The day had just begun and he already felt like he needed a way out. Maybe taking a nap would help him stop thinking about Deidara for the time being.

Deidara finally opened his eyes and wiped at the droplets formulating on his cheeks. He'd been sitting on the bathroom floor with the door locked for three hours now and the tears just kept coming. He couldn't get them to stop. Deidara replayed everything in his head from his fear, the eleven ANBU, to Sasori pushing Deidara behind him and telling him to run, and then this.

"You aren't sorry."

Deidara cried harder.

"You were never sorry."

"But I was, un!" Deidara put his hands in his hair and pulled grabbing a kunai out of his pouch and ran it roughly through cutting thick locks of hair tired of the mass of hair that reminded him that he was still himself and that he was the cause for Sasori getting hurt. The S-rank criminal stood to his feet and studied his reflection. He watched as he let his newly cut locks flow to his shoulders and frowned. "I'm still me, un …"

"Make a new you."

"I tried, un."

"Make a better you. Deidara, don't lose hope. If you succeed in making a better you …"

"What, un?"

"Sasori will see something different. He will love you."

"But-"

"All you have to do is throw away the old you."

Deidara shook his head and touched his hair. "I can't-"

"Tear it up and throw it away."

Deidara tore his gaze away from the mirror and raised his kunai running it across his left arm. The blood seeped out and the pain turned dull as his troubles and Sasori left his mind for the moment. He watched and ran his fingers over the freshly made cuts as blood dried and clotted savoring the touch. He knew that he would need an excuse for later but decided to think about that some other time. He would be wearing his cloak anyway. Deidara looked back up at his reflection into his big blue eyes after the high died down and the tears came again. What the hell was he doing? This wasn't helping. He still looked the same save for his shorter hair.

"Don't worry it will come."

Deidara's gaze fell to the floor. Nothing changed and Sasori still hated him or else he would be here with him. Cutting didn't help but what will? Deidara gripped the edges of the sinks and watched as the blood began to show on the inside of his bandages. He would have to give it a chance before he could say it was a failure or lost cause. Just like a mission. Deidara sniffed and exited the bathroom and jumped in his bed with clothes on and all. He was too worn out to care and it was only five p.m. at that. Deidara looked over to his dresser at the many different figures he made of birds, animals, insects, and people while lying down on his side. Soon, his body weighed down and his blue eyes became tired and he drifted off to sleep.

TBC

So … that was really angsty hehe –sweat drops- oh well I liked it and thought it would be good. But it's not going to stay that way forever you know. XD

3 Days Grace aided me in writing the angst. Songs: Never Too Late, Time of Dying, Animal I've Become.

Chapter 4 is coming! I'm actually writing this story in one night. I'm trying to finish or at least have a lot of chapters up.