being greatly affected. She wanders through the house, in search of memories, but, instead sees many other characters being affected as well which include: Athrun, Lunamaria, Meyrin, Miriallia, Dearka, Yzak and Shiho (with a little bit about Ezalia Joule). In the next part of this chapter, I will write about all other characters. Meanwhile, I hope you enjoy this.
Before we begin, let me thank Zero'N'oveR (I apologize if this story is really starting to lose its value of detail. I will try to improve on it. Thanks for your review!),revenantangel94 (Thanks for your review. I'm glad you like the story!), Diclonius' Lilium (I apologize if I accidentally brought up sad memories. I'm really sorry! And I'm glad you like the story even though you dislike Lacus. Thanks for your review and your recommendation of Elfen Lied! If I have a chance, I'll watch it!), Chopstxx24 (I'm glad you like this story. Thanks for your compliment and hope to hear from you soon!), askani16 (I seriously hope this story isn't getting too draggy for you. I hope you like this chapter because it actually relates about other characters around Kira. As for Kira himself, I already have plans to reveal his thoughts in one of the later chapters to come. Hope you can take some time off to read. Thanks for your review!), Kiheada.Ray.T. (Thanks for your compliment; I'm glad you like the story. Sorry about doing all this to Kira though. I promise I won't try to hurt Kira so much!), Sephiroth (Thanks for your review. I'll certainly take into consideration about Flay Allstar. However, most likely, she' ll appear in something more like a memory rather than her being alive. I'll have this in the next part of the chapter. Hope you will like it. And I'll be elaborating on Kira's disease too!), Cthreen (Hi, I'm glad you like the story. If you would like to know the end, I hope you can take some time off to read. Can't reveal the ending, can I? I'll spoil the anticipation. But, thanks for your review!), snowdrop.tears [a personal friend of mine (I really appreciate it that you are reading my story even though you are sick. Thanks so much, and by the way, see you!) and lastly, Justin Curry (Thanks so much for your review. Hope to hear from you soon!)
Okay, that's the end of a long author's note. Read on and I hope you like it!!!
Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Seed or Gundam Seed Destiny and the characters…
The walls were always so white, so similar to that of the hospital rooms, yet so different… with those white, polished tiles, light glinting off their surfaces… The light overhead was a perfect circle, a bright, white moon beaming down on the tiled floors and walls of the bathroom…
The air was silent and still, only the quiet hissing of the shower whispered in the bathroom, like a distant sound faraway... like something detached from my life.
I braced my hands against the cold, white walls as the water showered down on me, running down my bare back in long, endless streams, trickling down my calves and ankles. I remembered hazily altering the temperature of the water, until thin, fine mist was clouding the little enclosed area… Yet, as the warm water cascaded down my body, it felt so cold… icy cold…
Raising my head, I closed my eyes and allowed the torrents of water to run down my face. It felt like rain… that cold, unsympathetic rain which fell from the heavens, drenching me mercilessly…
Tears mingled with the streams flowing down my cheeks…
My heart and mind was shrieking at me with that agonizing hollow ache which seemed to rip me apart from the inside, breaking the ice my stomach and throat had become... The shower engulfed me in a waterfall, in a comforting embrace, but it did absolutely nothing to soothe the wounds in my heart… I prayed for that little bit of purity and calmness water could give me, but it merely continued flowing downwards meaninglessly, pooling around my feet...
My hand slid across the surface of the cold wall and closed weakly around the silver tap. With a slow twist of my wrist, the shower's hissing died down abruptly, leaving only a soft drip… drip…
I stood in the painfully white-tiled area… staring downwards at the small pool around my feet. The water rippled as droplets of water slid down my arms, before falling downwards…
Once, drip…
Twice, drip…
It had become so silent… so calm and quiet, except for the constant drip-drops…
I watched the wavering reflection staring back at me from that little 'mirror'… My hair had sleeked down my shoulders in long, wet drapes, shielding half my face in a pink curtain. My eyes were stoned, swollen-red blue-gray orbs which seemed to stare beyond, into something I couldn't see…
Slowly, I straightened. The white, bleak tiled wall stared back at me, so cold, so implacable…
Pushing open the tinted glass door, I stepped out, feeling the hard, chilly floor beneath my feet. My hand which reached for the towel was trembling and the quivering fingers wrapped the thick, soft material around my body, knotting it unsteadily. It fell to just above my knees, effectively covering my body, yet it didn't make me feel any warmer, didn't grant me any more comfort.
I found myself moving towards the misted mirror, my feet silent on the tiles. My right hand clamped around the rim of the sink and my other reached for the mirror. Cold bit into my palm as I ran my fingers across the mirror, smoothing away the mist, revealing the reflection which surged into my eyes.
I didn't see myself in the mirror…
I saw memories… I saw him, his brown hair falling in that familiar untidy way over his brow, his beautiful violet eyes twinkling with the naive ness of a child, his lips curled in a mesmerizing smile…
Then, the image seemed to materialize, and another took over that innocent portrayal, one which made my heart clench and tears prick at my eyes. I saw him on the hospital bed, his cheeks sallow, his eyes glazed over from the excruciating pain, that nuisance of an oxygen mask slipped over his pale, flaky lips… but that smile was still there, was still within my reach…
I stretched out eager fingers, trying to caress his cheek, yet… they never found that smooth skin, instead, they touched cold, hard glass. Kira vanished as quickly as he came…
It was like a shocking reminder which tore its way into my mind as I doubled over the sink, sobbing wretchedly, fingers clenched tightly around the white sink. I would never see him again… never… After tomorrow, that hospital bed would forever be empty…
When I moved stealthily out of the cold wet bathroom and into the warmth of my bedroom, my throat was raw and my eyes sore from the crying. The light had been turned down and the entire space was illuminated with a warm, gentle orange glow from the lamp by my bed.
Reaching out gently, I unknotted the towel and toweled my hair in slow, deliberate moves, then let it fall to the ground in a white puddle at my feet. I slid the pale bluish gown of the bed and eased into it, my eyes downcast as I woke deftly on the ribbons and knots.
Unbelievable pain was gnarling at me when I found myself staring into the mirror, my hand running the hairbrush through my hair, combing out the wet tangles. Gently, I replaced the brush on the dresser and contented myself with merely staring at the stranger in the reflection.
After tomorrow… after tomorrow, he would be rid of all that pain… And the wreck of agony I was suffering from would perhaps be replaced by a greater realization that I would never see him again…
A pain which would never disappear…
Tonight… would probably be the last night everything seemed the way it was for me. Things would all be different after sunset tomorrow…
I needed to spend this last night in those beautiful memories… I didn't care if I was prolonging the agony by traveling through memories again, by reminding myself that they were only memories… by stabbing my heart once more…
Determined, I found myself walking out of my room for the first time in hours, revisiting every corner of the Orb Mansion which held memories of us…
§ ♥ §
The Orb Mansion was engulfed in total silence… but I knew despite the late hours, no one was asleep… Mana had left the lamps and chandeliers illuminating the corridors, and I was wandering down them aimlessly… in search of memories, yet afraid… afraid that the pain would be too much for me to handle when I scoured those wounds with fresh tears…
I needed to understand my directions. But, no one was there to lead me… I knew the house held memories for us, but where to start, where to go?
Kira, please protect these memories…
Please lead me… guide me… hold my hand in that warm grip of yours and take me to where I know I will be happy… My eyes were blurring from tears. I wish you were here, Kira… I wish there was something to guide me…
And then I heard it...
That beautiful, crystal clear voice I hadn't heard for ages, so long that it had been buried at the back of my mind, stowed away in a tiny delicate chest under lock and key.
A loving twitter, like the gentle jingling of silver wind chimes swaying in the breeze...
"Birdy!"
My head jerked up and I stared down the dimly lit corridor, dazed indigo eyes searching for something. Something to betray the ambiguous sound which I had believed I would only hear again once upon a dream, to reassure me that I was not hallucinating...
That voice... That precious voice...
My footsteps echoed in the silent corridor as my feet hastened across the parquet flooring, my eyes seeking those familiar emerald and blonde feathers. I couldn't be dreaming... I couldn't have been hearing things...
I knew that voice... I knew it anywhere...
I stopped by the door of Cagalli and Athrun's bedroom, gazing into it with eyes glazed over with emotion... The room was silent and dim, dark garnet curtains drawn across the windows, shutting out any light. The glass door leading to the balcony was covered in the same way, shaded with maroon drapes of heavy silk, leaving only a single beam of pale moonlight to fall across the room floor and the bed in a single wavering line.
I watched him propped against the pillows on his bed, the table lamp casting a gentle glow on his navy-blue hair. His right knee was drawn up to his chest, his forearm resting on it as his jade eyes stared intently at the photograph he held between his quivering fingers.
And there was that little creature... perched on his shoulder, its olive green head cocked to the side in that adorable manner I could never forget, its ruby eyes watching the picture in Athrun's hand with that vague curiosity that hadn't left it even after all those years Athrun had disconnected it.
Pain gnarled at me as I watched the beautiful bird... the same pain which clutched me whenever I saw Kira...
Perhaps, that was why Athrun had shut Birdy down after Kira had fallen prey to his own body. Because... seeing Birdy was seeing Kira and Birdy was the constant bestowal of pain... Birdy was the agonizing reminder of Kira... And no matter how heartless we seemed to be, somehow... we wished that we were not engulfed in such tortures and we did all we could to escape their merciless claws...
Sub-consciously, we wished to erase traces of Kira...
I stared on at the scene motionlessly, frozen to the floor by the surge of emotions coursing through my blood.
Seeing Birdy... was like sitting by Kira's side once again... Running my fingers through his brown locks, brushing my lips against his smooth cheek, smiling at his twinkling amethyst eyes, hearing his voice telling me he would return to my side...
What did this mean? What did this signify? Why did Athrun revive Birdy? Why was I seeing Birdy the night before I knew part of my heart would forever be gone?
"Birdy? Birdy!"
The affectionate tweeting tore me from my trance as Birdy took off, soaring through the quiet, still air, heading towards the door where I stood, bemused. I reached out a hand hesitantly and watched as the little robot landed on my palm, cheeping and clicking its crimson beak earnestly. I smiled weakly at the pretty creature, stroking its side tenderly with a gentle finger.
Athrun raised his head slowly and turned to the door when Birdy approached me. He sat silently where he was, watching me caress Birdy.
And I found myself crying at the image and the feel of that familiar bird settling on my finger... Crystals were sliding down my cheeks in endless streams as I drew the sweet little creature to my chest, the hollow, painful ache burrowing deep in my heart...
I swallowed and bit my lip, trying to take control of my spewing emotions. And when I could finally raise my head to peer at Athrun, I noticed his red, swollen eyes... I tried to speak but my voice was caught in my throat and all I could do was to continue stroking the bird in my hands and stare at him, confused.
He broke the silence first, returning his gaze to the photograph. "I thought that Kira would like to see Birdy once more before he leaves..." His voice was soft and hoarse and filled with such intense sorrow that it was strange to my ears, "I want to make him happy one last time..." He fell silent again, his gaze so tender and affectionate as it stayed fixed on the photograph.
I brought Birdy away from my embrace and stretched out my hand, giving it a little tug into the air. Birdy understood my gesture and took off, chirping as it patrolled the perimeter of the room swiftly before landing on Athrun's shoulder. It turned its head and observed me with those inquisitive ruby eyes again before letting out a sorrowful chirp.
My eyes stung as tears attacked again...
Athrun's left leg shifted and he drew his other knee up to his chest, wrapping his arms around his shins, the photograph held limply between his fingers and he buried his face between his knees, away from my sight. His sobs were silent, given away only by the trembling of his shoulders.
Birdy nipped at his hair concernedly, its beady eyes watching him anxiously.
As I closed the room door behind me and left down the corridor, leaving him to find peace in his own dark haven, I caught a glimpse of the photograph he had been staring at. It was the picture of them when they were younger, when they were never involved in the wars... when they were just pure, innocent children running alongside each other, navy-blue hair mingling with brown tresses in the spring wind...
In the silence of the empty corridor, I heard a single mournful twittering from the little creature's ruby beak...
§ ♥ §
The corridors and rooms were strange to me, as though I had been thrown into some endless pit, an unknown world of inverted mirrors and glass, filled with illusions and hallucinations. And I was merely a tiny, insignificant being, wandering aimlessly through the maze...
My feet continued their journey even though it didn't seem like I was the one controlling them, deciding on the route to take. I walked, and walked, and walked... meandering through the long hallways, the painted walls seeming to scour past me like a fuzzy background revolving all around.
Until I found myself staring into the dark room at the end of the corridor... watching the two sisters with that similar aching deep in my heart...
Soft, gentle humming slipped through Lunamaria's lips, as her lilac eyes tenderly watched her younger sister, her magenta hair falling over the side of her face to shield a part of it from my gaze. A hand was stroking Meyrin's crimson locks and the other, petting Meyrin's shoulder rhythmically to her melody as she soothed her sister to sleep.
In the pale moonlight, I noted the sparkling stream of tears streaking down Meyrin's cheeks, even as her lavender eyes stayed close in her sleep.
I stared at the poignant image, wondering about the dreams in her sleep.
Dreams, nightmares... they never left any of us. As soon as we lay in bed and closed our eyes, they began their torment on us. Images of Kira lying in the hospital bed, seemingly asleep but never to awake again...
Tears trickled down my right cheek as my eyes glazed over with unshed tears. And one, after another, they fell when I heard Meyrin speak...
Her eyes remained closed as she soared through her dreams, but a tear had slid down the same path other crystals had taken, only to seep into Lunamaria's skirt where her head laid in her sister's lap.
"Kira... is a good friend..." Her words were slurred with sleep but the grief and fear was evident, "good person... don't take him away, please don't... Lacus... Cagalli... need Kira... We need him... don't take him away..." Her voice faltered until there was silence again.
Lunamaria's hand left Meyrin's shoulder to cover her closed lilac eyes. I watched as Lunamaria bit her lower lip and the tears streamed down her cheeks from under her hand. A painful whisper escaped her lips, "Why..."
A question I couldn't answer… A question I didn't have a reply to…
The lace curtains drawn across the windows were fluttering in the night breeze, casting distorted shadows on the floor. Through the translucent material, I could see the large, white orb in the starless sky, bordered by the white window frame, like a beautiful picture... So beautiful, but so unreal in that sorrowful night...
I turned away and continued down the corridor, tottering unsteadily. And the calm, peaceful humming of Lunamaria drifted down the corridor after me... the soothing melody of a song I used to sing...
Fields of hope...
§ ♥ §
Perhaps, I was getting so used to silence… so familiar with it, that it had somehow become a part of my life… a part of our lives… whereby we spent hours sitting around by ourselves, speaking of nothing, yet our thoughts remained clouded with questions and confusion…
When the loud commotion drifted through the corridor, it was something different, something so little heard of in the household anymore… that it was a mere stranger to my ears… They were fighting when I rounded the bend and froze to a stop, watching them struggle.
Brown hair was mingling with blonde as they fought furiously. Dearka had Miriallia in a tight lock, but she wrestled against him, fighting to break free, her auburn hair flying wildly. They grappled to the far end of the wall and Miriallia took advantage of Dearka's position, shoving her back against him repeatedly.
I winced as Dearka's back collided with the wall in resounding thuds.
"Let go of me, you bastard!" She shrieked, arching against Dearka, effectively pinning him under her.
"I'm not, if you don't start calming down!" Dearka yelled, grimacing as Miriallia continued her assault, "Damn it, Miriallia! Calm down! You're not going to be able to do anything now; Kira's dying tomorrow! This isn't the time for you to act like some crazy idiot!"
The screeching ceased as soon as he had uttered his words. Her pale blue eyes stared at a spot on the painted wall, stoned with a fear crystallized in those orbs. Then, she collapsed weakly against Dearka, her eyes closed as she wept her torment. I watched as they slid to the ground slowly, their knees caving in under them.
"Kira's dying tomorrow… Kira's dying tomorrow…" Miriallia wailed repeatedly, latching herself to Dearka's shirt, her fingers clenching desperately around the material… seeking some kind of pristine comfort in her loved one…
My hand was clapped around my lips as I turned away, tears streaking down my cheeks. They were just words, but every single one of them was a dagger, slicing over open wounds in my heart… drowning me in pure anguish…
Returning my gaze to the painful sight, I caught Dearka's eyes. He stared at me for several minutes, before misery slid through those violet orbs and he dropped his gaze, burying his face in Miriallia's hair, mixing his tears with hers, his arms wrapping around her frail body, like a protective gesture, yet, there was desperation in it, like he was clutching onto a lifebuoy, the only thing that could save him from drowning…
§ ♥ §
I had seen many things during the Bloody Valentine Wars, met many people… each differing in their own way.
Yzak Joule was one of those who left distinct impressions in my mind… Always hot-headed and cold towards his friends, yet, he was a gentleman deep within… though he detested showing the slightest hint of the softness enclosed by the hard, conservative shell…
Ironic…
I had heard of the tales of their feud, when Kira had scarred Yzak's face and Yzak had sworn to kill Kira for it… When Yzak had shattered an entire shuttle filled with innocent civilians, the hatred became mutual… They were enemies, pure enemies, connected only by the deep core of loathing even though they had never set eyes on the other before…
And I remembered how they had finally seen their foe after the war… the familiar, caring gesture of Kira reaching out to shake the hand of an irate Yzak, the reluctance as he finally stretched out an unwilling hand, all the while glaring daggers at Kira…
Yet, through all those years, they had become friends. They truly cared for each other, and they shared one same dream: to keep the peace between Coordinators and Naturals alike.
And, as I stood in the hallway, watching the platinum-haired man, I realized just how deep their friendship had evolved from that odium.
I had never seen Yzak cry; he never did and even as I stared on, he didn't shed a single tear. But his eyes told me the turmoil of emotions in him. They were hard, blue eyes, glaring at a spot on the sheets of the bed where he sat, motionlessly. Nevertheless, behind those cold crystals, I could see a deep agony, a deep regret, which flickered past those orbs.
"Yzak…" A tentative whisper made me shift my gaze and I turned to glance at the brunette sitting silently in the corner of the room.
Kira had always mused about the incompatibility of Yzak Joule and Shiho Hahnenfuss. But, I recalled telling him opposites attract, and I believed that…
Shiho got to her feet slowly; in her nervous hands she held a tray of food. "Yzak, you haven't eaten anything since morning…" She froze in the middle of her sentence when Yzak shook his head slowly, his eyes never leaving what he has seeing.
"But…"
"I said no, alright!" His voice was harsh, but broken unintentionally by a violent sorrow. He tore his gaze away from the white sheets to glare at her.
Shiho fell back a step at his outburst but hurt took over surprise and she turned away. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean…" Her words never escaped her lips when she heard the sound.
A sound I never believed I would ever hear…
A sob which escaped the trembling lips of the young man…
I was staring at him in horrid surprise, but my shock could never match Shiho's. The tray clattered noisily on the table as she swept towards Yzak. Sob after sob shook his body as he hung his head, his hands brushing furiously at the tears.
Shiho drew him towards her, whispering endearments. A single track of tears trickled down her cheek…
Yzak never cried. He would never do something he felt was weak... Yet, as I watched him let loose emotions he, perhaps had never experienced before, it seemed to me that Kira had captured the hearts of everyone around him... He had melted the bitter, cold ice surrounding Yzak and he had broken through it, touching even the hardest heart...
That's why, I had fallen so easily for him... My heart was all his to have... And that's also why, I knew I could never forget this pain because he would take a part of my heart, a part of my life, a part of me with him when he was gone...
When I could finally tear my eyes away from the poignant image, they met those of Ezalia Joule. She stood at the end of the corridor, watching me, sympathy in her eyes. The words which came were soft and gentle, "Kira Yamato was a good man… I'm sorry…"
Author's note: Hmm, I realize I'm getting quite long-winded. But anyway, I hope you've enjoyed this part of Chapter 8. I'll upload the second part soon. Please review and tell me how you feel about this. You can also tell me if I should write the second part of this chapter. I won't write the second part if you don't like it. So please, please review…