Scully and Mulder had just gotten back from doing field work. The two agents talked as they wondered back to their basement, "So ok… I know you're dating someone." Mulder said, "But tell me which agents have you been eyeballing at."
Scully knew she had to keep on with this charade, "Actually, I like Leyla Harrison and Kimberly's really nice."
"What about Agent Harp?" Mulder queried.
"Oh no… I know how much you've been giving her the eye." Scully said, "There's definite chemistry between you two."
Mulder snorted, "Me and Harp?" He said, "Yeah right. God, if I farted in bed the whole neighborhood would know before I could smell it." He laughed.
"There's an image I could have lived without." Scully smiled as they stepped into the X-Files office, "But there's something else I must explain to you." Mulder cringed at the thought, but was fortunately saved by the ringing of the telephone, "Agent Scully." She picked up the receiver, "Hi Dennis." Scully said cheerfully and Mulder gave her a puzzled look, "Actually it worked out better than I had hoped. No… not at all. Your cross dressing had everyone convinced I was a lesbian and now they've totally left me alone."
Harp had been headed to the basement office to drop off some detailed background checks for their current case and caught the last part of the conversation. The whole date had been a setup. Just wait till the guys hear about this one. She quickly left the basement and went back up into the elevator.
"So Denise was a man dressed as a woman?" Mulder finally wrapped his head around it, "You could have told me."
"Well you were making fun of me." Scully said, "Turn about is fair play Mulder… Have to admit, it was pretty funny though. You should have seen the look on your face when I kissed him. I was just teaching you a lesson."
Mulder held his hand up, "Consider me taught Teacher Scully." Mulder smiled.
As soon as Harp was in the elevator she pulled out the phone and sent a text message to every number she had with the message, "Agent Scully's not a lesbian." Almost everyone's cell made the incoming call tone. There were some agents that were very pleased with the news… Pendrell, Jack and Tony since Myers had already known this.
Mulder opened up the message box in his phone, "Oh no." Mulder said.
"What is it?" Scully looked up.
"I've just received a message saying that you're not a lesbian." Mulder said, "Someone knows and my guess is that so does everyone else."
"Harp!" Mulder and Scully said in unison.
"I don't know how." Mulder said.
Scully shook her head. The five minutes peace was good, but it definitely didn't last long enough. She attempted to calculate the amount of time that would pass before the people the agents would start chasing her again.
"I'm curious Scully." Mulder broke the silence. Scully arched her eyebrow and shuddered at the thought of what was about to come out of his mouth, "Which agent do you like best out of them."
Scully got off the chair and peered down the hallway to make sure that nobody was within earshot, "You know what… I think it's Pendrell I'd prefer."
"Agent noname Pendrell?" Mulder asked, "Why him?"
"Well Myers is an annoying little shit." Mulder laughed at the sudden swear word escaping Scully's lips, "Agent Tony hits on every woman he sees while Agent Jack hits on anything with two legs… So I can't trust them. So Pendrell is the lesser of all the evils and plus he's really, really, really, really cute."
"Whoa Scully." Mulder looked up at her, "Overdoing it aren't you?"
"What's the matter?" Scully asked, "Jealous? Mulder is jealous, Mulder is jealous."
"I am not." Mulder pouted. But not so secretly he was. He had just never built up the courage to declare his true feelings for her.
Pendrell was the first one to react when he had received the news… The first thing he did was jam a chair up against Myers' office doorknob so it would make it impossible for him to get out. He smiled to himself, thinking that that was a really good move to make. He went back to his office and looked for some excuse to take a trip down to the basement.
An arm draped over his right shoulder and slowly caressed his chest. It felt comfortable, warm… Nice. Both hands reached placed on his shoulders and they began massaging them, working out the kinks. The person behind him sniffed his neck, taking in the cologne that he was wearing.
"That feels so nice." Pendrell said allowing his head to drop forward, "You have really good hands."
"Thank you." A less than feminine voice responded to the compliment, "You seem a little tense."
Instinctively, Pendrell brushed off the hands and turned around, "Agent Jack!" He screamed. He couldn't believe that he had just been enjoying such a touch from a male agent, "I hate to love you… I hate to leave but…" Pendrell stammered, "You know what I mean." He picked up the nearest folder and ran out the door almost forgetting to open it.
Pendrell was finally glad to be down in the basement and away from everyone else. He hated to admit it, but the massage felt damn good, "Agent Pendrell." Scully said checking her watch.
"Sorry to bother you Agent Scully." Pendrell said, "But can I have a word? Alone." Pendrell gave Mulder the most threatening look that he could muster. Mulder was about to crack up laughing over his pathetic attempt and he just shook his head.
"Mulder…" Scully said, "Can you go get me some lunch please?" She handed Mulder some money from her purse.
"Can't it wait?" Mulder said seriously, he wanted to see how this was going to play out, "I'm sure you can wait for lunch for a few minutes."
"Go." Scully commanded and Mulder felt like a puppy dog leaving the house with it's tail between it's legs.
"Ok." Mulder put on a sulky face.
Pendrell couldn't help but give Mulder a triumphant smile but when Mulder gave him a sideways glance, Pendrell's smile quickly faded from the intimidation. For a moment Pendrell tried copying Mulder's expressions. That would be something he would have to work on. It felt as if nobody ever took him seriously. That's one of things he'd have to change.
"What is it Agent Pendrell?" Scully asked when she heard the elevator doors open. That was to make sure Mulder was well on his way, "I'm a little busy."
Pendrell's gaze lowered, "The way I spoke to you before when I thought you was, you know well I- I- I know I shouldn't take any notice of any rumors." He still had troubles trying to get his vocabulary working the right way, "I truly am sorry."
"That's ok Pendrell." Scully said, "You weren't the only one."
"No, that's not it." Pendrell said, "I also know that our, um behavior has been nothing short of uh um, harassment. You don't deserve that from anyone. It's inexcusable to go after something that's forever unrequited."
"You're a good guy Pendrell." Scully remarked honestly, "But you tend to get carried away a bit."
"And you're a good girl." He closed his eyes for second. Why couldn't he ever think before shooting back remarks like that, "Woman agent you know what I mean? Anyway good luck with your work."
"Thank you Pendrell." Scully said as he left.
Myers had a tough time trying to get the office door open. He was clearly going to be forever trapped in this godforsaken office. But he used his phone to call up maintenance to see about getting his door fixed.
"Damn it." Myers said.
He waited for about ten minutes for the maintenance man to get his door unstuck, "What was the problem?" Myers asked the man.
"Someone stuck a chair under the handle."
Myers let out a small growl, "Sabotage." He mouthed. Someone wanted to keep him in his office. But since he was now hungry he'd thought he would get a good lunch from the cafeteria. That was where he saw Mulder with some food. His attention was diverted to other food in the section.
"Payback." Myers whispered as he poured a hell of a lot of pepper into the food as well as tobasco sauce and he stirred it in and quickly acted as if nothing had happened. That's going to teach him a real lesson.
"Agent Myers." Mulder said.
"Agent Mulder." Myers replied. But it didn't sound very friendly.
Myers wanted to see Mulder's reaction when he ate his food and was surprised that he headed back down to the basement. He made up some excuse about why he needed to go down to the basement. Mulder didn't seem to care, he was getting use to the comings and goings now. He'd never seen the X-File office so busy.
But then the unthinkable happened… Mulder gave Scully the food that Myers had put the pepper and tobasco in, "Wait!" Myers yelled, "Don't eat it!"
But it was too late… Scully had eaten a large forkful and promptly spat it out. It was hot, hot, hot. Then the two of them looked straight at Myers since he was the one who had yelled something out.
"What did you do?" Scully screamed at him.
"I thought it was Mulder's." Myers tried to defend his actions, "I thought it was Mulder's."
"You better run." Mulder almost sung.
"That's it." Scully said, "I'm going to kill you, you little weasel and then I'm going to force this right down your throat."
Myers thought for a moment, "That's not going to do you any good if you kill me." Myers observed but then realized what he had just said and made a break for it. Scully began chasing him.